My father was a dog lover. My mother was a dog lover. I am not. My father trained hunting dogs and in his kennel were normally 15-20 adult dogs and upwards of 10-20 puppies. One of my chores and punishments was the shoveling and removal of their droppings on a daily basis. Many wheelbarrow loads later I decided dogs would never be my favorite pet. This may upset some of you “dog” people out there but so be it. I tried having dogs as pets in my twenties but I was a dismal failure. I eventually switched over to cats and became an official “cat” person. Here are a few facts from the history of dogs.
In the 11th century the king of Norway, upset with his subjects, named his dog Saur to the throne. He reigned for three years as king. Note: “Dog Days” came to mean something totally different than it does today.
In the 1600’s in Japan the shogun, Tokugawa Tsunayoshi, passed laws to protect dogs. Anyone who injured, harmed, killed, or annoyed a dog could be exiled, jailed, or executed. In one month alone in 1687 300 people were executed for being unkind to dogs. In his 30-year reign more than 60,000 people were put to death because of dogs. Note: Give me a cat anytime.
In China dogs lived a double life. Some were treated as royalty by the elite of the county and were a preferred gift for the emperor and his minions. The other side of the Chinese coin was that the common folk more often than not ate dogs as a main course for their evening meal. Note: I know that eating dog is disgusting but unfortunately it still goes on to this day. Once I mistakenly ate a bowl of dog soup in Korea in 1968. I don’t recommend it.)
Laika, the first dog to fly into outer space aboard Sputnick II, became one of the most famous dogs in the world. Unfortunately, the pooch passed away a few hours into the flight from overheating. Both a cosmonaut and a hotdog. Note: That was a joke, so don’t send any nasty comments.
I am a huge fan of science fiction. I’ve spent most of my life reading everything I could concerning science fiction and the space program. I thought I’d post a few tidbits of information about our solar system and space program that you may not be aware of.
Miss Baker was the name of a 1-pound squirrel monkey sent into space aboard a United States missile in 1959. She traveled more than 10,000 mph to an altitude of 300 miles and had little trouble with liftoff, reentry, or weightlessness, which were extremely important test results for the upcoming manned missions. Apparently being the first monkey in space made her a little feisty. Upon recovery, she bit the person who removed her from the capsule.
Here’s how to figure out how much you weigh on another planet. Multiply your weight by the “gravitational pull” factors. If you weigh 97 pounds on earth and want to compare that to your weight on Mars, multiply 97 x .38. You would weigh about 37 pounds on Mars.
Our sun is considered a yellow dwarf star and it’s estimated to have a lifespan of at least 5 billion more years. At the end of its life, our sun will turn into what’s called a white dwarf star and will collapse under its own weight. Be glad you won’t be around for that.
We all know there are eight (formerly nine) planets revolving around our sun: Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune (Bye, Bye Pluto). There is a memory trick used by most space lovers to help remember the planets. Use this sentence: My Very Eager Mother Just Served Us Nine Pizzas. I wish I would’ve known that sentence when I was in school, it would’ve made things a little easier.
These are 10 items that are truly miscellaneous. As I gather all of my trivia together there are always a few things that can’t be categorized, and I thought I’d share some of them with you today. Here they are . . .
Charles E Weller is best known for a single sentence he created, “Now is the time for all good men to come to the aid of their party.” It was invented for use as a typing exercise.
The original name of the Girl Scouts was the “Girl Guides’.
Robert L. Ripley was the first person inducted into the National Trivia Hall of Fame in 1980.
Did you know that the only two letters that are not on a telephone are the Q & Z.
The initials M. G. On the famous British automobile stand for the Morris Garage.
It was in 153 B.C. the Romans first marked January 1st as the beginning of the new year.
How many of you know that the group motto for the Salvation Army is “Blood & Fire”?
The middle day of a non-leap year year is July 2nd. There’s 182 days before it, and 182 after it.
Did you know that Leonardo da Vinci, Winston Churchill, Albert Einstein, Thomas Edison and Gen. George Patton were dyslexic?
In 1871 the rickshaw was invented by American Baptist missionary Jonathan Goble. He had a Japanese carpenter build the original rickshaw for his invalid wife in Yokohama.
I thought I would try something different today. We all love limericks mostly because they can be naughty, dirty, and lewd and yet still funny. I’ve made a point of posting a number of limericks in recent weeks written by children that were Rated G and they were well received. I’m going to take it another step further today by introducing you to a number of limericks written by adults for children (circa 1965). They are clean and clever and funny. Most kids love or hate school, so let’s make these limericks about school and college. I hope you enjoy them.
I thought a little silliness would be in order on this slow Sunday. I’m expecting a gorgeous warm and sunny day for a change, and I plan to enjoy the hell out of it. Here are a few things that might tickle your funny bone.
RETRO BUMPER STICKERS
I MAY BE FAT BUT YOUR UGLY
!@#!*&$%
GO AHEAD, MAKE MY DAY
THERE ARE 3 KINDS OF PEOPLE: THOSE WHO MAKE THINGS HAPPEN; THOSE WHO WATCH WHAT HAPPENS; AND THOSE WHO WONDER WHAT HAPPENED.
And finally, more dumb-ass crooks. This one explains how not to handle dangerous weapons.
In Wichita, Kan., police officers staking out a convenience store inadvertently unnerved two men parked innocently at an adjacent liquor store. According to police, a 19- year-old man in the car had a gun and thought that since police officers were nearby, he ought to get rid of it, but in the process of pulling it out of his pocket, he accidentally fired one round, which hit him in the leg, went through the front seat, and hit his 20-year-old companion. According to police Capt. Paul Dotson, the officers on stakeout, who had until then ignored the liquor store, had their attention engaged by the gunshot and the gun owner’s limping out of the car and throwing the gun over a fence. The shooter was charged with illegal possession of a firearm, and his companion was treated at a hospital and released without charges.
A few days ago, I was digging around in the garage and going through some old boxes of what I thought were useless items. I came upon a book that was printed in 1985 which contained a host of one-liner raunchy jokes along with a few truly stupid riddles. Since a few of my family members continue to mumble and grumble about some of the so-called tasteless limericks I post, let’s see what they think about a few of these “oldies but goodies”.
What happens if a guaranteed condom breaks? The guarantee runs out!
How do dogs make love? Everybody nose!
Why did they name the new feminine hygiene spray ” S.S.Y.”? Because it takes the “PU” out of pussy!
Why did Donald Duck divorce Daisy? Her quack was too big!
What’s better than watching a girl wrestle? Seeing her box!
What’s a French chastity belt? A catcher’s mask!
Who’s the world’s greatest athlete? A guy who finishes first and third in a masturbation contest!
What’s the definition of a lady? Someone who doesn’t smoke, doesn’t drink, and only curses when it slips out!
Why did the Greek take his wife on his business trip? Because he couldn’t leave her behind alone!
What’s the difference between a counterfeit dollar bill and a skinny girl? A counterfeit dollar bill is a phony buck!
Well, there you have ten of some of the worst jokes I’ve ever heard. Everybody’s always saying how much they loved the “good old days”, but not me. I think it’s time to take this book and put it back in the box in the garage and hopefully in ten more years maybe it will be funny, but I doubt it.
I thought today we might start the month of June with a collection of limericks. This is what can be called a double dose because these limericks were written about limericks. I know it sounds confusing, but you’ll get the gist once you start reading. Enjoy . . .
The limerick packs laughs anatomical
Into space that is quite economical.
But the good ones I’ve seen
So seldom are clean,
And the clean ones so seldom are comical.
😷😷😷
If you find for your verse there’s no call,
And you can’t afford paper at all,
For the poet, true born,
However forlorn,
There’s always the lavatory wall.
😉😉😉
The limericks callous and crude,
It’s morals distressingly lewd.
It’s not worth the reading
By persons of breeding,
It’s designed for us vulgar and rude.
🥴🥴🥴
Oh limericks, Dr. Jekyll’s oblivious,
Till his alter ego is delirious.
Then it can’t be denied
Such rhymes by Mr. Hyde
Will be lecherous, lewd and lascivious.
🤪🤪🤪
That’s it for today. Keep checking in on a daily basis because I’m planning a full week of limericks that will definitely not be acceptable to the younger generation. Let’s call it “Questionable Limerick Week”. I’m compiling the list of limericks as we speak.
I’ve been writing this blog for more than 10 years and if you’ve read any of my postings you know that I’m a bit pragmatic in my beliefs. I’m not someone who believes in the mystical, superstitious, and nonsensical beliefs that exist with certain groups. Strangely enough there is a large portion of the population that does. I may not believe in these things, but I do read about them with the hope that someone can convince me otherwise.
I was recently reading a book titled The Book of Bizarre Truths. There’s a lot of information in that book concerning “curses” (both good and evil). I found this story interesting, funny, and sports related. Here it is . . .
This is called “Da Billy Goat Curse”. In 1945, William “Billy Goat” Sianis brought his pet goat, Murphy, to Wrigley Field to see the fourth game of the 1945 World Series between the Chicago Cubs and the Detroit Tigers. Sianis and his goat were later ejected from the game, and Sianis reportedly put a curse on the team that day. After that, the Cubs had legendary bad luck. Over the years, Cubs fans experienced agony in repeated late season collapses when victory seemed imminent. Even those who didn’t consider themselves Cubs fans blamed the curse for the weird and almost comical losses year after year. Finally, in 2016, the Cubs broke the curse, winning the World Series for the first time since 1908.
Again, I don’t believe in curses or blessings but let me tell you a short and bizarre story. Many years ago, after I left the police department I started and ran a private investigation company. One dark and rainy night I met a client in the town of McKees Rocks in Pennsylvania at her home. This Romanian woman hired me to determine who her married lover was seeing on the side. I know it sounds a little weird but if you run a private investigation business “weird” is the operative word. Before she would officially hire me, she sat me in the center of the room on a chair, sprinkled some kind of weird and foul-smelling powder in my hair, all the while chanting quietly to herself in Romanian as she walked in circles around me. She assured me her blessing would guarantee my success and believe it or not she was right. I made the case two nights later, took my check, and got the hell out of there. I still don’t believe in blessings or curses, but it is interesting (and her check cleared as well).
Are you left-handed? I’ve been reading up on left-handedness and right-handedness after watching my two grandsons play in a Little League baseball game. I began wondering why we become one or the other. I was apparently born left-handed, but my father changed all that. When I was about 11 years old, he decided that in order for him to have a lifelong golfing partner he had to teach me how to play golf. Unfortunately, we weren’t a wealthy family, and I was taught to golf using right-handed clubs. After a time, I made the adjustment and moved on with my life. Later in my Little League years I was a pitcher. In one game I actually pitched half of the game right-handed and the second half left-handed. I’ve been ambidextrous ever since.
I decided to look a little further into the history of left-handedness and here’s the result . . .
In ancient Egypt artwork and hieroglyphics, it appears that most Egyptians were right-handed. They portrayed their enemies as left-handed, which can be seen as derogatory.
The ancient Greeks never crossed their left leg over their right, because they believed a person’s sex was determined by their position in the womb with the female, or “lesser sex”, sitting on the left side of the womb.
The Romans also had a bias against left-handedness. Roman customs required that when entering a friend’s home, it should be done placing the right foot forward. Also, Romans should always turn their head to the right when sneezing. The Latin word for left was sinister (meaning evil or ominous), the word for right was dexter (meaning skillful or adroit). Even the word ambidextrous literally means “right-handed with both hands”.
The Anglo-Saxon root for left is lyft, which means “weak”, “broken,” or “worthless”. Riht is for right and means “straight”, “just”, or “erect”.
The Bible is totally biased in favor of right-handed people. Both the Old and New Testaments always refer to “the right hand of God”. There is also a distinction made even in religious art. Jesus and God are nearly always drawn giving blessings with their right hand, and the devil is usually portrayed doing evil with his left.
I feel a bit slighted by all of those old-time religious fanatics and the Bible as well. It seems to me that the Greeks, Romans, Anglo-Saxons, and damn near anyone else had been brainwashed with the idea that left-handedness is evil. Even the Muslims require that you only eat food with the right hand. Just one more reason for me to take anything said by any organized religion as utter and complete nonsense.
LEFTIES ARISE AND PROCLAIM YOUR LEFTINESS TO THE WORLD
Have you ever heard or read a quotation that really grabs you? Those are the ones I try to search out and keep in my archives. They don’t have to come from some great mind like Einstein or Stephen Hawking because many of their quotes don’t do them justice. The list below are a few quotes that grabbed me the first time I read them. Let’s see if they grab you . . .
“What a lovely surprise to finally discover how unlonely being alone can be.” Ellen Burstyn
“The superior man is distressed by the limitations of his ability; he is not distressed by the fact that men do not recognize the ability he has. Confucius
“Integrity has no need of rules.” Albert Camus
“Everybody thinks of changing humanity, and nobody thinks of changing himself.” Leo Tolstoy
“Misfortunes one can endure – they come from outside; they are accidents. But to suffer for one’s own faults – ah, there is the sting of life.” Oscar Wilde
“He who has imagination without learning has wings but no feet.” Joseph Joubert
“The hardest thing to learn in life is which bridge to cross in which to burn.” Laurence J. Peter
“A lot of people mistake a short memory for a clear conscience.” Doug Larson
“The day the child realizes that all adults are imperfect he becomes an adolescent; the day he forgives them, he becomes an adult; the day he forgives himself he becomes wise.” Alden Nowlan
“The older you get, the greater you were.” Lee Grosscup
