I guess I’m feeling a slight tingle of Christmas spirit this week. Being filled with the spirit tends to make me feel a little lazy. So, after my third, forth, and fifth rum soaked eggnogs I decided to dive into some of my older archives for a few Christmas inspired limericks. Here goes nothing . . .
With the holiday season in full swing I thought I should offer up some of my own holiday-spirit poetry original written in the 1920’s and 1930’s. A few off-color rhymes to help celebrate this holiest of seasons (sarcasm off) in my own special way. These should be rated “PG” so keep the kids away if you can.
1927
There was a young lady named Maud A terrible society fraud. In company, I’m told She was awfully cold. But if you got her alone, Oh My God!
1939
There was a young man from Purdue Who was only just learning to screw, but he hadn’t the knack, And he got too far back In the right church, but the wrong pew.
1938
There was a young man of high station Who was found by a pious relation Making love in a ditch To – I won’t say a bitch – But a woman of no reputation.
1940
In the shade of the old apple tree Where between her fat legs I could see A little brown spot With the hair in a knot, And it certainly looked good to me.
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And here’s my favorite, a salute from my birth year (1946) to all my Texas readers.
I’ve spent a few nights recently getting reacquainted with Isaac Azimov’s Foundation series. It’s a classic creation that I’ve read a number of times over the years and it’s still a great read. Being a huge fan of Azimov I still read the story in absolute amazement much like I get when I read the writings of J.R.R. Tolkien. How their minds work to write these amazing stories puzzles me but I still enjoy every minute spent reading them. Todays post will contain a group of unrelated facts collected by Azimov over the years and I thought you might enjoy them.
After the most recent North American glacier ended its southward advance about 11,000 years ago, it took more than 4,000 years for the mile-deep ice mass to melt from the present site of Hartford, Connecticut to that of St. John’s, Vermont, a distance of 190 miles.
The Earth receives only one-half of one-billionth of the sun’s radiant energy. But in just a few days it gets as much heat and light as could be produced by burning all of the oil, coal, and wood on this planet.
The first English settlement in what became New England was founded 13 years before the arrival of the Pilgrim’s. In 1607, a settlement was established at Popham Beach, Maine. After a year, its inhabitants found the climate too harsh, and departed.
During most of the Middle Ages, few people, including kings and emperors, were able to read or write. The clergy were virtually the only ones who possessed those skills.
Blue Laws became known as such because of the color of the paper on which they were printed. In 1665, Theophilus Eaton, governor of the New Haven Colony, and a friend, clergyman John Davenport, drew up the strict legal code regulating personal conduct that subsequently became known as the Blue Laws.
Dr. Samuel A. Mudd, was sentenced to life in prison for splinting the fractured leg of Abraham Lincoln’s assassin, John Wilkes Booth, became a hero to guards and inmates of his island prison when he stopped a yellow-fever epidemic there, in 1868, after all of the Army doctors had died. President. Johnson, Lincoln’s successor, pardoned Mudd in early 1869.
Until the “pooper-scooper law” was passed in 1978, the 500,000 dogs in New York City deposited 175 pounds of fecal matter on the streets each day. The law requires dog owners to clean up after their dogs, on penalty of fines up to $100. Most dog owners comply, and New York City is much cleaner.
President Lincoln’s only son to live to manhood – Robert Todd Lincoln – was at hand at the assassinations of three Presidents: his father’s, Garfield’s, and McKinley. He was called to the house where his father was dying; arrived only moments after Garfield was shot in the capital and McKinley was shot in Buffalo.
I’m sitting here looking out the window and watching our first snowfall of 2025. If their estimate proves accurate we’ll have 7-10 inches by morning. From listening to the experts it does appear this may be the start of one helluva bad winter. I’m well prepared with a full can of gas, a working snowblower, and a desire to go play in the snow a little. If you’re in the same predicament then sit back in your warm and comfy chair to enjoy some interesting and varied trivia facts. Here we go . . .
Leonard Skinner was the name of the gym teacher of the boys who went on to form the band Lynyrd Skynyrd. He once told them “You boys will never amount to nothing.” The band’s front man, Ronnie Van Zant, decided to adopt the name but change the spelling, as a joke on his former teacher.
Richard Gere’s middle name is Tiffany.
Goldie Hawn’s career as an actress-comedienne was launched after she was spotted as a dancer in the chorus line on The Andy Griffith Show in 1966.
Keith Moon of the band, The Who, inspired the Muppet drummer Animal.
Under the Motion Picture censorship code, which was effective from 1934 to 1968, a screen kiss could only last 30 seconds before being labeled “indecent.”
In the early episodes of Start Trek, Dr. McCoy’s medical scanner was just an ordinary saltshaker.
The blood in the famous shower scene in Alfred Hitchcock’s Psycho was in fact Hershey’s chocolate syrup.
A snake has the best heat-detecting equipment in nature. Using the two organs between its eyes and nostrils it can locate a mouse by its body heat at a distance of 15 miles.
In a survey of 80,000 American women it was found that those who drank moderately had only half the heart-attack risk of those who didn’t drink at all.
When you sneeze, all your bodily functions stop – including the heart.
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Here’s one of my Fav’s. If your a true fan of the Olympics you’ll love it too.
Nudity was considered perfectly acceptable in ancient Greece, but it was declared indecent if a man revealed an erection.
I thought I’d been fairly consistent in blogging quizzes from almost all of the decades. A few readers (mostly Millennials) claim that I’m biased towards the 90’s because I’m just an out-of-touch “Old Fart”. Well, this old fart will properly respond to those critics (young wise asses) with the first of many 90’s related quizzes. Let’s see just how smart they really are. Here are ten questions that will test these so-called critics and their vast (imagined) knowledge of damn near everything. As always the answers are listed below.
Who succeeded North Korean leader Kim Ill-sung after his death in 1994?
Who is the author of the dystopian novel The Giver?
Which late-night talk-show host was formerly a writer on the Simpsons?
Which push-up bra became famous in the 90s?
What ancient wind instrument featured in the title of the Legend of Zelda Game released in 1998?
What Formula One motor racing resulted in the tragic deaths of Ayrton Senna and Roland Ratzenberger
Name the 1999 film of the real-life story of Brandon Tenna, for which lead actress Hillary Swank was awarded the Best Actress Academy Award?
What’s spinning dolls were recalled after the manufacturer received more than 100 complaints of injuries?
What was the name of the Spice Girls third and final album?
What classic work of literature is Helen Fielding’s Bridget Jones Diary roughly based on?
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One of My Fav’s
For how many days were Carmen Electra and Dennis Rodman married?
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Answers
His son Kim Jong-Il, Lois Lowery, Conan O’Brien, The Wonder Bra, Ocarina, 1994 San Merino Grande Prix, Boys Don’t Cry, Sky Dancers, Forever, Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen, Nine (Lucky Dennis)
Today is the perfect day as we sit around waiting for the bird to be cooked for a “Foodie Quiz”. These questions are all related to food and drink in some fashion or another. I suppose if we could answer six of these ten incredibly difficult questions we would be considered something of an “foodie” expert. As always the answers will be listed below.
The father of what American poet invented peppermint Life Savers?
How many pounds of roasted, ground coffee does one coffee tree produce annually?
What product did Mother Nature personally endorse in a television commercial, and who played the role?
How tall was celebrity chef Julia child’s?
How many lemons does the average lemon tree yield per year?
❤️THE CAFFEINE MACHINE❤️
What is Bombay duck?
What American city lead all others in per capita consumption of pizza in 1990?
How long would a 130 pound person have to walk at a leisurely pace to burn off the calories in a McDonald’s Big Mac?
How much money did American Airlines claim it saved in 1987 by eliminating one olive from each of the salads served in first-class?
A pound of ground coffee yields 50 cups. How many cups does a pound of tea yield?
BIG MAC ATTACK
This is my favorite since I’m an avid fan of ice cream and a so-so fan of religion.
How did the ice cream sundae get its name?
❤️YUM, YUM, YUM!❤️
Answers
Hart Crane son of Clarence, Just one, Chiffon Margarine; Dena Dietrich played Mother Nature, 6’2″, 1500, Dry, salted fish, Milwaukee, Two hours and 1 minute, $40,000, 200, **My Fav: The sundae was created in Evanston, Illinois, in the late 19th century to get around a Sabbath ban on selling ice-cream sodas. It was dubbed Sunday but spelled with an “e” instead of a “y” to avoid religious objections.
I made a bulk purchase recently from an on-line book seller and received a random collection that I thought were interesting. In that pile was a book of limericks obviously written by or for children. I’m a big fan of limericks of all types and found these to be just plain fun. These are rated “G” and should make you grin a little.
I’ve been on a roll of late with a collection of weird and unusual trivia facts but I think today I’m taking it one step further. I like weird and strange! I’ve never denied it and I’ll prove once again by offering up more information that isn’t common knowledge. Humans are imaginative and creative and extremely strange at times. Here’s proof of that and I hope you enjoy it. Inventions of the WEIRD.
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The Motorized Ice Cream Cone: ( Patent issued in 1999)
Just push the handy on/off switch on the side of the cone and your ice cream will spin around and around, and all you have to do is stick out your tongue.
Pet Petter: (Patent issued in 1989)
If you don’t have the time to constantly coddle your pet, the Pet Petter does. An electric eye sees your pet and signals the electronic motors to start swinging a petting arm tipped with a humanlike hand.
Toilet Snorkel: (Patent issued in 1982)
In most fires, it’s the smoke that will get you, and a source of fresh air can be a lifesaver. So here it is – a way to snake a snorkel through the zigs and zags of your toilet, so you can brief underwater.
Motorcycle Airbag: (Patent issued in 1989)
An all-over body suit airbag designed to cushion the motorcyclist’s fall in an accident. Air is forcibly ejected from the bike, the suit swells from compressed gas. It covers the arms, legs, and torso, along with a soft landing.
Life Expectancy Watch: (Patent issued in 2002)
This invention counts backwards toward the date of your eventual demise. You program the watch by answering a series of questions about your lifestyle such as exercise, eating habits, and alcohol and tobacco use. Your remaining time is conveniently displayed in years.
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A FAVORITE FUN FACT
Thomas Edison filed 1,093 patents, including those for the light bulb, electric railways, and the movie camera. When he died in 1931, he held 34 patents for the telephone, 141 for batteries, 150 for the telegraph, and 389 patents for electric lights and power.
I thought a little sampling of limericks was in order for today. I’m normally cautious when posting limericks but today I’ll throw caution to the wind and just give you a taste of limericks from the 1920’s. It’s always fun to reminisce about the good old days and some of their limericks were outrageous and unpostable. I rate these PG-13 but you decide. I hope you enjoy them.
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There was a young man of Cape Horn Who wished he had never been born. And he wouldn’t have been If his father had seen At the end of the condom was torn.
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There was a young lady named Flo Whose lover had pulled out to slow. So they tried it all night Tilley got it just right Well, practice makes pregnant, you know.
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There was a young lady of Lout Who suddenly grew very stout. Her mother said, “Nellie, There’s more in your belly Then ever went in through your mouth.”
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My wife Myrtle’s womb has a habit Of expanding whenever I stab it. What’s more, my wife Myrtle Is so wondrously fertile, That she’s giving me kids like a rabbit.
In recent months the political world seems to have taken over virtually all discussions. While those discussions are of supreme importance, a constant drumbeat of gloom, doom, and lying takes its toll on a person. Todays post is my attempt to lighten the mood a little. Here are the thoughts and hopes of a much younger generation ( that hasn’t been scarred by an overload of political thinking.
everyuselessthing.com 