As I was rummaging through my collection of books I discovered one I forgot I had. It was buried beneath a pile of other useless information. It’s called Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader and I gave it a quick read. Being a former cop and an employee of the Maine Criminal Justice System, I tend to read things about the courts and laws before anything else and I’m glad I did. The Bathroom Reader made me aware of some strange and ridiculous laws from around the country. Here are just a few.
The law prohibits barbers in Omaha, Nebraska, from shaving the chests of customers.
In St. Louis Missouri, it’s illegal for you to drink beer out of a bucket while you’re sitting on a curb.
In cotton Valley, Louisiana, law forbids cows and horses from sleeping in a bakery.
The maximum penalty for double parking in Minneapolis, Minnesota, is working on a chain gang with nothing to eat but bread and water.
In the state of Alabama, it’s illegal to play dominoes on a Sunday.
In Las Vegas Nevada, it’s against the law to pawn your dentures.
If your 88 years of age or older, it’s illegal for you to ride your motorcycle in Idaho Falls, Idaho.
In California, it’s illegal to hunt whales from your automobile. It’s also against the law to use your dirty underwear as a dust rag.
It’s illegal to sleep with your boots on in Tulsa, Oklahoma.
In Natoma, Kansas it’s illegal to throw knives at men wearing striped suits.
These 10 items are mild compared to some of the others I’ve seen over the years. We Americans are great at passing a law after law but very lax in eliminating silly crap like this from the rolls. I’m going to make an effort to finds a few that are even crazier than the ones you just read.
I’m feeling in a very ‘limericky’ state of mind this morning. It’s cold, gray, and nasty so a day sitting at the computer is called for. After perusing through my achieves I decided on a few fairly clean limericks based on accidental deaths or injuries. Rather than be off color I decided on weird and these got it covered and then some.
There aren’t many things that make my skin crawl but some insects can really creep me out. Many people fear snakes and thank god I’m not one of them. This planet is covered with every sort of creature and there are still many we haven’t discovered. That thought creeps me out as well. I hate waking up in the morning and occasionally finding bug bites on my body . . . ooooh! They say spiders love to visit us stupid humans while we sleep. I thought I’d pass along a few more facts to help you sleep, so here are some creepy facts about some really creepy things.
The female salamander inseminates herself. At mating time the male deposits a conical mass of sperm covered in a jellylike substance. The female then draws the jelly into herself, and in doing so fertilizes her own eggs.
Bombyx mori, a silkworm moth, has been cultivated for so long that it can no longer exist without human care. Because it has been domesticated, it has lost the ability to fly.
Some insects, after their head is severed, may live for is much as a year. They react automatically to light, temperature, humidity, chemicals, and other stimuli.
There are locusts that have an adult lifespan of only a few weeks or so, after having lived in the ground as grubs for 15 years.
There is an average of 50,000 spiders per acre in green areas. Essential to the balance of nature, spiders annually destroy 100 times their number in insects.
Snails produce a colorless, sticky discharge that forms a protective carpet under them as they travel along. The discharge is so effective that snails can crawl along the edge of a razor without cutting themselves.
Cockroaches have quite a capacity for survival. If the head of one is removed carefully, so as to prevent them from bleeding to death, the cockroach can survive for several weeks. When it dies, it is from starvation.
There are more different kinds of insects in existence today than the total of all kinds of all other animals put together.
The male praying mantis Literally loses his head after courting the female. The latter is known to decapitate the earnest suitor, and she often completely devours him.
Trinervitermes, a species of termites that is native to the African savanna, builds mountains that are only about 12 inches high. However, the termites bore shaft deep into the ground for access to water. Holes have been found below these termite mounds that go more than 130 feet into the earth.
Any day that starts with a visit to an Oncologist is a day that has to get better. Doctors still give me the willies even after all of my cancer related BS. I got a clean bill of health but I still have to go through their annoying little requirements each time I visit. Screw it, no more doctors talk. Let’s smile just a little with a few retro bumper stickers to get started today. Welcome back to the 60’s and 70’s.
EAT YOUR HEART OUT. I’M MARRIED.
LIFE’S TO SHORT TO FEEL GUILTY
BUMPER STICKERS ARE JUST NOT ENOUGH
I’M SO BROKE I CAN’T EVEN PAY ATTENTION
GOD IS COMING AND SHE’S PISSED OFF
Look Out Ladies – Here I come.
I think I had one or two of those on my 1973 orange Gremlin. I sure miss that car. And just for the hell of it here is a rather lengthy epithet from a fine poet in Wolverhampton, Straffordshire, England. I’m guessing this was written sometime between 1845-1855. It’s obvious that the author was no Longfellow.
I’ve worked closely for a variety of people over the years and I thought I’d heard every stupid question imaginable. Then I began reading about questions asked at National Parks and Tourist Visitor bureaus. Boy was I ever mistaken that I’ve heard it all. You just can’t make this stuff up.
*****
Which beach is closest to the water?
Do you have a map of the Iditarod Trail? We’d like to go for a walk now.
Have we made peace with the Indians?
What is the best time of the year to watch deer turn into elk?
Where are Scarlet and Rhett buried and are they buried together?
*****
If you go into a restaurant in Idaho and you don’t want any kind of potato with your meal, will they ask you to leave?
I am trying to build a flying saucer. Where do I go for help?
Where can I find a listing of jazz funerals for the month?
What is the official language of Alaska?
Where can we find Amish hookers? We want to buy a quilt.
*****
Do you know of any undiscovered ruins?
So whats in the unexplored part of the cage?
We had no trouble finding the park entrances, but where are the exits?
In the past I’ve been criticized for being somewhat unhappy with almost every organized religious group. I calmly sat by quietly accepting quit a number of less than Christian comments. They didn’t make me angry as you might think but in fact they made me smile. They just convinced me and others that I was probably accurate in my opinions. Today I will further defend my position by quoting some fairly well known individuals. They, like everyone else have opinions on damn near everything.
“Science without religion is lame, religion with science is blind.” Albert Einstein
“If men are so wicked with religion, what would they be without it?” Benjamin Franklin
“In all ages, hypocrites, called priests, have put crowns upon the heads of thieves, called kings.” Robert G. Ingersoll
“An archbishop is a Christian ecclesiastic of a rank superior to that attained by Christ.” H.L. Mencken
“Religion is induced insanity.” Madalyn Murray O’Hair
“Unlike Christianity, which preached a peace that it never achieved, Islam unashamedly came with a sword.” Steven Runciman
“The Catholic faith is confession on Saturday. Absolution on Sunday. At it again on Monday.” H.G. Wells
“If I had been the Virgin Mary, I’d have said, “No!” Stevie Smith
*****
So many people, so many opinions. As the old saying goes, “Opinions are like assholes, everybody’s got one.” It remains a truth regardless of what religion or lack of religion you believe in.
Johan Sebastian Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large number of children. In between he practiced on the old spinster which he kept up in the attic.
The government of Athens was Democratic because the people took the law into their own hands.
Solomon, one of David’s sons, had 500 wives and 500 porcupines.
People have sex, while nouns have genders.
The American colonists won the Revolutionary war and no longer had to pay for taxis.
The bowels are A, E, I, O, U, and sometimes Y.
He worked in the government as a civil serpent.
ISN’T EDUCATION WONDERFUL?
A horse divided against itself cannot stand.
The climate of the Sahara desert is so hot that certain areas are cultivated by irritation.
Charles Darwin wrote The Organ of the Species.
When a baby is born, the doctor cuts its biblical chord.
The Greeks invented three kinds of columns: Corinthian, Doric, and Ironic.
I thought today might be a good time to address the “gouging” that’s been going on with food prices. I thought the oil industry was the champion gouger of all times but once again I was mistaken. I should have known that once it started with gas prices it would eventually spread to damn near everything else. Blame it on inflation or President Biden or on the many business men who seized on an opportunity to put it to the American public once again.
Yesterday I had the misfortune of doing the food shopping for the week. It will be a cold day in hell when I pay $5.50 for a dozen medium sized chicken eggs. I won’t list all of the things that pissed me off but trust me, there were dozens. With that thought in mind I’d like to time travel back to the “good old days” to do some comparison shopping. Welcome to the late 1940’s.
The average salary for a full time employee was $2900.00 and the minimum wage was a whopping $.40 an hour. I’m sure we’d all like to see prices like this again.
Bread (lb) $.14
Bacon (lb) $.77
Butter (lb) $.87
Eggs (1 dozen) $.72
Milk (gal) $.44
Potatoes (10 lb) $.57
Coffee (1 lb) $.51
Sugar (5 lbs) $.47
Gasoline (gal) $.26
Movie Tickets $.36
Postage Stamps $.03
Car $1250.00
Single Family Home $7700.00
Who is to blame? It’s a long list heavily populated by hundreds of politicians and thousands of loyal American businesses and corporations. As always, the regular guy gets stuck paying for their errors in judgement and sheer stupidity. Hooray for love of country and patriotism (sarcasm off).
It seems that this cold snap and the end of Summer is having a bad effect on almost everyone. So, for all you grumpy and pissed off people let me amuse you with a few really stupid newspaper headlines. They might just force some of you to smile.
ASTRONAUT TAKES BLAME FOR GAS IN SPACE
CHILD’S STOOL GREAT FOR GARDEN USE
COLD WAVE LINKED TO TEMPERATURES
BLIND WOMEN GETS NEW KIDNEY FROM DAD SHE HASN’T SEEN IN YEARS
MAN, SHOOTS NEIGHBOR WITH MACHETE
😮😮😮
COURT RULES BOXER SHORTS ARE INDEED UNDERWEAR
BITING NALS CAN BE A SIGN OF TENSENESS IN A PERSON
CHILDS DEATH RUINS COUPLE’S HOLIDAY
IF STRIKE ISN’T SETTLED QUICKLY, IT MAY LAST A WHILE
Living in Maine has given me a great appreciation for monitoring the weather. Our winter here starts in late October and extends itself to the end of April, a full six months of snow, sleet, and cold. If you’re not a lover of miserable weather, I recommend you never move here. Today’s posting contains random weather tidbits you haven’t likely heard before. Enjoy!
Lightning strikes the earth of hundred times every second, from the 1800 thunderstorms in progress at any given moment.
Rain contains vitamin B-12.
Observations of increased rain after US Civil War battles led to abortive experiments with weather control. Cannon volleys were fired into the clouds in order to induce rain.
Nearly 100 pollution-filled, weather-beaten years in New York have done more damage to Cleopatra’s Needle – a granite obelisk covered with hieroglyphics – than did 3500 arid years in Egypt.
17 1/2 inches in circumference and 1.67 pounds in weight: that’s the size of the largest hailstone known to have fallen in the United States. It struck during a severe storm at Coffeyville, Kansas, in September of 1970.
In 1816, there was no summer in many areas of the world. In parts of New England, snow stayed on the ground all year. Crops there and in Europe were ruined. Volcanic dust from the corruption of Tomboro in Indonesia that blocked the rays of the sun has been blamed.
In living memory, it was not until February 18, 1979, that snow fell on the Sahara Desert. A half-hour storm in southern Algeria stopped traffic but within a few hours all of the snow had melted away.
Residents in a small village in Scotland schedule their television viewing according to the tides. At low tide, the nearby mudflats absorbed the broadcast “waves”. Thank God for cable.
On June 10, 1958, a tornado was crashing through El Dorado, Kansas. The storm pulled a woman out of her house and carried her 60 feet away. She landed, relatively unharmed, next to a phonograph record titled “Stormy Weather”.
Due to friction with the surface of the planet, the wind retards or accelerates the spin of the Earth very slightly. A peak in the seasonal slowing of the planet is most evident during the northern winter.
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