Archive for the ‘rules’ Tag

08/10/2021 Women’s Rules for Oral Sex   Leave a comment

On most days I try terribly hard to keep this blog as PG as possible. However I’m occasionally forced to break that rule when I receive information like this. Be warned, I’ll be skimming the surface of an R rating today. If you’re naive, innocent, or virginal you might skip this posting altogether. I wouldn’t want to corrupt any of you or your children.

I’ve known a few women over the years who are impossible to forget. I’ve had gay female friends, prudish female friends, promiscuous female friends, and even cute and naive female friends. This posting concerns one young lady who is memorable because of her overriding obsession with oral sex. We dated for a time but I couldn’t keep up with her no matter how hard I tried (no pun intended). We went our separate ways until she sent me an e-mail recently with these rules attached. You’ve got to remember I haven’t seen or spoken to her in 26 years but it’s somehow comforting to know somethings never change. Here are her 12 rules.

1. First and foremost, we are not obligated to do it.

2. Extension to rule number 1 – if you get one, be grateful.

3. No, I DON’T have to swallow.

4. My ears are NOT handles.

5. Having my period does not mean that it’s “HUMMER WEEK”. Get it through your head . . . I’m bloated and I feel like crap so no, I don’t feel particularly obligated to service you just because we can’t have sex right now.

6. “Blue Balls” might have worked on high school girls; If you’re that desperate, go “rub one out” and leave me alone with my Midol.

7. Leaving me in bed while you go play video games immediately after we’re done is highly inadvisable if you would like my behavior repeated any time in the future.

8. If you like how I do it, it’s probably best not to speculate about the origins of my talent. Just enjoy the moment and be happy that I’m good at it.

9. No, I don’t care about the protein content.

10. No, I will not do it while you watch TV.

11. When you hear your friends complain about how they don’t get serviced often enough, keep your mouth shut. It is inappropriate to either sympathize or to brag.

12. Just because “it’s awake” when you get up doesn’t mean I have to “kiss it good morning”.

I really hope this was sent to me as a tongue-in-cheek bit of humor but even now it’s hard for me to tell with this lady. It brought a smile to my face and made me laugh out loud which is always a great way to start my day. She was never too shy back in the day and it appears she hasn’t changed a lick (no pun intended).

Smile and have a great day.

03-05-2015 Journal–My Blogging Manifesto!   3 comments

th361MFKBJ
I spend an hour or so every other morning sitting in this bed and writing about my life and my interactions with the rest of the human race.  Sometimes it’s interesting and sometimes not so much.  There are times when finding subject matter becomes an issue.  It’s not a problem finding things to write about it’s deciding what things shouldn’t be written about that is my main problem. 

I’ve been taken to task on many occasions by both friends and family about things I’ve written.  Some asked, some begged, and others demanded that they be left alone and not included in my ramblings.  It took years for me to find that comfortable little niche where I was allowed to say just about anything  without repercussions. You see my problem don’t you? It’s the reason that I never post photo’s or use names of the people in my life. Truthfully they think what they and say do is so vitally important and private that I should never write a thing about them. I think that’s a huge steaming pile of ridiculousness because everyone is egocentric and thinks the world would stop tuning if their everyday boring crap isn’t kept totally secret.  That’s silly I know but everyone including myself seems to feel that way. I guess that just means we’re all a little more delusional than we’re aware of or care to admit.

thL20XX6UF
I thought it was time for me to restate my approach to blogging because it continues to change and be readjusted the longer I do it.  I suppose I could give all of the more important and interesting characters in my life cute little nicknames or aliases but that to me is stupid.  I could write in great detail about all of them and their activities and cause a great deal of turmoil as I went about doing it.  I could post questionable photographs of them so the world would know just how important they’re not.  But I don’t and I won’t. That simple statement should help some of them sleep a little better tonight.

This posting is just a polite statement of my style of blogging and my motives. I blog because I love to write and what better things are there to write about than my own activities. I’ll continue to do this for as long as I can regardless of what anyone thinks.  The only motivation that keeps me going is that generated by me.  Outside influences are interesting but annoying and have no effect on how I approach this blog.  It will continue without change into the future.

thDG1H1TB0

Even Ted Kaczynski had a manifesto that explained his bizarre way of thinking. That’s the right of every citizen to voice their opinions regardless of how right or wrong they are.  I intend to keep my blog rated at a PG level but with a minimal amount of cussing and swearing. I do plenty of that in my everyday life and find it much more pleasurable than writing it.  There’ll be no photos of people in my life and no actual names will be ever be used. It isn’t really necessary because they all know who the hell they are anyway.

So I’m about to leave my warm bed and begin my day.  The blogging will continue and be as harmless as possible except when someone or something pisses me off. That’s just human nature and I choose to do it here on this blog rather than standing at a water cooler bitching about the world to a bunch of people who are bitching right back at me.

I prefer individual bitching rather than having it become a group activity. This blog is MY water cooler.

Have a wonderful and sarcastic day.

05-01-2013   2 comments

It’s May Day at last with the dreariness of winter slowly fading into memory.  It’s time to celebrate the Spring and the rebirth it offers.  How’s that for a huge load of manure?  If you’ve had enough of that kind of talk then sit back and enjoy this discussion about sex.

I’ve known a few women over the years who are impossible to forget. I’ve had gay female friends, prudish female friends, and even promiscuous female friends but there’s one in particular I remember the best. I haven’t seen her for more than ten years but the memory of her still lingers.

I’ve been called an obsessive person by more than a few people.  It’s doubly strange that I have such a hard time dealing with other obsessives. That was the case with this women who was obsessed with oral sex and took her obsession quite seriously.  I’d pull into a drive-thru  and she’d be on me like a lioness on a wildebeest.  She loved shocking people which on many occasions included me.  I was always at risk for that sort of surprise and eventually I was afraid to take her out in public. I know most of the men reading this are probably wondering if I’d  lost my mind.  Maybe I did for a while. I’m not complaining about the sex because it was great but the circumstances under which it occurred could be off-putting.  I’m no exhibitionist and having an audience would never be my first choice.  We eventually went our separate ways with a full range of mixed emotions on my part.

The following list was sent to me from her a number of years ago and made me smile.  She’s apparently is still alive and well and living her dream. I considered editing the content but what would be the point. Here it is.

Blow Job Rules from Women

1. First and foremost, we are not obligated to do it.

2. Extension to Rule #1 – If you get one, be grateful.

3. No, I DON’T have to swallow.

4. My ears are NOT handles.

5. Having my period does not mean that it’s “HUMMER WEEK.” Get it through your head…I’m bloated and I feel like shit so no, I don’t feel particularly obligated to blow you just because you can’t have sex right now.

6. “Blue Balls” might have worked on high school girls; if you’re that desperate, go jerk off and leave me alone with my Midol.

7. Leaving me in bed while you go play video games immediately afterwards is highly inadvisable if you would like my behavior to be repeated in the future.

8. If you like how I do it, it’s probably best not to speculate about the origins of my talent. Just enjoy the moment and be happy that I’m good at it.

9. No, I don’t care about the protein content.

10. No, I will not do it while you watch TV.

11. When you hear your friends complain about how they don’t get blow jobs often enough, keep your mouth shut. It is inappropriate to either sympathize or brag.

12. Just because “it’s awake” when you get up does not mean I have to “kiss it good morning”.

* * *

She was never too shy back in the day and it appears she hasn’t changed a lick (no pun intended).

%d bloggers like this: