Archive for the ‘tv’ Tag
I’m a child of television. I come by it honestly because I was a member of the first generation that had TV. So for good or bad I’ve spent a great deal of my life listening and watching the tube. In my early years television was unsophisticated and simple with only three networks to choose from and a 12” black and white screen.
Years later it was still black and white pictures but there were rumors of something called ‘Pay TV’ on the horizon. It was the latest and greatest evolution of Television where you paid a monthly fee and there would be no commercial interruptions. Around that same time full color TV’s were introduced. The worst thing about ‘Pay TV’ was that we bought the fiction hook, line, and sinker. Before we knew it cable TV was born and so began the steadily rising monthly fees, surcharges, and the reintroduction of commercials but only on a limited basis (so they said). Yeah, we bought that BS as well.
Move forward a few more years and the monthly rates continued to increase based solely on the companies ability to increase the number of channels that you really weren’t all that interested in having but they were “part of the package”. More commercials were then added because the companies claimed a need for extra revenues to help cover their costs of production and maintenance of their infrastructure. Another giant pile of BS.
Move forward in time to yesterday. I’m now receiving my TV programming by the satellite dish hanging off the side of my house. Pretty impressive but only if you live somewhere where it never rains or snows. I never see any reduction in my monthly fees due to all of the weather related interruptions in service. I especially enjoy winter and those numerous trips I’m forced to make in my bathrobe to clear the dish during snow squalls. I also don’t appreciate all of the extra channels I’ve been involuntarily stuck paying for because “it’s part of the package”. You’d think by now they’d have a better list of stupid reasons for inflating our monthly charges.
I never thought I’d see the day when advertisements would come to be thirty minutes long on virtually every channel for a good part of the morning viewing hours. How stupid is it that the advertisers then take short breaks during those half-hour infomercials for a commercial or two. Commercials inside commercials, unbelievable right?
We are inundated with commercials everywhere everyday. Planes flying over our beaches. Talking digital images on every end cap at Walmart activated as you walk by to spew their annoying messages. Gas station pumps talking in your ear with more lame and unimportant messages. It just never stops, so I decided to do a little research.
For two hours last evening during good old TV prime time (6-8 pm), I began counting the number of commercials. In a 120 minute time frame on two different channels I was forced to listen to all of these in this exact order:
Transvaginal Mesh Lawsuits, Back Support Device, Xarelto Drug, Hair Club, Sleep Number Beds, Belviq Weight Loss Drug, DR rapid fire log splitters, Hip replacement implant lawsuits, Dolphin Tale 2 Trailer, Little Caesars Pizza, Target, Gone Girl Movie Trailer, News Update, Lowry Law Firm, Toyota, Dick’s Discount Furniture, Dunkin Donuts, The Box Trolls Trailer, Hannaford Foods, Political Ad Maine, Kohl’s, Dodge, Scion Maze Runner Trailer, Sonic, Hershey, Dos Equis, Hanes Underwear, Nasacort Allergy Meds, US Navy, Dairy Queen, Geico, Reese’s Pieces, Dewars Whiskey, Gillette Razor, Dulera Asthma Meds, John Deere, Progressive Insurance, Tostados, Burger King, Hershey, Honda, Direct TV, Nasacort Allergy Meds, Pizza Hut, Fuse Electric Cigarettes, Schick Razor, Supernatural Trailer, Corona, Jolly Rancher, Walk Among the Tombstones Trailer, AT&T, Ace Hardware, Toyota, Sonic, Reese’s Pieces, Dewar Whiskey, Gillette Razor, Cricket Wireless, State Farm, Heineken, Dunkin Donut, Winter soldier Trailer, Kit Kat, Allegra Allergy Meds, UFC, Heinz, Evel Knievel trailer, Cricket wireless, Wendy’s, ROLO, Honda, Direct TV, Maze Runner Trailer, ITT Tech, Dos Equis, KFC, Reese’s Pieces, Nasacort Allergy Meds, Fiat, Domino’s Pizza, Ice Breakers Breath Mints, Sonic, Skittles, Cricket Wireless, Lipton Tea, Kit Kat, Dos Equis, Walk Among the Tombstones Trailer, Eye Exam PSA, Lending Tree Loans, Scion, State Farm, Reese’s, UFC, Sons of Anarchy Trailer.
Is it just me or is this pure insanity. 72 commercials of varying lengths in just 120 minutes. There’s little doubt that these money hungry cable companies will eventually supply us with only 10 minutes of actually programming per hour if we just agree to watch 50 minutes of effing commercials. Is it any wonder that we can’t just sit down and relax anymore. Even if the TV is off the radio chimes in with their commercials. Signs along the roads and on thousands of vehicles driving by make it impossible to escape.
Try and enjoy your day.
This summer is passing quickly and the time seems to be flying by like never before. It’s amazing to me how our sense of time changes as a person ages. As a young child the days seemed long and the summers seemed to last forever. That summer school break always felt like a year to me. During my working lifetime things seemed to drag on and on endlessly except when I was vacationing. Work was always a definite time slower.
“How did it get so late so soon? Its night before its afternoon. December is here before its June. My goodness how the time has flewn. How did it get so late so soon?” ~ Dr. Seuss
After retirement I discovered something I never expected. Time has virtually ceased to be a part of my life. Shortly after retiring I discarded that timepiece I’d worn on my arm in many variations for five and half decades. That damn device that I looked at and worried over a thousand times a day. Most of us never realize what a hold the watch has over us and how obsessed we’ve become in wearing them. Not only do humans require a watch they won’t hesitate to spend thirty of forty thousand dollars for that extra special Rolex.
I’ve been a rather clumsy person since a very young age and that clumsiness made my ownership of hundreds of watches my curse and Rolex ownership a joke. It seemed that the more expensive the device I wore the quicker it became damaged or destroyed once it was strapped to my arm. In my twenties I became a Timex owner only because it made wearing a timepiece affordable.
“At the end of your life, you will never regret not having passed one more test, not winning one more verdict or not closing one more deal. You will regret time not spent with a husband, a friend, a child, or a parent.” ~ Barbara Bush
I can also remember that feeling I had when I was without a watch. It caused me a great deal of stress and concern and on those days when I wasn’t wearing one I was almost panicky. We were raised to know the time and to live by it in all circumstances. The words "Don’t be late!" and "Be on time!" were the mantra for an entire society. We were raised to always be aware of the time and to live our lives by that watch on our wrist. I remember many occasions when I became pissed off with a partner or spouse who continued to be late for appointments which in turn caused some really nasty arguments.
“Time is the coin of your life. It is the only coin you have, and only you can determine how it will be spent. Be careful lest you let other people spend it for you.” ~Carl Sandburg
It’s been six years since I stopped wearing a watch but you can never really escape this obsession. I do relish those weeks that go by and I’m forced to ask my better-half over and over again, “Honey, what day is it?”. That’s a real form of freedom and a dash of mental health I’ve never had before. Unfortunately for the rest of you the ever vigilant manufacturers of this world continue to create a myriad of products that almost always include a digital clock. The coffee maker, the stove, the TV, the stereo, the VCR, a ball point pen, the computer, the IPad, IPod’s of all sizes, and even on a reproduction of a 1930’s classic radio. It’s apparent we can’t live without timing ourselves. A clock in every room, next to our beds, and everywhere else. Even my favorite digital camera insists on getting involved by telling me the time on each and every photograph I take.
The more I think about our societies obsession with time the more I realize that my obsession that causes me to fret over that problem is just a time obsession of another sort. As a last thought on Time I refer you to Mr. Steven Wright who puts it all into perspective for me:
“I went to a restaurant that serves ‘breakfast at any time’. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.”
TIME TO GO!
According to Socrates “an unexamined life is not worth living”. I agree with that to a point because there are times when looking back has truly restorative value. It clears the mind by allowing us to revisit simpler and sometimes happier times. The post that follows is me looking back and remembering how different things were not so long ago. I’m not saying they were always better but in some cases they definitely were. Read on and enjoy a short but detailed visit to my early childhood.
Way back…
I’m talking about hide and seek at dusk, sitting on the porch. Hot bread and butter, eating’ a super-dooper sandwich (Dagwood), Red light, Green light, 1 2 3.
Chocolate milk, lunch tickets, penny candy in a brown paper bag. Hopscotch, butterscotch, Double-Dutch, jacks, kickball, and dodge ball. Mother, May I? Hula Hoops, Sunflower Seeds, jawbreakers, blow pops, Mary Janes, and running through the sprinklers. The smell of the sun and licking salty lips.
Wait……
Watching lightening bugs in a jar, playing slingshot and Red Rover. When around the corner seemed far away, and going downtown seemed like going somewhere.
Bedtime, Climbing trees. A million mosquito bites and sticky fingers. Cops and Robbers, Cowboys and Indians, sitting on the curb, jumping down the steps, jumping on the bed, and pillow fights.
Being tickled to death, running till you were out of breath. Laughing so hard that your stomach hurt. Being tired from playing …. Remember that?
I’m not finished just yet…
What about the girl that had the big bubbly hand writing? Licking the beaters when your mother made a cake. When there were two types of sneakers for girls and boys (Keds & PF Flyers), and the only time you wore them at school, was for “gym.”
When nobody owned a purebred dog. When a quarter was a decent allowance, and another quarter a huge bonus. When you’d reach into a muddy gutter for a penny. When girls neither dated nor kissed until late high school, if then. When your mom wore nylons that came in two pieces.
When you got your windshield cleaned, oil checked, and gas pumped, without asking, for free. And you didn’t pay for air, and, you got trading stamps to boot! When laundry detergent had free glasses, dishes or towels hidden inside the box.
When any parent could discipline any kid, or feed him or use him to carry groceries, and nobody, not even the kid, thought a thing of it. When it was considered a great privilege to be taken out to dinner at a real restaurant with your parents.
Not done yet . . .
When all of your male teachers wore neckties and female teachers had their hair done, everyday. When they threatened to keep kids back a grade if they failed…and did! When being sent to the principal’s office was nothing compared to the fate that awaited a misbehaving student at home. Having a weapon in school, meant being caught with a slingshot. When nearly everyone’s mom was at home when the kids got there.
Basically, we were in fear for our lives but it wasn’t because of drive-by shootings, drugs, gangs, etc. Disapproval of our parents and grandparents was a much bigger threat!
Decisions were made by going “eeny-meeny-miney-mo.” Mistakes were corrected by simply exclaiming, “do over!” “Race issue” meant arguing about who ran the fastest. Money issues were handled by whoever was the banker in “Monopoly.”
Catching fireflies could happily occupy an entire evening. It wasn’t odd to have two or three “best” friends. Being old, referred to anyone over 20. The net on a tennis court was the perfect height to play volleyball and rules didn’t matter. It was unbelievable that dodge ball wasn’t an Olympic event.
The worst thing you could catch from the opposite sex was cooties. It was magic when dad would “remove” his thumb. Scrapes and bruises were kissed and made better.
Nobody was prettier than Mom.
IT’S NICE TO OCCASIONALLY LOOK BACK
I scored a miserable nine on my first attempt. Not terribly good but not a total disaster either. As promised, here are the answers.
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Statler and Waldorf
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“I’ll be right back.”
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Kukla, Fran, and Ollie
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Roger Moore
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“Goodbye kids”, on the 2343rd-and-last episode of the popular kiddie show on September 30, 1960.
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123 1/2 Sesame Street
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Robert Klein
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4,531
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A policeman-it was a minor role. The sketch was part of a 1950 Cavalcade of Stars Show.
10. Yankee shortstop, Phil Rizzuto
11. The Munsters
12. “Love in Bloom”
13. Julie Kavnar-formerly the awkward sister on “Rhoda”.
14. The La Salle
15. Soap
16. Bruce Lee
17. A pig named Arnold.
18. Only one but the client was later proved innocent.
19. Chip, Mike, and Robbie. Mike moved away later and Ernie was adopted.
20. Trusty scout.
Bonus Question (Worth 2 Points): Victoria Principle’s The two feuded earlier, when Rivers was guest hosting on the Tonight Show.
With all this heat we’ve been suffering through I discovered just how many things there are that annoy me when I’m all hot, sweaty, and irritable. My normal list of annoyances has increased by a factor of ten.
I realize the heat makes it even worse but it getting ridiculous. Yesterday I found myself annoyed by a plane flying over my house. The fact that it was at least 25,000 feet high made no difference. Those bastard pilots. It’s getting out of control and I’m praying for cooler weather before someone decides to kick my ass.
I jotted down a few more that some of you will hopefully agree with.
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People who wait in a long checkout lines and then can’t find their checkbook or credit card.
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People who are constantly late.
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Commercials that are so much louder than the TV shows.
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Grocery shopping carts with a bad wheel.
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Co-workers that try to sell stuff to you at work.
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People who make small talk with a cashier when there’s a long line behind them.
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Stores with TV monitors at the checkouts that play commercials.
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TV shows and commercials ads with ringing doorbells or phones, which make you think the sound is coming from your house.
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Waiters/waitresses with dirty fingernails.
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Fake laughter.
The more I think about this list the longer it gets. I’m going to keep on rolling and hopefully I’ll reach the end of this nonsense.
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Stepping on a wet spot with my socks on.
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Drivers who won’t turn right on red.
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Being asked for my account number after I already entered it using the keypad on my phone.
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Celebrities preaching to me about politics.
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People saying "What’s up?" instead of saying "hi or hello".
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The lame-ass naming of celebrity couples.
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Suburban kids who think they’re gangstas.
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People who refer to themselves in the third person.
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Rappers who thank God at awards ceremonies.
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Mumbling, then annoyingly saying "Forget it!" when people don’t hear you.
Still going strong but I seem to be feeling a little better by unburdening myself like this.
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Business buzz words: synergistic, globalize, paradigm shift.
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People who dress their pets.
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Annoying nervous laughter.
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Someone opening a cabinet door or drawer and leaving it open.
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People who say "carmel" instead of "caramel".
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Overuse of the word "Like"
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Mispronunciation of words.
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People who are over age 21 who say the word "dude" way too often.
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When people use the word "literally" inappropriately. I.e. "I literally almost jumped out of my skin."
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People who bring their babies to the movies.
Wow, I’m starting to think almost everything is annoying me these days.
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When someone blows their nose in your presence and then proceeds to look at the results.
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Flood pants on men.
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People who don’t listen when you are talking to them.
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Using the toilet paper down to the last few squares without getting a new roll.
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People abbreviating words when they speak.
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Rude people talking at movies.
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Barking dogs.
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Having to explain the same thing more than once.
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People who don’t flush the toilet.
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When coffee spills out of the top drinking hole at Dunkin Donuts.
I’ve got to stop this foolishness. If I add just one more item to this list I’ll start annoying myself and for some reason that just seems wrong. Being annoyed by myself while listing annoyances of other people that annoy everyone else. It’s a conundrum I tell you. I think it’s time for all of you to make your own list. It’s annoying that you haven’t completed one already so get to it.
Man it’s hot in here.
Why is it that we just love to entertain ourselves listening and watching young children. I suppose it’s their innocence and honesty so effortlessly projected. The recent rash of TV commercials containing one adult and four kids in a discussion group setting has captured everyone’s hearts. The honest answers coupled with their totally innocent facial expressions is priceless.
I understand the desire of businesses to use these kids for commercial purposes. If there were four or five adults sitting around talking most of us would click the remote and move on to things that were more interesting and believable. Adults are never perceived as being honest, especially those involved in the making of television commercials.
Over the years most commercials involving young kids and adults have not so subtly treated the adults like idiots. The kids are then shown as the smart and sensible members of the family. This kind of posturing plays right into the younger demographics but I always thought it was a little insulting to us adults. I readily admit that many adults are idiots but I always held out hope that it was just a small percentage.
This morning lying in bed in a semi-relaxed state I was quietly surfing the net when I came upon a number of sites listing actual letters from parents who were excusing their children from school. These samples reflect the actual wording and mis-spellings that those parents used. I’m sure the teachers who received these notes were as shocked as I was. It’s hard to understand how a reasonably intelligent parent would want their notes to the school to read this way. Enjoy them and then just slowly shake your head with your total lack of understanding as I did.
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Please excuse Pedro from being absent yesterday. He had (diahre) (dyrea) (direathe) the shits. [words in ( )’S were crossed out.]
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Sally won’t be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral.
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Please excuse little Jimmy for not being in school yesterday. His father is gone and I could not get him ready because I was in bed with the doctor.
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My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the Marines.
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Maryann was absent December 11-16, because she had a fever, sore throat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever and sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn’t the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night.
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Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.
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Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday.
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My child was absent from school yesterday because he had a sore trout.
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Please excuse my son for being absent yesterday. “He has a cold and could not breed well”.
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Excuse my son. He’s been under the doctor.
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Please excuse my son from being absent yesterday. “He had diarrhea and his boots leak”.
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Please excuse my daughter for being absent yesterday. “She was in bed with very bad gramps”.
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Please excuse my child from school yesterday. “He had a bad stomach egg”.
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Please excuse my child from missing school yesterday. “I thought we had a 3 day weekend”.
I certainly hope that the children of these parents are smarter than the parents seem to be. Bad grammar, misspellings, and a general lack of concern with making the notes read like they came from a thinking adult. There are times when talking with youngsters is the most refreshing part of the day. At least they’re honest and anything humorous they come up with is based on a lack of experience and not a lack of intelligence.
Maybe my lucks changing. After being flattened for almost a full week with some kind of flu I’m almost back to normal (whatever that is). Someone asked me if I was back to 100% yet and I could only smile. I stated the obvious that I hadn’t been a 100% since 1996. It was a vicious little virus that did a real job on everyone who was unlucky enough to catch it.
I started feeling much better and what did I hear next. Thunderstorm alerts and warnings for our immediate area. You might think that’s a bad thing but not for me. I freaking love thunderstorms. They started just as it was getting dark and they were beautiful. I wanted to sit out on the deck for a while but the rain was a little too intense for that. For almost three hours there was crackling lightning, heavy rains, and a howling wind. It was fantastic and I enjoyed every second of it. Unfortunately we get very few of these storms so I have to take the time to enjoy them when we do.
There wasn’t much else for the better-half and I to do but sit quietly, enjoy the storm, and talk about our day. I love our satellite TV system but even it can’t stand up to heavy rain like we were getting. It took hours for the signal to get through the heaviest of the downpours so we could be blessed with the standard list of reruns and crappy TV.
We’ve been buying more movies of late because of all the disappointing TV that just never seems to get any better. Recently during a weekend of free HBO and SHO I watched one of the recent ridiculous remakes of our beloved fairy tales, Snow White and the Huntsman. It wasn’t totally awful thanks to Charlize Theron but peppering our childhood tales with massive amounts of violence tends to make me uncomfortable and more than a little concerned for the young kids who are watching them.
As I was out shopping the next day I saw a sale for another insane remake of a fairy tale, Hansel and Gretel. I took a chance and paid good money for it. What a mistake. The entire story was so badly rewritten that I walked away and refused to watch the last twenty minutes. Badly used profanity by the female lead was laughable. I understand using appropriately blunt profanity to make a movie feel more authentic but this was just really stupid. It did seem they were setting it up at the end for a possible sequel but I hope that doesn’t happen. Two wrongs have never made a right and these two would be no exception. If you haven’t seen it, don’t waste your time or your money.
I can tell I’m on the mend because the urge to criticize has been growing steadily for the last few hours. I should be back in fighting form soon with my keyboard in one hand and a glass of wine in the other. Life will soon be good again.
It appears that I’m finally on the mend from this damn virus that’s been kicking my ass for the last week. I still sound like someone’s gravely voiced uncle but I can live with that for a few more days. Being sick is a triple curse for me. First your sick as a dog, second your stuck in the house usually in bed, and thirdly you can’t stop coughing. You can only read so much before you’re forced to watch television and there’s the rub. It’s like being shot and then hung.
These last few days have convinced me to consider canceling our TV service when the current contract expires. I can’t take the endless commercials and the low caliber of programming that has slowly been turning my mind and everyone else’s to mush. I’ve had it with all of the “redneck” programs that make all of us look like effing hicks to the rest of the world. It’s ironic that the program that supplied me with the information needed to cancel my subscription, I saw on TV.
I remember back in the day when cable TV was a new novelty. The way it was initially sold was an ad campaign that was total and absolute BS. It was called "Pay TV" then and we were all assured for a small monthly fee we would be commercial free forever. Then slowly but surely the fees began to grow, the commercials returned in a big way, and all of a sudden it’s costing me upwards of one hundred and fifty dollars a month for viewing programming that is almost fifty percent commercials.
When I began approaching retirement I decided to simplify by life. I got rid of my old land-line telephone, all of my premium channels, and returned to just a basic cable package. The cable company then added surcharges and taxes which brought my monthly figure almost back where it started before I cancelled the premium channels.
Then I moved in with my better-half who was burdened with an almost $200.00 a month bill of her own. We immediately took steps to reduce our combined bill but Time Warner is a devious enemy. We reduced everything back to basic cable but with our Internet charges we were still paying over a hundred dollars a month. The cable companies claim it’s impossible to offer a menu type system where you order the channels you really want and aren’t forced to pay for thirty or forty you never watch. How convenient.
We cancelled a large portion of our package but since it changed our "bundling" (the newest word used to screw all of us) they couldn’t lower our costs all that much. After it was all said and done we were still paying $110.00 a month after the surcharges and BS fees were added. We were both unhappy with the results of our efforts so we cancelled all of our Time Warner’s services except for the broadband Internet. We then subscribed to the Dish network for two years and were initially charged an introductory price of $38.00 a month for one year. They told me that after the first year the monthly price would be increased somewhat. The first year passed and the price increased with fees and surcharges to $68.00 per month. I’d call that more than substantial.
Arguing with cable companies is useless. They have their own agenda which is to get as much money from us as they possibly can and believe me, nothing else matters. I think a reasonable price for Internet and basic cable should be no more than $85.00 a month with fees and surcharges. Any more than that is just highway robbery.
We’ve reached the point where desperate times call for desperate measures. At the end of our current contract with Dish we’ll be canceling the satellite cable package and retaining only the Internet service from Time Warner. We’ve decided to then subscribe to Netflix ($9.99 a month) for an endless selection of movies and Hulu Plus ($7.99 a month) for almost any TV programming we’d like to see. Our total cost at that point will be approximately $57.97 a month, well within what we consider a reasonable cost. Another added plus is that almost all commercials programming will disappear from our life.
This is a trend that seems to be happening everywhere by many of us. It gives the old saying “vote with your feet” new meaning. If enough people walk away from these cable monopolies then changes will occur and prices will begin dropping.
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