Archive for the ‘oral sex’ Tag

08/10/2021 Women’s Rules for Oral Sex   Leave a comment

On most days I try terribly hard to keep this blog as PG as possible. However I’m occasionally forced to break that rule when I receive information like this. Be warned, I’ll be skimming the surface of an R rating today. If you’re naive, innocent, or virginal you might skip this posting altogether. I wouldn’t want to corrupt any of you or your children.

I’ve known a few women over the years who are impossible to forget. I’ve had gay female friends, prudish female friends, promiscuous female friends, and even cute and naive female friends. This posting concerns one young lady who is memorable because of her overriding obsession with oral sex. We dated for a time but I couldn’t keep up with her no matter how hard I tried (no pun intended). We went our separate ways until she sent me an e-mail recently with these rules attached. You’ve got to remember I haven’t seen or spoken to her in 26 years but it’s somehow comforting to know somethings never change. Here are her 12 rules.

1. First and foremost, we are not obligated to do it.

2. Extension to rule number 1 – if you get one, be grateful.

3. No, I DON’T have to swallow.

4. My ears are NOT handles.

5. Having my period does not mean that it’s “HUMMER WEEK”. Get it through your head . . . I’m bloated and I feel like crap so no, I don’t feel particularly obligated to service you just because we can’t have sex right now.

6. “Blue Balls” might have worked on high school girls; If you’re that desperate, go “rub one out” and leave me alone with my Midol.

7. Leaving me in bed while you go play video games immediately after we’re done is highly inadvisable if you would like my behavior repeated any time in the future.

8. If you like how I do it, it’s probably best not to speculate about the origins of my talent. Just enjoy the moment and be happy that I’m good at it.

9. No, I don’t care about the protein content.

10. No, I will not do it while you watch TV.

11. When you hear your friends complain about how they don’t get serviced often enough, keep your mouth shut. It is inappropriate to either sympathize or to brag.

12. Just because “it’s awake” when you get up doesn’t mean I have to “kiss it good morning”.

I really hope this was sent to me as a tongue-in-cheek bit of humor but even now it’s hard for me to tell with this lady. It brought a smile to my face and made me laugh out loud which is always a great way to start my day. She was never too shy back in the day and it appears she hasn’t changed a lick (no pun intended).

Smile and have a great day.

03-15-2016 Journal – Sex & Julius Caesar!   2 comments

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‘Gaius Julius Caesar’

Today is the day every year that I remember good old Julius Caesar. The Ides of March will forever be known as an evil day  thanks to him and all of his so-called friends. Stabbed twenty-three times upon arriving at his work place at the Curia he was left to die alone on the sidewalk. It just goes to show how far we’ve come as a society because these days we’ve made some major improvements on how to murder someone.  If Caesar was to be murdered today it would be by two hooded gentlemen driving by in a mini-Fiat firing a couple of Tech-9’s at him. He’d still be just as dead but it would have been  done so much quicker and efficiently.   So for today “All Hail Caesar”.

Now let’s move onto something almost as interesting as a dead guy. SEX!  I’ve been on a roll in recent weeks with trivia postings because I love trivial facts.  I also love sex so it only seems right that I offer up some sex related information.  Here goes nothing.

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  • The average size of an erect penis measures between 5 and 6 inches, while the average size of a flaccid penis is about 3.5 inches.
  • Many of the ingredients in chocolate are proven to cause arousal similar in effect to sexual foreplay. In fact, some experts believe chocolate may be even more effective than foreplay for sexual arousal.
  • Historical records show that even in 1850 B.C., women attempted to practice birth control. The most common method was a mixture of crocodile dung and honey placed in the vagina in the hopes of preventing pregnancy.
  • Although nearly any body part or item of clothing may be an object of sexual fetishism, the shoe and the foot are the two most common fetishes in Western society.
  • Just a decade ago, only 25% of women reported experiencing orgasm as a result of intercourse. In recent years, this number has risen to about 45%. In contrast, over 80% of women report experiencing orgasm though oral sex.

It’s no wonder I’ve been addicted to chocolate my entire life. Instead of foreplay just gobble down a handful of M&M’s and get busy. Also I will verify that feet can be sexually arousing. I’ve been a foot lover since day one and damn proud of it. And last but not least to both men and women I say “Hooray for Oral Sex” and “Boo!” to crocodile dung and honey. Yuck!

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  • The vibrator, a common sex toy for women, was originally designed in the nineteenth century as a medication to combat the anxiety-related symptoms of “hysteria” (now known as menstruation).
  • Throughout the United States, approximately 4% of the population self-identifies as gay, lesbian, or bisexual.
  • During 30 minutes of active sex, the average person burns approximately 200 calories.
  • On average, adult men think about sex every seven seconds.
  • Approximately 1% of people worldwide identify as asexual (having no strong sexual attraction to either sex).

I think about sex every seven seconds? I might have to disagree with that fact. I think it’s way more often that that. Ask any guy!  If I recall my basic facts on weight loss it takes a reduction of approximately 2000 calories to lose a pound of weight. If that’s true then having intercourse ten times would also work.  I’m sure you could lose a lot of weight doing it that way but you might miss a few days of work here and there.

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  • Statistics suggest that approximately one in every five Americans has indulged in sex with a colleague at work.
  • Approximately 70% of people in the U.S. admit to fantasizing about group sex at some point in their life, and more than 50% of those people actually follow through.
  • One report states that 48% of women have faked an orgasm at least once in their life. Interestingly, an identical 48% of men also report faking an orgasm at least once.
  • Since AIDS was first diagnosed in 1981, more than 25 million people have died as a result of the virus. Two million people died from AIDS in the year 2007 alone.
  • Statistics show that approximately 90% of men and 65% of women masturbate from time to time.

Group sex appears more popular than I thought. The masturbation numbers were surprising. I thought you women out there were keeping up but I guess I was mistaken. Shame on all of you, so get to work ladies.

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This is my favorite tidbit and could possibly explain my obsession with wine. After I drink enough of a favorite Chardonnay my behavioral responses can get pretty interesting. Especially if I eat a huge chunk of chocolate along with it. LOOK OUT!

  • Both men and women can be turned on by the aromas of wine. The scents of many wines are believed to replicate human pheromones, the chemical substances that cause behavioral responses in humans.

HAVE A HAPPY IDES OF MARCH

05-01-2013   2 comments

It’s May Day at last with the dreariness of winter slowly fading into memory.  It’s time to celebrate the Spring and the rebirth it offers.  How’s that for a huge load of manure?  If you’ve had enough of that kind of talk then sit back and enjoy this discussion about sex.

I’ve known a few women over the years who are impossible to forget. I’ve had gay female friends, prudish female friends, and even promiscuous female friends but there’s one in particular I remember the best. I haven’t seen her for more than ten years but the memory of her still lingers.

I’ve been called an obsessive person by more than a few people.  It’s doubly strange that I have such a hard time dealing with other obsessives. That was the case with this women who was obsessed with oral sex and took her obsession quite seriously.  I’d pull into a drive-thru  and she’d be on me like a lioness on a wildebeest.  She loved shocking people which on many occasions included me.  I was always at risk for that sort of surprise and eventually I was afraid to take her out in public. I know most of the men reading this are probably wondering if I’d  lost my mind.  Maybe I did for a while. I’m not complaining about the sex because it was great but the circumstances under which it occurred could be off-putting.  I’m no exhibitionist and having an audience would never be my first choice.  We eventually went our separate ways with a full range of mixed emotions on my part.

The following list was sent to me from her a number of years ago and made me smile.  She’s apparently is still alive and well and living her dream. I considered editing the content but what would be the point. Here it is.

Blow Job Rules from Women

1. First and foremost, we are not obligated to do it.

2. Extension to Rule #1 – If you get one, be grateful.

3. No, I DON’T have to swallow.

4. My ears are NOT handles.

5. Having my period does not mean that it’s “HUMMER WEEK.” Get it through your head…I’m bloated and I feel like shit so no, I don’t feel particularly obligated to blow you just because you can’t have sex right now.

6. “Blue Balls” might have worked on high school girls; if you’re that desperate, go jerk off and leave me alone with my Midol.

7. Leaving me in bed while you go play video games immediately afterwards is highly inadvisable if you would like my behavior to be repeated in the future.

8. If you like how I do it, it’s probably best not to speculate about the origins of my talent. Just enjoy the moment and be happy that I’m good at it.

9. No, I don’t care about the protein content.

10. No, I will not do it while you watch TV.

11. When you hear your friends complain about how they don’t get blow jobs often enough, keep your mouth shut. It is inappropriate to either sympathize or brag.

12. Just because “it’s awake” when you get up does not mean I have to “kiss it good morning”.

* * *

She was never too shy back in the day and it appears she hasn’t changed a lick (no pun intended).

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