Archive for the ‘Art’ Category

01/10/2026 MISH-MOSH   Leave a comment

Just another cold and crappy day in Maine and if you want live here you’d better learn to love this insane winter weather. I seem to run a bit slower when it’s cold and nasty and my desire to post long and involved articles has disappeared. Today will be another “mish/mosh” of interesting and sometimes strange facts you may not be familiar with. Here we go . . . .

  • The continent with the highest literacy rate is Antarctica.
  • The country of Saudi Arabia really does import a better quality sand to make glass.
  • The Smithsonian archives allegedly hold a jar containing a rubber mold of John Dillinger’s penis.
  • The United States bought Alaska from Russia for a price that equated to under two cents per acre.
  • Soviet scientists once tried to create a human/chimpanzee hybrid. It failed.

  • Confederate general Robert E. Lee didn’t own slaves, but Union general Ulysses S. Grant did.
  • People in the Roman Empire actually used human urine as mouthwash.
  • Adolph Hitler had a nephew, William Hitler, AKA William Stuart-Houston, who served in the U.S Navy during the war.
  • The kazoo was invented by a gentleman named Alabama Vest.
  • During WW1 Americans referred to sauerkraut as “liberty cabbage”.

❤️MY FAV❤️

The male Argonaut Octopus mates by detaching it’s sex organ and flinging it towards the female.

(Very interesting & more than a little scary.)

01/03/2026 💥2026 1ST LIMERICK ALERT💥   Leave a comment

We’re three days into the new year which naturally demands a fresh batch of cute and bawdy limericks. These might be considered unacceptable for the younger children so DON’T LET THEM READ THEM. I’d rate them as “PG”, so consider yourself warned. Here we go . . .

💥

There was a young sailor named Bates

Who did the fandango on skates.

He fell on his cutlass

Which rendered him nutless

And practically useless on dates.

💥💥

I lost my arm in the army,

I lost my leg in the navy,

I lost my balls

Over Niagra Falls,

And I lost my cock in a lady.

💥💥💥

A lady both athletic and handsome

Got wedged in her bedrooms transom.

When she offered much gold

For release, she was told

That the view was worth more than the ransom.

💥💥💥💥

There was a young maid from Madras

Who had a magnificent ass;

Not rounded and pink,

As you’d probably think –

It was gray, had long ears, and ate grass.

💥💥✝️💥💥

And here’s a fav from a long-term recovering Catholic.

❤️❤️❤️

In the Garden of Eden lay Adam,

Complacently stroking his madam,

And loud was his mirth

For on all of the earth

There were only two balls – and he had’em.

❤️❤️❤️

HAPPY NEW YEAR

01/01/2026 “MALAPROPS”   Leave a comment

I’ve noticed in recent years that many people are questioning the value of a college education. I agree with that but not entirely. If you’re majoring in a useful subject that will help improve your life and that of society – DO IT! If your majoring in some lame-ass course that teaches you to spot acne forming on the asses of transgendered people – JUST STAY HOME. I’m a college grad who majored in Design and Commercial Art and I’ve never held any job even remotely related to it. Todays blog entry is proof that college degrees and college education are only as good as the student permits them to be. These items are called “malaprops” (meaning “inappropriate”) misstatements taken from actual high school and college exam papers. Sadly, they’re all true. Read on …..

  • Samuel Morse invented a code for telepathy.
  • Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbis.
  • Pharoah forced the Hebrew slaves to make bread without straw.
  • Moses led them to the Red Sea where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients.
  • Christmas is a time for happiness for every child, adult, and adulteress.

  • Good punctuation means not to be late.
  • Don’t is a contraption.
  • Adam and Eve wore nothing but figments.
  • Columbus discovered America while cursing about the Atlantic.
  • The first book of the Bible is the book of Guinesses.

And last but not least My Fav.

If a pronoun is a word used in place of a noun, a proverb is a pronoun used in place of a verb.

❤️❤️❤️

SUPPORT YOUR LOCAL TRADE SCHOOLS

12/23/2025 💥💥Old West Limerick Alert💥💥💥   Leave a comment

I’ve always been a huge fan of westerns especially those starring John Wayne and Clint Eastwood. The western genre has also been exported to the entire planet making it possible to see many fans wearing boots and cowboy hats even in Japan. We’re in the final days leading up to the holiday and what better way to relax from all of the Christmas insanity, than to take a short mental trip to the Old West by way of limericks. These should be considered “PG”. Enjoy . . . Partner!

💥

While awaiting the Sioux to disband,

Colonel Custer took matters in hand.

Despite his dejection

He achieved an erection.

That was almost Custer’s Last Stand.

💥💥

A virgin who came from Durango

Always diddled herself with a mango.

“It’s delightful,” she said,

“To lie on the bed,

And put it where I won’t let a man go.”

💥💥💥

The explorers Lewis and Clark

Found their expedition something of a lark,

For Sacagawea,

Let both of them lay’er

That discovery they kept in the dark.

💥💥💥💥

The caldrons of Yellowstone Park

Are no place to have sex in the dark.

A young ranger tried –

Now his balls look deep-fried

And his prick like a stick sans its bark.

❤️❤️❤️

ONLY TWO SHOPPING DAYS LEFT

12/11/2025 💥💥HOLIDAY LIMERICK ALERT💥💥   Leave a comment

I guess I’m feeling a slight tingle of Christmas spirit this week. Being filled with the spirit tends to make me feel a little lazy. So, after my third, forth, and fifth rum soaked eggnogs I decided to dive into some of my older archives for a few Christmas inspired limericks. Here goes nothing . . .

🎅

Santa came home with a reindeer

And Mrs. Claus said with a sneer

‘Did you have to bring

That horny old thing?’

Rudolph said, ‘Madam, he lives here.’

🧑‍🎄🧑‍🎄

An elf said to Santa: “Oh Dear,

We’ve not enough presents this year”

That made St. Nick think:

Now he’d given up drink

He could give all the children some beer!

🎁🎁🎁

I saw my mom and Santa having a chat

She told him he was much too fat

She then grabbed his behind

With eyes closed kissed him blind

Then they both fell down on the mat.

🤶🤶🤶🤶

Old Santa got drunk on warm ale

“I’m too old for Christmas” his wail

“But what of the toys

For the good girls and boys?”

“I’ll send all their presents by mail!”

🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲

With the holidays on the horizon,

I placed twenty calls to Verizon.

They stuck me on hold

Til my dinner got cold.

And I still absolutely despise them.

❄️❄️❄️

HO! HO! HO! 14 DAYS TO GO

12/09/2025 💥💥RETRO LIMERICK ALERT💥💥   Leave a comment

With the holiday season in full swing I thought I should offer up some of my own holiday-spirit poetry original written in the 1920’s and 1930’s. A few off-color rhymes to help celebrate this holiest of seasons (sarcasm off) in my own special way. These should be rated “PG” so keep the kids away if you can.

1927

There was a young lady named Maud
A terrible society fraud.
In company, I’m told
She was awfully cold.
But if you got her alone, Oh My God!

1939

There was a young man from Purdue
Who was only just learning to screw,
but he hadn’t the knack,
And he got too far back
In the right church, but the wrong pew.

1938

There was a young man of high station
Who was found by a pious relation
Making love in a ditch
To – I won’t say a bitch –
But a woman of no reputation.

1940

In the shade of the old apple tree
Where between her fat legs I could see
A little brown spot
With the hair in a knot,
And it certainly looked good to me.

💥💥💥

And here’s my favorite, a salute from my birth year (1946) to all my Texas readers.

A girl named Alice, in Dallas,

Had never felt of a phallus.

She remained virgo intacto,

Because, ipso facto,

No phallus in Dallas fit Alice.

❤️❤️❤️

12/06/2025 “THANKS ISAAC”   Leave a comment

I’ve spent a few nights recently getting reacquainted with Isaac Azimov’s Foundation series. It’s a classic creation that I’ve read a number of times over the years and it’s still a great read. Being a huge fan of Azimov I still read the story in absolute amazement much like I get when I read the writings of J.R.R. Tolkien. How their minds work to write these amazing stories puzzles me but I still enjoy every minute spent reading them. Todays post will contain a group of unrelated facts collected by Azimov over the years and I thought you might enjoy them.

  • After the most recent North American glacier ended its southward advance about 11,000 years ago, it took more than 4,000 years for the mile-deep ice mass to melt from the present site of Hartford, Connecticut to that of St. John’s, Vermont, a distance of 190 miles.
  • The Earth receives only one-half of one-billionth of the sun’s radiant energy. But in just a few days it gets as much heat and light as could be produced by burning all of the oil, coal, and wood on this planet.
  • The first English settlement in what became New England was founded 13 years before the arrival of the Pilgrim’s. In 1607, a settlement was established at Popham Beach, Maine. After a year, its inhabitants found the climate too harsh, and departed.
  • During most of the Middle Ages, few people, including kings and emperors, were able to read or write. The clergy were virtually the only ones who possessed those skills.

  • Blue Laws became known as such because of the color of the paper on which they were printed. In 1665, Theophilus Eaton, governor of the New Haven Colony, and a friend, clergyman John Davenport, drew up the strict legal code regulating personal conduct that subsequently became known as the Blue Laws.
  • Dr. Samuel A. Mudd, was sentenced to life in prison for splinting the fractured leg of Abraham Lincoln’s assassin, John Wilkes Booth, became a hero to guards and inmates of his island prison when he stopped a yellow-fever epidemic there, in 1868, after all of the Army doctors had died. President. Johnson, Lincoln’s successor, pardoned Mudd in early 1869.
  • Until the “pooper-scooper law” was passed in 1978, the 500,000 dogs in New York City deposited 175 pounds of fecal matter on the streets each day. The law requires dog owners to clean up after their dogs, on penalty of fines up to $100. Most dog owners comply, and New York City is much cleaner.
  • President Lincoln’s only son to live to manhood – Robert Todd Lincoln – was at hand at the assassinations of three Presidents: his father’s, Garfield’s, and McKinley. He was called to the house where his father was dying; arrived only moments after Garfield was shot in the capital and McKinley was shot in Buffalo.
THE MAN, THE MYTH, THE LEGEND

02/04/2025 “MISH MOSH”   Leave a comment

I’m sitting here looking out the window and watching our first snowfall of 2025. If their estimate proves accurate we’ll have 7-10 inches by morning. From listening to the experts it does appear this may be the start of one helluva bad winter. I’m well prepared with a full can of gas, a working snowblower, and a desire to go play in the snow a little. If you’re in the same predicament then sit back in your warm and comfy chair to enjoy some interesting and varied trivia facts. Here we go . . .

  • Leonard Skinner was the name of the gym teacher of the boys who went on to form the band Lynyrd Skynyrd. He once told them “You boys will never amount to nothing.” The band’s front man, Ronnie Van Zant, decided to adopt the name but change the spelling, as a joke on his former teacher.
  • Richard Gere’s middle name is Tiffany.
  • Goldie Hawn’s career as an actress-comedienne was launched after she was spotted as a dancer in the chorus line on The Andy Griffith Show in 1966.
  • Keith Moon of the band, The Who, inspired the Muppet drummer Animal.
  • Under the Motion Picture censorship code, which was effective from 1934 to 1968, a screen kiss could only last 30 seconds before being labeled “indecent.”

  • In the early episodes of Start Trek, Dr. McCoy’s medical scanner was just an ordinary saltshaker.
  • The blood in the famous shower scene in Alfred Hitchcock’s Psycho was in fact Hershey’s chocolate syrup.
  • A snake has the best heat-detecting equipment in nature. Using the two organs between its eyes and nostrils it can locate a mouse by its body heat at a distance of 15 miles.
  • In a survey of 80,000 American women it was found that those who drank moderately had only half the heart-attack risk of those who didn’t drink at all.
  • When you sneeze, all your bodily functions stop – including the heart.

🏃‍♂️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♂️

Here’s one of my Fav’s. If your a true fan of the Olympics you’ll love it too.

Nudity was considered perfectly acceptable in ancient Greece, but it was declared indecent if a man revealed an erection.

(Nothing more needs to be said except:.)

U.S.A…..U.S.A…..U.S.A…..

11/29/2025 “THE 90’S”   Leave a comment

I thought I’d been fairly consistent in blogging quizzes from almost all of the decades. A few readers (mostly Millennials) claim that I’m biased towards the 90’s because I’m just an out-of-touch “Old Fart”. Well, this old fart will properly respond to those critics (young wise asses) with the first of many 90’s related quizzes. Let’s see just how smart they really are. Here are ten questions that will test these so-called critics and their vast (imagined) knowledge of damn near everything. As always the answers are listed below.

  • Who succeeded North Korean leader Kim Ill-sung after his death in 1994?
  • Who is the author of the dystopian novel The Giver?
  • Which late-night talk-show host was formerly a writer on the Simpsons?
  • Which push-up bra became famous in the 90s?
  • What ancient wind instrument featured in the title of the Legend of Zelda Game released in 1998?
  • What Formula One motor racing resulted in the tragic deaths of Ayrton Senna and Roland Ratzenberger
  • Name the 1999 film of the real-life story of Brandon Tenna, for which lead actress Hillary Swank was awarded the Best Actress Academy Award?
  • What’s spinning dolls were recalled after the manufacturer received more than 100 complaints of injuries?
  • What was the name of the Spice Girls third and final album?
  • What classic work of literature is Helen Fielding’s Bridget Jones Diary roughly based on?

💔💔💔

One of My Fav’s

For how many days were Carmen Electra and Dennis Rodman married?

❤️❤️❤️

Answers
His son Kim Jong-Il, Lois Lowery, Conan O’Brien, The Wonder Bra, Ocarina, 1994 San Merino Grande Prix, Boys Don’t Cry, Sky Dancers, Forever, Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen, Nine (Lucky Dennis)

I LIVED THROUGH THE 90’S

(Old Fart scored 7 of 10)

11/27/2025 “FOODIES WELCOME HERE”   Leave a comment

NOT NICE TO FOOL MOTHER NATURE

Today is the perfect day as we sit around waiting for the bird to be cooked for a “Foodie Quiz”. These questions are all related to food and drink in some fashion or another. I suppose if we could answer six of these ten incredibly difficult questions we would be considered something of an “foodie” expert. As always the answers will be listed below.

  • The father of what American poet invented peppermint Life Savers?
  • How many pounds of roasted, ground coffee does one coffee tree produce annually?
  • What product did Mother Nature personally endorse in a television commercial, and who played the role?
  • How tall was celebrity chef Julia child’s?
  • How many lemons does the average lemon tree yield per year?
❤️THE CAFFEINE MACHINE❤️

  • What is Bombay duck?
  • What American city lead all others in per capita consumption of pizza in 1990?
  • How long would a 130 pound person have to walk at a leisurely pace to burn off the calories in a McDonald’s Big Mac?
  • How much money did American Airlines claim it saved in 1987 by eliminating one olive from each of the salads served in first-class?
  • A pound of ground coffee yields 50 cups. How many cups does a pound of tea yield?
BIG MAC ATTACK

This is my favorite since I’m an avid fan of ice cream and a so-so fan of religion.

How did the ice cream sundae get its name?

❤️YUM, YUM, YUM!❤️

Answers
Hart Crane son of Clarence, Just one, Chiffon Margarine; Dena Dietrich played Mother Nature, 6’2″, 1500, Dry, salted fish, Milwaukee, Two hours and 1 minute, $40,000, 200, **My Fav: The sundae was created in Evanston, Illinois, in the late 19th century to get around a Sabbath ban on selling ice-cream sodas. It was dubbed Sunday but spelled with an “e” instead of a “y” to avoid religious objections.

I SUCKED – SCORING ONLY THREE CORRECT

(Happy Thanksgiving)