Archive for the ‘weather’ Tag
The rain in Maine is mostly a huge pain. This weather is continuing to wear on my nerves. Rain, rain, and more effing rain. I kind of feel like I’m living in India during the monsoon season. That lovely musty smell has now become the norm and I’m certainly not enjoying that at all. It would be nice to have three or four days of warm, non-humid weather that would allow the house and garage to dry out just a little. Unfortunately wishing doesn’t make it so.
Earlier this year I picked up a copy of Poor Richards Almanac for 2013 and I’m beginning to become a real believer. The almanac has been right on the money on the weather patterns for the last few months for this area. If their predictions continue to be as accurate this will be one of the wettest summers on record for Maine. Without a doubt it will be great for the garden but OMG. I already need a machete to walk through the garden and the amount of veggies is going to be huge.
I see many days of picking, cleaning, and canning of veggies like never before. We’re anticipating quantities of zucchini, cucumbers, and squashes that will be incredible. Thankfully we’re well prepared and have more than enough supplies to handle things. This year we may be canning a good quantity of mixed veggies with jalapeños to heat them up a little. Probably as many as sixty pints of hot Bread & Butter pickles and possibly some hot relish as well. It’s amazing just how much production we get from such a medium sized garden.
I grew two items this year that I ‘m experimenting with, mustard and curry. The mustard started off rather slowly but with all this rain the plants are almost three feet high now with brilliant yellow flowers. The leaves have the greatest taste and are making our salads much more flavorful. I should also be able to harvest enough seeds to make my first attempt at creating my own mustard. If that’s successful then I’ll plant at least three times as many plants next year. The curry was an aromatic plant which when dried will make one helluva good addition to our collection of cooking herbs.
My better-half has already started making her jams for the year. She just completed two batches of blueberry which is always the best. One of the batches was made with a new gadget we received as a gift. It’s sold by the Ball Company and made specifically for making jellies and jams. It the coolest thing ever. You put your crushed fruit into the cooking container, set the time, and it cooks the fruit until perfect. It then beeps four times to tell you when to add the sugar. It cooks a little longer, beeps once and then turns itself off. You then spoon it into jars and can as normal. Less mess and no possibility of cooking errors which have been an issue in the past. I can’t wait to try it with a few of my new experimental flavors once I get the recipes completed.
I’m still hoping for some dryer weather so some of the other crops can thrive as well but what can you do. Mother Nature cruises along at her own speed with absolutely no regard for us pitiful human beings.
Maybe my lucks changing. After being flattened for almost a full week with some kind of flu I’m almost back to normal (whatever that is). Someone asked me if I was back to 100% yet and I could only smile. I stated the obvious that I hadn’t been a 100% since 1996. It was a vicious little virus that did a real job on everyone who was unlucky enough to catch it.
I started feeling much better and what did I hear next. Thunderstorm alerts and warnings for our immediate area. You might think that’s a bad thing but not for me. I freaking love thunderstorms. They started just as it was getting dark and they were beautiful. I wanted to sit out on the deck for a while but the rain was a little too intense for that. For almost three hours there was crackling lightning, heavy rains, and a howling wind. It was fantastic and I enjoyed every second of it. Unfortunately we get very few of these storms so I have to take the time to enjoy them when we do.
There wasn’t much else for the better-half and I to do but sit quietly, enjoy the storm, and talk about our day. I love our satellite TV system but even it can’t stand up to heavy rain like we were getting. It took hours for the signal to get through the heaviest of the downpours so we could be blessed with the standard list of reruns and crappy TV.
We’ve been buying more movies of late because of all the disappointing TV that just never seems to get any better. Recently during a weekend of free HBO and SHO I watched one of the recent ridiculous remakes of our beloved fairy tales, Snow White and the Huntsman. It wasn’t totally awful thanks to Charlize Theron but peppering our childhood tales with massive amounts of violence tends to make me uncomfortable and more than a little concerned for the young kids who are watching them.
As I was out shopping the next day I saw a sale for another insane remake of a fairy tale, Hansel and Gretel. I took a chance and paid good money for it. What a mistake. The entire story was so badly rewritten that I walked away and refused to watch the last twenty minutes. Badly used profanity by the female lead was laughable. I understand using appropriately blunt profanity to make a movie feel more authentic but this was just really stupid. It did seem they were setting it up at the end for a possible sequel but I hope that doesn’t happen. Two wrongs have never made a right and these two would be no exception. If you haven’t seen it, don’t waste your time or your money.
I can tell I’m on the mend because the urge to criticize has been growing steadily for the last few hours. I should be back in fighting form soon with my keyboard in one hand and a glass of wine in the other. Life will soon be good again.
I guess I need to apologize for the short and uninformative posting yesterday. My state of mind was kind of like a weather report on the evening news: Higher temperatures expected this evening with intermittent diarrhea and vomiting. Tomorrow’s forecast looks much better with lower temperatures and calm and clear conditions (I hope).
My better-half has accused me in the past of being a cynical SOB who is skeptical about everyone and everything. I have to agree with her to a point but I prefer the term pragmatic which sounds a little better. With that in mind I’m trying to look at this bout of flu or virus from a different perspective. I’ll pretend to be the optimistic and happy-go-lucky kind of guy my better-half wishes me to be.
Here goes. For most of the day I was in and out of sleep and running a fairly high temperature. I was dreaming and conscious most of the time but not really making much sense of things. As bad as I felt I found that special something that my better-half has been preaching to me about. I’m happy, proud, and honored to announce that I spent some quality time in a classroom with Sir Isaac Newton. His hair was a little strange looking but the conversation was educational and informative. I won’t go into specifics because they’re still a little fuzzy and hard to remember. Dreams are like like.
The second good thing about this illness was a little harder to discover but being the new and improved optimistic SOB I’ve become I finally figured it out. Weight loss. I’ve lost close to six pounds in less than three days and I didn’t have to hit the gym or participate in any physical activity. That’s a true statement if you don’t consider projectile vomiting a form of exercise. I know I sure don’t.
So, excellent and historically incorrect dreams along with a six pound weight loss. It really can’t get much better than that says my better-half. I hate to burst her rose-colored-glasses bubble but I have no choice. As much as I like meeting a long dead scientist and losing six pounds of ugly fat, it still wasn’t worth it. In my humble opinion being optimistic is highly overrated. I plan on staying just the way I am and the hell with Isaac Newton, a few pounds of weight loss, and my ever so optimistic better-half.
The morale of the story is simple: "Being sick sucks!"
I’ve now lived in Maine for almost thirteen years and I’ve been told by a few native born Mainer’s that until you’ve lived here at least ten years your not considered a real Mainer. Since I’m now certified and official I’ve earned the right to criticize and make fun of my fellow citizens.
I’ve always been someone who sings Maine’s praises and really do love living here. It’s one of the most beautiful states in the country with many natural resources and scenic coastlines. That being said it also has issues you should be made aware of. Some years ago I stumbled on this list and found it funny as hell. A lot of time has passed since then but this list still rings true.
If you decide to visit our lovely state then you need more information than the stuff always published in the travel brochures. This list is so true it’s a little scary. Here are the things you can expect.
The local Dairy Queen is closed from September through May.
People at Home Depot will offer you assistance and they don’t even work there.
It’s not unusual for you to have a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number.
You will learn to measure distance in hours not miles.
You will meet several people who’ve hit a deer more than once if you stay more than a week.
You’ll be swimming in August wearing a full body wetsuit.
You may switch from heat and AC in the same day and then back again.
You may learn to drive 75 miles through 2 feet of snow during a blizzard without flinching.
You carry jumper cables in your car and your wife will know how to use them.
Children’s Halloween costumes here are designed to fit over a snowsuit.
You will learn all about our four seasons: almost Winter, Winter, still Winter, and road construction.
You’ll have more miles on your snow blower than on your car.
Bear these facts in mind when you come to visit. It can be cold and snowy in the blink of an eye except for the months of June, July, and part of August.
After yesterday’s serious posting I decided to lighten things up a bit today. We snow bunnies here in Maine are celebrating again as we await yet another two feet of snow to play in. I’ve spent most of today with my new best friend, my snow blower, and we’ve been out doing our thing four times already. It’s a real bitch since this snow is extremely heavy and wet making everything doubly difficult. If I don’t continue to keep up with the snowfall then tomorrow when the temperature dips low again I’ll be up to my butt in ice.
My better-half has apparently lost what little was left of her mind. She’s been out in the snow all day running, jumping, and just being crazy. I fear she may have a serious snow fetish that I was not previously aware of. I gave up years ago trying to calm her down when she gets like this so I just stand back and take lots of pictures. They’re perfect for future blackmailing purposes and you can bet I’ll use them to my best advantage. I’m surprised she hasn’t again suggested making naked snow angels as she’s done in the past. In order for me to be tempted to do that I’d need a lot more alcohol which would in turn would make me especially dangerous with that snow blower. So I’ll pass this time and make sure I get really clear pictures if she decides to get that nuts.
Her one big wish today was to build a freaking snowman in the front yard. Since I wasn’t permitted to give it a nice set of breasts I refused to participate. Being the shy person she is she initiated a conversation with some guy in a pickup truck who was plowing the neighbors driveway who then stopped to look at the snowman. She complained she had no carrot for the snowman’s nose and it really wouldn’t be complete without one. The guy turned his truck around and drove away in the middle of the storm and returned fifteen minutes later, rolled down his window, and handed her a carrot, and then drove away. All in all a pretty cool move.
I suppose I’ll be out with the snow blower at least one more time before calling it a night. I suspect she’ll require me to sit in front of the television tonight with her to watch all of the red carpet hoopla before the Oscar ceremony. Thank God she works early in the morning and will probably go to bed early so I can turn it off. Watching Hollywood celebrities for me is much like having your wisdom teeth pulled with a pair of pliers and no Novocain.
It’s time for a quiet dinner and a glass of brandy or two and then to bed to read a few chapters. The storm should be over before morning and I hope we get a reprieve from the weather for a few days before the next one rolls in.
Another "Storm of the Century" is upon us and since this is the third one in the last twelve months I guess we should all be hiding in the root cellar (if we had one). Weather forecasters in Maine don’t do much more than repeat whatever is relayed from the National Weather Service and then hope for the best. Maine is so lame at times they look for any excuse to exaggerate the facts and use all the panic inducing buzz words to scare the crap out of the uninformed.
Having lived in Maine for more than ten years I thought there could be no surprises left for me. I’m able to translate their weather speech almost immediately and then go on about my business. Unfortunately I underestimated them again.
My better-half arrived home from work and immediately began explaining to me the grand weather controversy being discussed by the local media. They seemed to be all pissed off that the National Weather Service has begun naming large snow storms as they do for hurricanes. Maine is such an important place in the grand scheme of things (sarcasm) that they feel they should be permitted to name their own storms. I hate to even think what those names might be. Something really sophisticated yet down to earth (more sarcasm) like Matthew, Mark, Luke, or John. They may be right in their thinking however because who in their right mind would name a storm Nemo? Only the all seeing, godlike government of the United States could be that lame.
After giving it some thought my better-half and I decided that the so-called Maine weather experts really shouldn’t be permitted to name them either. So effective immediately this “Storm of the Century” will be named by the two of us. Let’s just call him JOHNSON. Read into that what you will you bunch of perverts. We ended this terrible controversy in less than two minutes with no help from either the government or the state of Maine’s weather idiots. Come on JOHNSON.
Now on to something really important. I had to go to the dentist today. A trip to the dentist for me is always an adventure since the age of 13 when playing sand lot football my best friend knocked most of my front teeth out. That required two bridges and a few false teeth which have plagued me ever since. My mouth is similar to having a old car and it requires much more maintenance. I could have bought at least three new cars over the years with what I spent on dental work. My dentist’s office is a family concern with my dentist the father, the hygienist is his ex-wife, and the dental assistant/receptionist is their daughter. Over the years I’ve become good friends with them all and it’s been a real hoot but the bottom line never changes. As nice as they all are I still hate going to the effing dentist.
After injecting me with enough Novocain to keep my face numb for a week he proceeds to do what I hate the most, drilling my teeth. The sound of that high-speed drill makes my skin crawl and if I never heard it again it would be too damn soon. Also if he honestly thinks that shooting cold water down my throat is helping me breathe he’s very much mistaken. Not only is my face numb but I think he’s subconsciously trying to drown me.
After a few kind words and a pat on the head I was escorted to the door, given a new tooth brush, and my next appointment date. Thanks for nothing Doc. I drove straight to the closest Dunkin Donut where I ordered a hot coffee and a sandwich. As I left their parking lot I took a quick bite of the sandwich and that was mistake number one. My mouth was still so numb I almost bit off the end of my tongue. I was forced to pullover to compose myself and check for damage. A few miles and a few dozen curse words later I opened the coffee container, took a giant swig, and burned the shit out of my mouth and tongue. I also scorched my crotch a bit when I spilled the coffee there too. I finally arrived home, sat down in a nice soft chair and refused to eat or drink anything until the feeling returned to my mouth and tongue.
How can people think storm JOHNSON is the big deal. It’s all about me and my trip to the dentist. People are so self-involved at times.
Well, my day in the kitchen is over and I’m sitting here labeling approximately 12 quarts of my new salsa recipe. After all of the adjustments were made to the recipe it turned out much better than I anticipated. After it cooled I was able to sample it with some nice and crispy yellow corn chips. I have a grading scale I use when making salsa and I rated this one a 4. That’s means after eating four teaspoons of the salsa the back of my head begins to sweat. This stuff is smoking hot and at the same time filled with great flavor.
I’m sending a pint of the finished product to work with my better-half tomorrow. I often use her fellow employees to test and taste my cooking efforts and their feedback is usually pretty accurate. It really helps me in refining my recipes. This batch is officially called Roasted Corn w/Black Bean & Currants. In another few months the flavor and heat should improve dramatically after sitting in the jar and make for a really great addition to any of my better-half’s Mexican food meals. Mission accomplished.
Now that my cooking job is over I can return to my Harry Potter reading assignment. I finished book #6 late last night and it was the absolute best one so far. I’m already one chapter into #7 and it looks like it will be even better than the last. What a pleasant surprise. I’m going to be very sad to see this story end because after seven books the characters are becoming like old friends. Another series for my eclectic book collection. I suppose I’ll be up late reading again tonight and hopefully get a decent nights sleep after that.
The weather here in Maine is very cold with approximately one and a half feet of snow still on the ground. I’d love to get into the woods but I’m waiting for a warmer day (around 30 degrees) before venturing out. I’m a fanatic about getting great Winter pictures but I’m not crazy. Patience is supposed to be a virtue so I’ll remain virtuous for a few more days.
Well the first winter storm has come and gone with no appreciable damage to our home or property. It’s been sleeting and raining off and on for most of the night but the plus side to that is the snow will be gone in a short time. It’s a reasonably good start to the 2012/2013 winter when we’ve had 4 inches of snow which required no shoveling.
I spent most of my evening yesterday lounging with my better-half watching a little TV. I’m not sure who’s responsible for giving television the nickname “boob tube” but they certainly hit that nail right on the head. I was reading and TV watching and finally finished the first Harry Potter book. A short time after my better-half went off to bed I turned off the “tube” and opened up book number two. It was an enjoyable read but it didn’t last very long. I become so relaxed when I read that if I’m not careful I can easily doze off. My solution is to sit in an uncomfortable chair in an uncomfortable position and just read. I stay awake longer and in the long run read much more.
Today’s a new day and I’ve got a lot of errands to run and a list of tasks that need to be taken care of. I was happy to finally receive yesterday afternoon a really nice set of wood carving tools that I ordered from Amazon a week or so ago. I like carving but without the proper tools it’s just a waste of time and energy. I spent an hour or two on an old piece of wood learning what each tool will do and what they won’t do. It may take me a little time to get the feel for these tools but I think any carvings that I do in the future will be much cleaner and crisper than in the past. I may actually try to do something I’ve been wanting to do for quite some time and that is to attempt wood block printing. It’s been a number of years since the last time but it’s a little like sex and bicycle riding, you never forget the basics. That will be another one of my winter projects for this year and should keep me busy in January and February.
Well, I’m finally dressed with my camera in hand and I’m out the door in five minutes. I need to make a quick stop at a local business that supplies me with winemaking equipment. We have three batches of wine underway and it won’t be long before the bottling will begin. I’m in need of corks and a few other odds and ends. I’ve been experimenting this year with my wines and I’ll find out soon enough if it worked. I’m a huge fan of Gin but drinking too much of it is not a good idea. I decided to gather the ingredients used to make Gin and attempt to create a Gin Wine. I had juniper berries shipped in from California and in combination with other herbs and spices made a three gallon batch. Making wine is always an adventure because you never really have any idea how it will turn out even if your following a good recipe. This experiment has Gin’s aroma but it’s the taste that has me concerned. Our other batches of Blueberry and Triple Berry (Blueberry, Blackberry, and Strawberry) are in their final stages and I’ve given them my first taste test. So far so good.
I’m out the door, let the day begin.
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