Archive for the ‘shaving’ Tag

12/23/2021 Bizzaro New Year’s Resolutions   Leave a comment

After posting my resolutions yesterday I found this list on a website (www.ba-bamail.com) that’s loaded with all sorts of humorous jokes, gags, and limericks. Their list of resolutions was funny, but I thought it needed a little of my tweaking. Here is my modified version of their list, a list I know I can really accomplish. I’ll try to complete yesterday’s list, but it’ll be much more difficult than this one.

  • Put on at least 30 pounds, more if someone pisses me off.
  • Start buying lottery tickets at a luckier store.
  • Go commando at all times.
  • Stop exercising forever.
  • Let the hair in my nose and ears grow unchecked.
  • Shave just twice a week, the face is optional.
  • Watch more pornography.
  • Never again load the dishwasher.
  • Procrastinate more.
  • Do less laundry and use more deodorant.
  • Drink more – my liver needs the exercise.
  • Buy more on-line junk from China. I need to be scammed more often.
  • Take up a new habit: maybe try smoking again.
  • Swear more.
  • More car sex.

HAPPY NEW YEAR

2022 CAN’T BE ANY WORSE THAN THE LAST TWO YEARS

11-16-2013 The “Battle of the Sexes” Continues   2 comments

I discovered the following list while roaming around the Net yesterday.  I’m known for being sarcastic at times especially when writing about our female counterparts who tend to bring out the devil in me.  The “Battle of the Sexes” is something I take very seriously and I feel that it’s my job to defend my gender.  I think it’s only fair to make sure that women don’t get an unfair upper-hand in the amount of sarcastic BS they circulate about men.  I promise to do my very best to keep  us men on an even keel with them. 

For some reason sarcasm irritates the hell out of many women except for when they’re spewing it themselves.  This list of “Reasons It’s Good to Be a Women”" appear to have been written by a sarcastic and mean-spirited female sexist.  Since she seems to have gone over the edge with her comments I thought I should respond in kind. I’m not saying she’s a man hater but it’s certainly someone who must has been dumped recently or has a string of failed relationships that fueled her anger and sarcasm.  I hope you enjoy this item-by-item comparison written by a somewhat sarcastic man who definitely has had a few failed relationships along the way. Enjoy.

“Reasons It’s Good to be a Woman”

  1. We got off the Titanic first. We can scare male bosses with the mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.

  2. Taxis stop for us.

  3. We don’t look like a frog in a blender when dancing.

  4. No fashion faux pas we make, could ever rival the Speedo.

  5. We don’t have to pass gas to amuse ourselves.

  6. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.

  7. We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching her rear end.

8.    We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.

9.   We have the ability to dress ourselves.

10.  We can talk to the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.

11.  If we marry someone 20 years younger, we are aware that we will look like an idiot.

12.  We will never regret piercing our ears.

13.  There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.

14.  We can make comments about how silly men are in their presence because they aren’t listening anyway.

* * *

Am I right?  Does she sound just a little bitter?  No doubt in my mind she has issues she’s not dealing with all that well.  I think it’s time for my contribution to this discussion in a much more rational and male manner.  I’ll address her points one-by-one. 

“Reasons Why It’s Better to Be a Man”

1.    We don’t get and complain about gynecological disorders but if we had to listen to our women explain them, then we’d  probably jump off the Titanic voluntarily.

2.    We have vehicles and require no taxis.

3.    We don’t need to dance to display the goods.  Here they are.

4.    We may wear the occasional Speedo at the beach but we never go to Walmart in a dirty pink sweat suit with Hot & Juicy printed across the ass.

5.    We pass gas which eases our pain and keeps us from becoming as mean and disagreeable than our gas-pained female friends and lovers.

6.    We love to shave, it makes us clean and neat, not hairy and scary like some of the girls.

7.    We have the maturity and passion to show our male friends the “Thrill of Victory” and the “Agony of Defeat” without worrying about what our homophobic female friends think.

8.    We don’t reach down to touch ourselves to make sure our junk is still there.  We do that for those females with a short attention span so they won’t forget where the goods really are.

9.    We dress ourselves in a simple manner because if it’s too complicated our poor female lovers can’t figure a way to remove our clothing.

10.  We talk to the opposite sex because we have the unique ability to accurately picture them naked.

11.  We won’t marry someone 20 years older than us because that would make us look like an idiot.

12.  We will never regret much of anything, EVER.

13.  We carry a supply of chocolates with us at all times to entice the welcoming chocoholic females into a gooey, chocolate, and messy sex romp.

14.  We can say almost anything we want in the presence of women because they’re too busy yakking it up with each other  to hear what we have to say.

15th and Most Important:  WE HAVE CUSTODY OF THE PENIS.  With that in our favor we really own most women except for the occasion Lesbian.  But even they find it necessary at times to make detailed replicas of the penis for their amusement and the amusement of their partners.

MEN RULE

(Sarcasm Off)

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