Archive for the ‘mike tyson’ Tag
I’ve noticed in recent years that many people are questioning the value of a college education. I agree with that but not entirely. If you’re majoring in a useful subject that will help improve your life and that of society – DO IT! If your majoring in some lame-ass course that teaches you to spot acne forming on the asses of transgendered people – JUST STAY HOME. I’m a college grad who majored in Design and Commercial Art and I’ve never held any job even remotely related to it. Todays blog entry is proof that college degrees and college education are only as good as the student permits them to be. These items are called “malaprops” (meaning “inappropriate”) misstatements taken from actual high school and college exam papers. Sadly, they’re all true. Read on …..
- Samuel Morse invented a code for telepathy.
- Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbis.
- Pharoah forced the Hebrew slaves to make bread without straw.
- Moses led them to the Red Sea where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients.
- Christmas is a time for happiness for every child, adult, and adulteress.
- Good punctuation means not to be late.
- Adam and Eve wore nothing but figments.
- Columbus discovered America while cursing about the Atlantic.
- The first book of the Bible is the book of Guinesses.
And last but not least My Fav.
If a pronoun is a word used in place of a noun, a proverb is a pronoun used in place of a verb.
❤️❤️❤️
SUPPORT YOUR LOCAL TRADE SCHOOLS
After writing this blog for so many years, I tend to write and read everything six times trying to correct my many mistakes. Unfortunately, it doesn’t seem to be the norm for other people to edit themselves, even those who are magazine and newspaper editors. It’s commonplace in everyday advertisements to see misspelled words, bad grammar and a general lack of concern for accuracy. It appears that our education system may be partially responsible for some of these issues, and it drives me effing crazy. Here are a few examples of “malaprops” collected from grade school, high school, and college examination papers. What do you think?
- The American colonists won their Revolutionary War and no longer had to pay for taxis.
- The air is thin high up in the sky, down here, it’s fat.
- The flood damage was so bad they had to evaporate the city.
- A horse divided against itself cannot stand.
- The U.S. Constitution was adopted to secure domestic hostility.
- Columbus discovered America while cursing about the Atlantic.
- Brigham Young led the Morons to Utah.
- Socrates died from taking a poison called wedlock.
- The police surrounded the building and threw an accordion around the block.
- To prevent head colds, use an agonizer to spray medicine into your nose.
Here’s one of my favorites:
Achilles’ mother dipped him in the River Stinks until he became immoral.
***
READIN, WRITIN, & RITHMATIC
In the past I’ve had my fun with statements made by baseball players, football players, and basketball players. Just to be fair I thought today would be a good day for some ridiculous statements from an assortment of other sports to include some of their genius sportscasters and their pearls of wisdom.
- And he’s got the ice pack on his groin him there, so it’s possibly not the old shoulder injury. -Ray French, rugby sportscaster
- Venezuela! Great, that’s the Italian city with the guys in the boats, right? -Murad Muhammad, on being told about a boxing match in South America
- And for those of you watching on black-and-white, the pink ball is the one behind the blue. -TV billiards commentator
- I don’t want to tell you any half-truths unless they’re completely accurate. -Dennis Rapoport, boxing manager
- It’s about 90% strength and 40% technique. -Johnny Walker, world middleweight wrist wrestling champion
🏀🏀🏀
- Cycling is a good thing for the youngsters, because it keeps them off the streets. -Daniel Mean, commentator
- It’s a catch he would’ve caught 99 times out of 1000. -Henry Blofeld
- I was in a no-win situation, so I’m glad that I won rather than lost. -Frank Bruno, boxer
- The lead car is absolutely unique, except for the one behind it which is identical. -Murray Walker
- There have been injuries and deaths in boxing, but none of them serious. -Alan Minter, former prizefighter
⚽⚽⚽
- We have only one person to blame, and that’s each other. -Barry Back, New York Ranger, explaining a championship game brawl
- If I wasn’t talking, I wouldn’t know what to say. -Chico Resch, New York Islanders goalie
- He called me a rapist and a recluse. I’m not a recluse. -Mike Tyson, boxer
- On what? -boxer Chris Eubank, when asked whether he thought about writing his autobiography.
- It’s basically the same, just darker. -Alan Kulwicki, Stock-car racer, on racing at night instead of during the afternoon
⚾⚾⚾
ENJOY YOUR WILDCARD SUNDAY
Next Year!!!
I realize how many of you absolutely adore and idolize celebrities and some politicians. I will admit that not all of them are objectionable but as with any group of people there’s a certain percentage that give them all a bad name. I thought I’d start off first with five presidents that were arrested and convicted of crimes of one sort or another. See if you can match up the arrest with the appropriate photograph. Not as hard as you might think but if nothing else it makes them a little more human.
NAME THAT PRESIDENT
President Ulysses S. Grant was once arrested for speeding and his horse and carriage were impounded. He paid in a $20 fine and then walked back to the White House.
President Thomas Jefferson and President-To-Be James Madison were once arrested by an overeager police officer in Vermont in the spring of 1791, for carriage riding on a Sunday.
Then there’s “Tricky Dicky” Nixon of Watergate fame. The first and only president to be forced to resign from office because of his misdeeds and terrible judgment. Fortunately for him Pres. Gerald Ford officially pardoned him.
President Franklin Pierce was arrested in 1853 for running over an old lady.
Now that you’ve completed the presidential quiz, next comes some really out of control celebrities. Some of these photos are old but most are relatively current. Without cheating, name as many as you can without doing research on-line and then send me your total on a comment. I thought they were fairly easy so it shouldn’t be all that tough. It’s fun to see them without all the makeup and expensive clothes and having “regular folks” problems.
CELEBRITY MUG SHOTS
NAME YOUR FAVORITE CELEB
Nick Nolte, Charlie Sheen, Lindsay Lohan, Gary Bussey, Paris Hilton, Robert Downey Jr.,
Jane Fonda, Mike Tyson, Yasmine Bleeth, Macaulay Culkin, Kloe Kardashian, Heather Locklear
AMERICAN IDOLS ?
everyuselessthing.com 