With all this heat and rain along with the damn pandemic I’ve discovered just how many things there are that annoy me. I won’t complain about wearing masks or being locked in my home like a prisoner because those things are absolutely necessary. As I began to compile my list it just kept growing and growing. Here they are.
People who wait in a long checkout lines and then can’t find their checkbook or credit card.
People who are constantly late (I hate them).
Commercials that are so much louder than the TV shows.
Grocery shopping carts with a bad wheel.
People who chit-chat with a cashier when there’s a long line behind them waiting and waiting.
TV shows and commercial ads with ringing phones, which make you think the sound is coming from your house.
Waiters/waitresses with dirty fingernails.
TV shows where people are speaking to Alexa which in turn has my Alexa bugging me.
The more I think about this list the longer it gets. I’m going to keep on rolling and hopefully I’ll find the end.
Stepping on a wet spot with my socks on.
Drivers who won’t turn right on red.
Being asked for my account number after I already entered it using the keypad on my phone.
Celebrities preaching to me about politics or anything else.
People saying “What’s up?” instead of saying “hi or hello”.
The lame-ass naming of celebrity couples.
Suburban kids who think they’re gangstas.
Rappers who thank God and their mothers at awards ceremonies.
Still going strong but I seem to be feeling a little better by unburdening myself like this.
When someone blows their nose in your presence and then proceeds to look at the results.
Flood pants on men (even stupid hipsters).
People who don’t listen when you are talking to them.
Using the toilet paper down to the last few squares without getting a new roll.
People abbreviating words when they speak (Rachael Ray).
Rude people talking at movies (you know who you are).
Barking dogs.
Having to explain the same thing more than once to the same person.
People who don’t flush the toilet.
When coffee spills out of the top drinking hole of your cup at Dunkin Donuts.
Anyone who can’t speak a complete sentence without using the word “like” five or six times.
People who can’t use any pronoun except the word “dude”.
People who are constantly touching their genitals (men and boys).
People who bring babies to movie theaters.
I’ve got to stop this foolishness. If I add just one more item to this list I’ll start annoying myself and for some reason that just seems wrong. I think it’s time for all of you to make your own list. It’s annoying that you haven’t completed one already.
This post was originally offered early in 2012 when I first started blogging for everyuselessthing. This list of questions I answered back then were an attempt by me to introduce myself to new readers. To see the original answers will require that you to search through my archives but the answers will be much the same now as they were then.
I want my readers to understand me. It’s the wish of almost every other human being on the planet that someone “gets us”. I’m going to list one hundred really stupid and simple questions and then post my answers. If you read them all and then bundle them into one huge ball of useless information, you just might have a better understanding of me. It may work or it may not but you’ll never know until you give it a try. To test it further ask a friend, lover, or family member to answer them. You might be surprised to find out they’re not exactly the person you thought. Here we go.
1. Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed? Open.
2. Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from hotel? Yes.
3:Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out?Tucked out.
4:Have you ever stolen a street sign? Yes
5:Do you like to use post-it notes? Yes
6:Do you cut out coupons but then never use them? No, I hate coupons.
7:Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of a bees? Bees, at least I’d survive.
8:Do you have freckles? A few scattered here and there.
9:Do you always smile for pictures? No, I hate being photographed.
10:What is your biggest pet peeve? People who talk-over me while in conversation.
11:Do you ever count your steps when you walk? Almost always.
12:Have you ever peed in the woods? Yes, it’s the best.
13:What about pooped in the woods? I have but it’s unpleasant.
14:Do you ever dance even if there’s no music playing? Only when I’m alone.
15:Do you chew your pens and pencils? Only pencils.
16:How many people have you slept with this week? Does my cat count? If she does then “2”.
17:What size is your bed? Queen.
18:What is your Song of the week? Marvin Gaye – Charlie Puth
19:Is it okay for guys to wear pink? Yes.
20:Do you still watch cartoons? Almost never.
21:What’s your least favorite movie? Anything with Will Ferrell in it.
22:Where would you bury hidden treasure if you had some? None of your business. It’s called ‘hidden treasure’ for a reason.
23:What do you drink with dinner? Seltzer Water or wine.
24:What do you dip a chicken nugget in? Ketchup.
25:What is your favorite food? Hamburgers.
26:What movies could you watch over and over and still love? Anything prior to 1950.
27:Last person you kissed/kissed you? My better-half.
28:Were you ever a boy/girl scout? Yes.
29:Would you ever strip or pose nude in a magazine? No, it might scare people.
30:When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper? 1990.
31:Can you change the oil on a car? Yes.
32:Ever gotten a speeding ticket? Oh yeah.
33:Ever ran out of gas? Once in 1975.
34:Favorite kind of sandwich? BLT, with lots of B.
35:Best thing to eat for breakfast? Bacon, eggs, toast, and coffee.
36:What is your usual bedtime? 11 PM.
37:Are you lazy? No.
38:When you were a kid, what did you dress up as for Halloween? At 45, I was Woody Allen.
39. Who is your favorite dead singer? Amy Winehouse
Loved Her
40:How many languages can you speak? 1.5
41:Do you have any magazine subscriptions? Yes, one.
42:Which are better Legos or Lincoln logs? Legos.
43:Are you stubborn?Yes.
44:Who is better…Leno or Letterman? Johnny Carson.
45:Ever watch soap operas? I used to.
46:Are you afraid of heights? Not really, no.
47:Do you sing in the car? Sometimes.
48:Do you sing in the shower? No.
49: Do you sleep clothed or naked? Naked.
50:Ever used a gun? Yes.
51:Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer? I was two years old.
52:Do you think musicals are cheesy? Some are, some not.
53:Is Christmas stressful? Yes, it’s a pain in the ass.
54:Ever eat a pierogi? Hundreds of times, Yummmm!
55:Favorite type of fruit pie? Apple.
56:Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid? Archeologist.
57:Do you believe in ghosts? No.
58:Ever have a Deja-vu feeling? Yes.
59:Take a vitamin daily? Yes.
60:Wear slippers? Yes.
61:Wear a bath robe? Yes.
62: How old were you when you lost your virginity? 14.
63:First concert? Harry Chapin.
64:Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart? Walmart, to people watch.
65:Nike or Adidas? Dr. Scholl
66:Cheetos Or Fritos? Cape Cod Potato Chips.
67:Peanuts or Sunflower seeds? Cashews.
68:Ever hear of the group Tres Bien? Hell no.
69:Ever take dance lessons? Yes. as a kid, 3 years.
70:Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing? No, there won’t be a future spouse.
71:Can you curl your tongue? Yes, and I know how to use it too.
72:Ever won a spelling bee? No.
73:Have you ever cried because you were so happy? Yes, at my divorce hearing.
74:Own any record albums? Yes, vinyl and CD’s.
75:Own a record player?Yes.
76:Regularly burn incense? Yes.
77:Ever been in love? Yes.
78:Who would you like to see in concert? Celine Dion.
79:How many tattoos do you have? Six small ones.
80:Hot tea or cold tea? Hot.
81:Tea or coffee? Coffee.
82:Sugar or snickerdoodles? Sweet’n’Low
83:Can you swim well? Yes.
84:Can you hold your breath without holding your nose? Yes.
85:Are you patient? Not really.
86:DJ or band, at a wedding? DJ.
87:Ever won a contest? Yes.
88:Ever have plastic surgery? No.
89:Which are better black or green olives? Green.
90:Can you knit or crochet? Neither.
91:Best room for a fireplace? Bed room.
92:Do you want to get married? Never again.
93. Do you wear glasses? Yes.
94:Who was your HS crush? Beth.
95:Do you ever cry and throw a fit until you get your own way? Only as an infant.
96:Do you have kids? Yes.
97:Do you want kids? No more thank you very much.
98:What’s your favorite color? Blue.
99:Do you miss anyone right now? Yes.
100: Have you ever been stung by a bee? Yes.
* * *
There you have it. My screwed up and over-explained personality in a nutshell. Remove a few of these questions and add your own. Personalize it as much as you think is necessary. Then have a few of your friends compete the questions and invite them over for a few bottles of wine and a group discussion. It might be a great deal of fun but even if it isn’t make sure you’re serving a really good wine.
I’m holding an intervention for myself today concerning my lifelong addiction to all things science fiction. I’m not proud of that obsession because I’m not entirely sure that it hasn’t been a monumental waste of my time.
I was born in 1946 and was eleven years old when Sputnik made it’s famous flight on 10/04/57. My entire young life consisted of satellites, cosmonauts, astronauts, rocket ships, space travel, and the creation of NASA. Up to and including the Mercury and Apollo programs and eventually the moon landings. I was enthralled and spent a great deal of my spare time reading everything I could lay my hands on about science fiction and space travel. Over the years I’ve read hundreds of novels and scientific journals and attempted to stay up to speed with NASA, its failures, deaths, and many successes. Many years later I was finally forced to admit that sci-fi for me breaks down into two parts. Technology on one hand and space exploration on the other to include all of the craziness and misinformation on UFO’s and alien visitations. Technology continues apace and many things I read or thought about as a kid are slowing becoming commonplace. But continuing technological improvements are man-made wonders and unrelated to the science fiction that I’m interested in.
The UFO phenomenon is a sticky subject that’s been bastardized by numerous authors and movie makers. I suspect the vast majority of information contained in them is nothing more than exaggerated fiction aimed at increasing ratings and/or ticket sales. I gave up on live TV years ago and became somewhat taken with Netflix and other streaming services. That’s when I became overwhelmed with an ungodly number of videos and movies concerning UFO’s. I made a point to watch everyone I could find hoping that there might be a shred of evidence that could convince me that UFO’s were real and visitations to this planet were occurring. Sadly I found nothing at all that convinced me of anything.
It seems that a group of well funded and fervent believers reappear in most of the videos repeating their theories and suppositions. Believe me, I would love it if aliens decided to visit. But to believe the outlandish nonsense in these videos does more to convince me that it’s all so much BS and hucksterism. Most of the contributors on Facebook and other social media lead their posts with outlandish headlines to sucker us into reading further. It’s just more nonsense and half truths.
I have some serious questions about all of this UFO nonsense but the answers I’m getting are mostly silly and ridiculous. It seems highly unlikely to me that any aliens from an advanced civilization should certainly be able to fly their ships around this planet without crashing them in virtually every country. Most countries seem to have a Roswell type incident of their own and a crash sight to keep their conspiracy theorists busy. With that many crashes there’s no way any one government could retrieve and hide every single scrap of evidence. Most governments can’t operate anything without screwing it up. Why would this circumstance be any different. Why would we want their technology anyway if they can’t even keep them in the air. More silliness and nonsense.
I’ll be convinced aliens are here when I see a scene as seen in the 1950’s movie, The Day the Earth Stood Still. A giant alien ship landing on the White House lawn looking to chat with the President. Hopefully not Biden. Until then I am a disappointed unbeliever.
I seem to be having something of an identity crisis these days. We as a people insist on labeling damn near everything and everybody we come in contact with. I have no idea why that is but I’m beginning to feel left out. I was tagged with the Baby Boomer handle many years ago and never thought it was all that accurate or even “cool”.
Then comes the Generation X, or Gen X Americans born between the mid-1960s and the early-1980s. They were the newly crowned “cool” generation until just recently when the Millennials began taking over the spottlight on social media. They are the current darlings of the media and I’m not sure why exactly.
As I sit here in my favorite chair (a boomer specialty), I’m trying to come up with a way I can climb out of the Boomer ranks and once again become part of the “cool” generation. There must be a few Millennial’s out there who can explain to me how I can make the change. I want to become what could be called a Senior Millennial in training. I’ll return soon after I do some research ……
It’s been a few hours since the last paragraph was written and I’ve been in constant contact with a few of the more forward thinking Millennial’s that I know. They agreed to assist me in compiling a list of things I must do and trends I must partake of to meet their high standards for membership. The first requirement was to always have a truly authentic fake smirk on my face any time the terms Baby Boomers or Gen Xer’s are mentioned. I put on my best smarmy face, made a couple of wise cracks about middle aged or old people, and stopped at a Starbucks for a half-caf, soy milk mocha latte, with just a hint of cinnamon sprinkled on top. I passed their temporary entry exam and was immediately supplied with this list of 20 things I must do to gain admittance into their “cool” generation:
Buy some overly tight skinny jeans.
Make friends with at least four hipsters.
Make friends with at least four hipsters.
Eat no sugar.
Eat no sugar.
Eat no carbs.
Get a good job with high pay working less than 10 hrs per week.
No more cooking…takeout is the rule. With delivery of course.
Hash-tags and Emogis whenever possible.
Amazon is God,
Have a minimum of 5 social media accounts.
Abbreviate as many words as possible to as few letters as possible:
OMG = Oh My God LOL = Laugh Out Loud LMAO = Laughing My A** Off JK = Just Kidding BRB = Be Right Back NVM = Never Mind TTYL = Talk to You Later NBD = No Big Deal TBH = To Be Honest JOMO = Joy of Missing Out (opposite of FOMO) BAE = Before Anyone Else TFW = That Feeling When TMW = That Moment When SMH = Shaking My Head V = Very (“I’m v excited”) P = Pretty (“I’m p excited”) WYD = What (Are) You Doing MCM = Man Candy Monday WCW = Woman Crush Wednesday RN = Right Now TN = Tonight BC = Because Thx = Thanks @ = At (but used in a sentence, not in an email address) L8 = Late OMW = On My Way Bye = Get Out of Town (girl, bye) OOTD = Outfit of the Day (akin to SOTD, Shoes of the Day and POTD, Photo of the Day) FTW = For The Win HBU = How About You WBU = What About You FWIW = For What It’s Worth YOLO = You Only Live Once BTW = By The Way ICYMI = In Case You Missed It TY = Thank You YW = You’re Welcome IDC = I Don’t Care FB = Facebook IG = Instagram SM = Social Media DM = Direct Message (like on Twitter: “dm me”) TBT = Throwback Thursday FBF = Flashback Friday NSFW = Not Safe For Work LMK = Let Me Know HMU = Hit Me Up RT = Retweet IRL = In Real Life TIL = Today I Learned IMO or IMHO = In My Opinion or In My Humble Opinion:-):-P
After reading all of that nonsense I’ve decided your generation is not for me. To much BS to deal with and life’s way too damn short. I’ll be around in ten years or so when the next generation of self-rightous windbags take over. I’ll be more than happy to help all of you in readjusting to the new reality.
Over the years I’ve wasted a great deal of my valuable time and efforts arguing about politics and political strategy. How stupid am I? Don’t answer that. It always feels good at first when your spewing your expert opinions to anyone who will listen. Fifty percent of them listen politely, smile, and later talk about what a bore you’ve become. The other fifty percent listen politely, wait until you’ve stopped talking, and then begin filling the air with their opinions and nonsense. They’ve listened to none of your ideas but waited patiently for you to shut up. You just gotta hate those A Type personalities.
I’ve always enjoyed finding and reading quotations from deceased politicians and a very few politically deceased politicians. Some are inciteful but many are not. The current hoard of elected officials never have quotes that are even a tiny bit interesting. Realizing that has forced me to find some lesser known politicians and journalists with quotes from the past that could actually impart some information that’s worth reading. You may not recognize some of the names but the quotes will speak for themselves.
“A politician must often talk and act before he has thought and read.” Thomas Babbington (1859)
“A politician thinks of the next election; a statesman thinks of the next generation.” James F. Clark (1888)
“Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man, and our politicians take advantage of this prejudice by pretending to be even more stupid than nature made them.
Bertrand Russell (1951)
“The press conference is a politician’s way of being informative without saying anything. Should he accidently say something, he has at his side a press officer who immediately explains it away by “clarifying” it.”
Emery Kelen (1960)
“Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.” Groucho Marx (1977)
“I offer my opponents a bargain: if they will stop telling lies about us, I will stop telling the truth about them.
Adlai Stevenson (1952)
These kinds of quotations were once plentiful but no longer. With newspapers losing readership there’s much less chance of any pearls of wisdom making the headlines. It’s truly a damn shame. Here’s one last and extremely old quote which remains as true today as it did in 1947.
“Politicians . . . rise predominantly from . . . the “lower middle class””; most are self-made men . . .; most depend on their political jobs for a livelihood and most have little time, inclination, of opportunity for adult education; hence the dominating qualities of so many are greed, vulgarity, attention to special interest, avarice, and selfishness.
I’m a huge internet rat and have been for years. I’ve seen ten thousand things I like and unfortunately a hundred thousand things I hate. Facebook has been going downhill in recent years in my humble opinion. I understand their need to continually come up with things to maintain and increase their numbers but come on . . . .
This recent rash of postings with people standing around with an arm load of signs attempting to take up as much of my time as possible to deliver a message to some blindfolded idiot. The individuals standing there being blindfolded and videoed are just sooooooooooo surprised and amazed. FAKE…FAKE…FAKE
Add to that the BS drama of outing a cheating partner or spouse with dozens of stupid flash cards makes me want to scream. It’s obvious to me that the ridiculous sign gimmick is just being used to increase their face time on-line. While some of them are somewhat believable the great majority are just LAME. Add into that all of the cheesy marriage proposals and I immediately feel the need to hurl.
Just as a side note: I’m a proud veteran who served for years. I don’t mind seeing the return-home videos but it has become ridiculous. People are posting happy returns from someone who served for 6 months in a training situation. As with everything on Facebook, these fads run their course after a time and become silly.
2d Side Note: Someone should make a universal announcement to the planet that the old and very stupid gimmick of wrapping a present in an endless number of packages became overused in the 1970’s. It’s just like bell bottom pants and platform shoes. SO OVER !!!!!
I expect nothing of importance from Facebook anyway so it’s hard to disappoint me. This crap will continue to clog the internet and drive any normal person mad.
Nothing prompts me to write a post as much as the letter I just received from Joe “Don’t Wake Me” Biden. He was just sending out millions of copies of that letter to advise all of us stimulus check recipients of how hard he worked to make it happen. Since most of the stimulus work was begun under Trump I thought he was being just a bit disingenuous. I wasn’t particularly surprised because he IS the ultimate long term politician. Any politician worth his salt would immediately try to steal the thunder of another. It’s a standard political move and to guys like Biden it’s just reflex. He is a decades long expert.
If you’ve followed this blog at all then you should be aware that I have little or no use for any political party or politician. Actually I really love it when they spend so much of their precious time calling each other names and creating an endless supply of stupid do-nothing committees. The more gridlock we have the better. Gridlock means they aren’t passing more legislation to take money out of my pocket.
Keeping in mind what I’ve just written, I’m proposing a new and exciting political strategy that I’ll be sending to Donald Trump. Since he is so hated by the political left and the endless number of Republicans that want to be Democrats, he just might be receptive. In preparation for the next presidential campaign I’m proposing that Trump resign from the GOP and sign himself up as a viable Democratic voter. He could then spend the next four years driving the Democratic party crazy and creating as much havoc as possible. They hate him so much they would lose their minds and most of their emphasis on the election hoping to get Trump the hell out their party. While that’s going on the GOP could run Mickey Mouse for president and probably win.
In my humble opinion Trump has little or no chance to be reelected but he is a such a epic hell-raiser he could do more damage to the democrats than he was able to do as a Republican president. The effects could last for decades and I want to be around to watch the fun. The worst case scenario would be that he wins the presidency as a Democratic candidate and OMG do I want to be around for that.
After the last eighteen months of my illness there are many things that I’ve really missed. The Pandemic being the least of them. With all of the various surgeries, cancer, and chemotherapy dominating my every thought I’ve come to appreciate a long list of many little things that I took for granted for most of my life. The adage “Stop and Smell the Roses” suddenly means something. I’m glad I still have time left to really appreciate each and every one of them.
Spending an hour or two totally lost in a painting.
Spending time over the last few years watching two grandsons becoming thinking and intelligent little men.
Realizing after all these years just how precious these days have come to mean to me while sitting on the deck with my better-half enjoying the first sunshine of Spring.
Relaxing and sipping a Jack and Coke that I’m finally able to have now that my newly rebuilt liver permits it.
Being able to bitch and complain about anything that irks me and not giving a good damn about what people think.
Enjoying all of the freedoms that come with old age that you can’t really appreciate until you get here.
You can thank my better-half and three glasses of Jack and Coke for this posting. Maybe it will give those of you approaching the AARP age of fifty that it’s not quite as bad as you might think. When you’re given lemons make lemonade but make sure you have some Jack Daniels in it.
As a followup to my last post I offer a new anagram for all members of the Apathy Party to use if they so choose. I’ve created it in response to my better-half and her constant barrage of trivial information she insists on throwing my way. This is my polite way of dealing with that touchy situation.
I = I
D = Don’t
C = Care
I’ve begun using it a lot and the more I use it the more I like it. I’ve also been trying it out on other citizens like cashiers and sales people. Most want to know what it means but refuse to ask. The ones that do ask just think they want to know. They see absolutely no humor in it once they find out.
It’s the ultimate kiss-off answer for just about anything you don’t want to hear or discuss. I also have a another similar anagram that I use only for truly rude or ignorant peolple, I.D.F.C. You can figure that one out for yourself. You officially have my permission to use both anagrams as often as possible especially when dealing with politicians or just plain folks who insist on offering up their own bizarre opinions. Pass it along to your family and friends for their use as well. Be careful though, they may unexpectedly use them against you.
I mentioned in yesterday’s post that maybe we should start a third political party in this country. Nothing as stupid as Ross Perot and his “United We Stand” group or the ever-so tedious “Tea Party” group. If the Apathy Party is to be taken seriously they will need specific types of candidates. Those who have no political axe to grind, no great love for politicians in general, and people who’ve stopped voting in disgust. People with a big enough following of like minded, pissed off, and apathetic citizens would probably out number both the Democratic and Republican parties at the polls.
I realize that fighting the current system is almost an impossibility but if a landslide victory is big enough it could change things forever in this country. Over the course of a few election cycles the Apathetic’s could run for every office available, down to the lowest common denominater. From dog catchers to presidential candidates. If they get on the ballot there should be more than enough apathetic voters to sweep them into office. Then our presidential candidate would also be swept into office to begin getting the court systems and political systems doing what they were meant to do by the founding fathers. The Media would automatically fall into line when it’s determined that the apathetic population will abandon any outlet that tries to regress to an unacceptable position.
Big Media and Big Business are as we all know the same beast but with two heads. The effects of an apathetic majority would naturally begin to effect their advertising revenues as well as their retail profits. They wouldn’t hesitate to abandon any politicians that couldn’t keep their coffers full. They’re all about the effing Benjamins after all.
I need to give this entire approach a little more thought. I think I’m starting to get excited . . . I’d call that getting a political woodie.
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