Just what you’ve all been clamoring for – more limericks. I made a lucky discovery a few weeks ago when I purchased a book containing 1700 limericks dated between 1810 and 1950. Instead of printing a few here and there I decided to pick a few selections from each decade. They’ll give us a good flavor of the times in which they were written. Many are crass and bawdy and there’s a host of them from the war years in the 1940’s. Just a warning . . . some of these are not for children or anyone whose overly religious or just plain naive. Let’s get to it . . .
There was a young girl in Berlin
Who was fucked by an elderly Finn.
Though he diddled his best,
And fucked her with zest,
She kept asking, “Hey, Pop, is it in?” 1927
Winter is here with his grouch,
The time when you sneeze and you slouch.
You can’t take you’re women
Canoe’in or swimm’in,
But a lot can be done on a couch. 1927
There was a young man named Hughs
Who swore off all kinds of booze,
He said,”When I’m muddled
My senses get fuddled,
And I pass up too many screws.” 1926
There was a young plumber of Leigh
Who was plumbing a girl by the sea.
She said,”Stop your plumbing,
There’s somebody coming!”
Said the plumber, still plumbing, “It’s me.” 1923
There was a young lady named May
Who strolled in a park by the way,
And she met a young man
Who fucked her and ran,
Now she goes to the park every day. 1924
What do you think? It seems the same sense of humor required to write limericks doesn’t change much from one generation to another.
I thought it was time to recognize the fairer sex. As you well know I love posting quotations, but I’ve come to realize that most quotations are attributed to men. I know for a fact that women have important thoughts on every subject, but I almost never see them published anywhere. Today I’ll be sending you quotes made by women about men. It should be interesting . . .
“The more I see of men, the better I like dogs.” Marie-Jeanne Roland 1754-1793
“Men have had the advantage of us and telling their own story. Education has been theirs insomuch higher a degree; the pen has been in their hands.” Jane Austen 1775-1817
“A gentleman opposed to their enfranchisement once said to me, “Women have never produced anything of any value in the world.” I told him the chief product of the women had been the men and left it to him to decide whether the product was of any value.” Anna Howard Shaw 1847-1919
“Intense love is often akin to intense suffering.” Francis Ellen Watkins Harper 1825-1911
“Passion always goes, and boredom stays. Gabrielle “Coco” Chanel 1883-1971
“I do not consider divorce an evil by any means. It is just as much a refuge for women married to brutal men as Canada was to the slaves of brutal masters.” Susan B Anthony 1820-1906
“Ido not want a husband who honours me as a queen, if he does not love me as a woman.” Elizabeth I 1533-1603
This will be the first installment of quotes by women. I have many more available and will pass them on periodically because some of them are truly profound. For my friend in Romania many thanks for prodding me to do the required research. I appreciate it.
Leonardo da Vinci was a true genius who graced this world with his presence from April 15, 1452, to May 2, 1519. He is among the most influential artists in history, having left a significant legacy not only in the realm of art but in science as well, each discipline informing his mastery of the other.
“Painting is poetry that is seen rather than felt, and
poetry is painting that is felt rather than seen.”
Now that the holidays are behind us, it’s time to get rolling with trivia for 2022. I decided to restock my archives with some new and exciting trivia. I’ve been trolling the web and found 6 additional books with highly interesting, weird and strange trivia items. Let’s start with these fifteen to get this year’s started.
The German submarine, U-1206, sank in 1945 when it’s toilet was operated improperly.
Around 1 million gladiators lost their lives in the arena.
Nearly 1,500 different types of insects are eaten around the world.
Surgeons were drilling holes in people’s skulls in 6,000 B.C.
U.S. magician, Dorothy Dietrich, is the only woman to catch a fired bullet between her teeth.
The Bombardier beetle pelts enemies with a boiling, foul smelling liquid.
A Siamese cat in Russia weighed an astonishing 50 lbs. – the average weight of a 7-year-old girl.
In 1894, a shower of jellyfish fell on the city of Bath in England.
The last witch was burned in England in 1712.
Every day you shed around 500 million skin scales, 10 million of which carry bacteria.
Male vampire moths drill a feeding tube into human skin in order to suck up blood.
An earthworm excretes the equivalent of its body weight every day.
Three cyclists have died while competing in the Tour De France.
Tonsilloliths are small, yellow, foul smelling “stones” that live around the tonsils and cause bad breath.
Most people pass around 600 ml of gas a day in 14 farts.
I took it easy on you with these items. A have a host of others which are a bit more disgusting. I’ll send them along at a later date. Here’s an item concerning political correctness at its very best:
Roman Emperor Claudius (10 BC to AD 54) was said to have been so worried about people politely holding in their farts and being poisoned by them that he passed a law legalizing farting at feasts.
Starting off a new year requires me to be a little more inventive than usual. Over the holidays I acquired a few books loaded with odd and sometimes disturbing facts. It tickles my fancy to go to the morbid side of things every once in a while. Let me proceed to these three examples of last meal requests from soon-to-be executed murderers. It’s morbid but still interesting. Here we go . . .
Let’s start off with the big kahuna of serial killers, TED BUNDY.
This execution was scheduled for January 24, 1989, at the Florida State penitentiary. Bundy being the arrogant and hard to get along with individual refused to order a last meal. The prison brought him the standard meal of steak and eggs. He refused to eat them so they sent him to the electric chair on an empty stomach. Seems highly appropriate to me.
Next on the list is MARGIE VELMA BARFIELD.
This execution was dated November 2, 1984, at the central prison in Raleigh, North Carolina. As a last meal Barfield chose a “last snack “over a “last meal,” Selecting junk food as the last thing she would ever eat in this life. She enjoyed a last repast of Cheez Doodles and Coca-Cola and then marched off for her lethal injection. There’s no accounting for bad taste.
This final entry belongs to two friends who were also known as the “In Cold Blood” killers, EUGENE HICKOCK and PERRY SMITH.
This execution was scheduled for April 14, 1965, at the Kansas State penitentiary. The killer’s eyes were apparently bigger than their stomachs. As their last meal they ordered shrimp, French fries, garlic bread, and for dessert, ice cream and strawberries with cream. They didn’t touch a bite of it. They both went to the gallows on an empty stomach. Goodbye and good riddance.
Well, there you have it. These were just the first three of fifteen executions I have notes on, and I’ll post the rest periodically.
WHAT MEAL WOULD YOU REQUEST ?
(I think I’d request a plate of Spam fried rice and a jigger of Jack Daniels.)
I’m about to do something I don’t normally do. That is to distribute information received from what might be considered a disgruntled and unhappy reader. A while ago I received an e-mail from this reader accusing me of being a neoconservative Neanderthal because he disagreed with me on some of my comments concerning political correctness running amok. I can’t argue the Neanderthal crack, but I’m no neoconservative, nor am I an independent, Republican or Democrat. I’m just a regular guy who believes in the spirit of fairness and freedom of speech. With that in mind here’s the list he emailed me (tongue-in-cheek, I hope) of politically correct terminology I should be using. If he truly used any of these nonsensical terms, he is no doubt a friendless New Age moron. Oh, sorry if I’m being too harsh. What can you expect from an effing Neanderthal? Here they are, I hope you enjoy them as much as I didn’t.
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MAN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT
He does not have a BEER GUT – he has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.
He is not a BAD DANCER – he is OVERLY CAUCASIAN.
He does not GET LOST ALL THE TIME – he INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.
He is not BALDING – he is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION.
He is not a CRADLE ROBBER – he prefers GENERATIONALLY DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS.
He does not get FALLING DOWN DRUNK – he becomes ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL.
He does not ACT LIKE A TOTAL ASS – he develops a case of RECTAL CRANIAL INVERSION.
He is not a MALE CHAUVINIST PIG – he has SWINE EMPATHY.
He is not AFRAID OF COMMITTMENT – he is MONOGAMOUSLY CHALLENGED.
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT
She is not a BABE OR A CHICK – she is a BREASTED AMERICAN.
She is not a SCREAMER OR MOANER – she is VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE.
She is not EASY – she is HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.
She is not DUMB – she is ON A DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.
She has not BEEN AROUND – she is a PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION.
She is not an AIRHEAD – she is REALITY IMPAIRED.
She does not get DRUNK OR TIPSY – she gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED.
She is not HORNY – she is SEXUALLY FOCUSED.
She does not have BREAST IMPLANTS – she is PHYSICALLY ENHANCED.
She does not NAG YOU – she becomes OVERLY REPETITIVE.
She is not a SLUT – she is SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED.
She does not have MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS – she is PECTORALLY SUPERIOR.
She is not a TWO BIT WHORE – she is a LOW-COST PROVIDER.
Well, there you have it. A collection of foolish politically correct nonsense from a A-hole Millennial before he knew he was one. Hard to believe he actually spent time compiling this crap although he probably just got it from one of his Millennial buddies. Standing up for free speech can sometimes get you stuck doing something like this. I do apologize.
Since this has been a slow week, I thought I’d post these two true stories. It makes for a longer than usual posting, but I think it’s worth the read. It was sent to me years ago by a close friend, but I never posted it due to its length. I hope you’ll take the time to read and enjoy this little-known tidbit of history.
STORY #1
Many years ago, Al Capone virtually owned Chicago. Capone wasn't famous for anything heroic. He was notorious for enmeshing the windy city in everything from bootlegged booze and prostitution to murder.
Capone had a lawyer nicknamed "Easy Eddie." He was Capone's lawyer for a good reason. Eddie was very good! In fact, Eddie's skill at legal maneuvering kept Big Al out of jail for a long time.
To show his appreciation, Capone paid him very well. Not only was the money big, but Eddie got special dividends, as well. For instance, he and his family occupied a fenced-in mansion with live-in help and all of the conveniences of the day. The estate was so large that it filled an entire Chicago City block.
Eddie lived the high life of the Chicago mob and gave little consideration to the atrocities that went on around him.
Eddie did have one soft spot, however. He had a son that he loved dearly. Eddie saw to it that his young son had clothes, cars, and a good education. Nothing was withheld. Price was no object. Despite his involvement with organized crime, Eddie even tried to teach him right from wrong. Eddie wanted his son to be a better man than he was. Yet, with all his wealth and influence, there were two things he couldn't give his son; he couldn't pass on a good name or a good example.
One day, Easy Eddie reached a difficult decision. He wanted to rectify some of the wrongs he had done.
He decided he would go to the authorities and tell the truth about Al "Scarface" Capone, clean up his tarnished name, and offer his son some semblance of integrity. To do this, he would have to testify against The Mob, and he knew that the cost would be great. So, he testified.
Within the year, Easy Eddie's life ended in a blaze of gunfire on a lonely Chicago Street. But in his eyes, he had given his son the greatest gift he had to offer, at the greatest price he could ever pay. Police removed from his pockets a rosary, a crucifix, a religious medallion, and a poem clipped from a magazine.
The poem read:
"The clock of life is wound but once, and no man has the power to tell just when the hands will stop, at late or early hour. Now is the only time you own. Live, love, toil with a will. Place no faith in time. For the clock may soon be still."STORY #TWO:
World War II produced many heroes. One such man was Lieutenant Commander Butch O'Hare.
He was a fighter pilot assigned to the aircraft carrier Lexington in the South Pacific. One day his entire squadron was sent on a mission. After he was airborne, he looked at his fuel gauge and realized that someone had forgotten to top off his fuel tank. He would not have enough fuel to complete his mission and get back to his ship.
His flight leader told him to return to the carrier. Reluctantly, he dropped out of formation and headed back to the fleet. As he was returning to the mother ship, he saw something that turned his blood cold; a squadron of Japanese aircraft was speeding its way toward the American fleet.
The American fighters were gone on a sortie, and the fleet was all but defenseless. He couldn't reach his squadron and bring them back in time to save the fleet. Nor could he warn the fleet of the approaching danger. There was only one thing to do. He must somehow divert them from the fleet. Laying aside all thoughts of personal safety, he dove into the formation of Japanese planes. Wing-mounted 50 caliber's blazed as he charged in, attacking one surprised enemy plane and then another. Butch wove in and out of the now broken formation and fired at as many planes as possible until all his ammunition was finally spent. Undaunted, he continued the assault. He dove at the planes, trying to clip a wing or tail in hopes of damaging as many enemy planes as possible, rendering them unfit to fly. Finally, the exasperated Japanese squadron took off in another direction. Deeply relieved, Butch O'Hare and his tattered fighter limped back to the carrier.
Upon arrival, he reported in and related the event surrounding his return. The film from the gun-camera mounted on his plane told the tale. It showed the extent of Butch's daring attempt to protect his fleet. He had, in fact, destroyed five enemy aircraft. This took place on February 20, 1942, and for that action Butch became the Navy's first Ace of W.W.II, and the first Naval Aviator to win the Medal of Honor.
A year later Butch was killed in aerial combat at the age of 29. His hometown would not allow the memory of this WW II hero to fade, and today, O'Hare Airport in Chicago is named in tribute to the courage of this great man. So, the next time you find yourself at O'Hare International, give some thought to visiting Butch's memorial displaying his statue and his Medal of Honor. It's located between Terminals 1 and 2.
SO, WHAT DO THESE TWO STORIES HAVE TO DO WITH EACH OTHER?
Butch O'Hare was "Easy Eddie's" son.
