Since we’re now in the first weekend in October and the Summer is over, everyone is feeling a little down. Here’s my attempt to make all of you smile just a bit. The old saying, “laughter is the best medicine”, remains true to this day. So, here’s some humor. It costs nothing to smile.
- Two identical twin brothers died at around the same time. One was happily married, did charitable works and generally lead a blameless life; the other was a drunken womanizer, a serial liar and a cheat. The bad twin went to hell and the good went to heaven, from where he was able to look down on his bad brother. The good twin was dismayed that hell was not as bad as he had hoped. Indeed, his brother seem to be having the time of his life, drinking, partying and enjoying the company of beautiful women. Eventually the good twin complained to St. Peter: “Heaven is very nice and peaceful, but my brother appears to be having plenty of fun in hell. He has his own beer keg and just look at that gorgeous woman he’s been given. St. Peter said: “Fear not, my son. All is not as it seems. The keg has a hole in it; the woman doesn’t.”
- A man walked into his doctor’s office and said: “Doctor, I have five penises.” “I see,” said the doctor. “How do your trousers fit”? “Like a glove.”
- For his birthday a little boy asked for a 10-speed bicycle. His dad said, “We’d let you have one, but the mortgage on this house is $140,000 and your mother just lost her job. There’s no way we can afford It.” The next morning the father saw the boy heading out of the front door carrying a suitcase. “Where are you going?” he asked. The boy answered: “I was walking past your bedroom last night and heard you tell mom you were pulling out. Then I heard her tell you to wait because she was coming too. And I’ll be damned if I’m staying here by myself with $140,000 mortgage and no bike”!
- A man and woman were having sex in a very dark forest. After fifteen minutes of fumbling around the man said: “Man, I wish I had a flashlight.” The girl said: “So do I you ass. You’ve been eating grass for the past ten minutes!”
- A man looked out his window late one night and saw a gang of thieves breaking into his garden shed. He called the police immediately, but the station sergeant said there was no one available to respond. “OK”, said the homeowner, and he put the phone down. Five minutes later, he telephoned the station again “Don’t worry about sending anyone out to deal with the shed burglars at 53 Larch Avenue., I just shot them”. Within two minutes the road was swarming with police cars. The officers caught the burglars red-handed, but the sergeant was furious. He said to the homeowner, “I thought you said you shot them!” The homeowner immediately countered: “I thought you said there was nobody available.”
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