It’s that time again for a New Years Resolution update. With June approaching soon, let’s call this my mid-year review. In past years I’ve stumbled repeatedly with only moderate successes. I hope 2023 has better results but let’s just see.
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Read 8.33 books a month (That’s 100 books for all of you math majors out there). Kindle has advised me that I’ve finished 48 books so far this year. I’m on track to make this a really successful reading year.
Keep the number of F-Bombs to less than a hundred a week. (I’m dreaming on this one.) I’ve done better with this resolution than expected. I’ve been confined to my home for the last three months with minimal contact with friends and family. We all know and understand that it’s the other people in our lives that helps to create F-Bombs, so I’m looking good for 2023 (so far).
Spend less than $50.00 a week on Dunkin. (That’s mostly for my better-half. They’re too expensive for me.) Again, my three-month confinement is saving me a boat load of Dunkin expenditures. The only person suffering is my better-half.
Drink less alcohol than last year but more than next year. (I’m dreaming!) What was I thinking? This one never had a chance.
Visit only the classiest porn sites. (No more than 10 per week unless provoked) This is another failure. Everyone knows that ten porn sites can easily be perused in under ten minutes. I truly set myself up to fail and trust me, I’ve failed miserably (you can’t see this huge smile on my face). It’s the smile of a happy and excited loser.
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No naked dancing near the picture window in the living room. (We have nervous neighbors!) I’m sure my neighbors are missing my fantastic dance routines and to them I apologize. It’s tough for me to “kick up my heels” while using a wheelchair, a walker, or a cane. Never fear, I should be healed by Labor Day and the show must go on.
Try not to argue with my better-half too much. (The operative word here is totry) This was doomed to immediate failure.
Teach the grandsons no more than five new swear words. (Or maybe learn one or two new ones from them.) I received a real surprise on this one. It seems that both of them have been picking up the lingo from other sources (internet, school, and friends). The ten-year-old actually asked me if I knew what the “F” word was. I immediately denied any knowledge of that bad word because I knew if I admitted anything, he’d rush home and rat me out to his mother. I still have a chance to have some success here. Five swear words in 6 months . . . easy-peasy.
Try to be more polite to all of the doctors that have been manhandling me for years. This one is difficult. Telling doctors anything is like “pissing into the wind” and that tends to make me really impolite at times.
After posting my resolutions yesterday I found this list on a website (www.ba-bamail.com) that’s loaded with all sorts of humorous jokes, gags, and limericks. Their list of resolutions was funny, but I thought it needed a little of my tweaking. Here is my modified version of their list, a list I know I can really accomplish. I’ll try to complete yesterday’s list, but it’ll be much more difficult than this one.
Put on at least 30 pounds, more if someone pisses me off.
Start buying lottery tickets at a luckier store.
Go commando at all times.
Stop exercising forever.
Let the hair in my nose and ears grow unchecked.
Shave just twice a week, the face is optional.
Watch more pornography.
Never again load the dishwasher.
Procrastinate more.
Do less laundry and use more deodorant.
Drink more – my liver needs the exercise.
Buy more on-line junk from China. I need to be scammed more often.
As I sit here nursing what could be called a mind numbing, brain busting, and painful hangover I made the decision to stay in bed until it goes away. Unfortunately since I cut my alcohol intake by 75% for the last six months I’m now what is commonly known as a "cheap date". A few glasses of wine and all of a sudden I’ve got a serious glow on and no longer have the ability to stop drinking. After last night I now know what my new tolerance level for Sangria is. It’s a sneaky drink that crept up behind me when I wasn’t looking and BAM, trashed.
Being in a semi-intoxicated state I decided I should help my better-half make dinner. I was assigned the task of cooking up a batch of skillet cornbread which is my specialty. I have numerous recipes for cornbread but did I use one of them? Of course not. I decided to adlib a little. As you can see the batter looks as it should even though I had to read the recipe a number of times due to my alcohol induced focusing problem.
I added a few new ingredients to the recipe which included a cup of crushed corn and heaping tablespoons of jalapeño and red onion powder. I diligently checked the skillet periodically and things seemed to be progressing as expected.
I did the tried and true toothpick test and removed the skillet from the oven. I was happy with the result, it looked great and smelled even better. I patiently waited a few minutes, had another glass of Sangria, and then sliced it up.
Being a caring and meticulous chef I never present my food to others until I’ve tried it myself. I cut a large slice, slathered it with butter, and pigged out. It wasn’t until I swallowed the second bite that the heat caught my attention. Within a few minutes my head was sweating, my lips were on fire, and I felt myself sobering up rather quickly. It was so freaking hot. I guess Chef’s Tip #1 for anyone deciding to have a piece of this cornbread is to cover it with jam of some sort to help knock down the heat. I guess I’ll file this new recipe away and save it for my friends who wish to be sobered up in a hurry.
The morning is slipping away and it’s time for me to get my lazy ass up and do something. I was planning on doing a serious detailing of my car today but I’m having trouble motivating myself. I need two large hot cups of coffee, a few pieces of crispy fried bacon, two Tylenol, and one more big slice of that cornbread. If that doesn’t cure me nothing will.
I should be back to my semi-normal condition sometime tomorrow. Hopefully I’ve been made a little smarter with my new understanding of Sangria and the pitfalls of drinking it like fruit juice.
Well we’re in day three of the Coffee Trivia marathon. I’ve explained in detail all of my past addictions, MY history with coffee over the years and finally today I’ll address my current coffee situation.
“I never drink coffee at lunch. I find it keeps me awake for the afternoon.” ~Ronald Reagan
I’m in the throes of a weight-loss program which while needed is nonetheless annoying and difficult. The diet I’ve been restricted to is not easy and leaves me very few food items that are fulfilling and satisfying. I kid people when I tell them my diet consists of radishes, pudding, cashews, cereal, water, and above all coffee. Coffee is and remains my one luxury item and regardless of what any Doctor tells me it will be the last thing I ever give up.
That being said, I’d like introduce you to my two new best friends. My weight-loss program would never be as successful as it’s been without these devices.
They allow me the luxury of a large number of options in preparing my coffee and it’s helped me work through this ungodly diet. As you can also see the variety of coffee’s available is incredible and I’m really enjoying tasting as many different types and styles as I can find.
So now I’ll continue my seemingly endless list of coffee trivia. I hope you’ve learned a little about coffee and it’s tremendous effect on the world’s economy as well as the huge number of employees it supports worldwide. It appears I’m not the only coffee addict on this planet. I’m just one of many millions who loves the bean. Enjoy.
“Still One of the Best”
65 countries in the world grow coffee. They are all along the equator, within the tropics.
After they are roasted, and when the coffee beans begin to cool, they release about 700 chemical substances that make up the vaporizing aromas.
Beethoven who was a coffee lover, was so particular about his coffee that he always counted 60 beans each cup when he prepared his brew.
Before roasting, some green coffee beans are stored for years, and experts believe that certain beans improve with age, when stored properly.
Before the first French cafe in the late 1700’s, coffee was sold by street vendors in Europe, in the Arab fashion. The Arabs were the forerunners of the sidewalk espresso carts of today.
Brazil accounts for almost 1/3 of the world’s coffee production, producing over 3-1/3 billion pounds of coffee each year.
In 1675 Charles II, King of England issued a proclamation banning Coffee Houses. He said that they were places where people met to plot against him.
30% of coffee drinkers in US added a sweetener of some kind to their coffee, compared with 57% in UK.
October 1st is official “Coffee Day” in Japan.
Scientists have discovered more than 800 different aromatic compounds in coffee.
“The more complicated the order, the bigger the asshole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a ‘decaf grandee, half soy, half low-fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n’-Low and one NutraSweet,’ ooooh, you’re a huge asshole.” ~ George Carlin
Black coffee with no sugar contains no calories.
Coffee represents 75% of all the caffeine consumed in the United States.
Coffee sacks are usually made of hemp and weigh approximately 132 pounds when they are full of green coffee beans. It takes over 600,000 beans to fill a coffee sack.
Coffee trees are evergreen and grow to heights above 15 feet but are normally pruned to around 8 feet in order to facilitate harvesting.
Coffee trees are self-pollinating.
Coffee trees produce highly aromatic, short-lived flowers producing a scent between jasmine and orange. These blossoms produce cranberry-sized coffee cherries. It takes four to five years to yield a commercial harvest.
75% of the world’s coffee comes from the Coffea Arabica plant.
Drinking a single cup of coffee that has been brewing for 20 minutes provides the body with 300 phytochemicals which act as antioxidants and stay in the body for up to a month.
In days gone by, Turkish bridegroom had to promise that they would always provide their new wives with coffee.
Worldwide, more 1400 millions cups of coffee are drunk every day.
This will be the final installment of the Coffee Trivia postings. I have to admit that I’ve collected enough information for a few more but I don’t want to overdue it. Possibly in the near future I’ll put together additional ones but I’ll let enough time pass so as not to bore everyone.
“That’s something that annoys the hell out of me- I mean if somebody says the coffee’s all ready and it isn’t” ― J.D. Salinger, The Catcher in the Rye
Yesterday in Coffee Trivia I I had quite a lot to say about my previous addictions as well as my fondness for coffee. Today you’ll receive more useless coffee information that I’m required to supply because of my addiction. All addictions have a downside and besides tasting wonderful so does coffee. It gives me that extra energy burst and ability to talk for long periods of time without taking a breath. Lucky you, your here for the lecture.
My love affair with coffee didn’t start at an early age like you might think. I wasn’t permitted to drink all that much coffee as a kid because my father felt it might effect my ability to play sports. Once I left for college his control over my beverage intake was finally at an end. I found coffee to be that best friend I’d been missing. The love affair began in earnest at that time and I’ve never looked back, not once. At the time I lived with five other guys in an apartment and there wasn’t a minute of the day that the coffee pot wasn’t full, steaming hot, and available for drinking. We never kept track but I can almost bet we drank more coffee than alcohol during those years and that’s saying something.
I eventually left school and enlisted in the army since the draft board was hot on my heels. For the next three years both in the United States and overseas I drank enough coffee to float a battleship. There’s nothing like Army coffee, it can almost eat the enamel right off your teeth. I won’t even begin to try and explain how the Korean’s made their coffee, it was indescribable. I also learned how to make instant coffee from C-ration packets and it sucked so bad I was forced to cut my coffee consumption in the field by 10%. For me that was a major concession.
Skipping ahead a few years and all of a sudden I’m a police officer working in a profession that is known for coffee and donuts. I was never too concerned with the donuts but I thrived on the coffee for seven years. I carried a thermos of hot coffee in the car with me and I’d stop when necessary to refill during my shift. Night shifts were another story altogether. My partner and I were never without a steaming hot coffee in the car or during our lunch stops at restaurants.
So you can see how my addiction to coffee has been the one consistent thing in my life for decades. All of my other addictions were just distractions but my love of coffee remains constant and still does. So let’s get this show on the road. I thought I knew a lot about coffee but I really had no clue. Some of these facts are humorous and some aren’t but they’re all interesting. I’ve found so much information on coffee I may be forced to increase the number of Coffee Trivia postings to four or five.
Flavored coffees are created after the roasting process by applying flavored oils specially created to use on coffee beans.
Frederick the great had his coffee made with champagne and a bit of mustard.
Hard Bean means the coffee was grown at an altitude above 5000 feet.
Hawaii is the only state of the United States in which coffee is commercially grown. Hawaii features an annual Kona Festival, coffee picking contest. Each year the winner becomes a state celebrity. In Hawaii coffee is harvested between November and April.
The Nicaraguan Margogpipe is the largest of all coffee beans.
It takes 40 coffee beans to make an espresso.
One coffee tree yields less than half a kilo of coffee per year.
A coffee tree lives for between 60 and 70 years.
By 1850, the manual coffee grinder found its way to most upper middle class kitchens of the U.S.
Coffee is the second most traded commodity in the world (oil is the first.)
“It is inhumane, in my opinion, to force people who have a genuine medical need for coffee to wait in line behind people who apparently view it as some kind of recreational activity.” ― Dave Barry
Brazil produces around 40% of the world’s coffee supply.
A Belgian named George Washington invented instant coffee in 1906.
Coffee has been used as a beverage for over 700 years.
Coffee as a medicine reached its highest and lowest point in the 1600’s in England. Wild medical contraptions to administer a mixture of coffee and an assortment of heated butter, honey, and oil, became treatments for the sick. Soon tea replaced coffee as the national beverage.
Coffee beans are similar to grapes that produce wine in that they are affected by the temperature, soil conditions, altitude, rainfall, drainage and degree of ripeness when picked.
“There are three intolerable things in life – cold coffee, lukewarm champagne, and overexcited women…” ― Orson Welles
Brewed espresso has 2.5% fat, while filtered coffee contains 0.6% fat.
Johan Sebastian Bach wrote an opera about a woman who was addicted to coffee.
There is a way to brew coffee with marijuana in it and it is described as producing a “dreamy” kind of coffee buzz.
More than 20 million people worldwide, work in the coffee industry.
There are two species of coffee plant: Arabica and Robusta.
“Coffee should be black as hell, strong as death, and as sweet as love.”      Turkish Proverb
Let’s talk about coffee. It’s the only major addiction I have left and I cherish it. When I stopped smoking twenty-eight years ago it was coffee that helped me through all those terrible days without nicotine. That and Tootsie Pops of course. I don’t know for sure how many Tootsie Pops are in a pound but I gained thirty-five pounds eating them over the course of five months. Coffee helped to keep me going until I was free of the damn nicotine and then the Tootsie Pops. Unfortunately by the time that was all over I was also addicted to the coffee as well. I replaced one killer addiction with a much milder version and was happy as hell about it.
My second major addiction was alcohol. I never drank enough to join that infamous club of alcoholics but I drank my share. Now at this stage of my life I’ve given up up drinking almost completely. Coffee again has been there to help replace the stimulation I received from alcohol with a much milder version.
My third big addiction was eating. Not the food itself but the eating of the food. I’ve been a nervous eater for most of my life and once my metabolism slowed it became a problem. With each passing year it became more of an issue but I waged a good battle to maintain my weight. My good buddy “Coffee” again came to my rescue and for that I’m grateful.
I decided to take a closer look at coffee and to learn as much as I could in the context of this blog.. Today will be Coffee Trivia Day. I’m celebrating my last great addiction that has made it possible for me to defeat three others. Here is a list of twenty trivia tidbits, the first of three Coffee Trivia planned postings.
“A 41-inch bust and a lot of perseverance will get you more than a cup of coffee – a lot more.” ~Jayne Mansfield
 Until the 18th century coffee was almost always boiled.
Until the late 1800’s, people roasted their coffee at home. Popcorn poppers and stove-top frying pans were favored.
When a coffee seed is planted, it takes five years to yield consumable fruit.
William Penn purchased a pound of coffee in New York in 1683 for $4.68.
Hawaii is the only state that commercially grows coffee.
In the ancient Arab culture there was only one way a woman could legally divorce: If her husband didn’t provide enough coffee.
52% of Americans drink coffee.
A acre of coffee trees can produce up to 10,000 pounds of coffee cherries. That amounts to approximately 2000 pounds of beans after hulling or milling.
A scientific report form the University of California found that the steam rising from a cup of coffee contains the same amounts of antioxidants as three oranges. The antioxidants are heterocyclic compounds which prevents cancer and heart disease.
Adding sugar to coffee is believed to have started in 1715, in the court of King Louis XIV, the French monarch.
Advertisements for coffee in London in 1657 claimed that the beverage was a cure for scurvy, gout and other ills.
“Decaffeinated coffee is the devil’s blend.” ~Author Unknown
Espresso Coffee has just one third of the caffeine content of ordinary coffee.
Coffee beans are really berries. Each berry contains two beans (pips).
An expert in preparing Turkish coffee is known as a “kahveci”.
Irish coffee was actually invented to warm up cold American plane passengers leaving from Ireland.
And lastly, Teddy Roosevelt is and was the greatest American coffee drinker, consuming a gallon a day. But you probably shouldn’t attempt to do that.
An Arabica coffee tree can produce up to 12 pounds of coffee a year, depending on soil and climate.
Australians consume 60% more coffee than tea, a six-fold increase since 1940.
Caffeine is on the International Olympic Committee list of prohibited substances. Athletes who test positive for more than 12 micrograms of caffeine per milliliter of urine may be banned from the Olympic Games. This level may be reached after drinking about 5 cups of coffee.
Citrus has been added to coffee for several hundred years.
“Coffee, the finest organic suspension ever devised.” ~Star Trek: Voyager
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