Archive for the ‘Useless Crap’ Category
Each morning I try to write the drafts of my blog postings while relaxing in bed and at the same time keeping up with current events on TV. One thing that irritates me even more than the never-ending infomercials for products is the never-ending religious infomercials by a bunch so called preachers. How stupid do you have to be to believe that someone requires a half-hour long infomercial to save your soul. It’s for the effing money you fools.
Over the years and after a great deal of collecting and reading all types of information I’ve come to the conclusion that organized religion as we know it hasn’t convinced me of anything except to remain totally skeptical. To quote a comedian with a wicked sense of humor, "I have no problem with a universal deity but I do have a problem believing in one that takes attendance". It’s nothing more than an attempt to be funny but it’s simple thoughts like that that cause a person like me to think.
I’ve tried for many years to read as much about as many religions as I could and gotten nowhere fast. The mere fact that there are so many religions bothers me the most. It’s my opinion and belief that if there is only one God, with one basic message, then there should only be one religion. Man-made religions with miracles and visions and other assorted nonsense leave me cold. They continue to be more a source of amusement for me than anything I can take too seriously. That being said, I am a big believer in the natural order of things. Science is not a religion to me but scientific studies have convinced me that the natural order of all things will remain as fact long after most religions have crumbled into dust and been forgotten.
One thing that sticks with me throughout all of my attempts to believe in something supernatural or godlike is the term "karma". As stated by Isaac Newton’s Third Law, "For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction". It’s simple and basic and believable. You can call it "karma" or use any term you’d like. The term isn’t important but the facts of the matter will always remain constant. I’d like to believe that in the grand scheme of things there is a power that helps maintain a balance in all things. It just the old and overused biblical quote of "an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth" taken to it’s logical conclusion. You treat me well and I’ll return the favor. If you do good, it will come back to you ten fold and as a balance if you do evil it will revisit you as well.
Two of my favorite sayings have always been; "what goes around, comes around" and "always do the right thing, no matter the consequences". To me they seem to say the same basic thing. It’s not a religion but good old common sense. Do we really need every common sense thing reiterated and interpreted by human prophets who are no more intelligent than most of us already are? I think not. As in everything else, when humans get involved things get twisted, misinterpreted, and turned into issues of money, power and control.
I try to live my life with my own self-imposed laws of proper behavior without having things dictated to me by other humans claiming they were chosen to deliver these messages by a higher power. I find that offensive and I chose to go my own way. My laws will always be the same, they will never change, or be misinterpreted. When the day comes when I have to answer for my life and my actions, I’ll be ready. Will they?
I can hardly believe that it’s sixty-five degrees here in Maine today this early in April. The sun is shining, the birds are chirping, and I find myself doing yard cleanup and loving it. I didn’t put on a normal summer outfit like shorts and a t-shirt because I’m not a total idiot. All you have to do is walk into a shaded area and you’ll realize almost immediately just how cold it still is. I’m dressed in long sleeves, jeans, and a light coat. I’ve learned the hard way in past years when I dressed too lightly and ended up with a Spring cold that took forever to go away. My better-half has been complaining for the last couple of days about her cough, runny nose, and scratchy throat. I think she’s about to come down with something that I’m sure she’ll pass right along to me. Isn’t true love wonderful? Just one fantastic perk after another.
We both felt the immediate need to rush out to one of the big box home improvement stores yesterday to begin our Spring spending spree. It’s never too early or too cold to begin loading up with seeds, plants, yard tools, and the occasional yard gnome. We both realize it’s way too early in the season to start this nonsense but we can’ seem to stop ourselves. We apparently aren’t alone because the store was crowded with shoppers filling their carts with anything and everything imaginable. I managed to escape the madness with an expenditure of just a few dollars less than a hundred. Madness I tell you, just freaking madness.
After returning home my better-half immediately changed clothes, grabbed a rake, and began working furiously in the yard. It would have been useless for me to try and stop her so I didn’t even make the attempt. I found a really comfortable chair and placed it on the deck where I could watch. There’s nothing much better than loafing and watching someone else work. She’s got Spring Fever so bad she’s almost out of control and I won’t be the person who tries to slow her down. She can become dangerous when fooled with.
After raking for an hour she finally gave it up and returned to the deck where I’d been saving her a seat. She lasted about thirty minutes longer than I thought she would. We enjoyed the sunshine for another hour and I do believe we got a pretty good start on our summer tans. It eventfully became a little too chilly for comfort so we grabbed up the cat and returned to the house. It was a nice start to better weather but we’re still a long way from actual warmth and real sunshine.
I’ll be returning to the woods later this week with camera in hand to begin my search for a few of those illusive creatures that escaped my notice last fall. Patience usually pays off in these matters or so I’ve been told. I love being out with Mother Nature without two feet of snow slowing me down. Another week and the snow will be history and the fun summer can begin.
I sometimes think that the human race is just plain nuts. Not every individual person but a huge majority of us. It seems we can’t have three people talking together for more than a few minutes before information is exchanged concerning other people’s odd beliefs or some of the more universal conspiracy theories.
I like a good conspiracy as well as the next person but in my heart of hearts I still think that almost all of them are stupid and ridiculous. My theory is that the more leisure time people have the more of these stupid theories seem to appear. It’s not just the good old standbys like the Kennedy assassination, the fake moon landing, or 9/11. We seem to have a perverse need for a never ending supply of this nonsense so we have something to talk and bitch about. Big Labor, Big Wall Street, Big Business, and Big Drug Companies seem to prompt conspiracy theories directly in proportion to the frequency which politicians preach to us about the inequities between rich and poor in this country. Blame it on somebody who is not them.
It astounds me that so many educated people will immediately buy into some of the strangest premises without attempting to verify anything. Many of the silliest conspiracies are constantly being promoted my members of academia at all education levels. Many of them seem to think that every thought that comes into their head is the gospel truth and can’t be disputed. They then subtly pass their silly beliefs to the children they’re responsible for educating giving the ideas a bizarre sort of immortality. It keeps them alive as each new class of students is indoctrinated anew.
Let me list a few more for you; technology conspiracies with implanted chips and mind control, the hidden agenda behind the HIV virus, global surveillance, the New World Order, and the many and varied religious conspiracies which are too numerous to mention. Roswell and the UFO cover-up are right up there too with any and all assassinations i..e. JFK, MLK, John Lennon, and a host of others. Almost anything the Government touches immediately becomes a hidden agenda or conspiracy. This is probably a good thing because it keeps us on the alert for government abuses both real and imagined.
Be aware of what you are doing as well. How often do your conversations with others deal with conspiracies or imagined abuses by almost every organization you can think of. I began keeping track of my own conversations and I was amazed how quickly and how often I fell into the conspiracy trap. In my humble opinion we are nuts. Human beings have great imaginations but if not properly focused they lead us into strange, weird, and dark places. Will it ever stop? Not a chance or a prayer.
I hesitate to get into this subject since it’s not something I’ve ever been very good at. I’d like to talk about texting in general and also about sexting in particular. To me they’re similar enough to discuss as one topic since both seem to be the "thing to do" these days.
I’m someone who lives for technology in most things and I work very hard to stay on top of the latest and greatest trends. Some things like sexting and texting just never really appealed to me because I’ve always been more of a hands-on kind of guy when it comes to the opposite sex. It’s my belief that if you want someone to respond sexually to you, you do it in person. Why is it necessary to text at all? Put me on speed dial and hit the damn button if you have something to say, especially if it’s something erotic. Hearing the words spoken by someone who I desire is way more erotic than a text message that could be sent by damn near anyone.
I understand that texting and sexting are all the rage with many of the younger generation because it’s so much easier to say outrageous and erotic things on a computer. Young women can get as crazy as they want, say anything they want, and all too often send pictures and videos thinking it’s safe and won’t easily get distributed. Sorry girls but just think about it. You sext your heart out to someone you think you love and want to be with. Two weeks later the magic has disappeared and he walks away after sending your photo’s, videos, and sext messages to all of his friends. Nothing on the net can be totally controlled no matter how hard you try. You should never forget that, ever!
As I was recently surfing around the net I discovered a few sites giving advice on how to talk dirty with sexting. I won’t link to them from this blog but if your really that interested just look around a little, they’re everywhere. This first list is suggested sexts from men to women.
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"Passed the lingerie shop, and thought of you."
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"Are you wet in the right places?"
"I need to feel you."
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"When I think of you, everything gets harder."
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"What are you wearing under your clothes."
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"Are you ready for some ecstasy?"
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"My hands feel empty without your breasts."
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"I want to be inside you."
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"You need a tongue bath."
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"Meet at the door naked."
Tell me ladies, do these really do anything for you? I find them just a little lame and would be more than a little embarrassed sending them to anyone. Now lets check out a few examples of some suggested sexts sent by women to men.
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“I’m imagining you all over my body.”
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“My clothes feel so uncomfortable right now, come and help me get out of them.”
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“I can’t stop thinking about what you’re going to do to me tonight.”
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“Does it make you hard to imagine me standing naked.”
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“I’m dying to please you tonight.”
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“I want you in my mouth.”
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“I’m so horny, do you want me to keep myself warm until I can see you.”
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“I want to stroke you all the way to heaven.”
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Does it turn you on knowing that I wrote this txt with one hand because my other is busy.”
I’m sorry but if these were sent to me by any woman I’d be a little amused but far from aroused. A number of years ago when texting and sexting first arrived on the scene I met and dated a young lady who was truly addicted to sexting. She drove me crazy with dozens of messages all day long and the harder I tried to tell her it wasn’t my thing the more persistent she became. I then told her that I was too cheap and refused to spend my hard earned money just to receive unlimited sexts from anyone. On our next date she gave me an unexpected gift, a new cell phone. She demanded that I carry that cell phone which was set up for unlimited texts and that I respond to her sext messages with some good dirty talk of my own. Shortly after that she sent me her first few nude photo’s which helped me to decide to break things off. I returned her telephone unused and disappeared from her life. Just not interested.
Here are a few additional stats I found interesting but a little scary. Our friends over at Harlequin Publishing ran a survey of their readers with the following troublesome results:
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43% of women talk dirty through texts.
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Two-thirds of that 43% said they’d only send racy messages while in a serious relationship, while 35% only needed a few dates before they’re ready to start sexting.
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27% of women admitted to sending nude pictures via email or text messages.
Well there you have it. It appears that this sort of interaction is here to stay in one form or another. That doesn’t change anything for me though. I’ll always prefer to hear my soulmate whispering softly to me on the telephone as she’s speeding home to be with me.
I wish all of you ladies the best of luck. It’s a dangerous world out there so please be careful with what your sending onto the net. I’m reasonably sure I’ll eventually be reading some of what you’ve sexted to your lovers if you continue putting it out there. There’s one thing we all should know by now, once something is on the net it’s there forever.
Can you quickly name twenty-five things you love? Are you a hater? Can you immediately name twenty-five things you hate? We as human beings seem to have the ability to quickly list those things that adversely effect us and to verbalize them loudly to anyone nearby.
On my shopping safari yesterday I found myself rubbing elbows with the normal everyday human insanity to which we’ve all become accustomed. I visited a few businesses in the area and as always was pretty much forced into listening to my fellow men and women bitching about almost everything. I’m only mentioning it because it became painfully obvious very quickly that an infection of some sort was in the air and effecting everyone including me.
I first visited my favorite book store to make a few purchases, check out some new authors, and people watch, of course. I was in a great mood and anticipated a quiet restful visit. This is a very small store and when new arrivals show up they’re easy to spot. A woman arrived in a rather expensive Audi, dressed very well, and with a walk that showed a lot of attitude. She was in her fifties, fairly attractive, and well maintained, if you get my drift. She wasn’t in the door more than three steps when she began talking at, not to, the proprietor. That poor SOB was manning the register near the door and couldn’t escape. This well-to-do looking woman began complaining about a book she purchased a week ago and didn’t really like and wanted a cash refund. I think the term I’m looking for is "a bitch on wheels". She pissed and moaned about a three dollar refund for so long I was tempted to give her the money just so she would go away. Thankfully neither the manager nor I gave her that refund and as she marched out the door we both breathed a sigh of relief. She must have a real fashion sense though. It’s can’t be easy to hide such a huge set of balls in such a tight dress.
I then made a short drive to a nearby Wal-Green store where I was forced to stand in line behind two young ladies in their twenties. We were in that line for maybe ten minutes but OMG it seemed much longer. These young ladies were the queens of public trash talking. Friends and foes alike couldn’t escape their wrath. To quote, "that bitch was all over him last night, what a slut", "I hear he uses so many drugs he can barely function (wink, wink) and finally a few choice words about someone who is their BFF and who threw up all over the side of her car. I walked away really glad they didn’t consider me a friend.
As my safari continued I made my way to the Hannaford food store. I like shopping there because I can quickly use the self-checkout and be in and out quickly. As usual I got in the checkout line behind the wrong effing guy. I swear there could be twenty registers open and I would still manage to get behind that one customer with some huge problem or issue. Today was no different. I had about twelve items and planned on being checked out and gone in just a few short minutes but no way, Jose!
As I walked up to the self-checkout there was a guy just standing in front of the device with a dead stare and a blank look of real confusion on his face. He apparently was new to self-checkouts, couldn’t figure it out, and the longer he waited the more pissed off he became. For the next ten minutes he invited a cashier, a Front-End Manager, and finally the Store’s General Manger to help him. I was proud of myself because I just wanted to scream a few obscenities at him and loudly identify him to everyone in the area as the dumbass that he was. He was loud, obnoxious, rude, stupid, ignorant, and wouldn’t stop complaining. He actually looked over and gave me a dirty look like I was part of his problem. Those poor managers really earned their pay dealing with this schnook. I finally was able to go on my way fifteen minutes later and was glad I hadn’t parked anywhere near that A-hole. He was still standing in the parking lot as I drove away bitching to anyone who would listen.
I’d planned to stop at a couple of other places but what was the point. I was caught up in a local shit storm of complaining and unhappy people and had to get away as fast as possible. As you can tell by reading this I didn’t get away quickly enough and was also infected. I immediately went home and sat quietly for a while to compose myself and to let the infection run it’s course.
People are just so much fun it’s just a real pleasure to be around them. (sarcasm off)
It’s time once again for this blog to live up to it’s name. Another installment of totally useless information collected during a global search for just about anything that’s even a little bit interesting. I feel that everyone should have a few trivia items that aren’t commonly known to help amaze their friends and possibly win a bar bet or two. Spring is arriving and we need to lighten things up a little so here we go.
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The average housewife walks 10 miles a day around the house doing chores. She walks 4 miles and spends 25 hours a year making beds.
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President James Garfield could write Latin with one hand and Greek with the other—simultaneously! Leonardo da Vinci could draw with one hand and write with the other, also simultaneously.
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Attila the Hun was a dwarf. Pepin the Short, Aesop, Gregory of Tours, Charles III of Naples, and the Pasha Hussain were all less than 3 and a half feet tall.
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Edgar Allan Poe and James Abbott McNeill Whistler both went to West Point.
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The Amazon River discharges 4.2 million cubic feet of water per second in the Atlantic Ocean.
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A rat can go without water longer than a camel can.
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Mr. Potato Head was the first toy advertised on television.
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An elephant may consume 500 pounds of hay and 60 gallons of water in a single day.
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Malaria mosquitos are attracted to ripe Limburger cheese and smelly feet.
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A fetus acquires fingerprints by the end of the first trimester.
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One million stray dogs and 500,000 stray cats live in New York City metropolitan area. There are about 100 million dogs and cats in the United States. Americans spend more than 5.5 billion on their pets each year. Every hour, 12,500 puppies are born in the US.
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In 2003, the personal fortune of writer J. K. Rowling of Harry Potter fame, surpassed that of the Queen of England.
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A 2005 survey by CareerBuilder.com, 43% of Americans called in sick when there was nothing wrong with them.
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The venom of the king cobra is so deadly that one gram of it can kill 150 people. Just to handle the substance can put one in coma.
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A whale’s heart beats only nine times a minute.
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A good milking cow will give nearly 6,000 quarts of milk every year.
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Under the Federal Food, Drug, and Cosmetic Act, leeches and maggots are categorized as medical devices.
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Male moose have antlers 7 feet across. The antlers often weigh 60 pounds.
You should be feeling extra smart right about now. Knowing these fact puts you in a category all your own. I didn’t say it was a good category but you’re definitely in it. You’re now an official trivia nerd and I guess congratulations are in order.
It’s time for another installment of totally useless information. Normally I supply true facts that are strange, ironic, or unbelievable. Today I’m taking a page from the Main Stream Media who on a regular basis use the jokes told on late night television to gauge certain politicians standing with the American people. I’ve never really understood that type of polling since most of the material used by Leno, Letterman, Kimmel, and O’Brien is written by professional writers hired and directed by their corporate owners. Of course, they’re all totally unbiased politically.
I like a good laugh and joke as much as the next guy so I’ll pass these tidbits along simply as fun "one liners". Since this country thrives on "sound bites" this style of humor is all the rage. I need to enter a disclaimer here because I’m reasonable sure that all of these items are untrue. Enjoy them for what they are, just silly and stupid jokes.
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Einstein estimated that his Theory of Relativity got him laid more than one hundred times.
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The United States border with Mexico is over 2000 miles long but only six inches wide.
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Montana is the only state where "horseplay" is illegal.
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Ninety six percent of all wrong numbers involve a guy saying, "Larry?"
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Scientists who’ve been studying pigeons agree that they’re definitely up to something.
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In Westchester, NY, there is a barber named Tony DeBarber.
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Newton’s Fourth Law states "No fat chicks".
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Christopher Welden of Columbus, OH, is the only person ever to actually "laugh all the way to the bank".
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While their still not allowed to drive cars, as of May 2006, Saudi Arabian women may operate riding lawn mowers.
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During a screening of Neil Simon’s The Goodbye Girl at the Vatican, someone asked the Pope to remove his hat.
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When held by a person more than seven feet tall a ladle is just called a "spoon".
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In response to continued complaints the Campbell’s Soup company has removed the letter "F" from their alphabet soup.
Well there you have it. The first dirty dozen useless tidbits that might just make you smile but there are certainly no guarantees.
Finally a day out of the house. I’ve been granted a day without thinking of the on going remodel or anything house related thanks to a few of my better-half’s relatives. They’ve decided because of their enjoyable visit to see us last summer that spending a week here this year is just the ticket. I’m assisting them in their endeavors in finding a home or cottage rental somewhere near the Scarborough or Old Orchard beach areas.
They’ve apparently been looking on-line but haven’t had much luck. I’m on my way this morning to check out a place located at Camp Ellis, Maine. This is an area along the coast just north of the city of Saco and has been a harbor for small boats and lobsterman for years. There’s a large breakwater protecting the harbor and a small beach nearby for sunning and swimming. My job today is to find the building at the address they’ve given me, evaluate the area, and report back. The renter is asking $1800.00 a week which to me is ridiculous but what the hell do I know. I’m told it can be as much as $3000.00 a week just a few short miles further north in the Old Orchard Beach area which in my opinion is again highway robbery.
Before any investigation can begin I’ll be forced to stop at Dunkin Donuts for a jolt of fresh coffee and something sweet to make me extra happy. I want to be as alert and clear headed as possible as I make this evaluation so an extra turbo shot of espresso will be required.
I should mention that this winter has been difficult in certain areas of Maine with terrible wind storms and heavy snow falls. The Camp Ellis area was hit pretty hard in the last storm which I was made aware of as I attempted to reach the address I’m supposed to be checking out. It’s located on a short little street a short distance from the beach but not only is the road closed and a detour in place but the small beach is only half the size it once was. I’m told that the beach was partially washed away in the last storm as well as a few yards of the shore road. Scratch one potential vacation spot.
I’m now forced to cruise north along the shore road to Old Orchard Beach and Scarborough, a trip of approximately four miles. It’s a chilly but sunny day making the ride a real pleasure and a perfect opportunity for a little photography. I hadn’t driven more than a mile when I came on a huge flock of geese that stopped for rest and food in a nearby protected wildlife area. In just a few minutes I was able to take a few terrific pictures and for a change I had my telephoto lens with me and it worked out perfectly.
I began writing down telephone numbers and the names of local realty companies as I rode along. I then dropped a voice mail to her relatives with all the information I’d collected. I hope they find what their looking for at a reasonable price because I’m really looking forward to their visit later in the summer. Spending a week on the beach with them would really kick-start the summers festivities.
It must be March, it must be cold, I must be in Maine, and it must be really boring, because last night I was introduced to the Duck Dynasty. I was prepared to hate that stupid program but just out of curiosity decided to give it a look anyway and make my own decision.
It’s new season started last week and I’ve been hearing on advertisements ever since it was watched by more than 8 million viewers. I really had to check it out because if those numbers were factual there must be more to this show than I thought. I tuned into what appeared to be a mini marathon of every episode from last season and found myself thoroughly enjoying the interplay between the bearded characters and their not so bearded wives and children.
Before the night was over I’d watched six episodes as I was doing other things. The group as a whole seem genuinely likeable and seem to go about enjoying their lives just the way they want. It was real hoot and a pleasant surprise since in my opinion more than 90% or more of the reality shows on TV today are just awful. I’m not sure the Duck Dynasty is going to keep me as a permanent viewer but if things get too boring on TV I can always switch over and watch these crazy folks from Louisiana doing what they do best, making me laugh.
A good portion of my day was spent sitting before my computer screen continuing the sorting of photographs. I’m almost at the point of being overwhelmed due to the sheer number of pictures. It took me more than two weeks to just catalog, organize, and finally back up every photograph onto a removable hard drive. I can store that hard drive elsewhere and never again have that fear of losing any of my important photos. I’m finally ready to start the summer of 2013 with a new outlook and determination to continue my collection with photos I’ve been wanting to get for a long time.
This summer should be terrific since most of my projects around the house have been completed and my time will be my own to take as many photographs as I possibly can before next winter. I have a number of projects I’ve been wanting to do for quite some time and it looks like this may be the year for it.
Fortunately the state of Maine offers an endless supply of forests, rivers, lakes, and seashore that will keep me busy for many years to come. This summer will allow me to do three things I really love; gardening, picture taking, and loafing. My better-half and I have declared a moratorium on home remodeling projects for the summer and thank God for that.
This day is just about over and it’s been another day of continuing preparation for the drywall installation into our newly redone bedroom. It’s taken most of the winter to strip out this room and redo the electrical, framing, and flooring but at least now I can finally see the effing light at the end of the tunnel. For the first time it’s not a train rushing towards me going a hundred miles an hour.
I’ve been patiently waiting for the snow to melt so I can dig out the fire pit and have my normal spring bonfire. It’s the easiest way to clean out the garage and workshop of the winter’s accumulation of wood scraps and worthless construction materials. It beats the alternative of paying someone to pick it up and haul it away. I purposely have the bonfire each spring before the area dry’s out and the fire becomes a hazard. As in most local towns they have a lame requirement for burning permits and to that I’m forced to say "Catch me if you can". Everything right now within a hundred miles of this house is so wet you couldn’t start a fire if you wanted to. I normally refuse to obey ordinances that make no sense and this is one of those occasions. The last thing I need are town yokels showing up to give official approval to my fire. Stupid government intrusions!
I actually find myself being effected by a disease known here in Maine as Early Spring Syndrome. I forced myself to take my lawn tractor out for a short spin today to charge the battery and check it’s general condition. It was all good until I got stuck in the snow and had to shovel it out. ESS is a dangerously stupid condition that makes you feel good and ridiculous all at the same time.
I’m now sitting here in the kitchen having a coffee and watching my neighbor hanging her laundry on their clothesline. This women and her daughters truly puzzle me at times. I’ve watched over the years as they’ve hung their laundry out in ten degree weather where it freezes as stiff as a board. I must admit that a clothes line full of frozen bra’s and panties swinging in the wind can be interesting but it just seems pointless. Now if they were hanging laundry on the line wearing just their bras and panties I might reconsider just how interesting it is. I watch in amazement as they stand in a driving rain storm to hang out their bed sheets and other unmentionables. Am I missing something here? Do they really know something I don’t? I just haven’t figured it out yet. I may start taking photo’s of them in different seasonal weather conditions and publish a really strange coffee table book filled with my sarcastic and wise-ass commentary. I love the idea but I’m almost certain they wouldn’t.
Well, it’s time for the better-half to arrive from work and I think she’s expecting a meal to be waiting for her. Oh well, everyone wants something.
everyuselessthing.com 