To continue the Christmas theme for this week I thought a few comments and cartoons concerning the holidays was badly needed. This short poem from the late and great Benny Hill should start things off properly.
Roses are reddish
Violets are bluish
If it weren’t for Christmas
We’d all be Jewish.
🎅🏻
He was no Edgar Allen Poe, but he always seemed to get his messages across. These next two tidbits were a contribution by our oldest favorite writer and poet, Anonymous.
The three stages of a man’s life:
1. He believes in Santa Claus.
2. He doesn’t believe in Santa Claus;
3. He is Santa Claus.
🎄
“Christmas is Christ’s revenge for the crucifixion.”
⭐
And finally, a few quotes from celebrities or former celebrities.
“I stopped believing in Santa Claus when my mother took me to see
him in a department store, and he asked for my autograph.”
Shirley Temple
✨
Santa Claus has the right idea: Visit people once a year.”
Why is it that everybody seems to love celebrities. It’s something that’s puzzled me for many years and I still don’t understand the fascination. During my lifetime I’ve met a number of celebrities and after short conversations very few of them were interesting. Underneath all the glitz and glamour and the famous roles that they’ve played, it’s still just a regular old human being playing dress up like they did when they were kids. They have the same problems and issues as all the rest of us except for the fact that a few problems they have are exacerbated by their fame and celebrity. Their worst problem is primarily the use and abuse of drugs as reflected by the endless list of OD fatalities. I dug into my archives again today and picked up a few trivia items concerning celebrities from the early Hollywood years. For those of you that love celebrities and can’t live without TMZ and the effing Kardashian clan, you have my sympathies. You should stop reading now and go have a cup of coffee or a stiff drink. That’s what’s I’m going to do.
An old-time actress, Ethel Barrymore, was the first actress to have a theater named after her.
A great actor James Cagney made his first stage appearance as a chorus girl in a show called Every Sailor.
In the famous Alfred Hitchcock movie Psycho, the blood in the famous shower scene was actually chocolate syrup.
Child actress Shirley Temple appeared in her first film, The Red-Haired Alibi, at the age of three.
Yule Brenner was famous for his shiny bald head but most people who watched his movies had no idea his real hair was actually a dark brown.
Jimmy Durante of the famous gravelly voice and large nose insured his nose at Lloyd’s of London.
In the 1968 film, 2001: A Space Odyssey, the out-of-control computer HAL, is taught to sing the song, A Bicycle Built for Two.
Dolly Parton and her two wonderfully round and soft friends once had the name, Booby Trap as a CB handle.
Famous leading man Sean Connery represented Scotland in the 1952 Mr. Universe contest.
Elizabeth Taylor’s film career started at the age of 10 in a low-brow comedy called There’s One Born Every Minute, which also featured former Our Gang star, Carl (Alfalfa) Switzer.
As you can see most of the celebrity gossip from the good old days isn’t nearly as juicy as what we’re dealing with today. I just wish I had the power to bundle up all of the Kardashians (including big Daddy/Mommy Jenner), all of their associates and children and lovers and ex-lovers and husbands and ex-husbands, and dump them all back into the 1920’s. If only wishing made it so.
How old are you? It’s a valid question that most people ask about a stranger when discussing them with a third-party, “He’s about 20 years old.”. People who are in their 20’s think people in their 30’s are old while people in their 30’s think people in their 50’s are old. It’s all relative and silly but we do it all the time without really thinking about it. In my case I think anyone younger than 60 is just a stupid kid and that should show you how really stupid it is to judge a person by their age. Today’s post is going to list some interesting accomplishments by the age of the person doing them. Using age as way to judge someone is just ridiculous as these examples will show you.
At the Age of 1
Mary, of the House of Stewart, became Queen of Scotland.
Brooke Shields was selected as the Ivory Snow baby.
At the Age of 2
Judy Garland launches her stage career.
Isabella II ascends to the Spanish throne.
At the Age of 3
Albert Einstein speaks for the first time.
Alice Liddell first meets Charles Dodgson (pen name of Lewis Carol) who later used her as inspiration to write Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland.
At the Age of 4
Malcolm Little (who later changed his name to Malcolm X) watches as his family’s home was burned to the ground by members of the Ku Klux Klan.
Bob Hope emigrates from England to the United States
At the Age of 5
Devora Wilson, Mountain climber, scales a 4000-foot peak.
Christopher Robin Milne hears the first “Winnie the Pooh” story, with himself as the main character, made up by his father, A. A.
At the Age of 6
Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart gives keyboard concerts across Europe.
Shirley Temple receives an honorary Oscar for her contribution to film.
Ron Howard stars as Opie in TV’s, The Andy Griffith Show.
At the Age of 7
Helen Keller, blind and deaf, master’s a vocabulary of 625 words.
Carol Brown, who travels more than an hour daily to attend a distantschool because as a black she is denied admission to the local all-white school, motivates her father to file a lawsuit, resulting in the landmark Brown V. Board of Education Supreme Court decision which finds public-schoolsegregation to be unconstitutional.
😉😉😉
My Credentials
Age 1 – Flung my full diaper at my mother.
Age 2 – Spoke my first word (Shit!)
Age 3 – Drew my first tree.
Age 4 – Threw up on my sister.
Age 5 – Drank my first drink of alcohol (bottle of perfume)
Age 6 – Ran away from school (police found me later)
Many years ago, I started this blog, and I chose its name very carefully. I fully intended then and still continue now to supply all of you with as much useless information as I can possibly find. Today I’d like to test the trivia knowledge of all of you fans of celebrities and Hollywood. This information was gleaned from a long-lost trivia book I stumbled upon in an old trunk I’ve had in storage for years. The first printing of this book was in February of 1975 at a total cost per copy of $1.25. I consider myself a trivia aficionado but the answers to these retro-Hollywood questions left me clueless. Maybe you’ll have more luck.
Name one of the two actresses who starred as the singing and dancing Dolly Sisters in the 1945 movie of that title? Betty Grabel was Jenny and June Haver was Rosie
What comedian appears in “Whistling in Brooklyn,” “The Fuller Brush Man,” and “Susan Slept Here”? Red Skelton
What does W. C. Fields give away in the comedy film “The Pharmacist”? Large vases.
What was cowboy sidekick George (Gabby) Hayes known as when he appeared with Bill Boyd in the Hopalong Cassidy movie series? “Windy”
What is Shirley Temple’s middle name? Jane
What is the title of the movie in which Charlie Chaplin falls in love with a blind flower girl? “City Lights”
Who portrays the “Invisible Man” in the 1933 movie of that title, and what is his occupation? Claude Rains played the role of a mad scientist named Griffin.
In the original MGM movie “The Champ” tells the story of an old prizefighter and his young son. Name the actors who played the two roles. Wallace Beery and Jackie Cooper, respectively.
During World War I, Humphrey Bogart served in the U.S. Navy. His ship was shelled, and this caused what to happen to him physically? It caused his upper lip to be partially paralyzed, resulting in a tightly set mouth and a lisp.
What longtime star, whose career began in 1925, was actually named Billie Cassin and was also known on the stage as Lucile LeSueur? Joan Crawford
It’s important to maintain a sense of humor with all of the anticipated stresses of these holidays. Here are two quotes and a hilarious joke that will hopefully put a smile on your face. Enjoy . . .
***
A guy decides to buy his new girlfriend a pair of gloves for Christmas. After all, they’ve only been dating for three weeks so it seems like the ideal gift – romantic, yet not too personal. He asks the girlfriend’s younger sister to accompany him to buy them then so she can point out a pair she’d like. They go to the mall and the sister points out a pair of white gloves which the guy then buys. The sister then picks up a pair of panties for herself and buys them. But during the wrapping, the clerk mixes up the parcels without anyone realizing. As a result, the sister gets the gloves, and the guy takes home a gift box containing the panties.
***
“I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.”
Shirley Temple
***
Without checking, the guy rushes the gift to his sweetheart, but only after drafting this loving and helpful note to accompany it: “I chose these because I notice you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening. If it had not been for your sister, I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons, but she wears the short ones that are easier to remove. These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me a pair she’d been wearing for the last three weeks, and they were hardly soiled. I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart.
***
“I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.”
Bernard Manning
I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time. There’s no doubt that other hands will come in contact with them before I have a chance to see you again. When you take them off remember to blow in them before putting them away, as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing. Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming year. I hope you will wear them for the coming Christmas Eve.
P.S. The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur showing.”
Growing up I always wondered what I might do with my life but nothing every grabbed me and ignited a passion. It took me years of struggling and foolishness before I was able to decide the direction I wanted to take. That being said I never had an all-consuming passion from an early age for anything (except possibly for drawing) like some people have been lucky to find. I see my grandchildren now and I wonder as much as they do in what direction they may go. Through the centuries people at very young ages have done some amazing things. I thought I’d pass along a few of them today. Read these, then look at your kids and grandkids, and try and guess where they’re headed.
At the Age of 2
Tenzin Gyatso is declared to be the Dalai Lama.
Judy Garland launches her stage career.
Husan-t’ung becomes the final emperor of China.
Isabella the second ascends to the Spanish throne.
At the Age of 3
Tiger Woods shoots a 48 for nine holes on his hometown golf course in Cypress, California.
Albert Einstein speaks for the first time.
Ivan the Terrible becomes the Grand Prince of Moscow.
Alice Lindell first meets Charles Dodgson (pen name of Lewis Carroll) who was the inspiration for the book Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland.
At the Age of 4
Kim Ung-Yong, with an estimated IQ of 200, speaks fluent Korean, English, Japanese, and German.
Andre Agassi hits tennis balls for 15 minutes with Jimmy Connors, then the world’s top player.
Malcolm Little – who later changes his name to Malcolm X – watches as his family’s home was burned down by members of the Ku Klux Klan.
Bob Hope emigrates from England to the United States.
At the Age of 5
Debra Wilson, mountain climber, skills a 4000-foot peak.
Christopher Robin Milne hears the first “Winnie the Pooh” story, with himself as the main character, made up by his father, A. A.
Charlie Chaplin appears with his mother on the vaudeville stage.
Christina becomes the Queen-elect of Sweden.
At the Age of 6
Shirley Temple receives an honorary Oscar for her contribution to film.
Marie Grosholtz – better known later as Mme. Tussaud – first works with wax.
Warren Buffett, peerless Wall Street investor-to-be, earns profits by selling Coca-Cola to his friends.
Ron Howard stars as Opie in TV’s The Andy Griffith Show.
Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart gives keyboard concerts across Europe.
Clara Hirschfield, called “Tootsie” by her father, a confectioner, is honored to have his new candy, the “Tootsie Roll”, named for her.
NOW FOR ME
Age 2 – Discovered I liked milk and my first breast.
Age 3 – Discovered my hands and feet.
Age 4 – Learned my first curse word.
Age 5 – Drew my first sketch.
Age 6 – Created my first ridiculous cartoon character.
everyuselessthing.com 