Archive for the ‘rated pg-13’ Tag
I’m having a day of total confusion. The sun is shining brightly but the temperature remains in the forties. I desperately want to begin using the deck to relax and read a book but it’s hard when you’re wearing gloves and two layers of clothing. Now I’m back at the computer and deciding which limericks I’ll be using. There’s no theme to these limericks just five that tickled my fancy and I hope they do the same for you.
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There once was a son-of-bitch,
Neither clever, nor handsome, nor rich,
Yet the girls he would dazzle,
And screw to a frazzle,
And then ditch them, the son-of-bitch.
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There was a young girl from Berlin
Who was screwed by an elderly Finn,
Though he diddled his best,
And screwed her with zest,
She kept asking, “Hey, Pop, is it in?”
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There was a young man man from Dumfries
Who said to his girl, “If you please,
It would give me great bliss
If while playing with this,
You would pay some attention to these!”
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There was a young fellow named Goody
Who claimed that he wouldn’t, but would he?
If he found himself nude
With a gal in the mood,
The question’s not woody but could he?
❤️❤️❤️
And here’s a favorite for those avid readers out there.
📕📗📘📙
There’s a young lady in Tobruk
Who refers to her pussy as a nook.
It’s deep and it’s wide,
You can curl up inside
With a nice easy chair and a book.
HAPPY ALMOST SPRING
I thought a little sampling of limericks was in order for today. I’m normally cautious when posting limericks but today I’ll throw caution to the wind and just give you a taste of limericks from the 1920’s. It’s always fun to reminisce about the good old days and some of their limericks were outrageous and unpostable. I rate these PG-13 but you decide. I hope you enjoy them.
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There was a young man of Cape Horn
Who wished he had never been born.
And he wouldn’t have been
If his father had seen
At the end of the condom was torn.
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There was a young lady named Flo
Whose lover had pulled out to slow.
So they tried it all night
Tilley got it just right
Well, practice makes pregnant, you know.
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There was a young lady of Lout
Who suddenly grew very stout.
Her mother said, “Nellie,
There’s more in your belly
Then ever went in through your mouth.”
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My wife Myrtle’s womb has a habit
Of expanding whenever I stab it.
What’s more, my wife Myrtle
Is so wondrously fertile,
That she’s giving me kids like a rabbit.
❤️❤️❤️❤️
OLDIES BUT GOODIES
Today I’m going to make this post quick and simple. Here are five moderately bawdy limericks from our recent past. They’re rated PG-13 due to some of the sexual content but I edited some of the harsher foul language so as not to have it too disgusting. Enjoy.
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There was a young man from Perdue,
Who was only just learning to screw.
But he hadn’t the knack,
And got too far back-
In the right church, but in the wrong pew!
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There was an old fellow named Hewing
Whose poor heart stopped while he was screwing.
He gasped: “Really, Miss,
Don’t feel bad about this-
There is nothing I’d rather die doing!”
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There was a young fellow named Menzies
Who’s kissing sent girls into frenzies.
But a virgin, one night,
Crossed her legs in a fright,
And fractured his bifocal lenzies.
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A pretty young lady named Flo
Said:” I hate to be had in the snow.
While I’m normally hot,
In this spot I am not-
So, as soon as you come Joe, let’s go!”
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There was an old fellow named Bill,
Who swallowed an atomic pill.
His naval corroded,
His asshole exploded,
And they found both his nuts in Brazil.
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
I LOVE THIS POETRY!
I feel like celebrating today due primarily to four consecutive days with no rain and being able to sleep at night without an electric blanket. It’s mid-June and winter keeps trying to hang on and I’m sick of it. Here are four moderately suggestive limericks I would rate at PG-13. Keep the kids away while you read them. Let’s get started.
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There once was a horny old witch
With a motorized dildo which
She would use with delight
All day and into the night
Twenty bucks at Abercrombie and Fitch.
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Nymphomaniacal Alice
Used a dynamite stick for a phallus.
They found her vagina
In North Carolina,
And her ass-hole in Buckingham Palace
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There was a young woman of Croft
Who played with herself in a loft,
Having reasoned that candles
Would never cause scandals,
Besides which it never went soft.
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An agreeable young girl named Miss Doves
Likes to masturbate the men that she loves.
She’ll use her bare fist
If the fellows insist
But she really prefers to wear gloves.
🤪🤪🤪
C’MON SUMMER
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