Archive for August 2013
I love supplying all of you with tons of useless trivia but today I think I’ll change things up a little. I’ll be asking the questions and hopefully some of you will supply the correct answers.
We’ve all been raised sitting in front of the television and I don’t see that lessening any time soon. With the addition of smartphones and tablets it should increase every year for the foreseeable future.
With that in mind I’m supply you with twenty trivia questions concerning television over the last fifty years. Let’s see just how well you can do with them. I’ll supply the answers tomorrow and you can see just how well or how badly you’ve done. Lets begin.
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What are the names of the two old codgers who wisecrack from their box seats on the Muppet Show?
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What was Johnny Carson’s famous reply when a reporter asked what he would his epithet to be?
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What 1949 television program was the very first coast-to-coast network show?
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Who played Beau Maverick on the TV western comedy series Maverick?
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What were the only words spoken by Clarabell the clown on the Howdy Doody Show?
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What was the address of Big Birds nest on TV’s Sesame Street?
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What popular stand-up comic turned down the role of Trapper John McIntyre in the TV sitcom M*A*S*H before Wayne Rogers signed on for the part?
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How many opening monologues did Johnny Carson deliver during his 30 years as host of the Tonight Show?
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What role did Art Carney play in Jackie Gleason’s very first Honeymooners sketch?
10. Who was the first mystery guest to appear on the TV quiz show What’s My Line in 1950?
11. What TV sitcom family lived at 1313 Mockingbird Lane?
12. What was the theme song Jack Benny played off-key on his violin?
13. What character actress provides the voice of mother Marge on TVs animated sitcom The Simpsons?
14. What car did TVs Archie Bunker recall fondly in “Those Were the Days”, the theme song of the sitcom All in the Family?
15. On what TV show did Robert Guillaume first portray the sharp-witted, sharp-tongued butler Benson?
16. Who played Kato, the faithful Philippine valet-chauffeur, on the TV show The Green Hornet?
17. Who portrayed Arnold Ziffel on Green Acres, the late 1960s TV sitcom that starred Eddie Albert and Eva Gabor?
18. How many cases did Perry Mason lose in the nine seasons Raymond Burr appeared on TV as the ace defensive lawyer?
19. What were the names of the three sons in the TV sitcom My Three Sons, which featured Fred Mc Murray as widower Steve Douglas?
20. What is the meaning of kemo sabe the words Tonto used to address the Lone Ranger?
Bonus Question (Worth 2 Points): What actress’s unpublished home telephone number did comedienne Joan Rivers give out on national TV in 1986 when she was hosting The Late Show Starring Joan Rivers?
So how do you think you did? I won’t tell you my score because it sucked. I thought I knew a lot but once again I may have been mistaken. The answers will follow tomorrow.
I was standing in a line at a nearby Subway Shop yesterday and listened to three young ladies chitchatting about this and that almost nonstop. They discussed a few friends, made a derogatory comment or two about a certain person they disliked, and then complained about starting school in a week or two. As I stood in line behind them I couldn’t help but overhear their conversation intermixed with the receiving and sending of text messages from other friends.
I had to smile thinking how different things are these days for our younger generations. The one thing that held my interest today was their use or misuse of the language. Almost every child learns early on how to have a little fun at the expense of the adults in their life. These newer generations have adopted the never-ending use of the word "Like". As I stood in that long line behind these young girls I was able to count no less than twenty-five uses of the word "Like". It actually made me grin a little.
I could make fun of them or quote some of their silly comments but that isn’t at all what I was thinking at the time. I agree that their use of the word was cute and possibly funny but it seemed to bother the older women standing to my left a great deal more than it did me. She was shuffling her feet and rolling her eyes the entire time which I’m sure was the effect they were shooting for. Growing up these days still requires those developing children to irritate the older generations just enough to show them their newly found desire for independence. It’s where they begin to carve out their own niche as soon-to-be adults and push and shove to take their place with the rest of us. They were giggling and chatting like kids do and it was fun to watch.
Every generation has certain words and phrases they over-use and I have no idea how that happens with almost every generation. When I was growing up the word "Okay" was overused constantly and later “Cool” was the word of choice. After a little research I discovered the following information on the word "Okay" since that was my generation’s word choice.
As tends to be the case with the origins of sayings or words, the starting point of OK is a matter of contention. Many explanations have been offered and here are three samples of which none are believable.
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The wood out of which British ships were built, oak, which is a durable wood gave rise to the saying that such wood was “oak-a”.
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US military records stating that there were no casualties – that is, zero killed (OK).
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The ancient Greek schooling practice of marking the letters on exceptional papers, indicating that they were ola kala (literally “it is good”).
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The most favored derivation, however, probably because it is supported by documentary evidence, is that the word OK stems from a phrase used in the 19th century. It was a fad during the 1830’s in Boston for newspapers to use comical expressions such as KY for “know yuse”, OW for “oll wright”, NS for “nuff said”, and notably, OK for “oll korrect”. OK became more popular in 1840 when the supporters of the Democratic politician, Martin Van Buren formed the OK Club. In this case, the letters stood for “Old Kinderhook” (Kinderhook, New York being Van Buren’s place of birth), and it’s thought that it was through this use of the letters that brought OK into mainstream usage.
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I’m sure that in the day I was able to make my parents cringe every time I used the term “OK” sarcastically just as “Like and Whatever” are accomplishing these days. Rule #1 for kids: As always, find an adult’s annoyance button and then push it over and over again. I wonder what the next generation will come up in a few years to irritate these three young ladies. That’s makes me grin too!
Today I’m going to tell you a story that is true. I’ve had a few moments in my life that deeply affected me but this one more so than many of the others. I’m going to tell you this story in as much detail as I can remember and then when I’m finished I’ll have a few more comments to make.
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It’s 1968, it’s summer time, and it’s very hot here in Korea. It’s 5:00 am, the best time of the day to avoid that hot and sweltering heat of the day. I just finished walking a little more than five miles to reach this valley which is very isolated. I’m in the northern part of South Korea just below the DMZ. I’ve been hearing stories about this place since my arrival in Korea with most of the information received from the elders of the village where I’ve been living. I’ve traveled here to see for myself if the many stories of ghosts and apparitions are really true.
I walked the length of this valley before sun rise and have begun climbing into the surrounding hills so I can have a more panoramic view of the entire area. I’m about 300 feet above the floor of the valley sitting on a huge boulder. It is unearthly quiet, not a single sound to be heard, and there’s a dense fog rolling through the valley not much higher than 10 feet from ground. I’m just high enough above the fog to be chilled by the light breeze and it sends a shiver through my body. No more than 15 years ago a battle took place in this valley and it lasted for days. It will never be known just how many soldiers died here but it was hundreds and hundreds. It’s something of a memorial to the Korean War that everyone would like to forget since the battle included both North and South Koreans, Turks, and Chinese.
I’ve been told by the village elders who lived through the Korean War that this battle was a massacre. The dead were stacked four deep in places and the carnage was indescribable. Within days of the completion of this battle hundreds of Korean villagers with help from others were tasked to bury the dead. In accordance with Korean tradition the bodies were placed in a sitting position on the ground with their legs crossed and arms folded across the chest and then covered with a mound of dirt. It took many days and hundreds of people to complete the burials and it was something none of them would ever forget.
So here I sit on my boulder as the fog slowly dissipates. I can just see the tops of the hundreds and hundreds of mounds filling the valley as far as the eye can see. The fog intertwines in and around the mounds almost like water and as each minute goes by the fog lessens and lessens until the mounds are fully exposed. I climb down from my perch being careful not to slip and begin my walk slowly and quietly back through the mounds. I picture in my mind each of the bodies contained within the mounds and it’s almost like they’re talking to me. I’m not frightened by this experience but I’m certainly affected by it. I can feel the moisture on my skin drying and I turn around quickly because I can feel a presence near me. All I see are my solitary wet foot prints meandering in and around the mounds and nothing more.
I can picture the battle as it may have occurred and I can almost hear the rifle shots, mortars, the yelling, the screaming, and the dying. I saw no ghosts but I felt the presence of every person who died in that valley on that day. They seemed to be clustered around me wondering in their own minds what could have possessed me to come here. I’m not sure why myself but I’m certainly glad I did.
Many of the villagers living in this area are of younger generations and remember little or nothing about the Korean War. I only know what I’ve read in books and stories I’ve heard from a few of the career soldiers with whom I’ve been been assigned. It was an ugly time where many ugly things occurred and then were forgotten. As the years go by this place will slowly disappear in the minds of the locals as things like this have been forgotten thousands of times in the past. There’s no big and fancy wall with the names of the dead posted. There is no map to show the tourists where to go and see these mounds, take a few pictures, and then return home with stories to tell their friends. I firmly believe that the great majority of people killed here in this valley had families who never knew when or where their father’s, son’s, and husbands died.
I’ll never forget this valley, this day, or any of them.
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I hope you were able to picture that valley as it was during my short but intense visit. This was just one of many places in Korea where terrible moments occurred causing much death and destruction. It amazes me that a country can rebound from such devastation to become the beautiful place it is now.
EVERY USELESS THING UNIVERSITY
Class is now in session, so please take your seats, pay close attention, and prepare to become a little smarter. Our lessons for today are as follows:
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Lesson #7 – Why Does Alcohol Cause People to Urinate?
The reason why people urinate so frequently while drinking alcohol is because it is a diuretic i.e., a drug that increases the amount of urine produced by the kidneys. Caffeine, too, is a diuretic.
Alcohols diuretic effect works by preventing the blood regulation function of vasopressin, and antidiuretic hormone that acts on the kidneys, compelling them to concentrate urine by increasing the resorption of water. Decrease in vasopressin therefore reduces the amount of water reabsorbed by the kidneys, resulting in the production of larger amounts of urine. This diuretic effect draws water from the body and causes a person to urinate more fluid than they imbibe.
The diuretic effect (or diuresis) is caused not by the volume of liquid drunk but by the alcohol content of the drink itself. A shot of spirits will generally cause a person to generate as much urine as they would if they drink a pint of beer.
Now you know the reason for the consistently long lines at restrooms during sporting events. The next time your at a party and you hear the phrase “I could piss like a race horse”, get out of the way and let that person pass. You certainly don’t want any back splash on your shoes.
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Lesson #8 – Why Does the Penis Shrink When It’s Cold?
In cold weather or water, a man’s penis will often retract and reduce considerably in size. This phenomenon sometimes referred to as “shrinkage”, and it occurs for a number of reasons, primarily that of temperature regulation. The testicles are contained in the scrotum and suspended away from the body, owing to the fact that sperm can be produced only when conditions are slightly cooler than the core temperature of the body. The temperature range in which sperm can be produced is very narrow, varying by only a couple of degrees, and when the environment gets too cold the scrotum retracts, drawing the testicles closer to the body to increase the temperature. As the penis is attached to the scrotum, this retraction pulls up the penis along with it.
A sufficient steep drop in temperature will also prompt the body to reduce the amount of blood circulating to the extremities and appendages, and concentrate blood flow in the core of the body in order to check the vital organs. As the size of the penis is affected greatly by the amount of blood that it receives, when a drop in temperature causes a reduction in the amount of blood reaches it, the penis shrivels and decreases in size.
Penis can also reduce in size when a man is startled or frighten, again because the body retracts the scrotum to the body for maximum protection, following the penis and with it.
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Now all of you ladies out there have the inside scoop. You should no longer take it personally if a man fails to respond to your many charms since he’s either cold, wet, startled or even frightened. If he is none of those things then you have a serious problem that can only be solved by kicking him to the curb and moving on.
CLASS DISMISSED
Well, I’ve made it through another transaction with a used car salesman. My better-half has been using my car since hers was totaled which has caused me to become house bound for the last two weeks. The choice I had was an easy one. Do I get up at 4am to take her to work or do I stay in bed and catch an extra two hours of sleep. No brainer right? I tried taking her to work a couple of times and finally decided I was just being stupid.
It actually wasn’t much of an inconvenience for me but I could tell she was feeling bad about the whole situation. She surprised me yesterday when she arrived home from work a few hours early and advised me we were going out to look at a few more cars. We left the house after much discussion and time spent checking vehicles on the web at nearby dealerships. On one of our earlier trips we earmarked two vehicles as possible candidates for her. One was a Hyundai Elantra and the second was a Honda Civic with both still remaining on the market.
We arrived at the dealership and once again discussed the two possible purchases amongst ourselves. We both seemed a little hesitant about both cars which was just not a good sign. Later as a salesman later stood with us with his typical nonstop flow of BS I kind of zoned out. He was beginning to piss me off a little so I walked away for a few minutes to clear my head. As I did I saw a car parked nearby that hadn’t been there during our last visit. I quickly checked it out and was stunned at what a clean and untouched vehicle it seemed to be. It had just been taken in trade for a new purchase just two days ago.
The better-half walked over and began checking it out and low and behold two hours later she was driving it off the lot and heading home. It was well within our budget and was in absolute mint condition. We just got very lucky for a change. She’s now the proud owner of a Hyundai Sonata with every extra you could imagine on it with a sun roof thrown in for good measure.
We went through the normal smooth talking attempts by other salesmen to sell us extra unneeded and senseless warranties and maintenance programs. One dealerships smooth talking BS-artist was relentless in his efforts which eventually forced me to cause a minor ruckus and storm out of the office. He was lucky I’ve mellowed with age and become such a calm and non-violent person because ten years ago I’d have gotten into his face in a big way and told him to shove his car up his ass. But I’m a better person now, lucky for him.
Just another anticipated unpleasant experience with a little turd of a man whose mere existence just irritates the hell out of me. Oh well, my better-half is happy to have a new car, I’m happy because I can now finally leave the house during daylight hours, and lastly that salesman is happy because he never has to see or talk to me ever again.
All in all a successful shopping safari.
I’ve been fairly consistent over the years in my criticism of all politicians and liberals even more so. It’s my opinion that all politicians usually do more harm than good once they start passing inane laws and even more so with liberals.
For a long time I felt I was alone in my opinions until I started doing what I tell everyone else to do, “Know Your Past”. I’ve always loved history and read as much of it as I can. The following quotes are from a variety of sources over a span of almost a hundred years and I found them more than a little interesting. I hope you do as well.
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“A liberal is a man who leaves the room when the fight starts” – Heywood Broun (1888-1939)
“Limousine Liberal: one who takes up hunger as a cause but has never felt a pang; who will talk at length about the public school system but sends his children to private schools.” – William Safire (1929-2009)
“A liberal will hang you from a lower branch.” – Adlai E. Stevenson (1900-1965)
“The modern, liberal-scientific ethic: if it’s bad for you, it should be prohibited; if it’s good for you, it should be required.” – Thomas S. Szasz (1920-2012)
“Liberal: Someone who believes crime is the fault of society until he’s robbed.” – Jerry Tucker (1941- )
“In a pinch the liberals can always be counted on to back up the principles of the established order.” – Scott Nearing (1883-1983) Jul 1950
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I won’t be slamming our liberal friends today but I will let the quotes do it for me. It’s nice to know that my opinion of liberals and other politicians was held by many and varied people of note for decades.
During my wanderings yesterday I stumbled on a new treasure trove of absolutely useless information expanded to include virtually every country on the planet. I felt just like a little kid in a candy store. These factoids and tidbits are much more interesting than some I’ve previously found and I’m happy to be sending them along to you. Where I can I’ll note the source of the material and if you dispute the information call them.
There is no rhyme or reason as to how they are listed so just wade on through and enjoy.
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At birth, most babies cry at C or C Sharp. – Financial Times
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Five people were killed by falling icicles in the central Russian town of Samara between February 23 and 25, 2008. – Reuters
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On a QWERTY keyboard, 32% of keystrokes take place on the middle row, 52% on the upper row, and 16% on the bottom row. – Discover Magazine
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In ninety days a single toad can consume nearly 10,000 insects. – State of the World
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Hitler was on the short list for the 1938 Nobel Peace Prize. – The Guardian
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Two thirds of the world’s people have never seen snow. – Canadian Weather Trivia Calendar
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The average British woman spends two years of her life gazing in the mirror. – The Times
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Every year, an average of twelve Japanese tourists in Paris have to be repatriated due to severe culture shock. – Foreign Policy Passport
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Henry David Thoreau once burned down three hundred acres of forest trying to cook a fish he had caught for supper. – The Times
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On an average day, about 3.3% of the worlds population has sex. Less than 0.4% of these acts result in births. – Financial Times
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Asians make up 35% of the undergraduate body at MIT but only 4% of the US population. – New York Book Review
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There are an estimated 10,000 trillion ants on earth – roughly 1.6 million for each human. Their combined weight is equivalent to that of the entire human population. – MSN
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Spammers typically need to send one million emails to get fifteen positive responses. – The New Yorker
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Jack Bauer, the lead character from the series 24, personally killed 112 people in the first five seasons of the show. – The Guardian
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About 85% of Chinese people share only a hundred surnames. Wang is the most popular (with 93 million people), followed by Li (92 million) and Zhang (88 million). At least 100,000 people are named “Wang Tao,” making it the most popular full name. – China Daily
There you have it. The first installment of International Trivia. It’s nice to see that we Americans are not alone when it comes to weirdness and odd behavior. Carry on.
I’ve been sitting around for a while today trying to compile a list of five men and five women that I really admire. What does it say about me that I can’t get it done. I refuse to use celebrities or politicians because that’s just plain ridiculous but not many names are even making my short list.
So far my list of admired men consists of just one, Max Ehrlich. I’m positive you know nothing about Max. He was as eccentric as they come, independent, smart, funny, irreverent, and most importantly my favorite uncle.
He was a good old boy who worked hard all of his life. He was badly injured in a work place accident at a young age and was pensioned off by the company for a few hundred dollars a month. Did that slow him down? He picked himself up and restarted his life and did it his way. He knew almost everyone within a hundred mile radius on a first name basis and was what many servicemen would call a “first class scrounger”. He retrieved items through salvage and resold them to his acquaintances. If you needed something he could find it quickly and sell it to you cheaply.
For years he was considered the “black sheep” of our family because he refused to conform to what the family thought he should be. He was funny and irreverent and made my mother and her side of the family just cringe every time he spoke. I managed over the years to spend time with him because he was on the down-low, a friend of my dads. Many times during the Christmas holidays when I was seven or eight I remember riding along with him in his truck to deliver presents to some of his friends. It wasn’t until years later that I discovered what those presents were.
After I joined the State Police I was assigned to an area that included his hunting camp and when time permitted I would stop and visit to check the house and property. One sunny Sunday afternoon I pulled into the camp and while checking the house heard laughter from the back yard. I walked around to where he had built his homemade swimming pool and there was Max at age eighty skinny dipping with what he called two young honey’s, both in their sixties. I was speechless until he walked over without a stich on, patted me on the back, and introduced me to the girls. We all laughed till we cried.
He passed away a few years later shortly after his girlfriend of some fifty years died. My mother was one of the executors of his will and she soon discovered that good old Max had almost a quarter of a million dollars in his accounts. No one could figure out where it came from until they began to clean out the garage at the hunting camp. Above a hidden door in the ceiling they found a large still and all the necessary equipment for bottling. We later found out from two of our other elderly uncles that he had been making moonshine for decades. That was the presents the old goat and I delivered at Christmas time.
He’s still the only guy on my list and if I ever think of four more I’ll let you know. I still miss that SOB.
I love lists of all kinds but I apparently haven’t listed some subjects that certain people have been waiting for. In response to a "tongue in cheek" request for odd or record setting information on sex I visited more web sites than usual to find a few interesting sexual facts. I can’t personally verify these tidbits but the majority have been reported through numerous sources and appear legitimate. Read on and and try hard not to laugh too much, shudder too much or retch too much.
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Most Children Fathered: The king of Morocco (in the 17th century), Moulay Ismail Ibn Sharif, is a proud owner of this sex record. He had a harem with 500 wives and 1042 recorded offspring’s.
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Oldest Father: Indian farmer, Nanu Ram Jogi already held the record for world’s oldest father when he fathered his 21st child at 90-years-old. Jogi is married to his fourth wife and has no plans of slowing down his baby production.
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Most Births: The modern world record for giving birth is held by Leontina Albina from San Antonio, Chile. Now in her mid-sixties, she claims to be the mother of 64 children. Of these, 55 are documented.
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The mother with the greatest number of kids that are not twins is Livia Ionce. This Romanian woman, 44, gave birth to her 18th child in Canada in 2008.
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The woman to give birth to the most children was a peasant’s wife from Shuya (east of Moscow) . She gave birth 27 times. 16 pairs of twins, seven sets of triplets and four sets of quadruplets.
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Most Ejaculations: For a man in one hour is 16.
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Semen Swallowed: Michelle Monahan swallowed 1.7 pints (almost 1 liter) of semen and had to get her stomach pumped.
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Most female orgasms in an hour: 134.
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Most male orgasms in an hour: 16.
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Longest Ejaculation: American man Horst Schultz was recorded ejaculating 18 feet 9 inches. He also holds the records for height (12 ft. 4in) and speed (42.7mph). A woman has been recorded ejaculating 10 feet.
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Strongest Vagina: 42 year-old Russian woman, Tatiata Kozhevnikova, broke her own record by hefting a glass ball attached to 31 pounds of weight with her vagina muscles. Kozhenikova’s success didn’t happen overnight, but through fifteen years of rigorously training.
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Oldest Prostitute: An 82 -year-old woman called "Grandma" in Tai Pei is believed to be the oldest living and working prostitute. She began 40 years ago after a man she had lived with for two decades died. She stays in business by charging ten to twenty times less than other working girls in the area.
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Largest Female Gangbang: Pornstar Lisa Sparxxx nailed 919 guys in 24 hours. This defeated previous records of 646 in 2002 and 759 in 2003.
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Largest Male Gangbang: Porn star Jon Dough had sex with over 55 women in one day, having 5 to 6 orgasms.
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Largest Orgy: In Japan 250 couples had sex at the same time and in the same place while camera crews recorded the event. Despite all testing negative for STDs, the couples only had sex with their partners.
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Youngest Parents: Shaun Steard of England was 12 when he became a father. 5-year-old, Peruvian Lina Medina gave birth in 1933 after starting to menstruate at 3. Her father was jailed on suspicion of incest but released due to a lack of evidence. The child was delivered through cesarean because Lina’s hips were too narrow.
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The smallest human penis: 0.39 inches.
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Largest Non-Human Penis: Rorqual whales have penises that average 10 feet, and as much as a 1 foot in diameter.
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Largest Human Penis: The record for the largest living penis belongs to Jonah Falcon who has a 13.5 inch penis.
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Largest Human Clitoris: In The Sexual Anatomy, W. Francis Benedict mentions a 12 inch clitoris.
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Largest Human Vagina: Scottish giant, Anna Swan, and her giant husband had a giant baby that’s head was 19 inches, all of which fit through her vagina.
I don’t know about you but that’s just about all the trivia and facts about sex I’ll ever need. It’s scary to think that most of what you just read is factual and many of these people are still alive, well, and active. This should take care of any future requests for odd sexual facts for a very long time.
Well we returned home at 9pm last night from our day and a half road trip to Rhode Island. I was never so glad to be home. Road trips in and of themselves can be fun but only if you have enough time to stop and smell the roses. Anyone who tries to squeeze four or five days of activities into one day is out of their effing mind.
I can tell you from my experience yesterday that the last place you want to be on a hot summer Sunday in August is Newport, Rhode Island. Thousands of people jamming the streets and every business and building. You’d better not be the least bit claustrophobic because if you are you’re royally and supremely screwed.
There were so many pedestrians on the streets it was difficult to even drive a city block without issues. If you do somehow find yourself kidnaped by your spouse and her family members and taken there against your will, you have my sincerest sympathies. If you go there voluntarily then you have some issues of your own to deal with.
Make sure you have plenty of cash with you as well. Things are a little pricy and you’ll pay top price for everything. Parking fees are utterly outrageous and insulting. Restaurants will serve you huge portions of food that you’ll never be able to finish just so they have justification to jack the prices up as high as possible.
Do I sound angry? If I don’t then I’m not getting my point across. My last visit to Newport was twenty years ago and I guarantee there will never be another. The entire place offends my sensibilities and going back again is just out of the question.
There, I feel a little better after getting that off my chest. Now I can allow my life to return to what I think is normal. No more unorganized, hit or more miss, expensive, and un-fun outings. I promise!
One other thing, any members of my better-half’s family who may read this, don’t take anything I’ve written too personally. If you do, so be it.
everyuselessthing.com 