Archive for the ‘babies’ Tag

08-12-2013   Leave a comment

I love lists of all kinds but I apparently haven’t listed some subjects that certain people have been waiting for.  In response to a "tongue in cheek" request for odd or record setting information on sex I visited more web sites than usual to find a few interesting sexual facts. I can’t personally verify these tidbits but the majority have been reported through numerous sources and appear legitimate.  Read on and and try hard not to laugh too much, shudder too much or retch too much.

  • Most Children Fathered: The king of Morocco (in the 17th century), Moulay Ismail Ibn Sharif, is a proud owner of this sex record. He had a harem with 500 wives and 1042 recorded offspring’s.
  • Oldest Father: Indian farmer, Nanu Ram Jogi already held the record for world’s oldest father when he fathered his 21st child at 90-years-old. Jogi is married to his fourth wife and has no plans of slowing down his baby production.
  • Most Births: The modern world record for giving birth is held by Leontina Albina from San Antonio, Chile. Now in her mid-sixties, she claims to be the mother of 64 children. Of these, 55 are documented.
  • The mother with the greatest number of kids that are not twins is Livia Ionce. This Romanian woman, 44, gave birth to her 18th child in Canada in 2008.
  • The woman to give birth to the most children was a peasant’s wife from Shuya (east of Moscow) . She gave birth 27 times. 16 pairs of twins, seven sets of triplets and four sets of quadruplets.
  • Most Ejaculations: For a man in one hour is 16.
  • Semen Swallowed: Michelle Monahan swallowed 1.7 pints (almost 1 liter) of semen and had to get her stomach pumped.
  • Most female orgasms in an hour: 134.
  • Most male orgasms in an hour: 16.
  • Longest Ejaculation: American man Horst Schultz was recorded ejaculating 18 feet 9 inches. He also holds the records for height (12 ft. 4in) and speed (42.7mph). A woman has been recorded ejaculating 10 feet.
  • Strongest Vagina: 42 year-old Russian woman, Tatiata Kozhevnikova, broke her own record by hefting a glass ball attached to 31 pounds of weight with her vagina muscles. Kozhenikova’s success didn’t happen overnight, but through fifteen years of rigorously training.
  • Oldest Prostitute: An 82 -year-old woman called "Grandma" in Tai Pei is believed to be the oldest living and working prostitute. She began 40 years ago after a man she had lived with for two decades died. She stays in business by charging ten to twenty times less than other working girls in the area.
  • Largest Female Gangbang: Pornstar Lisa Sparxxx nailed 919 guys in 24 hours. This defeated previous records of 646 in 2002 and 759 in 2003.
  • Largest Male Gangbang: Porn star Jon Dough had sex with over 55 women in one day, having 5 to 6 orgasms.
  • Largest Orgy: In Japan 250 couples had sex at the same time and in the same place while camera crews recorded the event. Despite all testing negative for STDs, the couples only had sex with their partners.
  • Youngest Parents: Shaun Steard of England was 12 when he became a father. 5-year-old, Peruvian Lina Medina gave birth in 1933 after starting to menstruate at 3. Her father was jailed on suspicion of incest but released due to a lack of evidence. The child was delivered through cesarean because Lina’s hips were too narrow.
  • The smallest human penis: 0.39 inches.
  • Largest Non-Human Penis: Rorqual whales have penises that average 10 feet, and as much as a 1 foot in diameter.
  • Largest Human Penis: The record for the largest living penis belongs to Jonah Falcon who has a 13.5 inch penis.
  • Largest Human Clitoris: In The Sexual Anatomy, W. Francis Benedict mentions a 12 inch clitoris.
  • Largest Human Vagina: Scottish giant, Anna Swan, and her giant husband had a giant baby that’s head was 19 inches, all of which fit through her vagina.

I don’t know about you but that’s just about all the trivia and facts about sex I’ll ever need.  It’s scary to think that most of what you just read is factual and many of these people are still alive, well, and active. This should take care of any future requests for odd sexual facts for a very long time.

07-24-2013   3 comments

Yesterday I was out and about running errands and enjoying the sunshine and cooler weather.  It was a perfect day to people watch and I dedicated a large portion of my time to doing just that.

It always amazes me just how much interaction with others occurs while waiting in line at register checkouts. For  me these checkouts seems to have taken the place of those good old water cooler conversations of the past.  Being in line forces us to allow others into our private zone where conversation and observation are almost unavoidable.  Normally this circumstance is a pain in the butt but yesterday it was a little different.

The store was jammed with people.  Tourists as always were underfoot and it seemed like every household in the state  had family members grocery shopping.  Kids were running around, people chatting in the aisles, and a general air of enjoyment which I thought was a little unusual.  As I stood in the checkout line the women directly in front of me was placing her purchases on the counter while her daughter (2 or 3 years old) sat quietly in the shopping cart.  She was sitting there in her cute little dress and she was people watching as well.  Young babies are notorious for flirting and this little girl was no different.   She was looking around and smilingly at everyone while she waited patiently for her Mom to checkout.

For some reason she turned quickly around and began to stare at me.  I looked back and smiled but she just continued staring.  She seemed fascinated by my mustache and started feeling her own upper lip with her finger. All of a sudden she began to laugh.  You know that kind of infectious laugh that seems to move from person to person in a group and eventually everyone is howling.  This tiny little girl couldn’t stop laughing.  I know I can be funny looking but she just laughed loud and long and before I realized it everyone in our line and the adjoining lines were laughing as well. The more we laughed the more she laughed and I have to say it was one of the more pleasant moments I’ve experienced in many months.  More than a few of us in the general vicinity were laughing so hard we were crying.  As her mother pushed their cart away that little sweetheart was waving and laughing all the way out the door.  Everyone was waving back and smiling and as she disappeared from sight we began talking together about how cute she was.

It was like the earth stood still for just a moment and all our defenses had evaporated.  We came together as a group and shared a special moment. I’m sure that many of the people standing near that child will remember that  experience for a very long time, I know I will.

At what age do we lose that child-like wonder that made that little lady so damn innocent and real.  An emotional genuineness we could all use a great deal more of.  A person could change the world forever if he or she could find a way to bottle and sell that.  I hope that little girl holds onto that honesty and sincerity for many years to come but  I suspect that won’t be the case. After she’s been exposed to the realities of life for a few years she’s sure to becomes more jaded and politically correct and I feel bad for her already.

For a moment she was a bright light that created a special moment in time that our select group of people was lucky enough to witness and be a part of. Every time I think I about it I can’t help but smile again.

5-29-2013   2 comments

I’ve never had the opportunity to raise an infant and I think that’s why it fascinates me so much.  I’ve been around infants a few times in my life but never for a long periods of time. I was always a little intimidated by babies because I had no clue how to approach them or care for them.  They were more like little lumps of a person who couldn’t speak and in some cases couldn’t’ even focus their eyes.  I won’t even get  into the hazards of diaper changing and other cleanup chores.

When my ex-wife and I decided to adopt she was interested in adopting two sibling sisters under the age of six.  I was thinking to myself, OMFG, what am I going to do.  That adoption didn’t work out but luckily we later adopted a twelve year old boy.  I breathed a huge sigh of relief and our life proceeded forward.

Many years have passed and at this late date I guess I’m making up for lost time.  My better-half’s grandson who just turned six months old has become a huge part of my life.  After watching his growth and development I can’t wait until he starts speaking.  I can tell he already has things to say but just hasn’t figured out how yet.  It won’t be long now and I’m actually looking forward to really meeting him for the first time with sound and words.

During my surfing on the net I found this collection of assorted quotations from kids under the age of six which made me smile.  That’s what I like about young children, they speak their truth.  I hope you enjoy them as much as I did.  Just picture that cute little child standing in front of you with those innocent eyes and speaking the following:

  • Dear God, I read the bible. What does "beget" mean? Nobody will tell me.
  • The wind is like the air, only pushier.
  • One horsepower is the amount of energy it takes to drag a horse 500 feet in one second.
  • You can listen to thunder after lightning and tell how close you came to getting hit. If you don’t hear it, you got hit, so never mind.
  • The law of gravity says no fair jumping up without coming back down.
  • Lime is a green-tasting rock.
  • Many dead animals in the past changed to fossils, while others preferred to be oil.
  • Dear God, My brother told me how babies are born but it just doesn’t sound right. What do you say?
  • Genetics explain why you look like your father, and if you don’t why you should.
  • In looking at a drop of water under a microscope, we find there are twice as many H’s as O’s.
  • Clouds are high flying fogs.
  • Water vapor gets together in a cloud. When it is big enough to be called a drop, it does.
  • Cyanide is so poisonous that one drop of it on a dog’s tongue will kill the strongest man.
  • Dear God, My Grandpa says you were around when he was a little boy. How far back do you go?
  • A blizzard is when it snows sideways.
  • I’m being haive! — 2 year old son, when his mother told him told to behave.
  • Dear God, Thank you for the baby brother but what I asked for was a puppy. You can look it up.
  • A hurricane is a breeze of a bigly size.
  • Dear God, Is it true my father won’t get in Heaven if he uses his golf words in the house?
  • Daddy picked them up and looked underneath. I think it’s printed on the bottom. — 3 year old son, when his mother asked how his father knew the genders of four new baby kittens
  • I had a fraction in my neck and had to go to the hospital for a long time.
  • Dear God, Please put another holiday between Christmas and Easter. There’s nothing good there now.
  • Mommy, you said it would be a shot; instead it was a needle!
  • And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us some email.

In another few months these types of statements and questions will become a part of my life and I pray to God I can come up with the proper answers.   It could go either way.

05-11-2013   2 comments

It’s time again for another installment of totally useless information.  If you remember all of these tidbits after reading this blog for a year you’ll be declared an Unofficial Trivial Pursuit Expert. Even that game doesn’t include some of the strange and useless stuff found here.

My search will continue to find as many of these stupid and useless facts as possible and forward them along for your amusement.  We humans are a strange folk as reflected by the following:

  • Did you know you share your birthday with at least 9 other million people in the world?
  • Americans on the average eat 18 acres of pizza every day.
  • Every time you lick a stamp, you’re consuming 1/10 of a calorie.
  • Babies are born without knee caps. They don’t appear until the child reaches 2-6 years of age.
  • In every episode of Seinfeld there is a Superman somewhere.
  • If Barbie were life-size her measurements would be 39-23-33. She would stand seven feet, two inches tall and have a neck twice the length of a normal human’s neck.
  • The Pentagon, in Arlington, Virginia, has twice as many bathrooms as is necessary.
  • During your lifetime, you’ll eat about 60,000 pounds of food, that’s the weight of about 6 elephants.
  • There are more plastic flamingos in the U.S, than real ones.
  • More people use blue toothbrushes, than red ones.
  • Lightning strikes about 6,000 times per minute on this planet.
  • The average American/Canadian drinks about 600 sodas a year.
  • Humans blink over 10,000,000 times a year.
  • In the year 2000, Pope John Paul II was named an "Honorary Harlem Globetrotter”.
  • Every second, Americans collectively eat one hundred pounds of chocolate.
  • A person uses approximately fifty-seven sheets of toilet paper each day.
  • In 32 years. there are about 1 billion seconds.
  • Baby robins eat 14 feet of earthworms every day.
  • Michael Jordan makes more money from Nike annually than all of the Nike factory workers in Malaysia combined.
  • If you fart consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
  • Men are 6 times more likely to be struck by lightning than women.
  • A toothpick is the object most often choked on by Americans.
  • Every 45 seconds, a house catches on fire in the United States.
  • The average ice berg weighs 20,000,000 tons.
  • A lump of pure gold the size of a matchbox can be flattened into a sheet the size of a tennis court.

I think my favorite from this list is Pope John Paul II becoming an honorary Harlem Globetrotter.  It’s funny on a number of levels and I can just picture him, robes flapping, doing a Michael Jordan flight to the basket for a truly holy dunk.

04-11-2013   Leave a comment

It’s raining here in Maine this morning and I’m hoping it’s Mother Nature’s last and final gasp of the winter.  Listening to the weather forecasts for the last few days was too depressing for words.  They were calling for sleet and a few inches of snow this morning but thankfully they were mistaken.  A light coating of sleet that melted away almost immediately is something I can live with.

My better-half was up early to deliver her son to the bus station.  He visited us for three days but now is on his way to somewhere in NY state for the wedding of one of his friends and then back to Los Angeles.

I was wondering to myself before his arrival just how he’d react to the new grand baby.  It was fun watching the transformation from being my better-half’s son to the uncle of his younger sister’s baby boy.  Babies have that special ability to take you out of yourself and your everyday worries and to really enjoy the moment you’re having with them.  He was totally disarmed by the whole experience and found himself swept away by the baby and the new relationship they had begun to build.  It showed a side of him I’d never seen before and I was glad to see it emerge. He was able to spend a lot of time with the baby and the bond between them was strongly made.

Things should quickly get back to what we call normal around here.  Getting ready for Spring and the garden are at the top of our To Do List for the next few weeks.  I’ll be off to Lowes to purchase paint and primer this week and hopefully the new room will done by midweek next week.  If I time things just right I should be able to put the finishing touches to the room and then immediately move outside and get busy with the yard cleanup and garden prep.

We’ve already started talking about a few weekend photography trips to the northern part of the state.  The Attagash region is a few hours north of here and is truly a beautiful place to visit.  Hundreds of lakes, small and large, surrounded by thick and dense forests.  Wildlife is plentiful with a million opportunities for excellent photographs.  I love getting away from all the trouble with the economy, politics, TV, talking heads, cell phones, and any other BS you can think of.  Peace, quiet, wilderness, and calm.  It beats any kind of drug you can find anywhere.

11-11-2012   3 comments

This is my day for doing a little thinking and enjoying my few hours of quiet time. 2012 has been an interesting year for me primarily because of the pregnancy of my better-half’s daughter and the birth of her first child. It’s the first time in many years that I’ve had the pleasure of watching someone close to me develop for the full nine months and then to be present in the hospital for the birth of the child. Watching her steadily increasing size was interesting but the thing that really grabbed me was the movements of the baby during that last trimester.

I recall a sunny afternoon on our deck last summer where she and I were enjoying the day and as we were speaking I could see her shirt moving as  the baby reacted to her voice. She then proceeded to push on her belly to move him around a bit to make things more more comfortable. I haven’t been closely involved with any pregnant women for more years than I care to think about and I was surprised by my own reaction. I told her that it was creepy and gave me goose-bumps. I then asked how it really felt to feel that little body moving around inside her.   She gently took the time to explain to me in some detail what she was feeling and how excited she was about the upcoming birth. It takes a lot to touch me but she did. To see her so happy and excited moved me more than I thought possible. Just a short time ago she was a young, inexperienced college student trying to find her way in this world.  Just a few short years later she’s a teacher, a wife, and soon to be a mother.  Amazing. As we were sitting in the waiting room in the hospital a few months later I thought about that moment on the deck and just smiled. She was now in the birthing room going through something I could never experience or understand and she couldn’t wait to get there.

Our new little man made his grand entrance on schedule and he’s doing exceptionally well at the grand old age of four weeks?  I’m really looking forward to the day when he and I can sit on that same deck and I can tell him this story.

And one more thing before I go.  If we men were responsible for child bearing and had to go through nine months of what most women do, the planet would be free of human beings.  Just saying.

Posted November 13, 2012 by Every Useless Thing in Just Saying

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