It’s May Day at last with the dreariness of winter slowly fading into memory.  It’s time to celebrate the Spring and the rebirth it offers.  How’s that for a huge load of manure?  If you’ve had enough of that kind of talk then sit back and enjoy this discussion about sex.

I’ve known a few women over the years who are impossible to forget. I’ve had gay female friends, prudish female friends, and even promiscuous female friends but there’s one in particular I remember the best. I haven’t seen her for more than ten years but the memory of her still lingers.

I’ve been called an obsessive person by more than a few people.  It’s doubly strange that I have such a hard time dealing with other obsessives. That was the case with this women who was obsessed with oral sex and took her obsession quite seriously.  I’d pull into a drive-thru  and she’d be on me like a lioness on a wildebeest.  She loved shocking people which on many occasions included me.  I was always at risk for that sort of surprise and eventually I was afraid to take her out in public. I know most of the men reading this are probably wondering if I’d  lost my mind.  Maybe I did for a while. I’m not complaining about the sex because it was great but the circumstances under which it occurred could be off-putting.  I’m no exhibitionist and having an audience would never be my first choice.  We eventually went our separate ways with a full range of mixed emotions on my part.

The following list was sent to me from her a number of years ago and made me smile.  She’s apparently is still alive and well and living her dream. I considered editing the content but what would be the point. Here it is.

Blow Job Rules from Women

1. First and foremost, we are not obligated to do it.

2. Extension to Rule #1 – If you get one, be grateful.

3. No, I DON’T have to swallow.

4. My ears are NOT handles.

5. Having my period does not mean that it’s “HUMMER WEEK.” Get it through your head…I’m bloated and I feel like shit so no, I don’t feel particularly obligated to blow you just because you can’t have sex right now.

6. “Blue Balls” might have worked on high school girls; if you’re that desperate, go jerk off and leave me alone with my Midol.

7. Leaving me in bed while you go play video games immediately afterwards is highly inadvisable if you would like my behavior to be repeated in the future.

8. If you like how I do it, it’s probably best not to speculate about the origins of my talent. Just enjoy the moment and be happy that I’m good at it.

9. No, I don’t care about the protein content.

10. No, I will not do it while you watch TV.

11. When you hear your friends complain about how they don’t get blow jobs often enough, keep your mouth shut. It is inappropriate to either sympathize or brag.

12. Just because “it’s awake” when you get up does not mean I have to “kiss it good morning”.

* * *

She was never too shy back in the day and it appears she hasn’t changed a lick (no pun intended).