These are 10 items that are truly miscellaneous. As I gather all of my trivia together there are always a few things that can’t be categorized, and I thought I’d share some of them with you today. Here they are . . .
Charles E Weller is best known for a single sentence he created, “Now is the time for all good men to come to the aid of their party.” It was invented for use as a typing exercise.
The original name of the Girl Scouts was the “Girl Guides’.
Robert L. Ripley was the first person inducted into the National Trivia Hall of Fame in 1980.
Did you know that the only two letters that are not on a telephone are the Q & Z.
The initials M. G. On the famous British automobile stand for the Morris Garage.
It was in 153 B.C. the Romans first marked January 1st as the beginning of the new year.
How many of you know that the group motto for the Salvation Army is “Blood & Fire”?
The middle day of a non-leap year year is July 2nd. There’s 182 days before it, and 182 after it.
Did you know that Leonardo da Vinci, Winston Churchill, Albert Einstein, Thomas Edison and Gen. George Patton were dyslexic?
In 1871 the rickshaw was invented by American Baptist missionary Jonathan Goble. He had a Japanese carpenter build the original rickshaw for his invalid wife in Yokohama.
I thought I would try something different today. We all love limericks mostly because they can be naughty, dirty, and lewd and yet still funny. I’ve made a point of posting a number of limericks in recent weeks written by children that were Rated G and they were well received. I’m going to take it another step further today by introducing you to a number of limericks written by adults for children (circa 1965). They are clean and clever and funny. Most kids love or hate school, so let’s make these limericks about school and college. I hope you enjoy them.
I thought a little silliness would be in order on this slow Sunday. I’m expecting a gorgeous warm and sunny day for a change, and I plan to enjoy the hell out of it. Here are a few things that might tickle your funny bone.
RETRO BUMPER STICKERS
I MAY BE FAT BUT YOUR UGLY
!@#!*&$%
GO AHEAD, MAKE MY DAY
THERE ARE 3 KINDS OF PEOPLE: THOSE WHO MAKE THINGS HAPPEN; THOSE WHO WATCH WHAT HAPPENS; AND THOSE WHO WONDER WHAT HAPPENED.
And finally, more dumb-ass crooks. This one explains how not to handle dangerous weapons.
In Wichita, Kan., police officers staking out a convenience store inadvertently unnerved two men parked innocently at an adjacent liquor store. According to police, a 19- year-old man in the car had a gun and thought that since police officers were nearby, he ought to get rid of it, but in the process of pulling it out of his pocket, he accidentally fired one round, which hit him in the leg, went through the front seat, and hit his 20-year-old companion. According to police Capt. Paul Dotson, the officers on stakeout, who had until then ignored the liquor store, had their attention engaged by the gunshot and the gun owner’s limping out of the car and throwing the gun over a fence. The shooter was charged with illegal possession of a firearm, and his companion was treated at a hospital and released without charges.
There are many things I really love but in particular two should be mentioned. The first is sarcasm and without it I’d be an empty shell of a man. The second thing I love is a person. I’ve been a huge fan of Samuel L. Clemens or as he’s better-known, Mark Twain, since I learned how to read his writings. He was the master of using humor and sarcasm to explain his feelings about almost everything. What follows is his famous War-Prayer. If I had my way this prayer would be posted in every government building on the planet, especially in Russia, and be mandatory reading for any person seeking or holding an advanced military rank. War is truly hell.
Samuel Langhorne Clemens (November 30, 1835 – April 21, 1910), was an American writer, humorist, entrepreneur, publisher, and lecturer. He was lauded as the “greatest humorist the United States has produced”.
The War Prayer
“O Lord our Father, our young patriots, idols of our hearts, go forth to battle — be Thou near them! With them — in spirit — we also go forth from the sweet peace of our beloved firesides to smite the foe. O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it — for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts.
A few days ago, I was digging around in the garage and going through some old boxes of what I thought were useless items. I came upon a book that was printed in 1985 which contained a host of one-liner raunchy jokes along with a few truly stupid riddles. Since a few of my family members continue to mumble and grumble about some of the so-called tasteless limericks I post, let’s see what they think about a few of these “oldies but goodies”.
What happens if a guaranteed condom breaks? The guarantee runs out!
How do dogs make love? Everybody nose!
Why did they name the new feminine hygiene spray ” S.S.Y.”? Because it takes the “PU” out of pussy!
Why did Donald Duck divorce Daisy? Her quack was too big!
What’s better than watching a girl wrestle? Seeing her box!
What’s a French chastity belt? A catcher’s mask!
Who’s the world’s greatest athlete? A guy who finishes first and third in a masturbation contest!
What’s the definition of a lady? Someone who doesn’t smoke, doesn’t drink, and only curses when it slips out!
Why did the Greek take his wife on his business trip? Because he couldn’t leave her behind alone!
What’s the difference between a counterfeit dollar bill and a skinny girl? A counterfeit dollar bill is a phony buck!
Well, there you have ten of some of the worst jokes I’ve ever heard. Everybody’s always saying how much they loved the “good old days”, but not me. I think it’s time to take this book and put it back in the box in the garage and hopefully in ten more years maybe it will be funny, but I doubt it.
I thought today we might start the month of June with a collection of limericks. This is what can be called a double dose because these limericks were written about limericks. I know it sounds confusing, but you’ll get the gist once you start reading. Enjoy . . .
The limerick packs laughs anatomical
Into space that is quite economical.
But the good ones I’ve seen
So seldom are clean,
And the clean ones so seldom are comical.
😷😷😷
If you find for your verse there’s no call,
And you can’t afford paper at all,
For the poet, true born,
However forlorn,
There’s always the lavatory wall.
😉😉😉
The limericks callous and crude,
It’s morals distressingly lewd.
It’s not worth the reading
By persons of breeding,
It’s designed for us vulgar and rude.
🥴🥴🥴
Oh limericks, Dr. Jekyll’s oblivious,
Till his alter ego is delirious.
Then it can’t be denied
Such rhymes by Mr. Hyde
Will be lecherous, lewd and lascivious.
🤪🤪🤪
That’s it for today. Keep checking in on a daily basis because I’m planning a full week of limericks that will definitely not be acceptable to the younger generation. Let’s call it “Questionable Limerick Week”. I’m compiling the list of limericks as we speak.
I recently stumbled on a few interesting stories concerning United States history. They caught my eye because they are a bit morbid but nonetheless interesting. I thought I’d share them with you today so we can begin preparing for the run-up to the Fourth of July which is coming soon. It’s hard to believe that we’re already into June. You should be standing and humming Hail to the Chief for these stories.
President William Henry Harrison (1773-1841)
William Henry Harrison, the ninth president of the United States, gave the longest inaugural address in history which ran 8,444 words, and took about one hour and 45 minutes to utter, even though his friend Daniel Webster had edited it for length. Though, it was a drizzly cold March 4th, Harrison insisted on not wearing a hat or topcoat. And so, he caught pneumonia, and died one month later. He served 31 days in office.
It’s hard to believe that a man smart enough to get elected to the office of the presidency could be that vain. On to the next one.
President Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865)
The “Lincoln Train”, the locomotive carrying the body of Abraham Lincoln, visited so many towns as it retraced Lincoln’s historical path to the White House that when the body finally arrived in Springfield, Illinois, an undertaker was forced to use white chalk to conceal the damage to the corpses face. Lincoln ‘s massive sarcophagus in Springfield, Illinois Oak Ridge Cemetery is empty. The president is actually buried in the ground 10 feet below it. In 1876 thieves and counterfeiters broke into his tomb, planning to hold the body for a $200,000 ransom. They were caught and sentenced to one year in jail on a charge of lock-breaking. Since there was no law against grave robbing, the state legislators quickly passed a bill to remedy that situation.
Isn’t American history just great. And I mean that with my entire patriotic sarcastic heart.
Today I’d like to discuss a topic that politicians have used against us for years. The old saying “the rich get richer, and the poor get poorer” has been used by the liberal left for decades to influence the vote at every election. The strategy of “Divide and Conquer” remains valid after centuries of misuse around the world. Since I’m neither rich nor poor, I will offer a few tidbits to keep some of those arguments alive.
It’s also true that the “rich” are constantly criticized by almost everyone. Their every move is watched and analyzed, and every problem of the society is blamed on them. Is it unfair? To a certain extent it is. I also believe that there’s plenty of blame to spread around that encompasses every special interest group you can think of. Of course, the rich are their own worst enemy at times and these statements will provide proof of that . . .
Martha Stewart had this to say during an interview. “I have a beautiful weekend house in the Hamptons, but it is not, as it turns out, my summer dream house. It doesn’t have the view of the ocean that I absolutely want. It doesn’t have the rustic wood floors that I absolutely crave. It doesn’t have a little dock to which I can tie my little rowboat. And it doesn’t have the shallow water of a quiet lagoon where I can pick my plants.”
When a reporter asked him to confirm the speculation that he was worth over $1 billion, J. Paul Getty thought for a moment and replied, “Yes, I suppose it’s true, but one billion dollars doesn’t go as far as it used to.”
When an elderly John D. Rockefeller, Sr., learned that members of his family intended to give him an electric cart to aid him in getting around his estate, he told them, ” If you don’t mind, I’d rather have the money.”
Newport spinster Edith Wetmore, who died in 1966, never entered a grocery store until she was over eighty years old, when a friend took her to an A & P. After shopping the aisles, she wheeled her cart to a checkout counter. But Miss Wetmore, whose income was $6000 a day, did not have a cent in her purse so her friend was forced to pay the bill.
What these samples have shown is that when you’ve reached a certain level of wealth your entire outlook on everything changes. I’m not making excuses for the rich, but they see things from quite a different perspective when it comes to living their life. I know if someone dropped a couple of million dollars into my bank account, I’d take a whole different approach to money and how to use it.
Will this ridiculous bickering continue, probably? Apparently, no one has the solution or if they do, they’re not sharing it with anyone. This battle will continue to the end of time when only two people are left. One will have a penny and the other will not. You can be sure that the guy with the penny will almost certainly lord it over the other.
I’ve been writing this blog for more than 10 years and if you’ve read any of my postings you know that I’m a bit pragmatic in my beliefs. I’m not someone who believes in the mystical, superstitious, and nonsensical beliefs that exist with certain groups. Strangely enough there is a large portion of the population that does. I may not believe in these things, but I do read about them with the hope that someone can convince me otherwise.
I was recently reading a book titled The Book of Bizarre Truths. There’s a lot of information in that book concerning “curses” (both good and evil). I found this story interesting, funny, and sports related. Here it is . . .
This is called “Da Billy Goat Curse”. In 1945, William “Billy Goat” Sianis brought his pet goat, Murphy, to Wrigley Field to see the fourth game of the 1945 World Series between the Chicago Cubs and the Detroit Tigers. Sianis and his goat were later ejected from the game, and Sianis reportedly put a curse on the team that day. After that, the Cubs had legendary bad luck. Over the years, Cubs fans experienced agony in repeated late season collapses when victory seemed imminent. Even those who didn’t consider themselves Cubs fans blamed the curse for the weird and almost comical losses year after year. Finally, in 2016, the Cubs broke the curse, winning the World Series for the first time since 1908.
Again, I don’t believe in curses or blessings but let me tell you a short and bizarre story. Many years ago, after I left the police department I started and ran a private investigation company. One dark and rainy night I met a client in the town of McKees Rocks in Pennsylvania at her home. This Romanian woman hired me to determine who her married lover was seeing on the side. I know it sounds a little weird but if you run a private investigation business “weird” is the operative word. Before she would officially hire me, she sat me in the center of the room on a chair, sprinkled some kind of weird and foul-smelling powder in my hair, all the while chanting quietly to herself in Romanian as she walked in circles around me. She assured me her blessing would guarantee my success and believe it or not she was right. I made the case two nights later, took my check, and got the hell out of there. I still don’t believe in blessings or curses, but it is interesting (and her check cleared as well).
everyuselessthing.com 