Archive for the ‘for kids’ Tag
I guess I’m feeling a slight tingle of Christmas spirit this week. Being filled with the spirit tends to make me feel a little lazy. So, after my third, forth, and fifth rum soaked eggnogs I decided to dive into some of my older archives for a few Christmas inspired limericks. Here goes nothing . . .
🎅
Santa came home with a reindeer
And Mrs. Claus said with a sneer
‘Did you have to bring
That horny old thing?’
Rudolph said, ‘Madam, he lives here.’
🧑🎄🧑🎄
An elf said to Santa: “Oh Dear,
We’ve not enough presents this year”
That made St. Nick think:
Now he’d given up drink
He could give all the children some beer!
🎁🎁🎁
I saw my mom and Santa having a chat
She told him he was much too fat
She then grabbed his behind
With eyes closed kissed him blind
Then they both fell down on the mat.
🤶🤶🤶🤶
Old Santa got drunk on warm ale
“I’m too old for Christmas” his wail
“But what of the toys
For the good girls and boys?”
“I’ll send all their presents by mail!”
🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲
With the holidays on the horizon,
I placed twenty calls to Verizon.
They stuck me on hold
Til my dinner got cold.
And I still absolutely despise them.
❄️❄️❄️
HO! HO! HO! 14 DAYS TO GO
As most of you are well aware, I love limericks. And I don’t discriminate, I like them dirty, sexy, sassy, and any other way you can think of. With that in mind I recently discovered a book, a very small little book of limericks that were written more than 25 years ago. They’re not dirty, sexy, or sassy, but they are cute. These are silly limericks that will make you grin just a little and were almost certainly written for children. So if your let loose your inner child for just a bit you should enjoy these immensely.
💥
A ghost in the town of Khartoum
Asked a skeleton up to his room.
They spent the whole night
In the eeriest fight
As to who should be frightened of whom.
💥💥
A glutton who lived on the Rhine
When asked what time he would dine,
Replied, “At eleven,
Four, six, three and seven,
And eight and a quarter to nine.”
💥💥💥
A cheerful old bear at the zoo
Could always find something to do.
When it bored him to go
On a walk to and fro,
He reversed it, and walks fro and to.
💥💥💥💥
There was an old fellow named Green
Who grew so abnormally lean,
And flat, and compressed,
His back touched his chest,
And sideways he couldn’t be seen.
💥💥💥💥💥
There was the man from the city
Who met what he thought was a kitty.
He gave it a pat
And said, “Nice little cat.”
Just look at him now – what a pity!
****
ONE OF MY FAVORITE SILLY LIMERICKS
There once was an old man from Nantucket
Who kept all his cash in a bucket.
But his daughter named Nan,
Ran away with a man,
And as for the bucket, Nantucket!
😍😍😍
It’s 5:30 am and everyone is sleeping in (I hope). It’s only fair that I start this weekend with some looney limericks to help me stay awake. Not bawdy rhymes but good clean fun for all. Then it’s back to bed for another hour of sleep for me. Enjoy!
By Frank Jacobs
There once was a skunk in the dell
Who hated all people , they tell;
“Human beings,” he said,
Always fill me with dread,
Plus they give off that terrible smell!”
*****
By Mary Mapes Dodge
There once was a knowing raccoon
Who didn’t believe in the moon;
“Every month – don’t you see?
There’s a new one,” said he;
No real moon could wear out so soon.!”
*****
By Frank Jacobs
A very large woman name Kate
Is six hundred pounds overweight;
On an overseas trip
She transported by ship
In a wooden container marked “Freight.”
*****
By Gelett Burgess
I’d rather have fingers than toes;
I’d rather have ears than a nose;
And as for my hair,
I’m glad it’s still there;
I’ll be awfully sad when it goes.
ENJOY YOUR WEEKEND
It’s not often I get surprised especially by anonymous gifts from readers. My surprise occurred a few days ago when I received a fifty-page paperback booklet printed in 1999. It contains a collection of what are titled “Looney Limericks”. I haven’t the faintest idea who sent it but please consider this a big thank you, whoever you are. Here are a few samples of some clean and funny limericks apparently written for children.
There was a young man of Bengal
Who went to a masquerade ball.
He dressed, just for fun,
As a hamburger bun,
And a dog ate him up in the hall.
😊😊😊
A mouse in her room woke Miss Dowd.
She was frightened and screamed very loud.
Then a happy thought hit her
To scare off the critter,
She sat up in bed and meowed.
😊😊😊
There was an old man of Blackheath,
Who sat on his set of false teeth.
Said he, with a start!
“O Lord, bless my heart!
I’ve bitten myself underneath!”
😊😊😊
There once was a hungry old leopard
Who brought home a skinny young shepherd.
Said the leopard, “I feel
That you’ll make a good meal
Once you’re properly salted and peppered.
😊😊😊
HANG IN THERE, IT’S ALMOST FRIDAY
everyuselessthing.com 