I thought I’d start this year with a most interesting writer and poet, Edgar Allen Poe. I was introduced to him in high school way back in the days of covered wagons and wild Indians (that was sarcasm). His poetry was spooky, dark, and mysterious which drew me to it immediately. What 15-year-old kid wouldn’t love that? As with most school systems of the time they offered only a few of his writings for classroom work and discussion. The Raven stands as one of his greatest works and we were required to read and memorize certain passages to get a passing grade and then we moved on to other things. My second Poe favorite was Anabel Lee. A love story for the ages except Anabel doesn’t long survive the experience. The flow of his words in that poem grabbed me immediately and I was able to quote some of its passages for years and occasionally still do.
As I aged and was able to read more about Poe and his strange approach to life, the more attention I began to pay to poetry in general. I still think that actual world class poets are few and far between, but Poe was the real deal. Along with Emily Dickenson they are my two favorites. I especially liked Poe because he wrote what he felt and really did nothing to pander to the masses. In my opinion that’s what gives his works real meaning and weight.
Another of Poe’s works has slowly over the years made its way to the top of my favorites list, even more so than the Raven and Anabel Lee. I stumbled on to it quite by accident years ago and it has become one of those rare things that periodically calls to me to be read again. As with all of Poe’s poetry it’s best read while wrapped in a warm blanket on a dark and stormy night by candlelight.
“Resolution in a bad cause is called stubbornness; stubbornness in a good cause is called resolution.”
Anonymous
Well, here I quietly sit trying to decompress from another Christmas season. I just completed my two and a half months’ worth of humor primarily to see if the response to the humor posts was as good or equal to my standard blogging techniques. The increase was minor which tells me many things but that will have to wait for another day. Just so you know, it would probably bore you to tears.
My plan going forward for 2024 is to do a few weeks of poetry. Some of you will enjoy that thoroughly and others will say “what the hell are you doing?” I get that poetry is not something everyone likes, and I understand that completely. I’ve tried to read as much poetry as I could over the years and truthfully the great majority of it was disappointing. It’s not that poetry isn’t interesting; it just wasn’t interesting to me. I’ve come to realize that my favorite poems are short, sweet, and something that forces the reader to use their imagination. That eventually led me to haikus. For me to enjoy poetry it has to be less than three stanzas long. Even that’s a little much for me that’s why I find haiku’s so interesting. So, I suppose January is going to consist of short and meaningful poetry taken from many famous poets, some of my own, and some of yours if you choose to offer it up to be posted. I’ll also throw in a host of limericks of all flavors just for fun. I hope you’ll enjoy what I’m trying to do here, maybe you will and maybe you won’t.
But before we start January, I need to deal with some other business relating to 2024. That is my New Year’s resolutions. In the past I’ve usually listed ten and completed at most six or seven. I try to make them humorous because most people don’t take them all that serious anyway. This year I’ll list just five, maybe that will motivate me to complete a higher percentage. Here they are:
READ MORE THAN 100 BOOKS
TRY TO BE A LITTLE FRIENDLIER TOWARDS THE REST OF THE WORLD
KEEP DUNKIN’ EXPENDITURES TO LESS THAN $40.00 A MONTH
COMPLETE EIGHT PAINTINGS OR PRINTS
LEARN AT LEAST FOUR NEW CUSS WORDS FROM MY GRANDSONS
***
“Resolve to perform what you ought; perform without fail what you resolve.”
Ben Franklin
***
There you have it. Maybe I’ll accomplish them all for a change (chances are slim and none) but I’ll keep trying. It’s always fun to look back at previous years to confirm just how bad you are about being successful.
I heard the bells on Christmas Day Their old, familiar carols play, And wild and sweet The words repeat Of peace on earth, good-will to men!
And thought how, as the day had come, The belfries of all Christendom Had rolled along The unbroken song Of peace on earth, good-will to men!
Till ringing, singing on its way, The world revolved from night to day, A voice, a chime, A chant sublime Of peace on earth, good-will to men!
Then from each black, accursed mouth The cannon thundered in the South, And with the sound The carols drowned Of peace on earth, good-will to men!
It was as if an earthquake rent The hearth-stones of a continent, And made forlorn The households born Of peace on earth, good-will to men!
And in despair I bowed my head; “There is no peace on earth,” I said; “For hate is strong, And mocks the song Of peace on earth, good-will to men!”
Then pealed the bells more loud and deep: “God is not dead, nor doth He sleep; The Wrong shall fail, The Right prevail, With peace on earth, good-will to men.”
“A gift is pure when it is given from the heart to the right
person at the right time and at the right place, and when
we expect nothing in return.”
Bhagavad Gita
🤪🤪🤪
Joke of the Day #1
Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates. “In honor of this holy season,” Saint Peter said, “You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.” The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. “It represents a candle”, he said. “Very well, you may pass through the pearly gates,” Saint Peter said. The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, “They’re bells.” Saint Peter said, “You may also pass through the pearly gates.” The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women’s panties. St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, “And just what do those symbolize?” The man replied, “These are Carol’s.”
☘️☘️☘️
Limerick of the Day
Old Santa had such a lovely beard,
Who once said, “It is just as I feared!
Two owls and a hen,
Four larks and a wren,
Have all built their nests in my beard!”
🤡🤡🤡
Joke of the Day #2
One Christmas Eve, Santa was under a lot of stress. He and Mrs. Claus had just had a fight, it was nearly time to leave, and his sleigh wasn’t loaded, and the elves were talking about going on strike. Then an angel walked into his office and asked, “Hey, Santa, what do you want me to do with this Christmas tree?” And so was born the tradition of there being an angel on top of the Christmas tree.
A priest was driving along and saw a nun on the side of the road. He stopped and offered her a lift, which she accepted. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to open revealing a lovely leg. The priest took a look and nearly had an accident. After regaining control of the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun looked at him and immediately said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?” The priest was flustered and apologized profusely. He forced himself to remove his hand. However, he was unable to remove his eyes from her leg. Further on, while changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129.” Once again, the priest apologized. “Sorry, sister, but the flesh is weak.” Arriving at the convent, the nun got out of the car, gave him a meaningful glance and went on her way. On his arrival back at his church, the priest rushed to retrieve a Bible and looked up Psalm 129. It said, “Go forth and seek, further up you will find glory.”
☘️☘️☘️
Limerick of the Day
A dashing young dentist in Kent,
Found in practice, wherever he went,
Girls only too willing
To have a good filling,
“Open wide”! Stirred their carnal intent.
🤡🤡🤡
Joke of the Day #2
Little Johnny is in the middle of class and stands up and says, “I have to piss!” The teacher says, “Now, Johnny, the proper word is urinate and while you’re in the bathroom I want you to think of a sentence that has the word urinate in it.” So, Johnny goes to the bathroom, does his thing and comes back. The teacher immediately asks, “Well, Johnny, did you think of a sentence?” He says,” Yes. . . urinate, and if you had bigger tits you’d be a ten.”
“The joints of thy thighs are the jewel, the work of the hands of a cunning workman.”
The Song of Solomon (7:1, King James Version)
😜😜😜
Joke of the Day #1
Some people are sitting in a bar when one guy says, “My name is Larry, and I am a SNAG.” A second guy says, “What’s that?” The first guy says, “That means I am a Single, New Age Guy.” Another one says, “My name is Gary, and I am a DINK.” A girl sitting nearby asks, “What’s that?” He says, “That means I am a Double Income, No Kids.” A lady speaks up and says, “That’s nice enough but my name is Gertrude, and I am a WIFE.” Larry says, “A WIFE? What’s a WIFE?” She says, “That means, Wash, Iron, Fuck, Etc.
🤪🤪🤪
Joke of the Day #2
A guy walks into a bar in sees a sign that reads . . .
HAMBURGERS $1.
CHEESEBURGER $2.
HAND JOB $3.
He immediately spots the attractive large breasted blonde behind the counter. “Can I help you?” She asks with a smile.“I was wondering,” whispered the man. “Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?” “Why yes I am,” she purrs, “Well if you don’t mind, please wash your hands, I really want a cheeseburger.
😇😇😇
Limerick of the Day
A girl named Alice, in Dallas,
Had never felt of a phallus.
She remained virgo intacto,
Because, ipso facto,
No phallus in Dallas would fit Alice.
😳😳😳
BETTER A FRIENDLY REFUSAL THAN AN UNWILLING ACCOMPLICE
Many years ago, I started this blog, and I chose its name very carefully. I fully intended then and still continue now to supply all of you with as much useless information as I can possibly find. Today I’d like to test the trivia knowledge of all of you fans of celebrities and Hollywood. This information was gleaned from a long-lost trivia book I stumbled upon in an old trunk I’ve had in storage for years. The first printing of this book was in February of 1975 at a total cost per copy of $1.25. I consider myself a trivia aficionado but the answers to these retro-Hollywood questions left me clueless. Maybe you’ll have more luck.
Name one of the two actresses who starred as the singing and dancing Dolly Sisters in the 1945 movie of that title? Betty Grabel was Jenny and June Haver was Rosie
What comedian appears in “Whistling in Brooklyn,” “The Fuller Brush Man,” and “Susan Slept Here”? Red Skelton
What does W. C. Fields give away in the comedy film “The Pharmacist”? Large vases.
What was cowboy sidekick George (Gabby) Hayes known as when he appeared with Bill Boyd in the Hopalong Cassidy movie series? “Windy”
What is Shirley Temple’s middle name? Jane
What is the title of the movie in which Charlie Chaplin falls in love with a blind flower girl? “City Lights”
Who portrays the “Invisible Man” in the 1933 movie of that title, and what is his occupation? Claude Rains played the role of a mad scientist named Griffin.
In the original MGM movie “The Champ” tells the story of an old prizefighter and his young son. Name the actors who played the two roles. Wallace Beery and Jackie Cooper, respectively.
During World War I, Humphrey Bogart served in the U.S. Navy. His ship was shelled, and this caused what to happen to him physically? It caused his upper lip to be partially paralyzed, resulting in a tightly set mouth and a lisp.
What longtime star, whose career began in 1925, was actually named Billie Cassin and was also known on the stage as Lucile LeSueur? Joan Crawford
I’m not sure you’ve noticed but periodically over the last 18 months I’ve posted a series of questions to help people examine their lives. Some of the responses from readers were excellent and a few others not so much. I took some time off from posting these questions due to a recent injury, but I would like to continue today with ten additional questions, Installment #12. If you find them interesting, you might want to check my archives for the first eleven installments. I last posted on this subject on 5/2/23. Answer the questions honestly with your spouse and/or partner. It will definitely make for interesting conversations and discussions. Here we go . . .
How old were you when you first had sexual intercourse?
If you are leading 100 people, whose lives are in danger, and you must choose between two courses of action. One would save only 90 people; the other would have a 50% chance of saving everyone but were it to fail everyone would die. Which would you choose?
If you went to a movie with a friend and it was lousy, would you leave?
For $1 million would you be willing to never again see or talk to your best friend?
What do you like best about your life? least?
*****
Have you ever disliked someone for being lucky or more successful than you?
A cave-in occurs while you and a stranger are in a concrete room deep in a mineshaft. Before the phone goes dead, you learn the entire mine is sealed and the air hole being drilled will not reach you for 30 hours. If you both take sleeping pills from the medicine chest, the oxygen will last for only 20 hours. Both of you can’t survive; alone, one of you might. After you both realize this, the stranger takes several sleeping pills, says that it is in God’s hands, and falls asleep. You have a pistol; what do you do?
When you are given a compliment do you usually acknowledge it or suggest that you really do not deserve it?
What sorts of things would you do if you could be as outgoing and uninhibited as you wish? Do you usually initiate friendships or wait to be approached?
If you decided to do something and your friends strongly advise you not to, could you do it anyway?
*****
Another few installments will follow, and they will finish this series. I know how much I’ve enjoyed the discussions that they’ve created with my better-half, and I hope you give them a try.
I’ve had something unusual happen this year. It appears because of my fractured ankle and my four months rehabilitation that I have a real shot at accomplishing most of my New Year’s resolutions. Now that we’re into October we’re within two months of year-end and I thought a review would be in order. Let’s take a quick look.
Read 8.33 books a month (That’s 100 books for all of you math majors). “COMPLETE” I’ve absolutely destroyed this one. Those four months of sitting on my ass while recuperating from my broken ankle made this one easy.
Keep the number of F-Bombs to less than a hundred a week. (I’m dreaming on this one.) “FAIL” I only missed the yearly total by a few thousand.
Spend less than $50.00 a week at Dunkin. (That’s just for my better-half. They’re too expensive for me.) “COMPLETE” They’ve become as bad as Starbucks and I’m finally free from all of their influences.
Drink less alcohol than last year but more next year. (I’m dreaming!) “MISERABLE FAILURE” No comment is necessary.
Visit only the classiest porn sites. (No more than 10 per week unless provoked) “ANOTHER MISERABLE FAILURE” Again, no comment.
💥💥💥
No naked dancing near the picture window in the living room. (We have nervous neighbors!) “COMPLETE” Due to my fractured ankle my dancing this year has been severely limited.
Try not to argue with my better-half too much. (The operative word here is to TRY.) “MISERABLE FAILURE” There are times when these resolutions are impossible. This is one of those times.
Teach the grandsons no more than five new swear words. (And maybe learn one or two new ones from them.) “COMPLETE” Daycare and school have saved me on this one. Playground education has officially begun. and they’re learning a brand-new vocabulary but not from me.
Try to be more polite to all of the doctors that have been manhandling me for years. “COMPLETE” I’ve seen much less of them this year which makes them miss me all the more.
Stay vertical. “COMPLETE” A term I’ve learned to really appreciate.
I’ve made mention many times that I’m a lover of history. Being an American I’m doubly interested in the history of this country and all of the good things and bad things that it’s done in order to exist in its present form. Today’s post will be a few facts of American history that I am reasonably sure not many of you are aware of. Let’s see if I can surprise you a little.
The name “United States of America” was coined by a man who lived the last years of his life in disrepute and who’s bodily remains eventually were lost. I’m talking about Thomas Payne. Payne lived his first 37 years in London, mostly in poverty, and only a fluke meeting in London with Benjamin Franklin encouraged his move to America. Later, in 1776, he wrote his popular and famous revolutionary tract, Common Sense.
Robert R. Livingston and James Munroe sailed to Paris for the sole purpose of buying a small piece of French held land in the West near New Orleans and for expanding waterway traffic. They ended up buying half a billion acres of wilderness called the Louisiana Purchase.
In the United States only 80 miles separate the highest point of land in the lower forty-eight states and the lowest point. Mount Whitney on the eastern border of Sequoia National Park in California is 14,496 feet high, and a pool called Badwater in Death Valley is 280 feet below sea level.
Morocco was the first country to recognize the United States of America (1789).
Beginning in 1882, immigrants had to pay to enter the United States. A tax of $.50 per person was imposed that year; it was increased to two dollars in 1903 and then again to four dollars in 1907.
The official manual of the Internal Revenue Service of the United States and is an agglomeration of 38,000 pages. It has been appropriately described as ” the world’s most confusing publication.”
When the United States was just 60 years old in 1836, Narciso Prentiss Whitman and Eliza Heart Spalding were perhaps the first women to cross the continent. They reached Oregon that year in a party organized by the American Board of Commissioners for Foreign Missionaries. The success of the expedition stimulated emigration to the territories in the Northwest.
The United States Automobile Association was formed in 1905 for the express purpose of providing “scouts” who could warn motorists of hidden “police traps.”
The population of New Hampshire increased only 8.3% between the start of the War of Independence and the 1970 census. In the same 194 years, the total population of the original 13 states, which included New Hampshire, increased from 2,616,000 (estimated) to just under 75 million – a gain of 2767%.
The first automobile to cross the United States took 52 days in 1903, to go from San Francisco to New York.
everyuselessthing.com 