I think it’s likely that some of you may have gotten the wrong idea with the title I used for this post. Twisted in this context does not mean heavily sexual or bawdy. These limericks are written specifically for children, and they are a cross between limericks & tongue twisters. As a kid I loved tongue twisters and at a very early age whilst sitting through a number of sessions to correct a minor lisp I had, tongue twisters were one of the exercises that we were permitted to do to help us get control of our speech patterns. I know it sounds stupid, but it was even more stupid when you’re the one who was required to do it. Enjoy!
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She saw a seesaw at sea,
A shawl she was wearing, was she,
The sea shrank her shawl,
Till it shrank her shawl small,
To the seesaw she saw she said “Gee!”
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Louise is pleased by cheesy chicken squeezed with cheesy cheese,
Squeezy peasy chicken cheesy served to please Louise,
“To other chicken, phooey!
Even Chinese chicken suey,
More squeezy greasy peasy cheesy chicken, if you please!”
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Hannah from Havana grew bananas in Savanna,
A bonanza of bananas that had grown in her bandanna,
I was recently watching an English comedian who had me laughing until I cried. His whole shtick was pointing out how badly people misinterpret lyrics in songs. It was truly ingenious, and I thought today I would pass along a few of those samples to help you to determine how badly you’ve been hearing them. The highlighted quotes are the incorrect lyrics most commonly misheard followed by the performer and the album or song. It’s all just fun and games so enjoy.
“Sleep in heavenly peas.” The Christmas Carol, Silent Night.
“There’s a bathroom on the right.” Creedence Clearwater Revival, Bad Moon Rising
“Excuse me while I kiss this guy.” Jimi Hendrix, Purple Haze
“Dead ants are my friends, they’re blowing in the wind.” Bob Dylan, Blowing in the Wind
“Donuts make my Brown eyes blue.” Crystal Gale, Don’t It Make My Brown Eyes Blue
“Midnight after your wasted.” Maria Muldaur, Midnight at the Oasis
“She’s got a chicken to ride.” The Beatles, Ticket to Ride
“You and me and Leslie.” The Rascals, Groovin’
“Baking carrot biscuits.” Bachman-Turner Overdrive, Taking Care of Business
“Just brush my teeth before you leave me.” Juice Newton, Angel of the Morning
“The great poet is always a seer, seeing less with the eyes of the body
than he does with the eyes of the mind.”
Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
I’ve been consistently nagged in recent months to post some of my own poetry. It’s not something I do or will do until the poetry gods speak to me. In recent months they’ve been oddly quiet. As with anyone writing poetry a person has to be moved by emotions. Love and hatred are two huge motivators that are fueled by a host of other lesser emotions like a few weeks or months of depression or celebration. Once I’m moved to write poetry it’s to either express a low and morbid mood or I’m flying high with love or joy over something important only to me. Let’s let some experts in on this conversation.
“Poetry should surprise by a fine excess, and not by Singularity – it should strike the Reader as a wording of his own highest thoughts and appear almost a Remembrance.” John Keats (1795-1821)
“Poetry begins . . . when we look from the center outward.” Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
“A poem begins in delight and ends in wisdom.” Robert Frost (1874-1963)
“The world is never the same once a good poem has been added to it.” Dylan Thomas (1914-1953)
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And here is the quote that makes and explains my initial point from the first paragraph.
‘All good poetry is the spontaneous overflow of powerful feelings: it takes its origin from emotions recollected in tranquility.”
I like many other people collect quotations from both the living and the dead, famous or not so famous, and at times from the infamous. There are only a few holidays such as Father’s Day and Mother’s Day that strike a melancholy chord with me because for most of my early life, they were the main focus of my love and caring. After my recent posting for Father’s Day, I needed a little pick me up and that’s what these quotations do for me. When I find one that strikes a note with me, I write it down and save it for future use. Here are a few that I’ve saved for years, and I thought I’d share them with you. It’ll make me feel better and I’m sure they will make some of you feel better as well.
“Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget to sing in the lifeboats.” – Voltaire
“Wisdom isn’t taught; it’s not a science. Wisdom is a tattoo carved into the mind after a lifetime of failures and achievements.” – Jason Bacchetta
“The reward of a thing well done, is to have done it.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
“Great thoughts speak only to the thoughtful mind, but great actions speak to all mankind.” – Emily P. Bissell
“Size isn’t everything. The whale is endangered, while the ant continues to do just fine.” – Bill Vaughan
“The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
“To handle yourself, use your head; to handle others, use your heart.” – Eleanor Roosevelt
“To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all.” – Oscar Wilde
“Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.” – Mark Twain
“There’s nothing like biting off more than you can chew, and then chewing anyway.” – Mark Burnett
I’ve been promising for some time to post a few bawdy limericks and today’s the day. These four limericks can be rated either “R” or “X” depending on the reader. If you have any children who use your computer, make sure they don’t get to see these. I don’t have much more to say about this post because believe me, it speaks for itself. I hope all of you who requested this posting (and you know who you are) appreciate how uncomfortable it makes me to post this. So here we go.
I thought today I’d touch on sports again since it’s that time of the year when so many sport finals are being played. I thought I’d start off with a little tidbit on basketball, a sport that I’m not all that crazy about. I have a grandson who is absolutely nuts for basketball, so this is in his honor and anyone else that loves the sport as much he does.
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How far does a basketball player run during a game? The distance can vary greatly, but some years ago Ben Peck, a coach at Middlebury, Vermont, decided to find out. He put pedometers on the feet of all of his players. Here are the results:Overall, his team traveled a total of 24.01 miles, 11.97 in the first half and 12.04 in the second half. Forward Fred Lapham ran the farthest, 5.31 miles. The other forward, Tom Neidhart, covered 5.14 miles. Center Bob Adsit ran 4.25 miles. The guards averaged 2.66 miles each.
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Now Back to Baseball.
In 1876 a pitcher named Joe Borden of Boston Hurled the first no-hitter in the history of the National League. But Borden couldn’t leave well enough alone. Soon after the game he changed his style of pitching and began to lose his stuff. Borden went steadily downhill, and by the end of the season he was no longer a pitcher – he was the club’s groundskeeper.
Many pitchers have gone into the ninth inning working on a no-hitter, only to see it spoiled. On April 7, 1918, Odis “Doc” Crandall of the Los Angeles Angels had a perfect game going against Salt Lake City. With two out in the ninth inning, not a man had reached base. Then Doc’s brother, Karl Crandall, came to bat. He dumped a dinky base hit just over the infielders’ heads. This is the only case on record where a pitcher’s no-hitter was broken up by his own brother.
One of the most famous of all poems is “Casey at the Bat”, which was written by Ernest Thayer. It has been read by millions and recited by dozens of actors. In the poem, Casey, a great slugger, comes to bat with his team behind in the ninth inning. There are two outs and runners on base. Casey can win the game with a home run but unfortunately strikes out. A great deal is known about Casey’s team from Mudville. The poem names and describes the four batters ahead of Casey – Cooney, Barrows, Flynn and Jimmy Blake. The poet didn’t pay much attention to the other team, however. The pitcher who faced down “the Mighty Casey” and struck him out was never given a name.
Well, it’s June! What better way to start a new month than with a Limerick Alert. I understand that many of the readers of this blog wait patiently for me to post limericks that are a bit more interesting and suggestive, but once again I’ll post this selection of limericks that are cute and funny and written primarily for and by children. For those of you who like your limericks with a bit more spice, I’m compiling a collection more to your liking that will be posted in a few weeks. These six will have to carry you through until then, so let’s get started. I also hope you’ll appreciate this first limerick because it’s the only limerick ever to use the word Nantucket without offending anyone.
I thought today I would take a different approach to limericks. I like posting them in categories like children’s limericks, medical limericks and of course the more interesting, body part limericks. So, I want to step away from all of those categories today and share a few called Limericks about Limericks. Here we go.
For months I’ve been posting a collection of rather tame limericks written by and for children and young adults. While I certainly enjoy them, I still miss the naughtier limericks that I find absolutely hilarious. It’s true than many limericks are really crude and nasty but be sure those will never see the light of day on this blog. For today these limericks are:
Any day is a good day for limericks whether they be bawdy, funny, or cute. Anything to make us smile a little is certainly worth the effort. Since we’ve all loved our years of school and our family pets, here are four related limericks and they’re relatively child friendly as well.
everyuselessthing.com 