Archive for the ‘boredom’ Tag

06-01-2016 Journal – A Shopping Safari!   1 comment

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‘Honey, I think we  missed the turn to Home Goods.’

Well, it’s the first of June and I suppose this could be considered my first real Summer day. Unfortunately for me it’s not starting very well. Last night I was advised by my better-half that we’d be spending her day-off on another of her infamous shopping safaris.  Those shopping trips are bearable in the winter when you just want to get out of the house but not so much in Summer when it’s sunny and warm and you can hear the beach calling your name.

I can’t believe in all honesty that I’ll enjoy a day of driving from store to store and waiting in the car. Most of the stores she visits hold no interest for me and I’m truly honored to be permitted to sit in her car and wait for her.  I feel a lot like the natives on many of the early Tarzan movies. The great white hunter is strolling along carrying his rifle and a flask of brandy. I’m the last guy in line carrying the 300 pound backpack and silently cursing under my breath. 

She packs a purse and a credit card while I usually bring my favorite safari equipment. It consists of my cell phone so I can call for help if necessary, my Kindle to keep me from screaming out of boredom, and this IPad so I can write my posts for the blog about how used and abused I feel.

This is is some sort of weird ass-backward  payback for my taking her out to dinner last night. We visited a restaurant called Running of the Mill. It’s a nineteenth century textile mill that has been slowly converted into hundreds of condos, a restaurant, business offices, and an interior mall which is still in the planning stages. It’s directly adjacent to the Saco River and the nearby harbor. It’s very nice.

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We had our meal on the terrace and enjoyed the sunshine and the warm breeze. The better-half ordered a slab of haddock as long as her arm and I enjoyed a huge club sandwich and fries. 

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It was a really relaxing evening and we thoroughly enjoyed the food and the atmosphere. Why she’s paying me back with this shopping foray today is beyond me.  She probably thinks she’s doing a favor.

Right now I’m sitting in a Lowe’s parking lot while she spends an hour doing work schedules for her employees.  Little does she know that in mere moments I’ll be reclining this seat back and catching a well deserved nap.

AT LEAST SHE LEFT THE WINDOW CRACKED

03-07-2016 Journal – SPAM!   Leave a comment

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SPAM . . . I’m not sure who coined that term for unwanted emails but it truly is an insult to such a delicious meat.  As we all know you can’t spend much time on the Net without finding yourself inundated with SPAM. I always thought I was careful about filling out forms or taking stupid surveys, a sure way to get your name out to the spammers. I’ve come to find out that I failed miserably.

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Six months ago in a moment of boredom I was sitting at my computer looking for something to do. Absentmindedly I inquired of a well known mortgage company about some of the new government programs. To say the least that was a huge mistake that I’ve been paying for ever since.  Over the last six months I’ve had to unsubscribe from an endless number of websites for every product currently known to man.

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I spend a few minutes of each day unsubscribing the current batch of SPAM with assurances that in a week I’ll have been eliminated from their call lists. The torrent of sites is finally down to less than two or three a day but overall it has totaled more than four hundred in the last six months.

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I’ve tried to backtrack many of them to a source I could contact and threaten to no avail. It’s been a frustrating effort with no one to take my frustration out on.  I’ve known a lot of people over the years but I’ve never met anyone who would admit to being a spammer. People will admit to being drug dealers before admitting to spamming. At least the drug dealer is selling a product and not simply harassing and endlessly annoying hundreds of thousands of people.

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‘Just so you know this is the good SPAM.’

I’ll keep trying to discover one person I can take out my anger on.  I could easily be persuaded to violence against anyone who has the balls to stand in front of me and admit to spamming.  It would be worth a few days in the local county jail for assaulting that someone and I suspect there isn’t a jury anywhere that would convict me. Everyone hates spammers and that might be the reason those bastards keep themselves so well hidden.

As they used to say on Hill Street Blues

"Be careful out there."

03-03-2016 Journal – Blondes Rule?   2 comments

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Is it just me or do blondes get a bum rap (no pun intended) in this country.  I’ve known my fair share of blondes over the years and I don’t feel good about making general assumptions on their intelligence or lack thereof.  It still amazes me just how much effort is put forth by our society to create bad jokes and ridiculous stories about the proverbial “dumb blondes”.

I will admit I’ve laughed long and hard (no pun intended) about certain blondes and repeated some really hilarious jokes along the way.  I’ll continue to do that today because I’m just a guy, standing in front of you, repeating a joke about a cute but naïve blonde girl.  That was my lame attempt to co-op a Julia Robert’s quote from Notting Hill.  It apparently didn’t work but what follows will.

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Joke #1

A blonde went into a world wide message center to send a message to her mother overseas. When the man told her it would cost $300 she exclaimed, "I don’t have that kind of money but I’d do ANYTHING to get a message to my mother in Poland!"

The man arched an eyebrow. "Anything?"

"Yes, anything" the blonde promised.

With that, the man said, "Follow me" He walked into the next room and ordered, "Come in and close the door" She did.

He then said, "Get on your knees" She did.

Then he said, "Take down my zipper" She did.

He said, "Go ahead…take it out" She took it out and grabbed hold of it with both hands. The man closed his eyes and whispered, "Well… go ahead!"

The blonde slowly brought her lips closer, and while holding it close to her lips she said loudly "HELLO…..MOM???

* * *

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Now here’s two interesting but true facts about our blonde friends.

  • In the urban west, one out of three women has blonde hair; only one in twenty is a natural blond.
  • Sixty-two of the world’s richest men are married to brunettes, twenty-two to blondes, sixteen to “raven haired” women, and none to a redhead.

* * *

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Joke #2

One day while on patrol, a police officer pulled over a car for speeding. He went up to the car and asked the driver to roll down her window. The first thing he noticed, besides the nice red sports car, was how hot the drop-dead gorgeous blonde driver was.

"I’ve pulled you over for speeding, Ma’am…. could I see your driver’s license…?" "What’s a license???" replied the blonde, instantly giving away the fact that she was as dumb as a stump.

"It’s usually in your wallet," replied the officer.

After fumbling for a few minutes, the driver managed to find it "Now may I see your registration?" asked the cop."Registration….. what’s that?" asked the blonde.

"It’s usually in your glove compartment," said the cop impatiently. After some more fumbling, she found the registration. "I’ll be back in a minute," said the cop and walked back to his car.

The officer phoned into the dispatch to run a check on the woman’s license and registration. After a few moments, the dispatcher came back; "Ummm…. is this woman driving a red sports car?"

"Yes," replied the officer.

"Is she a drop dead gorgeous blonde?" asked the dispatcher. "Uh… yes" replied the cop.

"Here’s what you do," said the dispatcher. "Give her the stuff back, and drop your pants.""WHAT!!? I can’t do that. It’s….. inappropriate," exclaimed the cop.

"Trust me….. just do it," said the dispatcher.So the cop goes back to the car, gives back the license and registration and drops his pants, just as the dispatcher said.

The blonde looks down and sighs, "Oh no … not ANOTHER breathalyzer."

* * *

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Joke #3

A guy spent the day walking around town looking for a job. He finally walked into an adult store. "Do you have any work for me?" he asked the owner.

The owner smiled and responded, "You come as if you have been sent from heaven. I just opened another store and I’m looking for someone to mind this store for me."

"When do I start?" the guy asked.

"Now. I’m leaving for the other store shortly." The owner explained all the ins and outs and then left.

First to enter the store was a Caucasian woman. She walked around and stopped at the dildo rack. "How much for the white dildo?"

"Forty dollars," he said.

"How much for the black dildo?"

"Forty dollars."

"Give me the . . . uh, black one. I’ve never had a black one before." She paid and left.

Soon an African-American woman walked in. She too walked around and stopped at the dildo rack. "How much for the black dildo?" she asked.

"Forty dollars."

"How much for the white dildo?"

"Forty dollars."

After thinking a moment, the woman said, "Give me the . . . uh, white one. I’ve never had a white one before." She paid and left.

Then a blonde woman walked in. She walked around and stopped at the dildo rack. "How much for the white dildo?" she asked.

"Forty dollars."

"How much for the black dildo?"

"Forty dollars."

"And how much for the checkered one on your counter there?"

"Two hundred dollars."

"Give me . . . uh, the checkered one. I’ve never had a checkered one before." She paid and left.

Closing time came around and the owner returned. "How was your first day?"

"Great!" the guy responded. "I sold a white and a black dildo for forty bucks each, and I sold your thermos for two hundred."

* * *

I’ll put an end to this post with a few one liners you might appreciate. They are a bit off color but I know that’s what you’ve really been waiting for anyway.  These jokes are a special dedication to the blondes living in the state of Ohio. I could explain further but I’ve already said too much. My life could already be in danger because they’re a vicious and horny bunch. Just saying!

Q: How do you know if a blonde has been on your computer?

A: There is lipstick on the joystick.

Q. What’s a blonde’s favorite nursery rhyme?

A. Humpme Dumpme.

Q. What’s the difference between a blonde and the Suez/Panama Canal?

A. One’s a busy ditch.

As a public service you should all be aware that no blondes were injured during the writing of this post.

01-19-2016 Journal – January Blahs!   Leave a comment

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Maine has finally found it’s typical winter weather. No more warmth, no more green anything, just ice, snow, frigid cold, and nothing much else in sight for at least another three months.  Just great . . .

Now that the holidays have come and gone and things have calmed down a little we can now ready ourselves for the next fiasco, Valentine’s Day. I won’t go into my normal rant about crappy made-up holidays but I’m not too excited by it. I was hoping the Super Bowl might get me interested in something but since my team was crushed by Denver . . . .  who cares.

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This time of the year wears on a person like nothing else. Too much time to think and to reexamine your life and the prospects for the future. I have to say even that gets boring as hell after a while.  Right in the middle of all of this I received news of the passing of a good friend.  He was my ex-brother-in-law and a kindred spirit for almost twenty years.  I always admired him for his intellect, his terrific sense of humor, and his competitive spirit. My divorce separated me from my ex-wife and unfortunately for me I lost contact with him and his family as well. There was very little I could do about it.

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In recent years he’d been suffering from illnesses that finally took his life. It was a huge loss for his wife, children, and grand children and for me as well. Just one more thing to think about on these gray and cold days of winter.

I’m forced to fall back on my sketching and painting to keep my mind right. I know it’s getting bad when I’m starting to get excited about having my car inspected in February.

R.I.P. JOHN

01-09-2016 Journal–Last Words & Last Meals!   Leave a comment

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I spent some time yesterday rereading some of my recent postings and I was a little disappointed.  Anytime I find myself writing about boredom and depression the warning flags go up. 

As a result of those feeling I sat down yesterday and wrote a rather long and harsh assessment of American politics and American politicians. After reading it for the third time I deleted the entire thing and went back to the drawing board.  My problem with politics is that even though I try to remain calm these stupid politicians continually do everything they can to take money out of my pocket and also to erode as many of my basic civil rights as possible. Not one party is guilty, they all are. Sometimes I must rant or I’ll just explode and make a mess.

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If I’m going to be bored and blue I might as well attempt to ridicule a portion of the population I dislike . . . celebrities and so-called famous people.  They try so hard to be the cultural or pop icons for the masses but almost always do or say something utterly stupid or inane. I thought I’d give you an interesting review of some no-so-well spoken fools.

“Stocks have reached what looks like a permanently high plateau.” –Irving Fisher, Economics Professor at Yale, in 1929, just before the Wall Street Crash.

“His ears are too big. He looks like an ape.” – American film producer Darryl F. Zanuck, refusing to sign Cary Grant to Warner Brothers.

“Who in the hell wants to hear actors talk?” – Harry Warner of Warner Brothers in 1927.

“We don’t like their sound. Groups with guitars are on their way out.” – Dick Rowe, A&R man at Decca, turning down the Beatles in 1962.

“Everything that can be invented has been invented.” – Charles H. Duell, Commissioner, US Office of Patents, 1899.

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This is a perfect example of people who are know-it-all’s that don’t know it all. Let’s move onto a new subject, last utterances before death. There are too many to list but this one just made my day.

Meher Baba, Indian guru who spoke his last words in 1925, 44 years before his death. The last thing he said before taking a vow of silence was:

“Don’t worry, be happy.”

A guru with a bizarre sense of humor or just a dumb ass with nothing more to say. We will never know.

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Let’s move on to famous people who became famous for committing the ultimate crime . . . murder.  You always hear that they get a last meal request just prior to the end.  Let’s see what they ask for:

Gary Gilmore executed by firing squad in Utah 1/17/77 – A last meal of hamburger, eggs, and potatoes. His last words were “Let’s do it.”

Timothy McVeigh, the “Oklahoma Bomber”, executed on 6/11/2001 – His last meal consisted of two pints of mint chocolate ice cream.

Larry White was executed on 5/22/97 for the murder of a 72 year old woman. – His last meal was liver and fried onions, tomatoes, cottage cheese, and a glass of water. The state refused his request for a last cigarette on health grounds (How moronic is the state?).

John William Rook was executed by lethal injection on 9/19/86 for the rape and murder of a nurse. – His last meal was a dozen hotdogs with mustard and a can of cola.

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‘Ted Bundy’

Here’s one last quote from a former famous guitar player Terry Kath of the group Chicago. On 1/23/78 he was putting away some guns at a roadie’s house after a party. He stated emphatically, “Don’t worry, it’s not loaded.”, put the barrel to his head, pulled the trigger, and died instantly.

BEING FAMOUS DEFINITELY DOESN’T MAKE YOU SMARTER

12-16-2015 Journal – The Christmas Ho–Hums!   Leave a comment

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I think the arrival of Christmas Day may be just a bit anticlimactic this year. Maybe not for you (if you have kids) but for me I’m afraid it could be. I bought my first presents back in July of this year in my lame attempt to get as much of the preparation done as early as possible. I accomplished that easily enough but little did I know there’d be a huge downside to it as well.

So today is the sixteenth of December and in about an hour I’ll be mailing off four Christmas cards to my family members.  For all intents and purpose Christmas is already over for me, I’m just sitting around waiting for the day to get here. Then I can move on to the next holiday, then the next one after that, and on and on and on it goes. 

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‘And a merry little Christmas to you all.’

My attempt to do all of my shopping online this year was only 85% successful. Hopefully by next year I’ll have figured out a better way to do things. I purchased a number of gift cards this year from different business and will hand them out as needed but next year I’ll order them on line and have them mailed direct. Thank you ever so much Amazon. I can even get my regular gifts ordered online, have them gift wrapped, and sent on their way with a card. Easy peasy, right?

I know some of you out there will accuse me of having no real Christmas spirit. That I’m losing that personal touch by not elbowing my way through throngs of idiots to make my purchases.  I’ll be forced to miss out on parking problems, arrogant store employees, and the many fine citizens who insist on being a-holes or even worse. I’ll certainly miss all of those high pressure sales people who love getting in my face to annoy and irritate me as I stroll through the mall. How can I possibly choose not to smell the body odor of hundreds of overdressed and sweaty shoppers. If that doesn’t get you into the Christmas spirit nothing will.

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As you can plainly see, I’m bored out of my effing skull waiting for the day to finally arrive.  Am I excited? Yes! Will the day meet and exceed my expectations? I can only hope.  The only saving grace will be the grand children. A couple of excited smiles from them will make up for all the BS that seems to be more of a requirement these days than ever before.

EIGHT SHOPPING DAYS LEFT

And coming all too soon:

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08-12-2015 Journal – Computers, Reading & Boredom!   Leave a comment

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I feel like I’m in a rut of late which means this posting may ramble a bit. I seem to spend most of my time these days doing yard work, gardening, fighting with my computers, exercising, and reading endlessly.  I’ve complained for decades that I never seemed to have enough time to read as much as I’d like and now I do.  I should know by now to be careful what I wish for.

I set a goal for 2015 to read two books a week. I thought that was an unreachable number but something still worth shooting for. Believe it or not I’m ahead of schedule for the first seven months with a total of fifty-eight books read.  I must have been out of my ever-loving mind. Since we decided to eliminate cable TV from our lives my reading time has increased ten fold. I’m making Amazon really happy because my purchases of Kindle books has also increased dramatically.

My better-half agreed to work a special two week schedule for Lowe’s requiring her to wake up at 3:00 am and to return home at 2:30 pm. Of course that also means she’s asleep by 7:30 pm giving us approximately five hours a day together.  Just what I didn’t need was more free time to read.

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I still love reading but OMFG.  This home has become a flop house for a cat who sleeps eighteen hours a day and for me who reads almost that much.

With the fiasco of Windows 10 making me crazier than usual and frustrating me beyond belief I immediately fell back to reading as a way to clear my head of all things “computer”. I never thought I’d see the day when I’d say something like this but I have no choice . . . Microsoft sucks!

Things have gotten so bad of late that I’ve actually considered going back to school just to have something to do. For someone who absolutely hated every school he’s ever attended, that quite the admission.

I’ve even thought about going back to a daily posting of this blog but decided against it. I’d rather start a new blog entirely to take a more critical look at current events and politics from my unusual and sarcastic perspective. I’m feeling a little meaner these days and with Obama on his way out the politicians of all parties have once again become fair game. It’s what our military would describe as a target rich environment.
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So to summarize . . . I’m freaking bored.

01-09-2013   2 comments

I’m back in remodeling mode today but honestly my heart isn’t in it just yet.  I’m slowly but surely, a little at a time, collecting the materials I need to continue this room rebuild and maybe that will kick start my motivation.

I can tell the holidays are over when I find myself in Lowes looking for dry wall screws, joint tape, and a host of other things.  I’m so totally uninterested in doing this job I’m beginning to bore myself.  Lowes allows me to people watch a bit and while the people here are interesting I should probably stop at Walmart for the real deal.  I’ll just ride through their parking lot which should feed my raging addiction for large numbers of A-holes acting stupidly. Instead I’m on my way for a quick walk through at a wildlife area along the coast. I can trudge through a foot of snow, gather my thoughts, and possibly take a few photos.  The fresh air will hopefully do me some good.

Tra La La (This is time passing)

I’m back home with a few dozen photo’s, wet and freezing feet, and a better outlook on the day.  I just put in an hour or so of prep work on the room remodel by beginning to reframe the closet to match the one found in the master bedroom. I also decided where I’ll be placing the new electrical outlets on the walls and where the wire runs will go.  These are the many little things that need to be accomplished before the lumber and dry wall appears and the real labor begins.  I still have a lot of rewiring to accomplish because the idiot who built this place apparently let his three year old do the wiring.  The wires are improperly run, the boxes improperly placed, and a total lack of trying to meet any local code requirements.  Just a sub-par job from start to finish.  Oh no, my lack of interest is again rearing it’s ugly head so I’m packing it in for today. 

I find myself totally obsessed with the final Harry Potter novel, the Deadly Hallows, which is almost impossible for me to put down.  I won’t be able to finish it tonight but I’m sure to complete the entire story tomorrow.  It’s not often I get a book that grabs me the way this one has and it’s nice.  Total escapism of which I’m in dire need of right now. 

I still need to come up with a few dinner possibilities for us this evening.  My lack of interest has just magically expanded to include my food choices and just about everything else.  I’ll wait for my better-half to arrive and drop it all in her lap.  She likes to be in control of everything and I think I’ll let her.  My father would call this crappy attitude my “I don’t give a shit about anything” approach.  He never really appreciated it when I was a kid and I’m sure my better-half will feel the same now.

C’mon tomorrow.