Archive for the ‘Education’ Category
Here are a few cute limericks, some are written by kids and others written for kids. I hope you enjoy them.
By Colin McNaughton
Should a beast ever hunt you and find you,
He’d certainly crush you and grind you.
But here’s nothing to fear,
There are none around here,
GOOD HEAVENS! THERE’S ONE
RIGHT BEHIND YOU!!
😊😊😊
By Reg Lynes
I’ve eaten as much as I can,
I cannot digest one more gram.
I’m leaving the chips,
And the salady bits,
And the peas, and the eggs, and the ham.
🥰🥰🥰
By Margaret Brace
Archeologists dig at their leisure,
And it gives them a great deal of pleasure,
Not to mention bad backs,
As they fill up their sacks
With all sorts of muddy old treasure.
😜😜😜
By Amanda Chew
There was a young cannibal, Ned,
Who used to eat onions in bed.
His mother said “Sonny,
It’s not very funny –
Why don’t you just eat people instead?”
😏😏😏
ANOTHER DAY IN PARADISE
Are you a follower of all things “Royal”? With the passing of Elizabeth, I thought it was only right and respectful to wait a period of time before I decided to jump into the vast emptiness that all of the Brits are probably suffering from. I’ve never understood the need for “Royals” but nevertheless here are a number of items of trivia you might find interesting about them.
- Elizabeth was born on Wednesday or “hump day” if you prefer.
- The Queen always wrote with a fountain pen that belonged to her father, King George VI.
- Her husband Prince Philip once crashed his car within minutes of having delivered a speech on road safety in 1957.
- Prince Charles first Shetland pony was named Fum.
- Prince Andrew refused to wear shorts under his kilt as a child to be like Prince Philip. “Papa doesn’t wear anything and neither shall I!” he would cry.
- Princess Diana was the first royal bride not to use the word obey in her marriage vows.
- Prince Philip kept a collection of press cartoons of himself on the walls of his lavatory in Sandringham.
- The Queen was an excellent mimic and sometimes entertained the family by aping the prime ministers she’d known in the last half-century.
- Princess Margaret was afraid of the dark.
- All royal babies are baptized with water brought from the river Jordan.
There you have it, some totally useless trivial facts about the royal family. I’ve always wondered if many of their activities were as normal as some of the things that we do. I won’t get into the details of what I sometimes think because it would be a little disrespectful and absolutely hilarious. A friend of mine after a recent discussion about the Royals put some strange thoughts into my head (off-color to be sure) which I won’t get into today. Here’s one last quote to help keep things in their proper “Royal” perspective.
The Queens description of Niagara Falls was “It looks very damp.”
R.I.P. LIZZIE
Once again, it’s time for a few lighthearted limericks rather than the bawdier ones we’re used to. I’ll reference the author when possible.
By Frank Jacobs
A lion whose manners weren’t nice
Played Monopoly with two white mice.
After losing, he roared,
Then devoured the board,
Marvin Gardens, both mice and the dice.
😋😋😋
By Oliver Herford
Once a grasshopper (food being scant)
Begged an ant some assistance to grant.
But the ant shook his head
“I can’t help you,” he said,
“It’s an uncle you need, not an ant.
😎😎😎
By Anon
A barber who lived in Batavia
Was known for his fearless behavia.
When a giant brown bear
Took a seat in his chair,
Said the barber, “No way will I shavia.”
😏😏😏
By Gelett Burgess
I’d rather have fingers than toes.
I’d rather have ears than a nose.
And as for my hair,
I’m glad it’s still there,
I’ll be awfully sad when it goes.
🍩🍩🍩
HAPPY MONDAY
The truth is sometimes strange and at other times ridiculous. These factoids are a little of both. They’re good for making a few bucks at bar bets on trivia night.
- The term ” soap opera” comes from the fact that shows used to work advertisements for soap powder into the plot lines.
- A champagne cork flying out of a bottle can travel as fast as 100 miles per hour.
- People who fear the number 666 suffer from hexakaosioihexekontahexaphobia.
- On November 21, 1980, 83 million Americans tuned in to watch the finale of the Dallas cliffhanger “Who Shot J.R.?” A few weeks earlier, 85.1 million Americans voted in the Reagan-Carter presidential election.
- During a 60-year life span, an average tree will produce nearly 2 tons of leaves to be raked.
- Dancing the tango was considered a sin in Paris during the early 1900s.
- Those roped off areas where boxing matches take place actually used to be round, hence the term “boxing ring”.
- Pope John XXI (1276-01277) had been in office less than a year before the ceiling on a new wing of his palace collapsed on him while he slept. He died six days later.
- Nearly 4% of American women claim that they never wear underwear.
- The Pentagon goes through more than 600 rolls of toilet paper every day.
TOO WEIRD TO BELIEVE? . . . WELL, BELIVE IT ANYWAY
Quote of the Day
“I have as much authority as the Pope. I just
don’t have as many people who believe it.”
George Carlin
As I’ve stated many times in the past, I’ve always had a fascination with graveyards and cemeteries. With that thought in mind, here are a few of my favorite humorous epithets. It’s good to have a sense of humor even after death.
From Enosburg, Vermont
Here lies the body of our Anna
Done to death by a banana.
It wasn’t the fruit that laid her low
But the skin of the thing that made her go.
☠️☠️☠️
From Bayfield, Mississippi
Stranger pause. my tale attend,
And learn the cause of Hannah’s end.
Across the world the wind did blow,
She ketched a cold that laid her low.
We shed a lot of tears ’tis true,
But life is short – aged 82.
☠️☠️☠️
From Medway, Massachusetts
Beneath this stone, this lump of clay,
Lies Uncle Peter Daniels,
Who too early in the month of May
Took off his winter flannels.
☠️☠️☠️
From Canterbury, Kent, England
Of children in all she bore twenty-four:
Thank the Lord there will be no more.
☠️☠️☠️
From Chelmsford, Essex, England
Herer lies the man Richard,
And Mary his wife.
Their surname was Pritchard,
They lived without strife.
And the reason was plain,
They abounded in riches,
They had no care or pain,
And his wife wore the breeches.
HAVE YOU WRITTEN YOURS YET?
Over the years and after many mergers the Mainstream Media has become an arm of the corporations that seem to have their fingers into everything. It’s become painfully clear that many media types have become TV stars in their own right. You would think that those under public scrutiny would be more careful than most about the articles and headlines they post or print. I guess that folks who control what we see and read could at times be less than careful. To prove my point read these wonderfully lame and stupid headlines that made their way through writers and editors to amuse and annoy the rest of us.
Include Your Children When Baking Cookies
Drunks Get Nine Months in Violin Case
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Experts Say
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
War Dims Hope for Peace
New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
Smokers Are Productive, But Death Cuts Efficiency
Whatever Their Motives, Moms Who Kill Kids Still Shock Us
Lawyer Says Client Is Not That Guilty
This kind of carelessness is unbelievable. Lots of people are being paid lots of money to create these ridiculous headlines. Hopefully going forward the newspapers and websites will at least make some effort to stop the madness.
DON’T HOLD YOUR BREATH
- None of the Beatles could read music.
- Paul McCarney’s real first name is James.
- The real name of pop star Lorde is Ella Marija Lani Yelich-O’Connor.
- Elvis Presley never wrote a song. He was just a performer.
- Guitar manufacturer Gibson listed Jimi Hendrix as the number one guitar player of all time.
- Sonny and Cher were originally known as Caesar and Cleo.
- Prince played twenty-seven different instruments on his debut album, For You.
- Iggy Pop once appeared in an episode of Star Trek – Deep Space Nine.
- Andy Warhol was a frequent babysitter for Mick Jagger’s daughter Jade.
- Karaoke machines were first built in Japan in 1971. The word “karaoke” means “empty orchestra” in Japanese.
TRY SINGING ALONG
I realize that most people have no real use for statistics and suspect they can be manipulated easily by politicians and others to suit whatever point they’re trying to make. I believe that as well but nonetheless I’m about to supply you with a few statistics and facts you may never have heard before. Here they are.
- The number of atoms in a pound of iron is nearly 5 trillion trillion: 4,891, 500, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000.
- Manhattan Island from end to end is less than 1,000,000 inches long.
- Three pairs of common English rabbits were let loose in Australia, in the middle of the 19th century. Within a decade, the six rabbits multiplied into millions, menacing the country’s agriculture.
- Coffee is the world’s second largest item of international commerce. Petroleum is first.
- The abacus was used in the West in medieval times, and then forgotten. Interest in the accounting tool was revived when the abacus was brought to France by Lieut. Jean Victor Poncelet, when he was freed by the Russians after the Napoleons fall.
- Drilling an oil well 5 miles deep require drilling night and day, seven days a week, for as long as 500 days.
- In terms of the resources he will use in his lifetime and the pollution he will cause. One citizen of the United States is the equivalent of about 80 citizens of India.
- During the next minute, 100 people will die in 240 will be born. The world’s population increases by 140 people per minute.
- There are 2,500,000 rivets in the Eiffel Tower.
- There are 11.5 psychiatrists per 100,000 population in the United States. In the nation’s capital, however, there are 56.1 per 100,000.
There you have. More totally useless information for you to clog your brain with. The more I find the more I continue to find.
STATISTICIANS HAVE THE BIGGEST ERASERS
It’s time once again for a few silly limericks circa 1960. These are fun limericks, and the creators will be listed if possible.
A cheerful old bear at the zoo
Could always find something to do.
When it bored him to go
On a walk to and fro,
He reversed it and walked fro and to.
😜😜😜
By Ogden Nash
A Bugler named Dougal MacDougal
Found ingenious ways to be frugal.
He learned how to sneeze
In various keys,
Thus, saving the price of a bugle.
😊😊😊
By Al Graham
A Martian named Harrison Harris
Decided he’d like to see Paris.
In space (so we learn)
He forgot where to turn
And that’s why he’s now on Polaris.
😏😏😏
By Berton Braley
Young Frankenstein’s robot invention
Caused trouble too awful to mention.
Its actions were ghoulish,
Which proves it is foolish
To monkey with Natures intention.
🥰🥰🥰
IT’S GOOD TO START A WEEK WITH SILLINESS
Today is my favorite kind of day. I spent yesterday shopping for ingredients and today making thirteen quarts of super-hot chunky black bean and roasted corn salsa. It’s a lot of work but worth every minute of labor. My better-half was born and raised in south Texas and insists salsa should be nice and smooth and hot. I prefer my salsa to be chunky and OMG hot so I jacked up the heat a little because good salsa should always make your head sweat. Enough about my salsa. Let’s talk about some scary food facts since I’m in the mood.
- While the results of water contamination tests are made public, manufacturers of bottled water do not divulge their test results.
- Almost 99% of imported food is never inspected by the FDA or the USDA, the two agencies responsible for protecting Americans from tainted products.
- One in five office coffee mugs contains fecal bacteria and E. coli, which can cause diarrhea, food poisoning, and infections.
- Vegetarians beware: many low-fat and nonfat yogurts and sweets contain gelatin, which is made from animal tendons, ligaments, and bones.
- Even when grapes are harvested by hand, some insects wind up in the picker’s baskets. Workers simply don’t have time to inspect every grape individually as they work.
- Long a staple of the American diet and US economy, corn is a high-carbohydrate, high-glycemic food that fattens up cattle and does the same to humans who consume it in excess.
- Beef cattle evolved to survive on grass but are regularly fed corn, which has disastrous effects on their digestive systems, requiring a constant regimen of antibiotics to keep them healthy.
- Peanut allergies afflict an estimated 4 million Americans and can be life-threatening. Almost half of annual emergency room visits and two thirds of deaths due to anaphylaxis are the result of peanut allergies.
- Independent studies show that bell peppers, celery, kale, carrots, lettuce, and potatoes are the vegetables most likely to expose consumers to pesticides, despite being rinsed and peeled.
- A diet high in processed meats like sausage, hot dogs, and luncheon meats increase the risk of pancreatic cancer. Chemical reactions that occur during the preparation of these meets yields carcinogens.
ENJOY YOUR LUNCH
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