Archive for the ‘promises’ Tag
This year has been flying by at supersonic speed which is why my mid-year review of my New Years Resolutions is two months late. I only listed five items this year rather than the ten I usually do because I’m old, lazy, and distracted by damn near everything.
READ MORE THAN 100 BOOKS
(Finished 74 so far as per Kindle, so far so good.)
TRY TO BE A LITTLE FRIENDLIER TOWARDS THE REST OF THE WORLD
(Try as I might, this one may never be accomplished.)
KEEP DUNKIN’ EXPENDITURES TO LESS THAN $40.00 A MONTH
(Due to my coffee addicted partner, I’m failing this one miserably.)
COMPLETE EIGHT PAINTINGS OR PRINTS
(Four down and four more to go. I may make it.)
LEARN AT LEAST FOUR NEW CUSS WORDS FROM MY GRANDSONS
(This one was the easiest one since they only curse around me.)
My score so far is 2 NO’s, 2 YES’s, and 1 NO EFFING WAY.
I’ll be doing a final review in January 2025. Now how about a quick little dirty joke to make you smile? It’s a slow day and we always need laughter in our life.
Two women were playing golf when one sliced her shot into a men’s foursome, causing one man to collapse in agony with both of his hands in his crotch. Rushing to his aid, the culprit apologized profusely, explained that she was a physical therapist and offered to help ease his pain. “No, it’s OK,” winced the man. “No, I insist,” she said as she undid the zipper of his jeans and began massaging his genitals. “There, does that feel better?” “Yes, it feels great,” said the man. “But my thumb still hurts like hell!!”
FORE!
It’s finally time for me to step up and put in writing the things I’m pledging to do at some time in 2014. I tried to keep these resolutions as reasonable as possible so I at least have a chance to live up to them. Here they are.
1. Read five books a month.
2. Teach the grandson one curse word per month once he begins talking.
3. Keep the number of F-bombs below 100 a week.
4. Drink less brandy than last year but more than next year.
5. Spend less than $300.00 at Dunkin Donut for the entire year ($25.00 per month).
6. Stop dancing naked near the picture window in the living room. It scares the neighbors if their complaints mean anything at all.
7. Fight to my last breath to keep chickens and goats from becoming part of my life.
I could have listed a few more but why set myself up for complete and utter failure. I did that last year and I should be learning from my past mistakes, you’d think.
* * *
I tried to convince my better-half to give me her list for 2014 but I ran into a brick wall. She appears to be a believer of never putting anything in writing regardless of who makes the request. I even tried intimidating her a little. I attempted to make her comply by threatening to post a few crazy resolutions and tell the world they came from her. I won’t repeat her reply since I do try to keep this blog at a PG rating. I admit she has a pretty effective way of intimidating me and that will also stay a deep and dark secret.
AHHHHH ANOTHER NEW YEAR HERE IN PARADISE.