Archive for the ‘treadmill’ Tag

07-23-2015 Journal – Love Me, Amy!   Leave a comment

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‘My New Workout Buddy’

I had a great workout yesterday. Normally I’d spend forty-five minutes on the treadmill and all the while watching some ridiculous television rerun.  I’ve been doing my workouts every other day for the last year and a half but as time goes by it becoming more of a boring task than a healthy approach to my life. On top of that I’m tired of hearing myself bitching and complaining about it endlessly. I’ve discovered over the years that I have the uncanny ability to annoy even myself and not just others.

With the upcoming cutting of my TV umbilical cord I’ve begun taking steps to prepare myself for what I’m sure will be a certain amount of withdrawal from my life-long television addiction.  It will difficult I’m sure but absolutely necessary.

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‘I’d judge that as a 9.5’

I’ve turned away from my exercising in front of the television to embracing an old love . . . music. I’ve never considered turning to music  on the treadmill because I’ve always loved music and hated mandatory exercise. Mixing the two seemed somehow wrong. I was forced to rethink my entire approach to these things because cable television is making me insane.

I’ve had an IPod full of thousands of songs for years but have used it sparingly.  I’ve always disliked wearing ear buds because the accompanying loss of hearing of my surroundings makes me wary and uncomfortable. Yesterday I jumped on the treadmill, put in my ear buds, and turned on my IPod. The silence of the world was replaced for the first twenty minutes by those politically incorrect Dixie Chicks who pissed me off years ago as they did a large segment of the country. I still love their music but detest their political naiveté.

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‘President Bush’s Fav’s’

The next twenty-five minutes were consumed by the late darling of the British Isles, Amy Winehouse.  I love her brash lyrics and low and sexy sound.  She made the remaining time fly by and I actually found myself totally entranced by her music and my memories of her. It was wonderful.

I guess I accomplished three things yesterday.  I kicked my TV habit, I had a kick-ass workout, and I began a new love affair with my IPod and Ms. Winehouse.

To quote one of Amy’s lyrics, "Where is my moral parallel?". My answer is the same as hers . . ."I have none."

FADE TO BLACK

03-27-2015 Journal – Workout Oldies and a New Baby!   Leave a comment

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One of my first tasks today was to get in a vigorous workout to start the day. Most days I turn on the TV or a movie and crank up the treadmill to a quick speed with a steep incline.  I’m averaging forty-two minutes a session and watching TV for that long has started getting really old.  On a good day there’s precious little on the tube that can hold my interest for forty-two minutes.

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Today I decided to plug into ITunes and spend my time listening to my newly updated Favorites List. I have quite the collection of music and it was a tough job picking out fifty songs from over seven thousand. It took some time but it was worth it. I ended up with forty-five songs that met my stringent qualifications.  It had to be a song that no matter when I heard it I’d stop what I was doing to listen.

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It took twelve songs to complete my workout and the time seemed to fly by. Listening to good music is like having your own time machine.  As soon as I hear a song it takes me straight back to a specific point in time and a specific person as well.  So here’s my list of today’s twelve workout songs:

  1. Love Letter -  Clairy Browne & the Bangin’ Rackettes
  2. Up on Cripple Creek – The Band
  3. Kokomo – The Beach Boys
  4. Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club – Beatles
  5. Nights on Broadway – Bee Gees
  6. Uptown Girl – Billy Joel
  7. The Guitar Man – Bread
  8. Gypsy Woman – Brian Highland
  9. I’m Your Angel (Duet w/R. Kelly) – Celine Dion
  10. How ‘Bout Us – Champaign
  11. Down in Mexico – The Coasters
  12. Run Through the Jungle – Creedence Clearwater Revival

If those songs don’t get your heart started then you’d better call for help. Say what you want these so-called Oldies more than hold their own against today’s Hip Hop generation.

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I spent some time today preparing for the arrival of the grandson who’ll be staying with us until after the birth of his soon to arrive new sibling.  The doctors intend to induce labor today so we’re hopefully looking at an early morning arrival by the baby. 

This waiting has been murder for both of us almost as much as for the mother and father. She’s two weeks late and it’s been making everyone absolutely crazy.   Hurry up and wait until the baby decides to get here.

10-14-2013. Journal Entry-More Nonsense and a Cat!   Leave a comment

I’ve had 24 hours for my blood pressure to return to normal levels after receiving that letter from Planned Parenthood.  It really got me going for a while there.  But on to better things to talk about today which will help me relax a little.

It’s a day of nonsense for me.  I finished a good solid 40 minute workout on the treadmill which left me soaking wet and somewhat winded, it was great. I spent an additional ten minutes in my continuing efforts to get my cat Stormy to walk on it with me.  It’s taken me six months just to get him to sit on the damn treadmill but he’s gone like a shot as soon as I turn it on.  I’m nothing if not persistent and I hope he lives long enough for me to accomplish this feat. He knows exactly what I want him to do but he’s just dragging this out to mess with me. I sometimes think he’s actually the one training me.

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‘Here’s what I want.’

‘Here’s what I got.’

Have I mentioned recently that I’m a bit of a klutz.  I trip over things, fall into things, drop things and occasionally break things.  It’s a life long issue that appears unfixable.  As I was in my workshop putting the finishing touches to a small book shelf I’ve been building I found it necessary to stain a few small pieces of trim before finishing the project.  I pulled out a quart of stain and an old rag to stain just two small 8 inch pieces.  How much trouble could I get in? That evil klutz that lives inside me decided it was time for another visit to make my life a little more interesting.

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I opened the can of stain carefully after putting on my latex gloves.  I hate getting that stuff on me because it’s as hard as hell to remove.  I picked up the rag and placed  the pieces of trim the on the bench to begin staining. As I turned to pick up the rag my arm struck the nearby can of stain and sent it flying.  Needless to say I now have a stain on the floor of my workshop that’s approximately 6 feet long and four feet wide.  That doesn’t even include the splash-back onto my arms, chest, face and glasses. I ended up spending more time cleaning that up than I did building the damn bookshelf in the first place. The evil klutz got me again.

I then returned to my man-cave to post about Planned Parenthood and what do I find?  No internet connection. I’ve been having periodic problems with my connection for the last few weeks but this time my home network was dead. After running diagnostics, checking cables, cursing a blue streak, and making a quick visit to a nearby Time Warner office, it was once again operating.

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I’ve been considering a complete upgrade of my home network and after today I’m convinced it’s badly needed.  Along with the network upgrade I’ll be adding a home cloud system and hopefully it can all be done at the same time.  At least with my own cloud I’ll feel much more secure about the safety of my music and photographs.

I’m off to take a shower and clean the remainder of the stain from my magnificent body.  It’s like having graffiti on Michelangelo’s “David”.

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That was supposed to be funny in case you were wondering.  After that I foresee a large mug of Jack Daniels and Pepsi to smooth things out a little more.  Another wonderful day in the neighborhood comes to a close.

01-15-2014 Journal Entry–The January Thaw   2 comments

It’s time for a little update.  My life will seem utterly boring to some of you but I don”t really mind.  It’s actually boring to me at times as well.  Since the holidays have passed things have fallen back into what we consider normal.

The weather has turned warmer and that 38 inches of snow is mostly gone since we’ve had three or four days of steady rain.  It’s the normal January thaw and we actually look forward to it each year.  Yesterday I was quietly sitting in my favorite reading chair when I heard a loud crash that shook the entire house.  I first thought it was another small earthquake but decided to check outside the house for any other possible problems.  Silly me, another on of our January gifts had arrived.

Having three or four feet of snow buildup eventually places a serious load onto the structure of the house.  Once the weather warms up a little all of that ice and snow that’s been compacting on the roof for two months begins sliding off.  I know it doesn’t sound like a big deal but we have a large house with an equally large roof.  The roof accumulated approximately 8 inches of ice and another 8 inches of partially melted snow.  When it let go  it shook the house and spilled off the rear of the building into the yard.  There is no doubt if that amount of ice and snow were to hit a person they would be dead almost immediately.

I walked out back and discovered that my spring chores would now include replacement of the handrails on the back stairs.  The ice and snow landed with a crunch and smashed the handrails into small splinters.  It sounds bad but almost every year the icefall crushes those rails or anything else in it’s path.  Thank God it’s down and no longer a danger to us or our visitors. It just another wonderful little gift from Mother Nature.

My broken leg situation has greatly improved.  I climbed back on the treadmill wearing both an ankle and knee brace three weeks ago and got back to work.  It took almost three weeks of daily workouts to get my injured leg back to normal size.  I needed to build quite a bit of muscle very quickly.  The knee is improving as well and it appears there was no permanent damage.  I’m almost back to the level on the treadmill that I had reached before the injury.

The weight loss program is back as well and I’ve reach a total loss of thirty pounds.  The leg injury really screwed up things for a while but I’m back on track finally.  Ten more pounds to go and then I can ease up a little.  I’m now wearing clothes I purchased many years ago that I never was able to wear at the time.  Life is good, so far . . . .

10-09-2013   Leave a comment

Is there something truly wrong with a person who insists on punishing himself over and over again with no appreciable result to show for his efforts?  I know the answer but I just can’t seem to stop myself.  If anyone you know ever suggests that you buy and  use a treadmill, just kick their ass immediately.  Don’t wait, don’t hesitate, just do it. You won’t be sorry.  It’s just an underhanded karmic plot to make you pay for some past indiscretions in this life or another.

In the past six weeks in an attempt to lose 30 pounds of ugly fat I’ve been coerced into torturing myself by those I love and who I thought loved me on a machine just one step down from waterboarding.  At first I got with the program after suffering some pulled muscles and the constant reminder that I was in the worst shape of my life.  It was a humbling experience to say the least but I persevered through all of the pain and humiliation.  The weight began falling away as my poor taste buds began to dry up and disappear.

I’ve always loved a good salad but those days are over.  It’s true what I’ve always heard. Vegans or people that eat excessive amounts of vegetables and greens smell funny.  It’s amazing just how bad that vegetable smell is when converted into methane gas.  It’s appalling, embarrassing, and disgusting all at the same time.  God help the poor schmuck who wanders into the room where my treadmill is kept when I’m attempting to walk myself to death. 

I recall a chubby old red-neck named Larry the Cable Guy who talks about his grandmother who occasionally gets a case of the walking farts while shopping. I always thought that was a funny bit until the truth ran up and smacked me in the nose.  I don’t just get the walking farts, I also get the breathing farts.  The treadmill has slowly become a disgusting and never-ending fart inducer with no end in sight. 

It’s painful at times not just for me but for others.  My cat has abandoned me.  The room where the treadmill is set up was once HIS room.  He’d relax there, play with his toys, and generally kick back for a few hours every day.  It’s been more than three weeks since we’ve been in that room at the same time.  I walk in to begin my treadmill session and he’s gone in a heartbeat.  He refuses to return until I’m finished and the air has cleared.  I find him avoiding me in other areas of the house as well just to be on the safe side.

I’ve walked more than fifty-five miles on that effing treadmill and produced enough methane to shame a large herd of cattle.  If this continues I may become an actual environmental disaster area.  The EPA could show up at anytime with their trucks, white sealed suits, and handcuffs to take me away. I really need to be placed in isolation where I can’t harm anyone but myself.  It’s a sad day for my family because they are now forced to live with the shame of it all.

Oh, the sacrifices we’re forced to make for good health.

09-13-2013   Leave a comment

Before I hop on my newly purchased torture device I thought I’d get these answers from yesterdays quiz on their way to you.  I tried the quiz on a few others yesterday and they had some difficulties to be sure.  I threw two current events questions in just for the hell of it and I’m sorry I did.  How can a person living in this country where we’re up to our ass in media not know anything about the Boston Marathon bombing case.  I’m sorry to say this was someone in their fifties who just isn’t paying attention.  Unbelievable is the word I’m looking for.  Here are your answers.

1. Jordin Sparks

2. Chemical weapons

3. Trapt

4. 27

5. Miriam Makeba

6. Lego

7. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

8. Weezer

9. One was shot and killed by police, and the other was captured in a massive manhunt.

10. Destiny Hope Cyrus

Before I step onto this treadmill for my daily workout I’m sitting here lining up the music I’ll be listening to.  Today will be Beatles day.  I’ve loved them for years and their music still holds up even to our current Hip Hop generation.  In memory of the Fab Four here are a few facts about them that fans will appreciate.

  • John Lennon had dyslexia.
  • Paul McCartney and Pete Best were once arrested in Hamburg because they stuck a condom to a wall and set it on fire.
  • In the 60’s Paul McCartney had three cats named Jesus, Mary, and Joseph.
  • Only 6% of Beatles autographs currently in circulation are estimated to be real.
  • John Lennon’s favorite food was cornflakes.

Enough of this nonsense.  I’ve got a date to sweat through my clothing and I need to get started.  Tomorrow is another day.