This post is being written on Easter Sunday and should be considered a tongue-in-cheek horror story from my youth. It will also explain to readers why I have never celebrated Easter as would be expected. In my early childhood I was always confused by my parents when my mother claimed Easter was a religious holiday but the rest of the family loaded me up with chocolate bunnies, candy eggs, and plastic eggs in the yard containing quarters. I was greatly confused but truly enjoyed all the candy that eventually rotted out a few of my teeth.
When I reached the age of ten they decided to take a different approach to Easter. I still got all the candy and eggs but they added a few things to the mix. I received four baby chicks that immediately ran behind the refrigerator and refused to come out. Eventually they did but within two weeks they had all passed away and never even got an offer of an Easter resurrection. I was truly sad but I hadn’t had time to develop much of a relationship with them. I did give them a silent prayer and a beautiful burial ceremony as my father tossed them into a trash can. I forgot to mention one other thing. Along with those chicks I was also gifted two small white baby rabbits which I immediately fell in love with. They were so damn cute and cuddly.
Now, let’s jump ahead three years. Those cute little bunnies had grown into two huge white rabbits that were so big we were forced build a hutch in the yard for them to live in. I still loved them both but my father did not. He constantly complained about them being a nuisance but I wouldn’t let him sell or give them away. I came home from school one afternoon prepared to do my homework and then have dinner. As I sat down at the table I immediately noticed a large plate of steaming meat and was told by my father to “eat up”. I asked what kind of meat it was and he told that the two rabbits would no longer be a problem. He’d killed my bunnies and served them to me for dinner. Needless to say I went to bed hungry that night. Happy Effing Easter!
That pretty much erased Easter from the list of holidays I chose to celebrate. Even now I cringe a little when my spouse has the grandchildren over for their annual Easter egg hunt. They love finding the hidden eggs especially the plastic ones with money in them. My only requirement is “No Bunnies or Chicks” chocolate or otherwise. I’d have terrible nightmares for a week.
I’ve spent almost half of my life working in some manner in law enforcement. I patrolled for years as a uniformed officer, a member of the detective unit for a time, and then two years in undercover vice and narcotics. I’ve seen many guilty individuals go to jail and I’ve seen almost as many get a slap on the wrist by the court system and put back on the streets without much punishment. That punishment almost never fits the crime? I also spent six years interviewing prisoner’s in numerous jails throughout the state of Maine. I’ve seen it all and heard it all and then some. The system is just barely adequate.
As I’m want to do I decided to dig into the past for possible answers to improve our system. I must say that things were unbelievably different from our current mess. I found these eight punishments from past centuries and maybe just maybe they should be reviewed for possible reuse today but with some modifications. If your a person who thinks the punishment should fit the crime, you’ll going to love these.
The Pillory – Hands and head tightly clamped between two pieces of wood in the village square. It made a great target for passing citizens to pelt the criminal with all sorts of things.
The Dunking Stool – This required the dunking of the criminal in freezing cold water. This was often punishment for nagging wives.
The Stocks – This would be the little brother of the Pillory. The offender was seated on a bench with hands and feet held between two planks. This was punishment for minor offenses and the length of the sentence was determined by the severity of the crime.
The Whipping Post – The name is self-explanatory. FAFO in it’s first incarnation. The sentence was usually 10 lashes from a whip made from 40 strips of leather.
A Scarlet Letter – Offenders were required to have a large red letter sewn onto their clothing and forced to stand in the square for up to three hours for public ridicule – “A” for adultery, “B” for blaspheming, and “D” for being a drunk.
Branding – A scarlet letter burnt into your cheek, back, thumb, or back of the hand. “L”- Liar, “T” for thief,, and “F” for forger. They had a whole alphabet to choose from.
The Branks – A much more serious punishment. An iron cage was attached to the head with a sharp spike clamping the tongue. It was sometimes called the “scolds bridle” because many women were so punished for daring to talk back to their husbands.
The Billboes – (No relation to the Hobbit) A metal bar with attached handcuffs for the feet and then attached to the ground. Drunks and people who spoke out against the government were left to stand from dawn till dusk clamped to these.
The Bible is the most stolen book in the world despite its message containing the commandment “Thou shalt not steal,”. It’s a fact! Not only is it stolen from book stores and libraries it is also shoplifted in large numbers from just about anywhere. In it’s blatant attempt to teach and scare the hell out most Christians it also finds it necessary to describe in great detail many of mans most questionable habits. Todays post will test your biblical trivia knowledge concerning one of my favorite topics, “prostitutes”. The answers will be listed below.
Who went on a killing spree when their sister Dinah was treated like a prostitute?
Where did the prostitute Rahab live?
What judge of Israel was a prostitutes son?
What prophet did the Lord tell about two prostitutes named Oholah & Oholibah?
What character in a parable wasted his money on prostitutes?
What epistle warns Christians against patronizing prostitutes?
According to Jesus what prophet had prostitutes and tax collectors as followers?
Who ordered his daughter-in-law Tamar burned because she had acted like a prostitute?
What king served as judge when two prostitutes fought over a child?
Who had a vision of a prostitute with a city’s name engraved on her head?
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BONUS:
According to tradition, what follower of Jesus had been a prostitute,
though the Bible does not refer to her as one?
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Answers
Levi & Simeon (Genesis 34:25-31), Jericho (Joshua 2:1-6), Jephthah (Judges 11:1), Ezekiel ((23:1-21), The Prodigal Son (Luke 15:30), 1 Corinthians (6:15-16), John the Baptist (Matthew 21:32), Judah (Genesis 38:24), Solomon (1 Kings 3:16), John (Revelation 17:5), BONUS Mary Magdalene
A few weeks ago I posted a short quiz on Bible related trivia. Since then I’ve been requested by a number of readers to do another. Today is the day and since I’m a big fan of the Old Testament that’s where we’ll begin. This is a quiz with questions relating to the rulers of the time: Kings, Pharoah’s, and other questionable miscreants. Eleven quick questions with the answers as always listed below.
What king hosted a banquet where a phantom hand left a message on the palace wall?
What king of Israel was murdered while he was drunk?
What military man captured 31 kings?
What king had a strange dream about an enormous, fruitful tree that was suddenly chopped down with only a dry stump left?
Who is the only king in the Bible referred to as the “Mede”?
What king of Israel consulted the god Baalzebub after falling from his palace balcony?
What king called Elijah the worst troublemaker in Israel?
What king wanted to see miracles when the arrested Jesus was sent to him?
What saintly king had a fleet built to sail for gold, though the ships never sailed?
Who slept on a stone pillow at Bethel and had a dream of a stairway to heaven?
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Here’s a king I really like. A royal song writer of sorts.
What much-married king was the author of the “Song of Songs”?
🛐☪️☯️
Answers
Belshazzer (Daniel 5:1-9), Elah (1 Kings 16:8-10), Joshua (12:9-24), Nebuchadnezzar (Daniel 4:10-18), Darius (Daniel 5:31), Ahaziah (2 Kings 1-2), Ahab (1 Kings 18:17), Herod (Luke 23:8), Jehoshaphat (1 Kings 22:48), Jacob (Genesis 28:10-15), My Fav: Solomon (Song of Solomon 1:1)
Now that Christmas has come and gone once again, things can get back to abnormal. The holidays are always stressful no matter how well you prepare and I discovered early in life that bringing a group of family members together is fraught with danger and the likelihood of old personality disputes’ becoming a real possibility. Fortunately this year we successfully avoided that sort of nonsense. My better-half and I are now kicking back and trying to relax a little as I’m sure you are as well. Todays post is just what this blog is all about – EVERYUSELESSTHING. This is an easy way for me to relax, collect my thoughts, and continue on to the next holiday, on that never-ending list of #@%!*% holidays. Welcome to my post-Christmas MISH/MOSH.
Former Beatles drummer, Ringo Starr, was the original narrator of the children’s television show, Thomas the Tank Engine.
During mating season, lions can have sex dozens of time every day. (I’m so jealous.)
Beavers’ butts taste like vanilla, “Kinda sorta”, since their anal glands secret a substance used in the manufacture of artificial vanilla flavorings. (Yum!)
An ostrich can easily kick a human to death.
Catherine the Great had an entire room in her palace that contained erotic furniture emblazoned with penises and vaginas. (My queen!)
The lighter was invented before the match. It was created in 1823 and called Dobereiner’s Lamp. Friction matches were not invented until 1826.
When you perform an action, neurons fire in your brain. Those same neurons fire when you’re watching someone perform the same action.
The Heimlich Maneuver wasn’t invented until the 1970’s. Henry Heimlich published the first paper on it in 1974.
Phobophobia is suffered by a person who is afraid of fear.
Pope Gregory IX once declared black cats to be the incarnation of Satan resulting in the killing of an unknown number of cats. Unfortunately they weren’t available to then help control the rat population which may have contributed to the spread of the Black Death. (Religious zealot: My opinion)
Over the years many readers who I assumed were somewhat religious, have asked me what my religious beliefs are. Many think I’m anti-religion but in truth I’m not. I’m anti-organized religions. Religions have their usefulness and have accomplished many wonderful things but at the same time organized religions have also been responsible for the deaths of hundreds of thousands of people and that’s where I have a serious problem. Organized religions are much like the old labor unions. They served their purpose for decades but then became corrupted (in my opinion) by politics and MONEY. They’ve morphed into political money making machines by actually demanding a percentage of our hard earned money for doing little or nothing for us. Everyone agrees there’s only one God but unless your worshipping that god in their specific way your considered by some to be anti-religion or an infidel.
We are approaching what was once a highly religious holiday season that has been rearranged to include “Black November sales, Black Friday sales, a steady stream of Amazon ads, plus hours and hours of mind-numbing commercials. The only people worshipping anything these days are the millions of scammers, porch pirates, and the occasional actual religious person.
Let’s review for a moment the history of humanity as applied to their weird and confusing religious beliefs. In my opinion our new god is the almighty dollar. Which one of these religions would be a good fit for you and your family?
In Thailand there is a religious group who worship the almighty penis. Their shrine is crammed full of phalluses of all types and sizes. They are gaily painted and hung with garlands of flowers. Many women claim miracle pregnancies after making a pilgrimage to the shrine.
Apparently in India they believe you should go big or go home. In the state of Karnataka there is a 100 foot high penis and a incredible collection of over eight million penises.
The Japanese have a shrine at Kanamara Matsuri, where the yearly penis festival is held on the first Sunday of April. People parade through the streets with pink penises in hand and they even supply penis shaped lollipops for their children.
In India has a “Cargo Cult”. The locals worship Prince Philip as a divine being. It started in the 1950’s and continues to this day. I guess we should add him to the endless list of saviors along with Jesus Christ and Mohammad.
Doll worshipers exist in Mexico where there is a shrine containing a fifty year collection of dolls.
There is a Daoist Shrine to “Lady Datuk” in Singapore who was a young girl found dead in the hills during WWI.
In 2005 a man named Bobby Henderson started an alternative school in the United States called the church of the “Flying Spaghetti Monsterism”. The religion went viral.
There is cat worhipping in a number of countries.
The list of possible religions just keeps getting bigger and bigger. Don’t forget L. Ron Hubbard who started the infamous Scientology religion. My final conclusion is that the Humans Race is insane. We are stupid, vain, and insecure but still consider ourselves to be highly religious. Make your choice of a belief system very carefully. When you get to the Pearly Gates to be judged you might be surprised to discover that St. Peter is just a giant pink penis with a pet cat.
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AMEN (and Merry X-mas) TO ALL OF YOU INSANE AND INSECURE HUMANS
Once reported from the Danbury, Connecticut Mall:Santa Claus advised that a woman who sat on his lap had been more naughty than nice. She had openly groped him after waiting patiently in line. Police reported that “A security officer did notified them that Santa had been sexually assaulted.” The 33 year old suspect in question was charged with sexual assault and breach of the peace. She was released on her own recognizance and promised to appear in court in January.
(Sounds like “lump of coal” time to me.)
🧑🎄
Now, here’s a short list of the many and varied ways you can say Merry Christmas around the world. It may not interest some of you and that’s okay, enjoy them anyway.
Glaedelig Jul – Danish
Vrolijike Kerst – Dutch
Hyvvaa Joulua – Finnish
Kala Christouyenna – Greek
Gledileg Jol – Icelandic
Buon Natale – Italian
God Jul – Norwegian
Feliz Natal – Portuguese
God Jul – Swedish
Iyi Noeller – Turkish
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There’s always room for more Christmas trivia. It’s a good thing to learn and understand just how this holiday has developed and been interpreted around the world for so many different cultures.
Christmas Eve in Japan is a good day to eat fried chicken and strawberry shortcake.
Michigan has no official state song, but one, ‘Michigan, My Michigan,’ is frequently used. The words were written in 1863, and the melody used is that of the Christmas song “O Tannenbaum”.
Electric Christmas lights were first used in 1854.
America’s official national Christmas tree is located in King’s Canyon National Park in California. The tree, a giant sequoia called the “General Grant Tree”, is over 90 meters (300 feet) high, and was made the official Christmas tree in 1925.
The first department store to feature a visit with Santa was the J. W. Parkinson’s store in Philadelphia in 1841. Astonishingly, no other department stores copied this event until 1890 when a store in Boston repeated it. Before long lines of children formed at stores across America to sit on Santa’s lap and tell him their Christmas wish list. The department store Santa has been immortalized in films such as Miracle on 34th Street and Christmas Story.
“Jingle Bells” was originally written for a Thanksgiving celebration, in 1857.
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WHO DOESN’T LUV THE X-MAS CAT?
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Well, there you have it. Another short collection of useless Christmas trivia to help you get holly and jolly before the big day gets here.
I’ve spent a few nights recently getting reacquainted with Isaac Azimov’s Foundation series. It’s a classic creation that I’ve read a number of times over the years and it’s still a great read. Being a huge fan of Azimov I still read the story in absolute amazement much like I get when I read the writings of J.R.R. Tolkien. How their minds work to write these amazing stories puzzles me but I still enjoy every minute spent reading them. Todays post will contain a group of unrelated facts collected by Azimov over the years and I thought you might enjoy them.
After the most recent North American glacier ended its southward advance about 11,000 years ago, it took more than 4,000 years for the mile-deep ice mass to melt from the present site of Hartford, Connecticut to that of St. John’s, Vermont, a distance of 190 miles.
The Earth receives only one-half of one-billionth of the sun’s radiant energy. But in just a few days it gets as much heat and light as could be produced by burning all of the oil, coal, and wood on this planet.
The first English settlement in what became New England was founded 13 years before the arrival of the Pilgrim’s. In 1607, a settlement was established at Popham Beach, Maine. After a year, its inhabitants found the climate too harsh, and departed.
During most of the Middle Ages, few people, including kings and emperors, were able to read or write. The clergy were virtually the only ones who possessed those skills.
Blue Laws became known as such because of the color of the paper on which they were printed. In 1665, Theophilus Eaton, governor of the New Haven Colony, and a friend, clergyman John Davenport, drew up the strict legal code regulating personal conduct that subsequently became known as the Blue Laws.
Dr. Samuel A. Mudd, was sentenced to life in prison for splinting the fractured leg of Abraham Lincoln’s assassin, John Wilkes Booth, became a hero to guards and inmates of his island prison when he stopped a yellow-fever epidemic there, in 1868, after all of the Army doctors had died. President. Johnson, Lincoln’s successor, pardoned Mudd in early 1869.
Until the “pooper-scooper law” was passed in 1978, the 500,000 dogs in New York City deposited 175 pounds of fecal matter on the streets each day. The law requires dog owners to clean up after their dogs, on penalty of fines up to $100. Most dog owners comply, and New York City is much cleaner.
President Lincoln’s only son to live to manhood – Robert Todd Lincoln – was at hand at the assassinations of three Presidents: his father’s, Garfield’s, and McKinley. He was called to the house where his father was dying; arrived only moments after Garfield was shot in the capital and McKinley was shot in Buffalo.
Well, with Thanksgiving behind us we’re on our way to the Christmas Holiday that once was primarily religious but has since morphed into nothing but SALES, SALES, SALES. It’s more like an Amazonian celebration where money is God, porch piracy rules all during this holiest Black Friday month. I understand that I’m being a touch facetious but who really cares. I’m a non-religious person who harkens back to a childhood that was as religious as it could get. Fond memories of my crazy Catholic mother and her truckload of religious statues and paraphernalia of all things Catholic.
Todays post is my way of reintroducing religion to the holiday narrative in 2025, tongue-in-cheek all the way. I hope some of the Bible thumpers out there know at least some of the answers because I didn’t. As always the correct answers will be listed below.
THE THIEVES
Who stole idols from her father?
What robber was released from prison at the time of the Passover?
According to Malachi, what were the people of Judah stealing from God?
Who was stoned for stealing booty during the battle for Ai?
Which epistles say that the day of the Lord will come like a thief?
What disciple stole from the treasury?
BONUS QUESTION (To help you get at least one answer correct)
Who committed the first murder?
✝️✡️☪️🕎☯️
Answers
Rachel (Genesis 31:19), Barabbas (John 18:40), The tithes they owed (Malachi 3:8), Achan (Joshua 7:10-26),1 Thessalonians (5:2) and 2 Peter (3:10), Judas Iscariot (John 12:4-6), Cain, who murdered his brother (Genesis 4:8).
Don’t let the title of this post fool you. This trivia is for those of you who think you know everything there is to know about pro football. I’m certainly no expert and when I tested myself on these question I failed miserably. Lets see how you do with some old-school NFL trivia. The answers as always are listed below.
Which NFL team first drafted Johnny Unitas?
2. What NFL team began life as the Frankford Yellow Jackets?
3. The first playoff game between division leaders came in 1933. Who beat who?
4. What NFL team was once sponsored by the Staley starch company?
5. Which team has lost more NFL playoff games than any other?
6. When was the last time that a team failed to throw a forward pass in a regular-season game?
7. What NFL championship was decided indoors?
8. The first million-dollar gate for an NFL championship game came in 1961. Who beat whom, and where?
9. Who were the two players suspended in 1964 for bidding on their own teams?
10. Who made the winning score in the NFL’s first sudden-death overtime game in 1958?
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Here’s a little bonus brain teaser for you. Complete this famous quote. Playing a tie game is like . . .
Answers
Pittsburgh Steelers, Philadelphia Eagles, Chicago Bears 23 – New York Giants 21, Chicago Bears when the team was located in Decatur, Illinois, New York Giants, Chicago Bears beat the Portsmouth Spartans, 9-0, December 18, 1932, December 3, 1950, Cleveland versus Philadelphia, Green Bay 37, New York Giants zero, at Green Bay, Paul Hornung, Green Bay; Alex Karras, Detroit, Alan Ameche, Baltimore, scored a touchdown against the New York Giants, . . . kissing your sister.
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