Archive for the ‘rodney dangerfield’ Tag
Today is as good a day as any to be silly. Here are fifteen quotes from a group of somewhat silly people. I do suspect some of them aren’t as silly as they seem to be.
“Always look out for Number One and be careful not to step in Number Two.” Rodney Dangerfield
“Men are superior to women. For one thing they can urinate from a speeding car.” Willl Durst
“Men are nicotine-soaked, beer-besmirched, whiskey-greased, red-eyed devils.” Carry Nation
“Every time I look at you, I get the fierce desire to be lonesome.” Oscar Levant
“Women with pasts interest men because they hope history will repeat itself. Mae West
“Condoms aren’t completely safe. A friend of mine was wearing one and got hit by a bus.” Bob Rubin
“This gum tastes funny.” Sign on a condom machine.
“It’s OK to laugh in the bedroom so long as you don’t point.” Will Durst
“Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.” Sigmund Freud
“Formula for Success: Rise early, work hard, strike oil.” John Paul Getty
“I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.” Henny Youngman
“The toughest part of being on a diet is shutting up about it.” Gerald Nachman
“I’m not a vegetarian because I love animals; I’m a vegetarian because I hate plants.” A. Whitney Brown
“Your medical tests results are in. You’re short, fat, and bald.” Ziggy
“My grandmother’s brain was dead, but her heart was still beating. It was the first time we ever had a Democrat in the family.” Emo Philips
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GET SILLY
STAY SILLY
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I love people with a well-developed sense of humor, and I enjoy making people laugh. Since I now have a stand-up comic in the family, I pay even more than usual attention to on-line comics and what’s currently the rage. I have a number of comedians that I’ve been addicted to for years but unfortunately a few have passed on, but their comedy is alive and well and still makes me howl with laughter. I truly miss Sam Kinison and Ralphie May. Current comics Bill Burr, Brad Upton, and of course Sara Tiani are some of my USA favorites. Great Britain offers up Bob Mortimer, Jimmy Carr, Sarah Milliken, and Greg Davies, who are always laugh-out-loud funny. Yes, I love comedy so why wouldn’t I search out some humorous quotes from a few well-known stars.
“Ooooo. Ahhhhh. Get out!” Andrew Dice Clays impression of a one-night stand.
“My wife gives good headache.” Rodney Dangerfield
“Losing my virginity was a career move.” Madonna
“Sex after ninety is like shooting pool with a rope.” George Burns
“The main result of feminism has been the Dutch Treat.” Nora Ephron
“My plastic surgeon told me my face looked like a bouquet of elbows.” Phyllis Diller
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ANONYMOUS (Always LOL)
“Churches welcome all denominations but prefer fives and tens.”
“An optimist is someone who thinks the future is uncertain.”
“Truth is the safest lie.”
“When confronted with two evils, a man will always choose the prettier.”
“Is sex better than drugs? That depends on the pusher.”
“Love is blind, and marriage is a real eye-opener.”
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KEEP SMILING!
For many years I’ve been a lover of fine wines but even more obsessed with fine whiskies. The king of whiskey for me is bourbon. If I would have had two sons one of them would have been named “Jack” and the other named “Daniel”. A few years ago, I was in my seventh month of chemotherapy and wasn’t allowed any hard liquor. I was unfortunately forced to drink a series of less than satisfying hard ciders which truly sucked. Finally, the chemo ended, and I was given permission by all of my doctors to have a “real” drink. I returned home and poured myself a large glass of Jack Daniels and came very close to multiple orgasms. I got thoroughly wasted by that one drink, but I knew immediately that I was still alive. Today’s post contains quotes from a number of people with their own opinions about whiskey and they’re definitely worth remembering.
- “A gulp of hot whiskey at bedtime – it’s not very scientific, but it helps.” Alexander Fleming (the discoverer of penicillin)
- “I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.” Tommy Cooper
- “Scotchy, scotch, scotch. Here it goes down. Down into my belly.” A quote from the movie Anchorman
- “You actually go down to Kentucky, Louisville, and they’ve got bourbons that make Old Grandad and Jack Daniels look like Schweppes bitterly lemon . . . there’s one called Rebel Yell and that’s dynamite shit.” Keith Richards
- “You cannot drink gin and tonic in the middle of the night. You must have whiskey to give you energy.” Margaret Thatcher
- “My God, so much I like to drink Scotch that sometimes I think my name is Igor Stra-whiskey.” Igor Stravinsky
- “My family was a bunch of drunks. When I was six, I came up missing, they put my picture on bottles of Scotch.” Rodney Dangerfield
- “When life hands you lemons, make Whiskey Sours.” WC Fields
- “I like my whiskey old and my women young.” Errol Flynn
- “There is no bad whiskey. There are only some whiskeys that aren’t as good as others.” Raymond Chandler
Doing a lot of reading through these freezing cold months is something I look forward to every year. With little or no outside work to do I can read two or three books a week with no trouble. I purposely buy books to be saved for these months and I try to make them as diverse as I can.
That being said, if youāve read this blog or my previous blog, Anti-Stupidity Central, you know how much I tend to ridicule celebrities and the people who worship them. There is always so much hype and lies about their lives itās difficult to sort through it all to find the truth. During my weekly reading this week I discovered a source who supplied me with some truth about celebrities that they canāt deny or spin or tell untruths about. The following information concerns those celebrities who have passed on with some interesting facts on how that occurred.
SAMMY DAVIS JR. (1925-1990)
Donāt wives ever listen? Sammy Davis Jr. wanted his coffin closed because he wanted no one to see his cancer-ravaged body. His wife Altovise had an open casket and hired a photographer to snap pictures. Later when she discovered his estate owed millions in back taxes she had him exhumed and removed $70,000.00 of jewelry from his body. She died in 2009 at the same age as Sammy. Ahhhh, aināt true love wonderful?
MERV GRIFFIN (1925-2007)
His final resting place is Westwood Cemetery, Los Angeles. At the time of his death on August 12, he was a billionaire. He was clever and guarded at evading questions about his sexuality, telling the NY Times, āI tell everyone that Iām a quarter sexual. I will do anything with anyone for a quarter.ā His epithet reads āI Will Not Be Right Back After This Messageā.
JOHN WAYNE (1907-1979)
The Duke died of stomach cancer on June 11 and on his deathbed, he converted to Catholicism, and requested his tombstone to read, āFeo, Fuerte, y Normalā, a Spanish phrase meaning āugly, strong, and dignified.ā His grave remained unmarked for more than twenty years.
MEL BLANC (1908-1989)
Mel Blanc was known as the man of a thousand voices for more than fifty-two years, including Daffy Duck, Porky Pig, Yosemite Sam, Wile E. Coyote, and Barney Rubble. He died on July 10 of heart disease and was buried in a grave with the inscription, āThatās All Folksā, as stipulated in his will.
JOAN HACKETT (1934-1983)
She was laid to rest in Hollywood Forever Cemetery after losing her battle with ovarian cancer. She checked herself out of the hospital shortly before her death to host a party at her home for Carrie Fisher and Paul Simon. She so loved to get her beauty sleep that she was left resting quietly in Crypt 2314 with the epithet, āGo Away ā Iām Asleepā.
And last but certainly not least:
RODNEY DANGERFIELD (1921-2004)
His final resting place is Westwood Memorial Park in Los Angeles. You just have to love a guy who at eighty-two was still smoking pot. During the Reagan years he even once got stoned in the White House. He also, in 2002, got stoned in the hospital bathroom after having a heart attack scare. He died on October 5 from complications from heart-valve replacement. His tombstone reads "āThere Goes The Neighborhoodā. To me he was one of the funniest bastards who ever lived and has definitely earned my respect.
So there you have it. A small dose of graveside humor that canāt be disputed, denied, or spun. If only the ones still living could be as open and forthright.
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