As I’ve lived my somewhat interesting life I’ve noticed a few things. The constant stream of insults and insensitive comments made by both men and women about each other is one of the most puzzling. Every guy I’ve known has done it at times as do most women. My mother and father did it for sixty years to each other, sometimes jokingly and other times not so much. It makes no sense that we do these things to each other but we do.
Since I’ve been old enough to be called a man I’ve had any number of women repeat certain statements to me, "You men are all the same.", “That’s really stupid, it must be a man thing.” For both men and women it appears that this behavior has been passed down from past generations to us. Nothing irritates me more than broad-brush generalities used to denigrate large groups of people. I know it would really tick off my better-half if If I made caustic comments about women but even saying that hasn’t stopped it from happening between us on occasion.
These tendencies are used as a last resort in most arguments to help us put each other on the defensive. I hope that it’s just a way of garnering attention and not what is actually believed. Here are twelve quotes, bumper stickers, jokes, and anonymous sayings from many and varied females about men.
Women on Men
Women can be cruel in their humor but I must force myself to be fair in this discussion. Men are just as bad and like women they do it more when they’re in groups. It’s like a bonding requirement for both sexes within their specific gender groups. So, let’s all agree that men are just as bad as women and to prove that point here are twelve perfect examples.
Men on Women
With all of this going on with both sexes it’s a miracle that the human race hasn’t gone extinct before now. It’s the ultimate love/hate relationship. Maybe it’s just the ultimate genetic push for women to procreate that over rides their general disdain for the men needed to make it happen. Maybe it’s the incredible pleasure women can offer men to help them overcome their issues with the female gender. Who knows for sure, certainly not me.
Will the day ever come when the bickering and sarcasm will stop. I’d have to say "no way". Maybe it takes more passion than I first thought to prompt all of the stressful name calling, jokes, and sarcasm. Passion apparently trumps everything and allows the sexes a few moment of intense pleasure together long enough to keep the human race in existence.
War is hell.
I’d like to welcome you to the planet Mars, since I’m told that’s where men are from. This must be Mars and I’ll tell you why. As part of my never ending search for information to assist me in understanding the female animal I stumbled into the incredibly confusing world of women’s sexual fantasies. To say I was surprised at what I found would be an understatement. It seems that almost everyone has their opinions of what those fantasies are and aren’t shy about putting them out there.
I’m going to show you two top ten lists that claim to have the inside scoop on what women fantasize about. Both I suspect were written by men and they seem a little too good to be true. Here’s list number one:
1. Private Dancer (Striptease)
2. Exhibitionism
3. Force Fantasies
4. Voyeurism
5. Threesome With Two Men
6. Threesome With Another Woman
7. Sex With A Stranger
8. Teacher/Student (Spanking)
9. Domination (You Dominating Her)
10.Domination (Her Dominating You)
Now you understand why I thought I was on Mars. These sound all too familiar to what a list of men’s fantasies would be. I’ve dated a lot of women over the years and been involved in a few serious relationships but never was I made privy to the things on this list. I’ll admit I was made aware of a few of these items but no single women ever claimed ownership of them all. Some of those women were borderline crazy (in a good way) but at best they only rang the bell on six of these items. Now lets look at the second list.
1. Oh my virgin ears (Rape Fantasy)
2. Strap me on, I’m going in (Strap-on Penis)
3. Three-way w/Two Men.
4. Leave a Good Tip (Stripper)
5. I taw, I taw a putty tat (Sex w/woman and a Man Watching)
6. Being Sexually Dominated
7. Lay Me Out on Display (Exhibitionism)
8. Who’s Your Daddy? (Domination of a Man)
9. The More the Merrier (Group Sex)
10.Sex With a Stranger
This is very similar to the first list but in a slightly different order of importance. I’d like any of you women out there to confirm for me that this is even close to the truth. I’ve hoped and prayed that I’d find a women with a list like this my whole life. If most women feel this way then I may have just discovered how little I really knew for all these years. I could become clinically depressed and be forced into therapy if this is all true. Finding out that most women had better fantasies than I did would be devastating.
I’m going to stop writing now because I can feel the depression coming on.
I thought I’d write a little about marriage today. Seeing as how more marriages fail than survive, it makes one wonder what’s the point. Even knowing it only has a 50/50 chance of success doesn’t seem to stop people from jumping right into a relationship that’s complex and difficult on it’s good days. Even the massive effort by members of the gay community to legalize marriage truly puzzles me. I sometimes think it’s just a way for them to feel like the rest of us, married, miserable, and alimony and child support eligible.
As an officiant in a wedding more than a year ago I had my eyes opened even further about weddings and their preparations. The wedding I was involved with was a down-to-earth, simple, and beautiful one. No thousands of dollars spent on a one-time dress, no catered meal, no huge hall, or any of the more stupid things like releasing doves. It was elegant and beautiful. Does that give that marriage a better chance of success? I doubt it.
The number of cottage industries that have originated to feed the marriage expectations of millions of people also boggles the mind. Event planners, depending on the wedding size, make much more money for their services than some weddings cost. As we all know some people spend many thousands of dollars on what everyone considers an institution with terrible odds of succeeding. That’s a kind of gambling most people would never attempt, not even in Las Vegas.
That being said, in my efforts to better understand I found myself wandering the highways and byways of the Net looking for information of this holy of holy experiences (I hope you know that was sarcasm). Some people have made the decision to have a humorous wedding. Why? I have no clue. I suppose humor might make taking the plunge a little less terrifying. Here are two examples of some of the new and funny vows (again sarcasm) to help lighten up the ceremony:
I (name), take you (name), to be my beloved wife. I promise to love you and be your faithful partner, for better for worse, for richer, for poorer, when the Jets are winning, and when they are losing, in sickness, and in health, and in Jets-induced sickness. I will be true and loyal, and cherish you for all the days of our lives.
I take you as my wife to have and hold, love and cherish, to honor and mostly obey. I promise to make you number one in all of my life’s biggest decisions. While I don’t promise not to make you mad, I promise to apologize…when I think it’s my fault. I want nothing more than a long and happy life together. Do you?
I can’t imagine asking someone to marry me and have them take the entire thing so lightly as to use vows like that. Here are a few quotes about marriage that really are funny and insightful. Not fake funny like those stupid vows.
"Only one marriage I regret. I remember after I got that marriage license I went across from the license bureau to a bar for a drink. The bartender said, "What will you have, sir?" And I said, "A glass of hemlock." ~ Ernest Hemingway
"Marriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside desperate to get in, and those inside equally desperate to get out." ~ Michel de Montaigne
"What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are, but how you deal with incompatibility." ~ Leo Tolstoy
"My wife and I tried to breakfast together, but we had to stop or our marriage would have been wrecked." ~ Winston Churchill
"There’s only one way to have a happy marriage and as soon as I learn what it is I’ll get married again." ~ Clint Eastwood
"I tended to place my wife under a pedestal." ~ Woody Allen
"Marriage is a great institution, but I’m not ready for an institution yet." ~ Mae West
I could write ten thousand more words on marriage, the traditions, and the ever increasing costs. But because it would push me into a major depression I refuse to do it. You can thank me later. I’ve been through the marriage ringer myself and after nineteen years we failed miserably. So maybe my comments and sarcasm are reflective of that awful experience. Even so, it doesn’t change the fact that it’s a risky proposition on it’s best day. To all of you heterosexuals and homosexuals I wish you the best. Those marriages that truly work are the best thing that can happen to two people in love with each other. If it doesn’t work it can also be the most traumatic nightmare ever and haunt you for years.
Good luck to you all. My best advice is to elope to Las Vegas. Save yourself a trip to bankruptcy court (no sarcasm in that statement).
I thought I’d stop complaining about politics for a few days to begin complaining about Mother Nature and her lack of respect for me and my gardening skills. We seem to have the start of a summer with no moderate weather conditions. For most of the month of May we had warm days and very cold nights. We also were taken by surprise by a late frost or two that hit us with almost no notice. The days were warm but the wind had a cold edge to it that just wouldn’t let up. The frost ended up costing us a few dollars when it killed a number of the recently purchased cucumber plants.
In past years that would have set me off but I guess when you can’t do control something you have to move along and not let it make you too crazy. I replanted the cukes again after being assured by a nursery owner friend that we were safe from another frost. Do we get a few days of moderate weather? No effing way.
A week ago I was sitting on my deck relaxing and talking with my sister in Pittsburgh. It was warm but still had a bit of chill in the air. My sister was complaining about the heat wave they were suffering from and that the temps had been in the eighties for a few days. We here in Maine usually receive the exact weather as Pennsylvania just three or so days later. We had a day of moderate rain and then our heat wave arrived just as expected. For three miserable days the heat was almost unbearable. It was too hot to sit on the deck until late afternoon and sleeping became a freaking nightmare. All of this weather and it wasn’t even June yet. On top of the stifling heat the sun effectively roasted and toasted a large section of the garden.
So I make another trip back to the nursery for a few more replacement plants. A number of other plants were slightly damaged as well but we were still hoping for a little rain to help them survive. Three days later they died as well as did some of the latest replacements. This kind of stuff is expected these days with weird weather patterns slowly becoming the norm. It gives me a whole new understanding and appreciation of how it must have been back in the day when your life and your families life depended on having a successful garden and crops. Those old time farmers must have had a great deal of faith and a lot of guts.
Once again I replanted all of the cucumbers, watered them in, and prayed the weather would moderate a little with just enough rain to keep them healthy. It was now the first of June and I hoped for the best. Another mistake for sure. I monitored the weather and soon became aware of possible thunder storms heading our way. It began to rain and it poured for hours. It was so bad that some of my newest plantings were washed out of the ground. I’m beginning to get the idea that the gardening gods are messing with me.
If your going to garden you must be ready for almost anything. Patience is required as well as a supply of really good cuss words. They don’t actually help the situation but they do have the ability to make you feel a little better.
I’ve just replanted the cukes for the third and hopefully last time.
At the rate the grass is growing it should be knee high in a matter of days. That should give me something new to stress about. Mother Nature is definitely not our friend so far this Spring.
Today is Ladies Day here at Everyuselessthing. I know In the past I’ve had a lot of fun with you ladies out there but I’d like to get a little more serious today. During my normal cruising around the net I discovered that today is what most women would consider a very special day. I think it’s only fair that the women in this country have more than one day like Mother’s Day to celebrate their femininity. With that in mind I’m sending out good wishes to all of my female readers and a big HAPPY INTERNATIONAL TIARA DAY. I’ve included the following blurb I discovered which explains the origins of this observance and who to blame. I’m sorry, that must have sounded a little catty and I apologize.
I was surprised a little to discover that’s it’s an "International" observance. For some reason I thought that this could only be an American thing. I guess I should have realized that you women folk all would love to have and wear a tiara regardless of what country you live in. As the article explains this observance was created to help every women feel like a princess. How sweet and somewhat disturbing is that?
So before all of you ladies race off to your local Tiara’s "R" Us, please read along to learn the history of this special, special day, International Tiara Day.
The first International Tiara Day was held on May 24th, 2005 in conjunction with Barbara Bellissimo’s Seasons of Success. In 2009 Lynanne White of American Rose Bridal along with a few of her employees decided everyone should be able to wear a tiara, not just brides. Lynanne researched to see if there was a tiara day. After contacting and receiving permission from Barbara, Lynanne took over International Tiara Day in hopes of helping all women feel like a princess. Lynanne thought May 24th was an appropriate day since it was Queen Victoria’s birthday. We hope to continue this tradition every year. Please help us spread the word.
Now that I’ve properly informed my female readers about this previously unpublicized day it’s back to blog business. I love listing new followers to this blog along with my special thanks. Spending time surfing through their blogs is in my opinion time well spent. They contain a lot of interesting information and diverse writing styles. Check them out and enjoy them as I do.
Thanks to: meganlbarr, Glenn Folkes, Kendall F. Person, thepublicblogger, sunnysleevez, ArchangelTravels, Cristian Mihai, taylor oceans, Michael Armstrong, Sorina M, Daniel Gonzalez, Ashley, The Overstand Podcast, jamesrevelsthecomposer, immodiumabuser, The CoF, talin401, kirstywirsty, Spy Garden, SipofFashion, and dasitton309.
Oh yeah, HAPPY BIRTHDAY VICTORIA.
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