Archive for the ‘jack daniels’ Tag
I thought today I would do something a little different. As I’ve mentioned many times in posts I am not a lover of beer. While that remains true so does the fact that my better-half loves, adores, and worships at the closest beer tap. Over the years many of my friends and coworkers drank nothing but beer and to this day I’ll never understand why. This post is for all of you male beer drinkers out there and hopefully after reading this you may understand why many women have issues with men who love drinking beer. The following is a list of nineteen reasons why a man at times prefers beer rather than the company of a woman.
1. You can enjoy beer all month long.
2. You don’t have to wine and dine a beer
3. Beer will wait patiently for you in the car when you play sports
4. A frigid beer is still a good beer.
5. Beer is never late.
6. Beer hangovers go away eventually.
7. A beer doesn’t get jealous when you grab another beer.
8. Beer labels come off without a fight.
9. When you go to a bar, you can always pick up a beer.
10. Beer never has a headache.
- If you pour beer just right, you’ll always get good head.
- A beer won’t get upset if you come home with beer on your breath.
- You can have more than one beer a night and not feel guilty.
- Beer always goes down easy.
- You can share a beer with your friends.
- You always know if you’re the first one to pop a beer.
- Beer is always wet.
- You don’t have to wash a beer before it tastes good.
- You can have a beer in public.
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SCREW BEER – PASS THE JACK!
Here I sit sipping a glass of 160 proof Jack Daniels, and I really do mean just “Sipping”. I have to admit it’s really smooth for something that will numb your brain and kick your ass. It has convinced me to once again do a post on “Whiskey”. For most of my 20’s and into my 30’s I was a Cutty Sark lover. Working as a police officer in a department filled with scotch drinkers I fit right in. In my late thirties I began making my own wine and for the next fifteen years I drank my somewhat interesting homemade wines and occasionally would spring for a more expensive bottle or two. Then in my seventies I was diagnosed with colon cancer and for 7 months the chemotherapy turned me into a teetotaler. For some inexplicable reason it also made it impossible for me to drink wine of any kind. So, I was returned to the mothers milk of whiskey lovers, Jack Daniels. It was like coming home again. This whiskey lover will now lay a few bits of whiskey trivia on you. Pour a drink and enjoy.
- This excerpt was taken from a collection of medical recipes from the 15th century: For deafness . . . Take the bile of a hare with aqua vit and the milk of a woman’s breast in the same quantity and mix them well together and put them in the ear. This is a sure cure for deafness.
- According to the Guinness Book of World Records in 2018, the oldest bottle of whiskey still left unopened to the world is Baker’s Pure Rye Whiskey, distilled in 1847.
- There is a quote from Mr. Tommy Cooper: “I’m on a whiskey diet, I lost three days already.”
- Kentucky is home to more barrels of maturing bourbon than people. Kentucky’s population was approximately 4.5 million people while the barrels of whiskey totaled 91 million.
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Here is a quote from one of my favorites, Mark Twain:
“I always take Scotch whiskey at night as a preventative of toothache. I have never had the toothache, and what is more, I never intend to have it.”
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- In 2019, 1.3 billion bottles of Scotch whiskey were bottled. If you laid all these bottles end-to-end they would stretch 350,000 km or 217,000 miles, or 90% of the distance to the moon! Moonshine indeed.
- This last post is a quote by Joel Rosenberg and is one of my all-time favorites. If I wasn’t going to be cremated when I pass I would’ve have certainly requested this on my tombstone.
“I’m a simple man. All I want is enough sleep for two normal men,
enough whiskey for three, and enough women for four.”
CAN I GET A AMEN?
I always make a point of searching out odd facts from as many sources as possible. Today’s list is what this blog is really all about, totally useless information and totally useless statistics. Some are humorous and some are silly but never doubt my ability to come up with useless information that has absolutely no value whatsoever.
- Thirty-nine percent of women who think their legs are fat still wear short skirts.
- In seventy-five percent of American households, the women manage the money and pay the bills.
- If the population of China began walking past you in single file, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction.
- There is a lawsuit filed every thirty seconds in the United States.
- Approximately 30,000 Americans are injured by toilets every year.
- Forty-five percent of cat owners buy holiday gifts for their pet.
- A four-year-old child asks an average of 437 questions a day.
- The average American spends eight years of his life watching television.
- The average human produces 50,000 pints of spit in a lifetime – the equivalent of two small swimming pools.
- The average person over the age of 50 will have spent a year of their life looking for lost or mislaid items.
“I think about this fact every time I eat a gummy.”
The Declaration of Independence was written on hemp paper.
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“On the whole, I’d rather be in Philadelphia.”
(The last words of W.C. Fields)
I discovered over the years that the older you get the more reminiscing you do and I’m still not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. I’ve always been a believer of worrying about the future not the past and that hasn’t changed a whole lot. I’ll be turning 78 years old in August of this year and I’m amazed. I never thought I’d live this long because of my rough and tumble attitude towards living. As I was reminiscing about my long and somewhat interesting life I wondered, what some of the other people that I read about deal with their aging after the age of 70. I always jokingly told anyone who’d listen that after 70 I would retire, sit on my porch with a drink, and smoke as much weed as I could get my hands on until I passed on. Little did I know that I’d be buying my cannabis at a convenience store in gummy form. One of life’s many miracles. I thought a little reflection on my current lifestyle should be matched against some of our more famous or infamous celebrities.
Age 70
Socrates is condemned to die for corrupting the minds of Athenian youth.
Me: I made dozens of bottles of wine, and then spent a few months drinking them.
Age 71
Nelson Mandela was released from a South African prison, after 20 years of incarceration.
Me: Completed a few graphic paintings of scantily clad buxom young women. Then I drank some more wine and sat and looked at them. And yes, I still do.
Age 72
The Marquis de Sade takes a new, 15-year-old lover.
Me: I looked for a 15-year-old lover but forgot why.
Page 73
Walt Stack completes the Ironman Triathlon in 26 hours, 20 minutes.
Me: I did 1000 steps in one day, and my faithful Fit Bit was so amazed it exploded.
Age 74
Albert Einstein announces his unified field theory (but it didn’t hold up).
Me: Drank more wine, contemplated some of my erotic paintings, and worked hard trying to remember the names of the models.
Age 75
Fanny Garrison Villard founds the Women’s Peace Society.
Me: I founded and celebrated the Maine chapter of the Jack Daniels Fan Club. I also considered making a Hag to their distillery in Tennessee.
Age 76
Charles Foster Kane, of Citizen Kane, whispers his immortal, confounding clue, “Rosebud”.
Me: I decided after rereading Citizen Kane that I needed a lot more Jack Daniels. It’s the only way to defend myself against the boredom of Orson Welles and his writings. Little did he know I once had a fat little gerbil named Orson who never really bored me at all.
Age 77
Grandma Moses takes up painting in a serious manner.
Me: After 16 years of my so-called retirement, I bought a lot more weed and a case of a really good Chardonnay in preparation for the start of our three grandson’s 2024 Little League debuts.
LIFE CAN BE GOOD – IF YOU LET IT
I thought it was only right and necessary to congratulate the Jack Daniels company for their release of a new and excellent single malt, Jack Daniels American Whiskey. They’ve always had the best quality products and I’m looking forward to sipping some of this one. With that thought in mind, here are a few more interesting tidbits on whiskey to educate all of you silly wine and beer drinkers.
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Let’s start with a quote from Sex and the City’s Carrie Bradshaw.
“I’d rather be someone’s shot of whiskey than everyone’s cup of tea.”
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Here are a few facts about the company.
- Approximately 2500 barrels are produced each day.
- Jack Daniels is the only distiller in the world that makes barrels for its own products.
- Tennessee’s Moore County, where the Jack Daniel’s distillery is located, has been a dry county since Prohibition, so you have to go to the next county to buy a bottle.
- On the first Friday of every month, pay day, all employees at Jack Daniels, get a free bottle of Jack Daniels. It’s a guarantee that no one takes that day off.
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According to Margaret Thatcher’s private diet notes, in 1979, the soon-to-be Prime Minister only allowed herself to imbibe whiskey (and soda) “on days when meat was eaten. Otherwise, no alcohol.” Meat days were Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Saturdays and Sundays.
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Errol Flynn
“I like my whiskey old and my women young.”
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Legend has it that the original Jack Daniels became so frustrated with his safe that he kicked it and shattered his left big toe. He got gangrene and the toe was surgically removed, followed by his foot, then his leg. He died six years later from complications from the original infection.
It’s obvious he didn’t make proper use of “the water of life”.
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Whiskey, like a beautiful woman, demands appreciation!
I love that term “water of life”. Any dedicated whiskey drinker has heard that phrase and knows what it means. Those of you who do not partake in whiskeys, then I’ll try to educate you a bit. I’m not exactly sure at what age I had my first sip of whiskey, but it must have been in my eighth year while playing Checkers with my grandfather. He was an avid winemaker, and he loved his whiskeys and brandies. In his old and dirty cellar near the furnace, he had huge casks of wine and brandy that he was making. Sitting in between those two casks was a small table, two old chairs and a Checkers game that was much older than I was. That’s where my whiskey, wine, brandy, and Checkers education began and eventually turned me into quite a winemaker myself and to become an aficionado of whiskey and brandy. I can never take a drink of Jack Daniels or Jim Beam or any of the other whiskeys without thinking about my grandfather. He was freaking awesome.
On one of my better half’s many recent shopping safaris she discovered a very small book titled “Whiskey” and in her infinite wisdom purchased it immediately and brought it home for me. After reading through the book, it’s only fair that I share some of the wisdom about whiskey that some of you probably have never heard. Let’s get started.
” The light music of whiskey falling into a glass – an agreeable interlude.” James Joyce
It seems that Americans in general prefer bourbon style whiskeys, but they are willing to take a chance with some of the Irish and Canadian whiskeys. Here are the top five sellers in the United States:
Jack Daniels Bourbon Whiskey
Crown Royal Canadian Whiskey
Fireball Canadian Whiskey
Jim Beam Bourbon Whiskey
Jamison Irish Whiskey
Jack Daniels is the world’s most famous whiskey brand. The actual Jack Daniels learned how to make whiskey at the age of six. Fully grown Jack Daniels was a diminutive 5’2″ tall and wore a size four shoe.
“Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake.” W. C. Fields
In October 2019 at an auction at Sotheby’s in England a bottle of Macallan Fine and Rare, 60-year-old whiskey (Cask Number 263) distilled in 1926 sold for $1.9 million. The 700 ml bottle of 20 shots would cost you $95,000 per shot.
“What whiskey will not cure, there is no cure for.” Irish Proverb
SO BEGINS YOUR WHISKEY EDUCATION
I started this blog initially to post as much useless information as I could find. Over the years I’ve wandered far afield into limericks, quotations, poetry, and dozens of other categories. I thought today I’d return to the roots of this blog and give you a handful of totally useless but interesting facts.
- Dolly Parton once insured her breasts for $3 million.
- Scarlett Johansson, Alanis Morrissette, Vin Diesel, and Kiefer Sutherland are all twins.
- Kirk Douglas was a lieutenant in the U.S. Navy and saw action in the Pacific before internal injuries suffered in combat led to an early discharge.
- Dr. Timothy Leary of LSD fame was expelled from West Point after a drinking incident that led to a court-martial.
- Actress Kate Winslet had the nickname of “Blubber” in her early school days.
- Nicolas Cage was expelled from elementary school, for putting dead grasshoppers in the egg salad on picnic day.
- In high school Sylvester Stallone was voted “Most Likely to End Up in the Electric Chair”.
- Keanu Reeves was the goalie on his high school ice hockey team, where he earned the nickname “The Wall” and where he was voted MVP.
- Ellen DeGeneres was once a vacuum cleaner saleswoman.
- In 1993, Barbra Streisand got stuck in the toilet at Liza Minnelli’s apartment during a party. Fellow guests Jack Nicholson and Michael Douglas couldn’t break down the door, so the buildings porter had come up to release her.
AS PROMISED – TOTALLY USELESS INFORMATION
After the last eighteen months of my illness there are many things that I’ve really missed. The Pandemic being the least of them. With all of the various surgeries, cancer, and chemotherapy dominating my every thought I’ve come to appreciate a long list of many little things that I took for granted for most of my life. The adage “Stop and Smell the Roses” suddenly means something. I’m glad I still have time left to really appreciate each and every one of them.
Spending an hour or two totally lost in a painting.
Spending time over the last few years watching two grandsons becoming thinking and intelligent little men.
Realizing after all these years just how precious these days have come to mean to me while sitting on the deck with my better-half enjoying the first sunshine of Spring.
Relaxing and sipping a Jack and Coke that I’m finally able to have now that my newly rebuilt liver permits it.
Being able to bitch and complain about anything that irks me and not giving a good damn about what people think.
Enjoying all of the freedoms that come with old age that you can’t really appreciate until you get here.
You can thank my better-half and three glasses of Jack and Coke for this posting. Maybe it will give those of you approaching the AARP age of fifty that it’s not quite as bad as you might think. When you’re given lemons make lemonade but make sure you have some Jack Daniels in it.
I’ve had 24 hours for my blood pressure to return to normal levels after receiving that letter from Planned Parenthood. It really got me going for a while there. But on to better things to talk about today which will help me relax a little.
It’s a day of nonsense for me. I finished a good solid 40 minute workout on the treadmill which left me soaking wet and somewhat winded, it was great. I spent an additional ten minutes in my continuing efforts to get my cat Stormy to walk on it with me. It’s taken me six months just to get him to sit on the damn treadmill but he’s gone like a shot as soon as I turn it on. I’m nothing if not persistent and I hope he lives long enough for me to accomplish this feat. He knows exactly what I want him to do but he’s just dragging this out to mess with me. I sometimes think he’s actually the one training me.
‘Here’s what I want.’
‘Here’s what I got.’
Have I mentioned recently that I’m a bit of a klutz. I trip over things, fall into things, drop things and occasionally break things. It’s a life long issue that appears unfixable. As I was in my workshop putting the finishing touches to a small book shelf I’ve been building I found it necessary to stain a few small pieces of trim before finishing the project. I pulled out a quart of stain and an old rag to stain just two small 8 inch pieces. How much trouble could I get in? That evil klutz that lives inside me decided it was time for another visit to make my life a little more interesting.
I opened the can of stain carefully after putting on my latex gloves. I hate getting that stuff on me because it’s as hard as hell to remove. I picked up the rag and placed the pieces of trim the on the bench to begin staining. As I turned to pick up the rag my arm struck the nearby can of stain and sent it flying. Needless to say I now have a stain on the floor of my workshop that’s approximately 6 feet long and four feet wide. That doesn’t even include the splash-back onto my arms, chest, face and glasses. I ended up spending more time cleaning that up than I did building the damn bookshelf in the first place. The evil klutz got me again.
I then returned to my man-cave to post about Planned Parenthood and what do I find? No internet connection. I’ve been having periodic problems with my connection for the last few weeks but this time my home network was dead. After running diagnostics, checking cables, cursing a blue streak, and making a quick visit to a nearby Time Warner office, it was once again operating.
I’ve been considering a complete upgrade of my home network and after today I’m convinced it’s badly needed. Along with the network upgrade I’ll be adding a home cloud system and hopefully it can all be done at the same time. At least with my own cloud I’ll feel much more secure about the safety of my music and photographs.
I’m off to take a shower and clean the remainder of the stain from my magnificent body. It’s like having graffiti on Michelangelo’s “David”.
That was supposed to be funny in case you were wondering. After that I foresee a large mug of Jack Daniels and Pepsi to smooth things out a little more. Another wonderful day in the neighborhood comes to a close.
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