Archive for the ‘Bitch & Complain’ Category
I’ve worked in a retail environment on a number of occasions during my somewhat illustrious career. Here are a few weird facts about retail related businesses and people. I know they may seem hard to believe but trust me when I say these are just the tip of the iceberg for weirdness. Enjoy . . .
Prostitution is legal in Germany; however, income from prostitution is taxed at a slightly higher rate than income from other occupations.
One in 10 Europeans was conceived on an IKEA bed, according to the company.
There are more copies of the IKEA catalog printed each year than the Bible.
The average child recognizes more than 200 company logos by the time they enter elementary school.
One in four homeless people in South Korea has a credit card.
There are approximately 18,000,000 items for sale at any given moment on eBay.
There are approximately $680 worth of eBay transactions every second.
The Malaysian government has banned car commercials featuring Brad Pitt because they are “an insult to Asians.”
First Starbucks opened in Seattle in 1971 at 2000 Western Ave., across.
from the historic Pike Place Market.
A Romanian taxi driver says his business has swelled since he started playing pornographic films in his cab for his customers.
According to market research firm NPD Fashionworld, 50% of all lingerie purchases are returned to the store.
The world’s first bra made completely of chocolate has gone on sale in Austria.
A Serbian tie maker is planning to launch a new range of penis cravats for the man who has everything.
A Colombian airline has promised free flights for life to any baby born on board one of their planes.
The first naked flight was made in 2003 carrying 87 passengers from Miami, Florida, to Cancun, Mexico.
💟💟💟💟💟
HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY TO ALL OF YOU MOTHERS OUT THERE
I thought today I’d look into a little more history because that’s what I love to do. For years I was obsessed with reading about the Roman Empire and all of the associated craziness that went on during those years but it’s time to move on to the Middle Ages. To say it wasn’t a great time to be alive would be an understatement, those folks were crazy. I’m going to summarize a number of things that went on during that time and you’ll all be glad that you weren’t there.
Christian Charity 1505
The new Portuguese viceroy, Francisco D’Almeida, sailed for India via the east coast of Africa. His men mutilated every Arab they found, cutting off the right hands of the man and the ears and noses of the women. Arriving in Goa, they proceeded to slaughter all 8000 Muslims in the city.
Over-Armed 1516
The Turks armed one of their galleys with an artillery piece so massive that when it went into action against the Portuguese, the recoil of the gun causing the vessel to capsized killing many of the crew.
Additional Christian Charity 1533
Faced with the prospect of being burned to death by the Spanish, Atahuallpa, the last emperor of the Incas, converted to Christianity. He was thus spared being burned at the stake and was then publicly garroted instead.
The Witch with Three Breasts 1536
Henry VIII’s second wife, Anne Boleyn, was beheaded, having been accused of adultery, incest, and witchcraft. In support of this last charge, it is said that she not only had 11 fingers on one hand but also three breasts – although the third nipple, supposedly used for suckling the devil, was actually a mole on her neck.
Assaulted by the Amazons 1542
On his epic voyage down the Amazon, Francisco de Orellana was attacked by a tribe of tall, white women, whose private parts were covered but otherwise unclothed. It was in honor of these warrior women that he gave the Amazon River its name.
That’s just five easy examples as to why no one would ever have wanted to live in the Middle Ages. The more I read about it, the worse it gets. Today the Christians claim that the Muslims are rabid-dog killers, but history reveals that the Christians were just as bad. I guess I’ll count my blessings that I live in an age where I don’t need a religious label to determine how I feel about things. I’m up to my neck in more examples like these and at some point, in the future, I’ll post a few more tidbits but it’s truly depressing as hell. The biggest mistake as I see it is never to mix religion and politics. It absolutely brutal.
RELIGION IS THE BEST (SARCASM OFF)
As I sit here preparing another posting I had an interesting thought. Over the years I’ve blogged way too often about politicians and political arguments. I’ve come to the realization that I haven’t accomplished much other than making myself feel better. Politicians are an easy target but don’t think they should be allowed to escape close scrutiny. Once you decide to be a politician your fate is in your own hands. If you play by the rules, treat people properly, and not lie through your teeth, you just might become a person who the country can be proud of. Unfortunately, it’s a very short list. Today’s posting can be looked at as taking cheap shots but that’s never been a problem for me, and it will continue. Enjoy these words of wisdom from the people we’ve elected.
“Thanks for the poncho.” Stated by Bill Clinton, when presented with the Romanian tricolor flag during a visit to that country.
“Give Bill a second term, and Al Gore and I will be turned loose to do what we really want to do.” Statement made by Hillary Clinton, speaking at a 1996 Democratic fundraiser area.
“We got a strong candidate. I’m trying to think of his name.” Spoken by Sen. Christopher Dodd
“The law I sign today directs new funds . . . to the task of collecting vital intelligence . . . on weapons of mass production.” By Pres. George W. Bush
“Beginning in February 1976, your assistance benefits will be discontinued. Reason: it has been reported to our office that you expired on January 1, 1976” From a letter by Illinois Department of Public Aid
“A zebra cannot change its spots.” Al Gore
“I’m not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.” Hillary Clinton
“I was provided with additional input that was radically different from the truth. I assisted in furthering that version.” Colonel Oliver North
“It isn’t pollution that’s harming the environment. It’s the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.” Dan Quayle
“When more and more people are thrown out of work, unemployment results.” Calvin Coolidge
YOU JUST CAN’T MAKE THIS SH*T UP
I’ve always wondered about certain things that’ve become part of the human experience. But why is the question. Why is the middle finger such a bad thing? Why is breaking a mirror bad luck? Why does anyone pay attention to such nonsense? I suppose that’s the main question for all of these superstitious types of things.
I’ve always been drawn to the number three for some reason, but I haven’t a clue as to why. I honestly could care less why, it’s just something I picked up as a kid and it’s still with me. Just like all these other things. One of them that really confuses me is the number “13”. What causes world famous, highly educated architects to build buildings worth millions of dollars but refuse to post a 13th floor. There really is a 13th floor but they choose to call it the 14th floor. How stupid is that? I decided to check out the number “13” and its history and here are a handful of odd and silly explanations. The number actually began as a good thing with some of the pagan religions but became a bad thing during the Middle Ages.
- Judas, the betrayer, made it 13 at the last supper.
- The Jews murmured 13 times against God during the exodus from Egypt.
- The 13th psalm concerns wickedness and corruption.
- The circumcision of Israel occurred in the 13th year.
- In a twelve-month period, there are 13 full moons, and a woman on a 28-day menstrual cycle will be “unclean” as stated by Leviticus, 13 times a year.
- There are 13 zodiac signs (Gemini is counted as two)
- The Christ child received the three Magi on the thirteenth day of his life.
- And there is also “triskaidekaphobia”.
I read all this ridiculousness (mostly religious claptrap) and just shake my head until occasionally when I’m put in a position where I need to make a decision between options. I look them over carefully, study them carefully, discuss them with trusted friends, and then I almost always choose the third one. I guess I’m as screwed-up as everyone else, but you need to know that I also step on sidewalk cracks and walk under ladders as often as I possibly can to convince myself that superstitions are just plain silly. But you should also know that if there’s a black cat nearby, I still tread carefully.
BE CAREFUL OUT THERE
I was watching Peacock Network last night and made the mistake of tuning in a show where Snoop Dog and three moron friends reviewed videos of stupid people, both criminal and criminally stupid. Between all of the F-Bombs and gratuitous crap about weed, I was bored to tears. So today I’ll give you my written version of that and nary an F-Bomb will be heard. Stream this Doggy boy!
DONT ASK
R.C. Gaitlin, 21, walked up to two patrol officers who were showing their squad car computer equipment to children in a Detroit neighborhood. When he asked how the system worked, the officers asked him for a piece of identification. Gaitlin gave them his driver’s license, they entered it into the computer, and moments later they arrested Gaitlin because information on the screen showed that Gaitlin was wanted for a two-year-old armed robbery in St. Louis, Missouri.
THIS WOULD BE ME
The judge called the case of People vs. Steven Lewon Crook. The bailiff opened the door to the holding cell and called, “Crook, come forward.” Five of the prisoners entered the courtroom.
WRONG ALIBI
In Springfield, Mo. Vernon Wayne Richmond, 18, stood up in court to give the details of his crime as part of a plea bargain to cocaine possession. Richmond said he found cocaine, put it in his pocket, and then was arrested by police after a Wal-Mart guard detained him. Unfortunately, Richmond had misunderstood which of his cases the plea was for. Actually, the district attorney was prosecuting him for an earlier arrest for having cocaine in his car and was unaware of the Wal-Mart arrest.
LAY THAT PISTOL DOWN, BABE
In Annapolis, Md., during a celebration of Gregory Johnson’s 32nd birthday, his cousin Darwin Derwood Coates, 21, tucked a .22-caliber handgun into the waistband of his trousers and accidentally shot himself in the groin. As guests tried to assist Coates, Johnson relieved him of the gun and stuck it in the most convenient place he could find, which was the waistband of his own trousers. The gun fired again, striking Johnson in the buttocks. Both men were hospitalized.
TA! DA!
Yesterday I posted a few tidbits concerning sexual weirdness laws still being enforced here in our country. With weirdness being the operative word, I thought I would continue with a few more obscure and weird facts that you may not be aware of. It seems that the list grows longer and longer each year.
- The first step on the moon by astronaut Neil Armstrong was made with his left foot.
- More Americans choke on toothpicks than on any other item. Ballpoint pens are running a close second.
- The “gag” rule was instituted in the Senate in 1836 so the Senators would not have to accept, debate, or vote on anti-slavery petitions.
- Fingernails grow faster on your dominant hand.
- Tickling requires surprise. Since you can’t surprise yourself, you can’t tickle yourself, either.
- Fifteen million blood cells are produced and destroyed in the human body every second.
- The human body has enough fat to produce seven bars of soap.
- Investor, entrepreneur, and philanthropist Warren Buffett began his illustrious career by collecting and selling lost golf balls.
- Over a lifetime, an average human being spends approximately 6 months on the toilet.
- Ironically the official motto of the state of New Hampshire, printed on its license plates, is “Live Free or Die”, and those license plates are made at a state prison.
This quote belongs to Nancy Reagan and is one of my favorites.
“I think more people would be alive
today if there were a death penalty.”
I thought I’d start this post with a look-back to April 8, 1974. Being the baseball fan that I am, I’d like to remember “Hammering Hank”.
Hank Aaron Breaks Babe Ruth’s All-time Home Run Record
On April 8, 1974, Hank Aaron of the Atlanta Braves hits his 715th career home run, breaking Babe Ruth’s legendary record of 714 homers. A crowd of 53,775 people, the largest in the history of Atlanta-Fulton County Stadium, was with Aaron that night to cheer when he hit a 4th inning pitch off the Los Angeles Dodgers’ Al Downing.
As a follow-up to that story, I like to make a comment about my hometown team. Just to let everyone know (including JB), the Pittsburgh Pirates still suck. They’ve taken sucking to a new level, and it pains me to even watch a game they’re playing. It’s the beginning of another season and I refuse to get my hopes up. Bring back Roberto Clemente, Bill Mazeroski, Dick Groat, Rocky Nelson, Dick Stuart, and Willie Stargell and then play some real baseball. I think I sound a little bitter but that’s all right, because “I am”. It’s time for that organization to start spending some money and getting some quality players or it’ll be another 30 years before we see a World Series appearance.
GO BUCKS . . . PLEASE GO!
Today’s post will be short and sweet. I was drawn back into the arms of medical community this week with blood work and a CT scan. I sure haven’t missed that hospital, that’s for certain. I pissed away my entire day today being passed from one room to another and poked and prodded by a new group of strangers.
This was the beginning of my last (hopefully) quarterly scan. If the cancer remains in remission, I’ll be looking forward to a twelve-month period of being doctor-free as well. Next week’s two visits will tell the tale. The Oncology department will be tearing apart the results of these tests to give me a final determination on the cancer. I’m keeping my fingers crossed as you can imagine. Here’s two appropriate medical limericks to end this lovely effing day.
There was an eccentric old boffin
Who observed, in a fierce fit of coughing:
“It isn’t the cough
That carries you off –
It’s the coffin they carry you off in!”
🍩🍆🍩🍆🍩
An unfortunate fellow named Lestyn
Has fifty-five feet of intestine.
Though a huge success
In the medical press,
It isn’t much good for digesting.
HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND
Approximately 10 years ago I posted a list of 100 things that I hated. At the time I was criticized for being a little too harsh about certain people and certain things. Now that I look back on it that was probably a valid criticism, but times have certainly changed. I found that original list few days ago stored in a directory on my computer that I’d forgotten all about. After reviewing it again I decided to make some changes because after my last two horrible years my attitude has changed quite a bit, mostly for the better. I can honestly say that all those years ago I shouldn’t have used the word Hate. I’ve rereviewed the list and pared it down to just forty things that really annoy and aggravate me. Here it is . . .
1. Stupid People
2. Rosie O’Donnell
3. Dirty Fingernails
4. Criminals
5. Funerals
6. Backward Baseball Caps
7. Large Groups of People
8. Dumb Cashiers
9. Stinky Feet
10. Night Farts
11. Bugs Crawling on Me
12. Terrorists
13. Know-It-Alls
14. Hospitals
15. Oprah Winfrey
16. Will Ferrell
17. Fake Fingernails
18. Smell of Urine
19. Women Missing Teeth
20. Political Correctness
21. Liberals
22. Drug Users
23. Clowns
24. Organic Food
25. Liars
26. Dirty Toilets
27. Roadside Death Shrines
28. Jehovah Witnesses
29. Fake Boobs
30. Ass Kissers
31. Stinky Breath
32. Wet Farts
33. Ugly Feet
34. Jeans with Holes
35. Arrogant People
36. Noisy Radios
37. Texting While Driving
38. Granny Panties
39. Penis Caught in Zipper
40. Ex-Wives
I will admit one thing after doing all of this editing. There are five things on this list that I really do hate but I’m not going to specify which ones. You be the judge. Make up your own list and then find those few things that really make you crazy. Then match it against my list and you should be able figure out my five.
EVERYONE NEEDS A LIST
As you may have guessed, I’ve been around a while and my memories go back many years. I survived the 60’s and 70’s with only minor damage and tried desperately to forget everything about the 80’s and 90’s. The new millennium was a big letdown, and it still remains just that. This little ditty was written in 1978 or there abouts. I was smoking a lot of Weed in those days so I’m not entirely sure about the exact date. Take a trip back with me.
❤THE GENERATION GAP❤
Your Dis’n me, I’m Dis’n you,
It’s all just Greek to me.
It’s wicked hot, she’s wicked cool,
I’m wicked confused you see.
I thought our slang from years ago
was a cool and groovy thing.
We’d rap all night about far-out stuff
and what the future might bring.
Peace Man! Protest marches,
and on into the night.
We’d smoke some weed and drink some beer,
it’s what made everything alright.
Stop the war! Kent State Revenge, was
what we thought was cool.
Pass the beer, we can crash over here,
so, we’re a little late for school.
To mix and match the old and new
really must be done.
To help prepare for whatever new
and the nonsense that’s sure to come.
❤❤❤
And for our millions of millennials:
LIKE WHATEVER!!!!!
everyuselessthing.com 