“The turkey did not turn out fine.
So I thought I would break out the wine.
By dessert they were wasted
From the wine that they tasted
And they all thought the dinner divine.”
Archive for the ‘Humor’ Category
11/22/2021 šThanksgiving Limerickš Leave a comment
11/22/2021 Thanksgiving Myth? Leave a comment
As I’ve repeatedly stated I am a huge fan of Thanksgiving. I am also a huge fan of debunking silly and unusual superstitions when I find them. I found one about Thanksgiving after reading a book in my collection. For most of my life I looked forward to Thanksgiving dinner and always made a point of collecting the wishbone. I was told as a kid by people who I trusted, Mom and Dad, that if I won the larger half of the wishbone after it was broken I would have good luck. I did it year after year and we made quite a thing of it but now I come to discover I was lied to. Here’s the truth of the matter . . .
Two people make a wish, and then grab the two long ends of the wishbone and pull. The one who breaks off the larger piece of the bone gets his or her wish. You must be sure the bone is dry – a day in the sun or on the stove dries it perfectly. The bone must be from the collarbone of a hen or a rooster. All of my family loved the routine of pulling the wishbone of the turkey after their meal. “Spoiler Alert”, turkey collarbones don’t work. I know this is devastating news to all of you but the truth will out. Here’s a short history lesson . . .
The Etruscans, those folks that came before the Romans, had a Hen Oracle. That person was often called upon to reveal hidden and magical knowledge. A hen or rooster was killed, the entrails examined – for what, no one can fathom – and the birds collarbone put in the sun to dry. The wishbone was then pulled apart as it is today. The Romans actually stole this custom from the Etruscans and it then spread throughout the Roman Empire and where did it end up, on this blog today.
THE TRUTH SHALL SET YOU FREE
11/21/2021 ***1st X-Mas Limerick Alert*** Leave a comment
The drinks left for him by each bed,
Had gone straight to old Santa’s head;
He was found off the road,
With an upside-down load,
And himself slumped, dead drunk, in his sled!
ā”Stupid Newspaper Headlineā” Leave a comment
“New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group”
āØGreat Quote AwardāØ Leave a comment
“Someone who makes you laugh is a comedian.
Someone who makes you think and then laugh is a humorist.”
George Burns
11/17/2021 Are You Dumb? Leave a comment
Today is DUMB day here in Maine. No, that doesn’t mean I’m going to be DUMB today but all things being considered I might be DUMB tomorrow. This word is used almost as heavily as “shit” and “fuck”. One bad move and you are immediately labeled a “DUMB shit” or a “DUMB fuck”. You may have only made a minor mistake but you’re still painted with a broad brush that identifies you as someone who screwed up in a big way. Our language is not fair and not for the faint of heart. Have you ever heard the term “dumbassary” or how about “shitheadedness”? You can build your own words and introduce them into the lexicon and pray that someone repeats them, that they then catch on, and all of a sudden you’ve been immortalized. People everywhere use the word DUMB and some even attempt to make money from its use. Here are few examples . . .
- A 1998 song by the group “Garbage” was named DUMB.
- Another group of fine upstanding musicians called “The 411” used it as a song title way back in 2004.
- And probably one of the more famous weird bands, “Nirvana”, sang their hearts out in their 1993 In Utero album to the song DUMB. Later found to be highly prophetic when Kurt Cobain, the lead singer, offed himself with a shotgun. And lucky us because of that incident the magical title of celebrity was passed onto the band “Hole” and introduced us to Courtney Love. Really, how DUMB was that?
As flexible as the word DUMB is, the language has also supplied us with dozens of words with DUMB as the underlying meaning. If you hear any of the following words used in describing you in any fashion, the speaker is in fact, calling you a DUMB ass.
cretinous, feebleminded, simpleminded; boobish, foolish, idiotic, imbecile, moronic; ignorant, illiterate, lowbrow, uneducated, uninformed, unintellectual, and untaught, unthinking; absurd, asinine, balmy, cockeyed, crackpot, crazy, cuckoo, daffy, daft, dippy, fool, half-baked, harebrained, insane, kooky, loony, lunatic, mad, nonsensical, nutty, preposterous, sappy, screwball, silly, unwise, wacky, zany; fallacious, illogical, invalid, irrational, unreasonable, and last but not least, STUPID.
So when I state that I am anti-stupid you can see just how busy I’ve really become. It’s an endless battle identifying and pointing out all of the stupid, dumb, and idiotic citizens roaming our streets right under our noses. Fortunately for all of you, I grudgingly volunteered years ago to lead the charge against DUMB and STUPID.
YOUR WELCOME
ā”Stupid Newspaper Headlineā” Leave a comment
“Two Convicts Evade Noose, Jury Hung”
***LimerickšAlert*** 1 comment
There was a young lady named Jo
Who was serviced four times in a row;
When she cried: “Give me more!”
A weak voice from the floor
Protested: “I just can’t, it’s too sore.”
11/14/2021 Trivia Day Leave a comment
Today is Sunday, a day to relax and enjoy some trivia. It’s also necessary for me to help celebrate a family birthday, so I too can relax and enjoy this little bit of sunshine we’re having. It won’t be long before the snow flies. Enjoy . . .
- A Crocodiles tongue is attached to the roof of its mouth.
- A group of larks is called an exaltation.
- A kangaroo can’t jump unless its tail is touching the ground.
- A male emperor moth can smell a female emperor moth up to 7 miles away.
- A man had the hiccups for 69 years.
- A millipede has 4 legs on each segment of it’s body.
- A mole can dig over 250 feet of tunnel in a single night.
- A monkey was once tried and convicted for smoking a cigarette in South Bend, Indiana.
- A noisy restaurant is 100,000 times as loud as a watch ticking. Rock Concert 1,000,000,000 times as loud. Loud headphones 10,000,000,000. Shotgun blast 1,000,000,000,000
- A person at rest generates as much heat as a 100watt light bulb
- A group of owls is called a parliament.
- A pregnant goldfish is called a twit.
- A quarter of Russia is covered by forest.
- A raisin dropped in a glass of fresh champagne will bounce up and down continually from the bottom of the glass to the top.
- A rat can last longer without water than a camel.
- A rhinoceros’ horn is made of compacted hair.
- A Saudi Arabian woman can get a divorce if her husband doesn’t give her coffee
- A shark can detect one part of blood in 100 million parts of water.
- A group of ravens is called a murder.
- A shark can grow a new set of teeth in a week
- A silicon chip a quarter inch square has the capacity of the orignal 1949 ENIAC computer, which occupied a city block.
- A sizable oak tree, during the typical growing season, gives off 28,000 gallons of moisture.
- A snail can have about 25,000 teeth
- A group of toads is called a knot.
- About 300 million cells die in your body every minute.
HAVE A RELAXING SUNDAY
