Archive for the ‘rita rudner’ Tag
In my humble opinion the most important thing a person can have is a healthy sense of humor. Without that a person loses most of their true personality and likeability. In the worst of times being able to “crack wise” and smile a little goes a long way to calm any situation. I constantly post quotations because they tell me more about a person than meeting them in person and having a casual conversation. Even people who I really don’t care for occasionally surprise me with their quotes and a few times I actually forgave them their stupidity and changed my opinion of them. That sounds a little harsh but all of us have the capability of being harsh, crass, and opinionated and still have thoughts worth sharing. Todays post contains quotations from some of my favorite people: comedians.
- “Always look out for Number One and be careful not to step in Number Two.” Rodney Dangerfield
- “It is said that life begins when the fetus can exist apart from it’s mother. By this definition, many people in Hollywood are legally dead.” Jay Leno
- “I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.” Lily Tomlin
- “My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.” Steven Wright
- “I am at two with nature.” Woody Allen
- “Men read maps better than women because only men can understand the concept of an inch equaling a hundred miles.” Rosanne Barr
- You make the beds, you do the dishes, and six months later you have to start all over again”. Joan Rivers
- “My plastic surgeon told me my face looked like a bouquet of elbows.” Phyllis Diller
- “When I meet a man I ask myself, “Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?” Rita Rudner
- “In breeding cattle you need one bull for every twenty-five cows, unless the cows are known sluts.” Johnny Carson
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BONUS FOR RETIREES
“Sex after ninety is like trying to shoot pool with a rope. Even putting my cigar in it’s holder is a thrill.”
(George Burns)
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A SENSE OF HUMOR IS A NECESSITY
A few months ago I came upon a small innocent looking book titled 365 Women’s Reflections on Men. I’d made a few purchases of books that day and the owner of the store threw that little book into my bag as a freebie. Since I never refuse a book from anyone, I took it home and it’s been on the shelf for months. While I’m not partial to the negativity brush that feminism paints most of us men with, I think it’s only right if I pass a few tidbits your way and give some of these overt feminists the credit they rightfully deserve.
- “No man can call himself liberal, or radical, or even a conservative advocate of fair play, if his work depends in any way on the unpaid or underpaid labor of women at home, or in the office.” Gloria Steinem
- “Protectiveness has often muffled the sounds of doors closing against women.” Betty Friedan
- “Dear, never forget one little point: It’s my business. You just work here.” Elizabeth Arden (to her husband)
- “The only jobs for which no man is qualified are human incubators and wet nurses. Likewise, the only job for which no woman is or can be qualified is sperm donor.” Wilma Scott Heide
- “Anger makes dull men witty, but it keeps them poor.” Queen Elizabeth I
- “I think women are just as moved by appearance [as men are], but they are willing to accept a situation where the man is less attractive because of the “who earns the bread” situation. Madonna
- “American men say “I love you” as part of the conversation.” Liv Ullman
- “If you never want to see a man again, say, “I love you, I want to marry you, and I want to have children . . . they will leave skid marks” Rita Rudner
- “I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog which growls every morning, a parrot which swears all afternoon, and a cat that comes home late at night.” Marie Corelli
- “I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man, I keep his house.” Zsa Zsa Gabor
I AM WOMAN . . . HEAR ME ROAR
