Archive for the ‘Trivia’ Category
Quote of the Day
“To make a prairie it takes a clover and one bee.”
Emily Dickinson
🤪🤪🤪
Joke of the Day #1
A man and woman are sitting beside each other on a flight to New York. The woman loudly sneezes, takes out a tissue, gently wipes her nose and then visibly shudders for about ten seconds. A few minutes later the woman sneezes again. Once more, she takes a tissue, wipes her nose and then shudders. A few more minutes pass before the woman again sneezes and violently shudders. Curious, the man says “I can’t help noticing that you shudder every time you sneeze. Are you okay?” “I’m so sorry if I’m disturbing you”, says the woman. “I’m suffering from a very rare medical condition. Whenever I sneeze, I have an immediate orgasm.” “Are you taking anything for it?” he asks. “Yes,” says the woman. “Pepper.”
☘️☘️☘️
Limerick of the Day
The limerick is calloused and crude,
It’s morals distressingly lewd.
It’s not worth the reading
By persons of breeding.
It’s designed for us vulgar and rude.
🤡🤡🤡
Joke of the Day #2
An attractive young woman had finished taking her golf lessons from the club pro. She just started playing her first round when she got a bee sting. The pain was so intense she decided to return to the clubhouse. Her golf pro saw her enter the clubhouse and asked, “Why are you back so early? What’s wrong?” “I was stung by a bee” was her reply. “Where?” he asked. “Between the first and second holes” she replied. He just shook his head and nodded knowingly and said, “It’s obvious, your stance is too wide.”
🤗🤗🤗
Wisdom of the Day
A pleasure deferred is a pleasure intensified.
Quote of the Day
“Picture yourself in a boat on a river,
With tangerine trees and marmalade skies,
Somebody calls you, you answer quite slowly,
A girl with kaleidoscope eyes.”
John Lennon & Paul McCartney
🤪🤪🤪
Joke of the Day #1
A priest was driving along and saw a nun on the side of the road. He stopped and offered her a lift, which she accepted. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to open revealing a lovely leg. The priest took a look and nearly had an accident. After regaining control of the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun looked at him and immediately said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?” The priest was flustered and apologized profusely. He forced himself to remove his hand. However, he was unable to remove his eyes from her leg. Further on, while changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129.” Once again, the priest apologized. “Sorry, sister, but the flesh is weak.” Arriving at the convent, the nun got out of the car, gave him a meaningful glance and went on her way. On his arrival back at his church, the priest rushed to retrieve a Bible and looked up Psalm 129. It said, “Go forth and seek, further up you will find glory.”
☘️☘️☘️
Limerick of the Day
A dashing young dentist in Kent,
Found in practice, wherever he went,
Girls only too willing
To have a good filling,
“Open wide”! Stirred their carnal intent.
🤡🤡🤡
Joke of the Day #2
Little Johnny is in the middle of class and stands up and says, “I have to piss!” The teacher says, “Now, Johnny, the proper word is urinate and while you’re in the bathroom I want you to think of a sentence that has the word urinate in it.” So, Johnny goes to the bathroom, does his thing and comes back. The teacher immediately asks, “Well, Johnny, did you think of a sentence?” He says,” Yes. . . urinate, and if you had bigger tits you’d be a ten.”
🤗🤗🤗
Wisdom of the Day
Be a friend to thyself.
Quote of the Day
“When the grasshopper gathers strength to hop, it does not
know where it will land. So, it often is with poets.”
Gerald Brenan
🤪🤪🤪
Joke of the Day #1
At a local college dance, a guy from America asks a girl from Sweden to dance. While they are dancing, he gives her a little squeeze, and says, “In America, we call this a hug.” She replies,”Yaah, in Sveden we call it a hug too.” A little later, he gives her a peck on the cheek, and says, “In America, we call this a kiss.” She replies,”Yaah, in Sveden we call it a kiss too.” Towards the end of the night, and a lot of drinks later, he takes her out on the campus lawn and proceeds to have sex with her, saying, “In America, we call this a grass sandwich.” She says, “Yaaah, in Sveden we call it a grass sandwich too, but we usually put more meat in it.”
☘️☘️☘️
Limerick of the Day
There was a young lady from Fort Kent
Who said that she knew what it meant
When men ask her to dine,
Gave her roses and wine –
She knew what it meant, but she went!
🤡🤡🤡
Joke of the Day #2
Bad Bernie was in prison for seven years. Today he got out and his wife and son were there to pick him up. He came through the gates and jumped into the car. The only thing he said was, “F.F.” His wife turned to him and answered, “E.F.” Out on the highway, he said, “F.F.” She immediately responded simply, “E.F.” He repeated it once again, “F.F.” She again replied loudly, “E.F.” “Mom! Dad! What the hell is going on?” Bernie quietly answered, “Your mother wants to eat first!”
🤗🤗🤗
Wisdom of the Day
Conventional wisdom is to wisdom what junk food is to food.
Quote of the Day
“Never play cards with a man called Doc. Never eat at a place called Mom’s. Never sleep with a woman whose troubles are worse than your own.”
Nelson Algren
🤪🤪🤪
Joke of the Day #1
A husband and wife were out playing golf. They tee off, and one drive goes to the right and one drive goes off to the left. The wife eventually finds her ball in a patch of beautiful buttercups. She grabs a club and takes a mighty swing at the ball. She hits a beautiful second shot, but in the process, she hacks the hell out of the buttercup patch. Suddenly, a magical woman appears out of nowhere, blocking her path to the golf bag. She looks her up and down and says, I’m Mother Nature, and I don’t like the way you treated my buttercups. From now on, you’ll be unable to stand the taste of butter. Each time you eat butter you will become physically ill to the point of total nausea.” The mystery woman suddenly disappears as quickly as she appeared. Shaken, the wife calls out to her husband, “Hey, where’s your ball?” “It’s over here in the pussy willows” he shouted. The wife screams back, “DON’T HIT THE BALL!!! DON’T HIT THE BALL!!!
☘️☘️☘️
Limerick of the Day
As the elevator car left our floor,
Poor old Sue caught her boobs in the door.
She yelled a great deal,
But had they been real,
She’d have hollered considerably more.
🤡🤡🤡
Joke of the Day #2
Grandma and Grandpa were watching a healing service on television. The evangelist called to all who wanted to be healed to go to their television set, place one hand on the TV and the other hand on the body part that they wanted to have healed. Grandma got up and slowly hobbled to the television set, placed her right hand on the TV and her left hand on her arthritic shoulder that was causing her so much pain. Then Grandpa slowly got up, stumbled to the TV, placed his right hand on the set and his left hand on his crotch. Grandma scowled at him and yelled, “I guess you just don’t get it. The purpose of doing this is to heal the sick, not raise the dead.”
🤗🤗🤗
Wisdom of the Day
Piss not against the wind.
Quote of the Day
“Fashions after all, are only inducted epidemics.”
George Bernard Shaw
🤪🤪🤪
Joke of the Day #1
Our guy was on his honeymoon near his favorite fishing lake, and he’d been fishing from dawn till dark along with his favorite fishing guide. One day the guide, a friend of many years, mentioned that the honeymoon seems to be all about just fishing. The guy states, “Yes, but you know how much I love to fish.” The guide replied, “But aren’t you newlyweds supposed to be doing something else as well?” “Yes, but she’s got gonorrhea, and you know how much I just love to fish.” A few hours later the guide again said, “I understand, but you do know that’s not the only way to have sex.” “I know, but she’s also got diarrhea, and you know how much I just love to fish.” The guide shakes his head sadly. The guy then tells him, “She also has chlamydia, but don’t forget just how much I just love to fish.” Later that afternoon, thoroughly frustrated, the guide said, “I guess I’m not sure why you’d ever marry someone with all of these types of health problems.” The man smiled and calmly answered, “It’s because she also has worms, and you know how much I love to fish.
☘️☘️☘️
Limerick of the Day
There was a young naval cadet
Whose dreams were unusually wet.
When he dreamt of his wedding
He soaked up the bedding,
And the wedding ain’t taken place yet.
🤡🤡🤡
Joke of the Day #2
Two 5-year-old boys are standing at the toilet to pee. One says, “Your thing doesn’t have any skin on it!” “I’ve been circumcised,” the other replies. “What’s that mean?” “It means they cut the skin off the end.” “How old were you when it was cut off?” “My mom said I was only two days old.” “Did it hurt much?”, the kid asked inquiringly. “You bet your ass it hurt – I didn’t walk for a year!”
🤗🤗🤗
Wisdom of the Day
The Golden Rule: Whoever has the gold makes the rules.
Quote of the Day
“Against the assault of laughter nothing can stand.”
Mark Twain
🥰🥰🥰
Joke of the Day #1
A man meets a gorgeous woman in a bar. They talk, they connect, and they end up leaving together. They go back to her place, and as she shows him around her apartment, he notices that her bedroom is completely packed with teddy bears. Hundreds of small bears are on a low shelf, medium-sized ones on a shelf a little higher, and huge bears on the top shelf. The man is kind of surprised that this woman would have such a large collection of teddy bears, but he decides not to mention anything to her. After a night of hot passion, as they are lying together in the afterglow, the man rolls over and asks, smiling, “Well, how was it?” The woman says, “You can have any prize from the bottom shelf.”
☘️☘️☘️
Limerick of the Day
There was a young lady named Alice
Who peed in a Catholic chalice.
She said, “I do this
From a great need to piss,
And not from sectarian malice.”
😋😋😋
Joke of the Day #2
A man goes into a greasy spoon restaurant and orders a bowl of chicken soup. “What is this?!” he screams. “There’s a pubic hair in my soup! I’m not paying for this!” and he storms out. The waitress gets very upset at this, follows him out and sees him go into a local whorehouse located across the street. He pays the madam and retires to a room with a lovely buxom blonde and immediately goes down on her with gusto. The bedroom door flies open and the waitress bursts in screaming at the top of her lungs, “You complain about a hair in your soup and then come over here and do THIS!!! The man lifts his head, turns to her smiling and says, “Yeah! And if I find a noodle in here, I’m not paying for this EITHER!!!
🤡🤡🤡
Wisdom of the Day
One hours sleep before midnight is worth three after.
The Quote of the Day
“It’s frightening to think that you mark your children merely by being yourself.”
Simone Beauvoir
😊😊😊
The Joke of the Day #1
An 80-year-old man was having his annual checkup and the doctor asked him how he was feeling. “I’ve never been better!” he boasted. “I’ve got an 18-year-old bride who’s pregnant and having my child! What do you think about that?” The doctor considered this for a moment, then said, “Let me tell you a story. I once knew a guy who was an avid hunter. He never missed a season. One day he went out in a bit of a hurry, and he accidentally grabbed his umbrella instead of his gun.” The doctor continued, “So he was in the woods, and suddenly a grizzly bear appeared right in front of him! He quickly raised up his umbrella, pointed it at the bear and squeezed the handle. And do you know what happened next?” the doctor queried. Dumbfounded, the old man replied, “No.” The doctor continued, “The bear dropped dead right in front of him!” “That’s goddamn impossible” exclaimed the old man. “Someone else must’ve shot that bear.” “That’s kind of what I’ve been getting at.” replied the doctor.
☘️☘️☘️
The Limerick of the Day
There was a young man with a fiddle.
Who asked of his girl, “Do you diddle?”
She replied, “Yes, I do,
But prefer it with two,
It’s twice as much fun in the middle.”
😋😋😋
The Joke of the Day #2
A man and woman are having dinner in a restaurant. Their waitress, taking another order a few tables away, spots the man slowly sliding down his chair and under the table, and the woman appeared unconcerned. As the waitress watches, the man slides all away under and out of sight. Still, the woman dining opposite appears not to notice. Finally, the waitress comes over to the table and whispers discreetly to the woman, “Pardon me, ma’am, but I think your husband just slid under the table.” “No, he didn’t,” the woman calmly replied. “He just walked in the door.”
😇😇😇
Wisdom of the Day
“Bad news is more readily believed than good news.”
💩
The Quote of the Day
“Humility is a strange thing. The minute you think you’ve got it, you’ve lost it.”
E.D. Hulse
😏😏😏
The Joke of the Day #1
A man walks into a pharmacy, buys a condom, then walks out of the store laughing hysterically. The pharmacist thinks this is weird but there aren’t any laws preventing weird people from buying condoms. Who knows, maybe it’s a good thing. The next day, the same man comes back into the store, purchases yet another condom, and once again he leaves the store laughing wildly. This piques the interest of the pharmacist. What could be so funny about buying a damn condom, anyway? So, he tells his clerk, “If that guy ever comes back, I want you to follow him to see where he goes.” Sure enough, the next day the same man is back. He buys the condom, and again starts cracking up with laughter, then leaves. The pharmacist tells his clerk to follow the guy immediately. After an hour, the clerk comes back to the store. “Did you follow him? Where did he go?” Asks the pharmacist. The clerk replied, “Your house.”
☘️☘️☘️
The Limerick of the Day
There was a young lady named Hall,
Who wore a newspaper dress to a ball.
The dress soon caught fire
And burned her entire
Front page, sporting section, and all.
😖😖😖
The Joke of the Day #2
Three nuns were talking. The first nun said, “I was cleaning in Father’s room the other day and you know what I found? A bunch of pornographic magazines.” “What did you do? the other nuns asked. “Well of course I threw them in the trash.” The second nun said, “Well, I can top that. I was in Father’s room putting away laundry and I found a bunch of condoms!” “Oh, my!” gasped the other nuns. “What did you do?” “I poked holes in all of them”! she replied. The third nun fainted.
🌶️😵💫🌶️
Wisdom for the Day
Did you know that a lesbian dinosaur is called a “Lickalotopuss.
💩
Quote of the Day
“Opinion is Power”
Thomas Jefferson
🤪🤪🤪
Joke of the Day #1
A woman is picked up by a famous sportsman in a bar. They like each other immediately, and she agrees to go back with him to his hotel room. He removes his shirt, revealing all his tattoos, and she sees on his arm one that reads, “REEBOK.” She thinks that’s a bit odd and asks him about it. He says, “When I play live on TV, the cameras pick up the tattoo and Reebok pays me for advertisement.” A bit later, as he takes his pants off, she sees “PUMA” tattooed on his leg. He gives the same explanation for that unusual tattoo. Finally, his underwear comes off and she sees the word “AIDS” tattooed on his penis. She jumps back with shock. “I’m not going to do it with a guy who has AIDS!” He says, its cool, baby, in a minute it’s going to say “ADIDAS.”
🍀🍀🍀
Limerick of the Day
A young Spaniard who’s hung like a horse
Is first choice of the ladies, of course.
They long for a dong
That can bong a huge gong,
So, this Juan is their primary source.
😎😎😎
Joke of the Day #2
A vet is making love to his wife when his cell phone rings. Being on duty he immediately answers it. The client says, “I’ve got a dog and a bitch humping on my doorstep, how can I stop them?” The vet says, “Put a cell phone down next to them and call it.” The client says, “And will that work?” The vet says, “It just stopped me!”
😵💫😵💫😵💫
WOMEN FAKE ORGASMS BECAUSE THEY THINK MEN CARE
Quote of the Day
“Come the right moment, a pawn can bring you victory.”
Ho Chi Minh
😁😁😁
Joke of the Day #1
Mary was married and had 13 children and unfortunately her husband suddenly died. Soon she married again and had 7 more children. Unbelievably her second husband also died. Once again, she remarried for the third time and had 5 more children. Alas poor exhausted Mary finally died. Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed to the Lord thanking him for this loving woman who fulfilled his commandment to “go forth and multiply.” In his eulogy the preacher said, “Lord they’re finally together.” Leaning over to a neighbor, one mourner quietly asked, “Do you think he means her first, second or third husband?” The neighbor replied, “I think he means her legs.”
☘️☘️☘️
❤️Limerick of the Day
A young baseball fan named Ms. Glend
Was the home team’s best rooter and friend,
But for her the big league
Never held the intrigue
Of a bat with two balls at the end.
😂😂😂
Joke of the Day #2
On hearing that her elderly grandfather had passed away, Jenny rushed to her grandmother’s side. When she asked the particulars of her grandfather’s death, her grandmother explained, “He had a heart attack during sex on Sunday morning.” Horrified, Jenny suggested sex at age 94 was just asking for trouble. “Oh, no,” her grandmother replied, “We had sex every Sunday morning, in time with church bells – in with the dings and out with the dongs.” She paused and gently wiped away a tear. “If it hadn’t been for that ice cream truck speeding by, he’d still be alive.”
🌶️🌶️🌶️
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