Archive for the ‘vagina’ Tag

03-15-2016 Journal – Sex & Julius Caesar!   2 comments

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‘Gaius Julius Caesar’

Today is the day every year that I remember good old Julius Caesar. The Ides of March will forever be known as an evil day  thanks to him and all of his so-called friends. Stabbed twenty-three times upon arriving at his work place at the Curia he was left to die alone on the sidewalk. It just goes to show how far we’ve come as a society because these days we’ve made some major improvements on how to murder someone.  If Caesar was to be murdered today it would be by two hooded gentlemen driving by in a mini-Fiat firing a couple of Tech-9’s at him. He’d still be just as dead but it would have been  done so much quicker and efficiently.   So for today “All Hail Caesar”.

Now let’s move onto something almost as interesting as a dead guy. SEX!  I’ve been on a roll in recent weeks with trivia postings because I love trivial facts.  I also love sex so it only seems right that I offer up some sex related information.  Here goes nothing.

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  • The average size of an erect penis measures between 5 and 6 inches, while the average size of a flaccid penis is about 3.5 inches.
  • Many of the ingredients in chocolate are proven to cause arousal similar in effect to sexual foreplay. In fact, some experts believe chocolate may be even more effective than foreplay for sexual arousal.
  • Historical records show that even in 1850 B.C., women attempted to practice birth control. The most common method was a mixture of crocodile dung and honey placed in the vagina in the hopes of preventing pregnancy.
  • Although nearly any body part or item of clothing may be an object of sexual fetishism, the shoe and the foot are the two most common fetishes in Western society.
  • Just a decade ago, only 25% of women reported experiencing orgasm as a result of intercourse. In recent years, this number has risen to about 45%. In contrast, over 80% of women report experiencing orgasm though oral sex.

It’s no wonder I’ve been addicted to chocolate my entire life. Instead of foreplay just gobble down a handful of M&M’s and get busy. Also I will verify that feet can be sexually arousing. I’ve been a foot lover since day one and damn proud of it. And last but not least to both men and women I say “Hooray for Oral Sex” and “Boo!” to crocodile dung and honey. Yuck!

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  • The vibrator, a common sex toy for women, was originally designed in the nineteenth century as a medication to combat the anxiety-related symptoms of “hysteria” (now known as menstruation).
  • Throughout the United States, approximately 4% of the population self-identifies as gay, lesbian, or bisexual.
  • During 30 minutes of active sex, the average person burns approximately 200 calories.
  • On average, adult men think about sex every seven seconds.
  • Approximately 1% of people worldwide identify as asexual (having no strong sexual attraction to either sex).

I think about sex every seven seconds? I might have to disagree with that fact. I think it’s way more often that that. Ask any guy!  If I recall my basic facts on weight loss it takes a reduction of approximately 2000 calories to lose a pound of weight. If that’s true then having intercourse ten times would also work.  I’m sure you could lose a lot of weight doing it that way but you might miss a few days of work here and there.

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  • Statistics suggest that approximately one in every five Americans has indulged in sex with a colleague at work.
  • Approximately 70% of people in the U.S. admit to fantasizing about group sex at some point in their life, and more than 50% of those people actually follow through.
  • One report states that 48% of women have faked an orgasm at least once in their life. Interestingly, an identical 48% of men also report faking an orgasm at least once.
  • Since AIDS was first diagnosed in 1981, more than 25 million people have died as a result of the virus. Two million people died from AIDS in the year 2007 alone.
  • Statistics show that approximately 90% of men and 65% of women masturbate from time to time.

Group sex appears more popular than I thought. The masturbation numbers were surprising. I thought you women out there were keeping up but I guess I was mistaken. Shame on all of you, so get to work ladies.

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This is my favorite tidbit and could possibly explain my obsession with wine. After I drink enough of a favorite Chardonnay my behavioral responses can get pretty interesting. Especially if I eat a huge chunk of chocolate along with it. LOOK OUT!

  • Both men and women can be turned on by the aromas of wine. The scents of many wines are believed to replicate human pheromones, the chemical substances that cause behavioral responses in humans.

HAVE A HAPPY IDES OF MARCH

08-12-2013   Leave a comment

I love lists of all kinds but I apparently haven’t listed some subjects that certain people have been waiting for.  In response to a "tongue in cheek" request for odd or record setting information on sex I visited more web sites than usual to find a few interesting sexual facts. I can’t personally verify these tidbits but the majority have been reported through numerous sources and appear legitimate.  Read on and and try hard not to laugh too much, shudder too much or retch too much.

  • Most Children Fathered: The king of Morocco (in the 17th century), Moulay Ismail Ibn Sharif, is a proud owner of this sex record. He had a harem with 500 wives and 1042 recorded offspring’s.
  • Oldest Father: Indian farmer, Nanu Ram Jogi already held the record for world’s oldest father when he fathered his 21st child at 90-years-old. Jogi is married to his fourth wife and has no plans of slowing down his baby production.
  • Most Births: The modern world record for giving birth is held by Leontina Albina from San Antonio, Chile. Now in her mid-sixties, she claims to be the mother of 64 children. Of these, 55 are documented.
  • The mother with the greatest number of kids that are not twins is Livia Ionce. This Romanian woman, 44, gave birth to her 18th child in Canada in 2008.
  • The woman to give birth to the most children was a peasant’s wife from Shuya (east of Moscow) . She gave birth 27 times. 16 pairs of twins, seven sets of triplets and four sets of quadruplets.
  • Most Ejaculations: For a man in one hour is 16.
  • Semen Swallowed: Michelle Monahan swallowed 1.7 pints (almost 1 liter) of semen and had to get her stomach pumped.
  • Most female orgasms in an hour: 134.
  • Most male orgasms in an hour: 16.
  • Longest Ejaculation: American man Horst Schultz was recorded ejaculating 18 feet 9 inches. He also holds the records for height (12 ft. 4in) and speed (42.7mph). A woman has been recorded ejaculating 10 feet.
  • Strongest Vagina: 42 year-old Russian woman, Tatiata Kozhevnikova, broke her own record by hefting a glass ball attached to 31 pounds of weight with her vagina muscles. Kozhenikova’s success didn’t happen overnight, but through fifteen years of rigorously training.
  • Oldest Prostitute: An 82 -year-old woman called "Grandma" in Tai Pei is believed to be the oldest living and working prostitute. She began 40 years ago after a man she had lived with for two decades died. She stays in business by charging ten to twenty times less than other working girls in the area.
  • Largest Female Gangbang: Pornstar Lisa Sparxxx nailed 919 guys in 24 hours. This defeated previous records of 646 in 2002 and 759 in 2003.
  • Largest Male Gangbang: Porn star Jon Dough had sex with over 55 women in one day, having 5 to 6 orgasms.
  • Largest Orgy: In Japan 250 couples had sex at the same time and in the same place while camera crews recorded the event. Despite all testing negative for STDs, the couples only had sex with their partners.
  • Youngest Parents: Shaun Steard of England was 12 when he became a father. 5-year-old, Peruvian Lina Medina gave birth in 1933 after starting to menstruate at 3. Her father was jailed on suspicion of incest but released due to a lack of evidence. The child was delivered through cesarean because Lina’s hips were too narrow.
  • The smallest human penis: 0.39 inches.
  • Largest Non-Human Penis: Rorqual whales have penises that average 10 feet, and as much as a 1 foot in diameter.
  • Largest Human Penis: The record for the largest living penis belongs to Jonah Falcon who has a 13.5 inch penis.
  • Largest Human Clitoris: In The Sexual Anatomy, W. Francis Benedict mentions a 12 inch clitoris.
  • Largest Human Vagina: Scottish giant, Anna Swan, and her giant husband had a giant baby that’s head was 19 inches, all of which fit through her vagina.

I don’t know about you but that’s just about all the trivia and facts about sex I’ll ever need.  It’s scary to think that most of what you just read is factual and many of these people are still alive, well, and active. This should take care of any future requests for odd sexual facts for a very long time.

08-05-2013   Leave a comment

Welcome back to the next installment of E.U.T. (Every Useless Thing) University’s on-line education program. It’s the best known reservoir for totally useless knowledge and through our detailed courses of study we will explain many of those things that have puzzled mankind for centuries.  Here are lesson plans #5 and #6. These topics are not common knowledge but we at E.U.T.U have searched for and found the truth just for you.

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Lesson #5 – How Did the “Missionary Position” Get It’s Name?

The missionary position is a position for sexual intercourse in which the man and woman lie facing each other, with the man on top of the woman. It is probably the best-known sexual position has been adopted by people for centuries.

The name of the position is widely thought to be derived from the early European missionaries, who discovered that native people in the New World were employing other unorthodox positions, such as the man penetrating the woman from behind. The missionaries taught the natives that couples facing each other was the only position that was acceptable to God (because it was more intimate, enabling both partners to see and kiss each other) and that any other position was considered unnatural. It is generally thought that these teachings were carried out by St. Paul who believed that the woman should be underneath the man during intercourse, while St. Augustine also taught that any other position was a sin against nature.

The term was first recorded in its popular definition in the 1960’s.

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Isn’t it amazing that so many of our current issues concerning sex and procreation were caused by a handful of prudish and allegedly holy men who passed it down to the “free love generation”. That irony at it’s very best.

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Lesson #6 – What is the G Spot and Where is It?

The G spot is a small area in a woman’s vagina that, when stimulated, is said to give her intense orgasms. It’s named after its discoverer Ernest Grafenberg, a German physician who conducted research on that area of the vagina in the 1950’s. In recent years.

The G spot is said to be located on the upper front vaginal wall, close to where the urethra joins the bladder. While its exact position can vary, it is commonly situated 2 to 3 inches inside the vagina, directly behind the pubic bone. It is the size of a small coin and has a spongy texture, distinguishing it from the otherwise smooth vaginal wall. Many women have difficulty in finding it, and some cannot find it at all.

The G spot is usually very sensitive and is capable of hardening and swelling. When pressure is applied to it, it can stimulate the need to urinate, and it might be the organ responsible for female ejaculation. One theory for the existence of this phenomenon is that during childbirth the head of the child pushes on the G spot, triggering the ejaculation, which lubricates the birth canal and helps with the final phase of birth.

Many people still maintain that the G spot doesn’t exist, or that it doesn’t contribute to orgasms in women. Others, meanwhile, claimed that it is part of the clitoris, the nerves of which penetrate deep below the surface.

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For all you men out there you can no longer deny the G spot’s existence or that you can’t to find it. The teachers from E.U.T.U. have spent countless hours and endless searching to find that magical spot, to map its location, and to supply that information to you. So guys, get off your ass and get out there and find that most important of female erogenous zones and don’t stop until you’ve been successful or you die trying.

These lessons will continue into many interesting areas that we at E.U.T.U. have been diligently researching.  They will be published as soon as possible after being received in order to keep you up to speed.  Your very welcome!

CLASS DISMISSED

06-12-2013   Leave a comment

Today I intended to further explore the use of the English language where names are concerned by talking about nicknames we humans insist on giving to our private parts.  The list of nicknames is endless but the main body parts targeted  normally for nicknames are the vagina, penis, and occasionally the breasts.  As a kid (age 7-11) and before my sex life truly existed my friends and I had already named our penises.  I have no idea why we did but it could have been as simple a reason as "because it was there".  Our fascination with our penises was intense at that age because if you must know it was the center of our young universe.  Unfortunately it still is.

Our little group of five perverts constantly discussed those things that were most important to us; our penises, girls, and that greatest mystery of all, sexual intercourse. We almost declared a national holiday when our buddy Frank reported at one of our private meetings in our secret hidden club house that he had what we later found out was his first orgasm.  He explained in great detail just what he’d done and how it felt.  We were all astounded by his description of the feelings he had but were somewhat confused by his report that nothing came out of his penis when he came.  We’d been told by the experts (our older friends) that there would be sperm. That discussion went on for another six months as were tried to figure out what Frank had done wrong. 

Eventually we were called to an emergency meeting at the clubhouse when Frank finally reported that some “white stuff” had finally appeared after he masturbated.  We did everything but declare him king of the effing world. We put him through the third degree until we were all satisfied he was giving us the absolute truth.

You should also know that during the next few months we were  all diligently practicing in the privacy of our homes trying to duplicate what Frank was reporting. Shortly after his report on the "white stuff" we as a group demanded he show us specifically how he did it.  We retired to his house and the five of us squeezed into his little bathroom where he began his demonstration.  He used a little soap on his hands and began to furiously masturbate.  He kept saying he was almost there as we waited patiently.  The mood was immediately broken when his mother threw the door open and caught him in the act and all of us watching.  Many of you can talk about your most awkward moments but this one was by far my worst.  My second worst moment was when I got home to find out that Frank’s mom had ratted us all out.  My mother was not happy.

Frank practically tore his penis off trying to put it away.  His poor mother was probably never quite the same again either.  Needless to say it took years before any of us could look her in the eye without turning a bright crimson.  We all learned two valuable lessons that fateful day. One, soap is our friend and two, lock the freaking door.

We learned never to do anymore sexual exploring at anyone’s home.  We confined our discussions and demonstrations to our club house where all of the best reading material (skin mags) was available for our use.  Later on as we grew more curious we invited one or two of the neighborhood girls to the club house for a few games of "show and tell".  There was no sexual activity just a very clinical study of their genitals and their study of ours.  It was around that time that my penis received his first nickname, I called him "Charlie".

I have to admit that years later after my sex life had been firmly established Charlie’s nicknames became much more interesting.  Charlie became confused at times because he was forced to suffer through a long list of really tacky names that he really didn’t care for. I never told any of my female sex partners that all of those silly name they insisted on calling him meant nothing to him or to me.  His real name was and always will be Charlie and all the sexual attention in the world from them and their vaginas could never change that.

I was thinking about listing a number of the more common genital nicknames in this posting but I thought this story would be more poignant and informative than a cold and unemotional list. Besides you men out there already know the most common nicknames currently in use. Unfortunately you women out there only think you know your man’s  actual name for his penis.