Archive for the ‘Kill Me, I’m Begging You’ Category
I was cleaning out some old boxes of papers a few days ago attempting to rid my home of old junk and a host of bad memories. These boxes contained books, papers, and other assorted BS from one of the worst employment experiences of my life. It was two years of hell on earth for me and went a long way to making me the confirmed cynical SOB I’ve become. Even after all the time that’s past it still pisses me off as much as ever.
Most people don’t like to name names when talking about their past bad experiences but I have no qualms at all. Some of you’ve never heard of the Hechinger Corporation and I’m happy to let you know that it no longer exists. It was a small family run hardware business that grew into many hundreds of stores across the country. The company’s philosophy, as directed by the Hechinger family, seemed to be more interested in liberal causes and making political contributions than actually making money or being successful.
I then worked for a big-box home improvement company called HQ (Home Quarters Warehouse). It was a small, dynamic, and a fun place to work. It was expanding slowly and steadily across the US and everything was coming up roses. That was until the failing Hechinger company made a hostile stock buyout in an attempt to keep their company afloat. Instead of absorbing everything good from HQ and eliminating the bad from their own company they decided to go the PC route. That decision was the beginning of the end for both HQ and Hechinger. Hechinger began attempting to change the way in which HQ did their business, eliminated many of HQ’s talented upper level management members which began the slow and painful process of killing a vibrant and successful company. At the same time they acquired Builder’s Square Company and proceeded to destroy them as well.
I’m getting off my main point which is this. Political Correctness has always been in my cross-hairs since the day I started blogging. Experiencing it first-hand is not fun and not something I’d wish on my worst enemy (well maybe on my worst enemy). It’s a dangerous tool when used by people who care more about being PC than caring about people. I was one of the unlucky few who survived the slaughter and the Hechinger brainwashing machine kicked in almost immediately. I was forced to attend a steady stream of team building seminars, personality testing, and spent hundreds of hours getting my head filled with their liberal PC BS.
For over a year they attempted to change my approach to my job and how I did business. I wasn’t about to change because I’d been very successful for years at what I did and they had not. They kept the pressure on me with all of their PC crap until I simply lost it. While getting my first annual evaluation from my new bosses, I stood up from the table, told them I thought they didn’t know what the hell they were doing, and begged them to just fire me. Being the PC idiot’s that they were, they spent the next hour trying to convince me that I should calm down and relax. I ranted and raved for most of that time and again begged them to fire me. They wouldn’t do it and abruptly ended the session.
I think they felt they could save my non-PC soul, convert me to their way of thinking, and lead me to the promised land. The next day I was given a better than average evaluation, a decent raise, and sent on my way. Any good businessman will tell you that if an employee begs you to fire them and you have just cause, JUST DO IT.
Anyway that’s why I continuously bitch and complain about PC issues. If the minor issues are ignored by intelligent thinking people more will follow.
“All that is necessary for evil to succeed is for good men to do nothing.” Edmund Burke (1729-1797)
So as I’m delivering these books and papers to the trash what falls at my feet but a book I hoped never to see again. “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People” by Steven Covey. He was god almighty to the Hechinger Company and they beat me over the head for more than a year with his books. If I never hear the term “paradigm” again it will be too damn soon.
YOU’VE BEEN WARNED Once AGAIN
I can’t even begin to remember just how many times over the years I’ve taken attorneys, the ACLU, and the court systems to task. I feel I’m as qualified as anyone to bitch and complain about the system because of my long career of working with hundreds of attorneys, judges,and a host of criminal and civil defendants. Everyday that goes by we hear strange stories about how screwed up things have become with the courts and unfortunately the weirder the story the more likely it is to be true.
I received the following information from a friend who is a retired law enforcement individual with more years of experience than anyone I know. I pass it along for your amusement and with a great deal of sympathy for us all.
THE STELLA AWARDS
It’s time again for the annual ‘Stella Awards’! For those unfamiliar with these awards, they are named after 81-year-old Stella Liebeck who spilled hot coffee on herself and successfully sued McDonald’s in New Mexico , where she purchased coffee. You remember, she took the lid off the coffee and put it between her knees while she was driving. Who would ever think one could get burned doing that, right? That’s right; these are awards for the most outlandish lawsuits and verdicts in the U.S. You know, the kinds of cases that make you scratch your head.
Here are the Stella’s for year — 2013:
* SEVENTH PLACE *
Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas was awarded $80,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The store owners were understandably surprised by the verdict , considering the running toddler was her own son
* SIXTH PLACE *
Carl Truman, 19, of Los Angeles , California won $74,000 plus medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Truman apparently didn’t notice there was someone at the wheel of the car when he was trying to steal his neighbor’s hubcaps .
* FIFTH PLACE *
Terrence Dickson, of Bristol , Pennsylvania , who was leaving a house he had just burglarized by way of the garage. Unfortunately for Dickson, the automatic garage door opener malfunctioned and he could not get the garage door to open. Worse, he couldn’t re-enter the house because the door connecting the garage to the house locked when Dickson pulled it shut. Forced to sit for eight, count ’em, EIGHT days and survive on a case of Pepsi and a large bag of dry dog food, he sued the homeowner’s insurance company claiming undue mental Anguish. Amazingly, the jury said the insurance company must pay Dickson $500,000 for his anguish.
* FOURTH PLACE *
Jerry Williams, of Little Rock, Arkansas, garnered 4th Place in the Stella’s when he was awarded $14,500 plus medical expenses after being bitten on the butt by his next door neighbor’s beagle – even though the beagle was on a chain in its owner’s fenced yard. Williams did not get as much as he asked for because the jury believed the beagle might have been provoked at the time of the butt bite because Williams had climbed over the fence into the yard and repeatedly shot the dog with a pellet gun .
* THIRD PLACE *
Amber Carson of Lancaster, Pennsylvania because a jury ordered a Philadelphia restaurant to pay her $113,500 after she slipped on a spilled soft drink and broke her tailbone. The reason the soft drink was on the floor: Ms. Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument .
*SECOND PLACE *
Kara Walton, of Claymont , Delaware sued the owner of a night club in a nearby city because she fell from the bathroom window to the floor, knocking out her two front teeth. Even though Ms. Walton was trying to sneak through the ladies room window to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge, the jury said the night club had to pay her $12,000 plus dental expenses.
And last but certainly not least:
* FIRST PLACE *
This year’s runaway First Place Stella Award winner was: Mrs. Merv Grazinski, of Oklahoma City , Oklahoma , who purchased new 32-foot Winnebago motor home. On her first trip home, from an OU football game, having driven on to the freeway, she set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the driver’s seat to go to the back of the Winnebago to make herself a sandwich. Not surprisingly, the motor home left the freeway, crashed and overturned. Also not surprisingly, Mrs. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not putting in the owner’s manual that she couldn’t actually leave the driver’s seat while the cruise control was set.
The Oklahoma jury awarded her $1,750,000 and a new motor home. Winnebago actually changed their operator’s manuals as a result of this suit.
I could continue telling these kind of stories for hours but the point has already been made. Sue anyone for anything at anytime regardless of the circumstances. Welcome to the “Land of the Free” and the home of the “Incredibly Stupid”.
I consistently ask myself questions about the things I see. It’s not that I’m seeing these things that bothers me, it’s that I don’t entirely understand what I’m seeing. One of the things that confuses me the most are the situations I see developing these days between people and their cell phones.
I’ll try to explain clearly where I’m coming from in order to keep any confusion to a minimum. After being held hostage by Verizon Wireless for the last seven years I made the bold move of dumping their service and stepping back three or four technological paces to something far simpler and inexpensive. I won’t get into the particulars except to say I’ve cut my monthly costs by 70%. I don’t want you to think I hate cell phones because I don’t. What I do hate is the unhealthy hold those devices seem to have on such a large portion of our population.
Next, I need to state emphatically my total and complete support for both heterosexual and homosexual marriages. No, my mind isn’t wandering but hang in there a moment or two until I explain. I object strongly to the new wave of intimate relationships I’m observing between humans and cellphones. It’s becoming a little embarrassing to see these phones being cuddled and stroked by both men and women in public places. It’s a bit disgusting.
People buying their phones cutesy little bejeweled outfits in a variety of colored covers to keep things from getting too boring. Even the kids are getting into the act with little or no parental oversight. Sitting along in their rooms at night talking quietly on the phone, roaming the Internet until all hours of the morning, and posting "selfies" to the world that would in some cases make a porn star blush.
Those phones are coddled and babied and remain all snuggly in a pocket or purse held tightly next to the heart (or other body parts) of their owners. I know many women and even a few men who would like nothing better than to have a large device vibrating in their pocket. People just can’t seem to keep their hands off their phones and don’t even try. What’s next? The formation of political special interest groups to promote our freedom to marry our cellphones? Don’t laugh, as weird as things are these days, it could happen.
Cell phone ownership is becoming almost as intimate as a marriage. First you need to find that “soulmate” or should I say “cell-mate”. It must be attractive and shapely and have all of those attributes you’re looking for. Once you’ve found that perfect match then your required to enter into a contract for a two year period. Very similar to a marriage license if you ask me but with one additional advantage. When your cell-mate gets a little older, all scratched up, and the battery starts to fail you can dump it and sign up for an upgrade. If you dare decide to end the relationship before the contract is up your forced to pay and pay dearly for that right. Sounds just like a divorce I managed to survive twenty years ago.
I guess I just haven’t met my true "cell-mate" yet. I suppose it will happen all of a sudden like a lightning bolt and I’ll be lost forever in that wonderful haze of first love, sexting something juicy for the first time, or sending an HD photo of some of my body parts to people who don’t want to see them.
You just gotta love those cell-phones. Right Lovey.
Well, the New Year is upon us and all the partying is hopefully over. I wish I had a dollar for every celebrator who made the infamous Walk of Shame is the last two days. I’d be stinking rich I think.
I’m told that now is the time for reflection on the past year both good and bad. It’s supposed to give us a better perspective on things and to help us improve in 2014. I honestly think that’s nonsense but for laughs I continue to go along.
Here’s a quick recap of my last three months. Please don’t get overly excited you might just hurt yourself. As we get into the December remembrances I’ve added a few photo’s to help you understand.
OCTOBER
Grandson’s Birthday Party
One Year Blog Anniversary
A Broken Leg
NOVEMBER
Way Too many Doctor’s Visits
Thanksgiving
Sister’s Birthday
God Daughter’s Birthday
DECEMBER
Better-Half’s Mother’s Birthday
SNOW
ICE
More Doctors Appointments
More SNOW
More ICE
Christmas Eve Dinner
Much More SNOW
ICE Storm
Christmas
Much Much More Effing SNOW
Effing Black ICE
New Years Eve
SNOW
New Years Day
MORE SNOW
What have I learned from all of this? One thing immediately comes to mind . . . SPEND THE FREAKING WINTER IN FLORIDA ! ! !
One last photograph for your enjoyment. I took this from my car so it’s not as sharp as I’d like but this guy was hauling ass at the time. One of the last few remaining survivors from the Great Thanksgiving Day Turkey Massacre of 2013. Now you know why he’s running so fast.
I’m pretty sure he doesn’t like all the damn snow either.
After spending the entire day yesterday laying around like a big lump I went to sleep and spent eight more hours doing the same thing. I came awake this morning feeling somewhat better but still not quite back to what I consider normal. More snow through the nite was just the cherry on top of this week. I’m afraid this winter has started badly with more than two and a half feet of snow before New Year’s Day. I have the feeling we’ll be buried the entire winter. Yeah for us!
In past years I joked about SNIRT season here in Maine. That’s a mixture of SNow and dIRT for all you non-Mainers. It could be a record setting year if this photo is any indication. If this weather pattern continues with a snow storm every two or three days things could get really interesting. Just west of here in the White Mountains the ski resorts are already celebrating. They have close to a five foot base and expert much much more. They could be skiing well into April and May if they’re lucky. At least someone is reaping the benefits from all this damn snow. Unfortunately I haven’t figured a way to make money from this snow but I’m continuing to explore many possibilities.
The post-Christmas cleanup continues and will take a little longer than expected. It’s hard to believe such a small group of people could create such devastation in just two days. I almost had to use a snow shovel to clean the debris from the living room. I actually lost my cat for a while when he burrowed into the pile and disappeared.
I’ve just about finished my New Year’s resolutions and should be posting them in a day or so. They would have been done sooner but I got caught up in my reading of Sherlock Holmes stories and put them on the back burner for a few more days.
More snow and ice expected tomorrow so hurry up and make your travel plans to come visit us here in Maine. We have it all; SNOW, ICE STORMS, SLEET, SLUSH and of course SNIRT.
AND THANKS TO PEDDLER FOR THIS REMINDER
THREE HUNDRED AND SIXTY ONE SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS
* * * *
This disclaimer is for those of you who are militant believers in all of these syndromes. This posting is being written as humor with just a hint of the truth. If you have no sense of humor then stop reading now because this will almost certainly anger you. If you chose to continue please keep your caustic comments to yourself, they won’t be posted.
* * * *
These days it seems like everyone regardless of age or gender is suffering a syndrome of one kind or another. This permits them to be stupid, annoying, and in general a huge pain in the ass without consequences. If your child is undisciplined and does pretty much what they please without any obvious parental control, they suffer from ADS. Load them with a few drugs to maintain control in the classrooms and everything will be just fine.
Then they can grow into an annoying and undisciplined adult and be diagnosed with AADS. More drugs and again less responsibility for bad behavior.
We have ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) and if that’s not good enough we also have ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder). Both children and adults can now claim any of these disorders hoping for more drugs and less responsibility for their questionable rude behavior.
Were you also aware of the cottage industry that has blossomed for those poor and suffering souls afflicted with one or many of these disorders. The first thing you should do is become an official member of CHADD. This description was taken directly from their web-site.
Children and Adults with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (CHADD), is a national non-profit, tax-exempt (Section 501(c)(3)) organization providing education, advocacy and support for individuals with ADHD. In addition to our informative website, CHADD also publishes a variety of printed materials to keep members and professionals current on research advances, medications, and treatments affecting individuals with ADHD. These materials include Attention magazine and a free electronically mailed informational newsletter, as well as other publications of specific interest to educators, professionals, adults with ADHD, and parents.
As you can see it’s becoming an official part of our laundry list of disorders. Pick the one that fits best, talk with a friendly doctor and make the diagnosis official. Then present it to the school or your employer and expect special treatment from the entire world for the rest of your life.
Why should I be left out? Here’s a new disorder that I recently discovered quite by accident and I suspect there are millions of other sufferers nationwide that need to be told what’s wrong with them. My new disorder is called AAADD or Age-Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.
This is how it works…
I decide to do my laundry. I start down the hall and notice the newspaper on the table. OK, I’m going to do the laundry…
BUT FIRST I’m going to read the newspaper. After that, I notice the mail on the table. OK, I’ll just put the newspaper in the recycle stack….
BUT FIRST I’ll look through the pile of mail and see if there are any bills to be paid. Yes. Now where is the checkbook?
Oops.. there’s the empty glass from yesterday on the coffee table. I’m going to look for that checkbook…
BUT FIRST I need to put the glass in the sink.
I head for the kitchen, look out the window, notice my poor flowers need a drink of water, I put the glass in the sink and there’s the remote for the TV on the kitchen counter. What’s it doing here? I’ll just put it away…
BUT FIRST I need to water those plants. I head for the door and…Aaaagh! stepped on the cat. Cat needs to be fed. Okay, I’ll put the remote away and water the plants…
BUT FIRST I need to feed the cat.
END OF DAY: Laundry is not done, newspapers are still on the floor, glass is still in the sink, bills are not paid, checkbook is still lost, and the cat ate the remote control… And, when I try to figure out how come nothing got done today, I’m baffled because…I KNOW I WAS BUSY ALL DAY!
I realize this condition is serious…I’d get help… BUT FIRST…I think I’ll check my e-mail.
I need to quickly recruit a few hundred individuals interested in forming a non-profit organization to help spread the word to the world about this terrible albeit understandable age related problem. How about we start the ASS-ASS organization, American Society of Silly - Aged Seniors Sufferers
Join up with ASS–ASS immediately all of you poor suffering and aging old bastards.
REPRESENT ! ! !
I discovered the following list while roaming around the Net yesterday. I’m known for being sarcastic at times especially when writing about our female counterparts who tend to bring out the devil in me. The “Battle of the Sexes” is something I take very seriously and I feel that it’s my job to defend my gender. I think it’s only fair to make sure that women don’t get an unfair upper-hand in the amount of sarcastic BS they circulate about men. I promise to do my very best to keep us men on an even keel with them.
For some reason sarcasm irritates the hell out of many women except for when they’re spewing it themselves. This list of “Reasons It’s Good to Be a Women”" appear to have been written by a sarcastic and mean-spirited female sexist. Since she seems to have gone over the edge with her comments I thought I should respond in kind. I’m not saying she’s a man hater but it’s certainly someone who must has been dumped recently or has a string of failed relationships that fueled her anger and sarcasm. I hope you enjoy this item-by-item comparison written by a somewhat sarcastic man who definitely has had a few failed relationships along the way. Enjoy.
“Reasons It’s Good to be a Woman”
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We got off the Titanic first. We can scare male bosses with the mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.
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Taxis stop for us.
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We don’t look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
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No fashion faux pas we make, could ever rival the Speedo.
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We don’t have to pass gas to amuse ourselves.
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If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
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We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching her rear end.
8. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.
9. We have the ability to dress ourselves.
10. We can talk to the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.
11. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we are aware that we will look like an idiot.
12. We will never regret piercing our ears.
13. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.
14. We can make comments about how silly men are in their presence because they aren’t listening anyway.
* * *
Am I right? Does she sound just a little bitter? No doubt in my mind she has issues she’s not dealing with all that well. I think it’s time for my contribution to this discussion in a much more rational and male manner. I’ll address her points one-by-one.
“Reasons Why It’s Better to Be a Man”
1. We don’t get and complain about gynecological disorders but if we had to listen to our women explain them, then we’d probably jump off the Titanic voluntarily.
2. We have vehicles and require no taxis.
3. We don’t need to dance to display the goods. Here they are.
4. We may wear the occasional Speedo at the beach but we never go to Walmart in a dirty pink sweat suit with Hot & Juicy printed across the ass.
5. We pass gas which eases our pain and keeps us from becoming as mean and disagreeable than our gas-pained female friends and lovers.
6. We love to shave, it makes us clean and neat, not hairy and scary like some of the girls.
7. We have the maturity and passion to show our male friends the “Thrill of Victory” and the “Agony of Defeat” without worrying about what our homophobic female friends think.
8. We don’t reach down to touch ourselves to make sure our junk is still there. We do that for those females with a short attention span so they won’t forget where the goods really are.
9. We dress ourselves in a simple manner because if it’s too complicated our poor female lovers can’t figure a way to remove our clothing.
10. We talk to the opposite sex because we have the unique ability to accurately picture them naked.
11. We won’t marry someone 20 years older than us because that would make us look like an idiot.
12. We will never regret much of anything, EVER.
13. We carry a supply of chocolates with us at all times to entice the welcoming chocoholic females into a gooey, chocolate, and messy sex romp.
14. We can say almost anything we want in the presence of women because they’re too busy yakking it up with each other to hear what we have to say.
15th and Most Important: WE HAVE CUSTODY OF THE PENIS. With that in our favor we really own most women except for the occasion Lesbian. But even they find it necessary at times to make detailed replicas of the penis for their amusement and the amusement of their partners.
MEN RULE
(Sarcasm Off)
What possesses we humans with the need to continuously shorten our language. LOL, OMG, and others were created primarily because of Twitter and other social networks. 140 characters leave very little space for actual coherent thoughts. I’d like to take you back a few years to when this craziness really got rolling. STAT and ASAP are two oldies I learned during hospital visits to see my mother at age 10 or 12 and here are a few more.
The list is endless but this countries businesses are as responsible for many of the more ridiculous acronyms as anyone. You have KISS, UNIVAC, NABISCO, NECCO, WYSIWYG, and MS-DOS just to name a few. Do you know what they all mean? I’ll just bet you don’t.
Never let it be said that the government didn’t help the cause. They’re the worst especially in the armed services. DEFCON, NORAD, ZIP code, OSHA, NATO, RADAR, SCUBA, SCUD, WAC, AWOL, SAC, SEALS, and literally thousands of others. Anyone whose ever had the opportunity to speak to someone who works in the Pentagon needs an accomplished translator who is trained in Gov-Speak. SALT, SNAFU, SONAR, AWACS, TNT, and the endless list continues.
You could work for HUD but not before they check your SSN, DOB, and GPA. On your off time you could join NOW, UNESCO, UNICEF, or get bogged down with other WOMBAT stuff.
Take a flight, OVER, OUT, ROGER, and WILCO. Get sick and be subjected to an MRI or EKG. You could end up in the ER or ICU for more serious matters.
You can make yourself crazy just trying to keep up with the ever changing acronyms. I guess this society is in such a hurry to do everything we don’t have time to say any more complete words than necessary. Before you know it we won’t have a language anymore, we’ll just communicate with nothing but acronyms. That will be a very sad day. George Orwell was a few years behind the times in many of his predictions in 1984 but some still ring true today.
Here are a few more for your edification: DNA, RNA, DOA, ETA, EST, INTERPOL, NIMBY, NASA, SONAR, TASER, LASER, and even CANOLA oil. TV, DVD, DOA, and OMFG. I’ve got to stop this foolishness immediately, it’s making me crazier than usual. I’ll be happy to supply a list tomorrow of the acronyms used in this posting and we’ll see just how many you know or think you know.
“A man who dares to waste one hour of time has not discovered the value of life.” Charles Darwin
I know a lot of you folks are already gearing up for the holidays. The month of November begins the insanity that is Thanksgiving, Christmas, and then New Years. For me I find Veterans Day to be more important than the others. I assume that most vets feel the same way. I don’t like making a big deal out of it on this blog because for me it’s more of a private and solemn occasion. I’ll thank any vet who has served this country and I honor those who gave their lives in it’s defense. That’s all you’ll hear today from me. I see no need for patriotic songs and fancy memorials. Just a quiet minute and a bowed head and I’m good.
I expect that everyone is already being bombarded by that good old Christmas spirit since most retailers filled their shelves with Christmas cheer before Halloween. I find that unfortunate but not unexpected. I suppose it’s just a matter of time before they start pushing Christmas sometime in August. Spend, Spend, Spend! That’s becoming an almost religious mantra in this country and I don’t see it stopping anytime soon.
I made a quick review of some national observances for the month of November and it’s mind boggling. Who knew this month was so damn important. It’s also mind boggling just how much time our well paid and self-involved representatives have wasted having these observances enacted. This list is only the monthly observances. There are an additional 28 weekly and 128 daily observances I didn’t bother listing. If we truly trust in our legislators to do the right thing then we should be celebrating each and every one of them. So folks, in the future we should all take November off and party like the fools that we are. Find an observance you like and then celebrate it.
Adopt A Senior Pet Month Link
American & National Diabetes Month
American Indian Heritage Month Link (See also August)
Aviation History Month
Banana Pudding Lovers Month
Diabetic Eye Disease Month
Epilepsy Awareness Month Link
Family Stories Month Link
Gluten-Free Diet Awareness Month
Greens and Plantains Month Link
Historic Bridge Awareness Month Link
International Drum (Percussion) Month Link
Lung Cancer Awareness Month
Manatee Awareness Month Link
MADD’s Tie One On For Safety Holiday Campaign (11/16-12/31)
Military Family Appreciation Month Link
National Adoption Month
National PPSI AIDS Awareness Month
National Alzheimer’s Disease Month
National COPD Month Link
National Family Caregivers Month Link
National Georgia Pecan Month
National Home Care & Hospice Month Link
National Impotency Month Link
National Inspirational Role Models Month
National Life Writing Month
National Long-term Care Awareness Month
National Marrow Awareness Month
National Medical Science Liaison (MSL) Awareness & Appreciation Month Link
National Native American Heritage Month Link
National Family Literacy Month
National Novel Writing Month Link
National Peanut Butter Lovers Month
National Pet Cancer Awareness Month
National Pomegranate Month Link
National PPSI Aids Awareness Month
National Roasting Month Link
National Scholarship Month Link
Pancreatic Cancer Awareness Month Link
Plum and Pomegranate Month Link
Prematurity Awareness Month Link
PTA Healthy Lifestyles Month Link
Spinach and Squash Month Link
Sweet Potato Awareness Month Link (See also February)
NoSHAVEmber (US – Beard Month or November (Australia – Moustache Month )
Vegan Month
Worldwide Bereaved Siblings Month
World Sponge Month
I’m exhausted just reading this list let alone paying any attention to it. With Thanksgiving on the horizon don’t forget to be thankful for our politicians of both parties for doing their part in screwing up this country like none of our enemies have been able to do. Darwin’s quote is very telling these days.
Today is my ninth day living in this one-legged hell my life has become. I’ve learned a few valuable things in these nine days and I thought I’d share them with you.
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First, don’t break your damn leg. I know it’s a bit simplistic but sometimes you just need to be told the obvious.
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Second, hope and pray your relationship is solid because it will be tested. I’ve become somewhat irritable and difficult or at least that’s what my better-half has been screaming at me.
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Third, prepare yourself for the realization that all it takes is a small bone in your leg to break to turn you into a giant dependent ball of human flesh.
I was raised to be as independent as possible and have spent my entire life just that way. I hate relying on anyone for anything. I’ve had a few times in my life where I was laid up for a day or two but nothing like this. Six to eight weeks of sitting on my ass and stumbling around the house being unable to do a damn thing. It’s incredibly frustrating to say the least. My better-half remains supportive but realizes I’m quickly going out of my mind with cabin fever.
I’ve improved my walking abilities with these crutches but it’ll never be enough to make this situation bearable. Since I’m unable to carry coffee and walk on crutches at the same time it took a day or two for me to solve that problem. A sealable carry-mug that fits nicely into my pocket was the solution. I can now walk/hop/drag a leg to the kitchen, retrieve some coffee, and return to my chair. It sounds stupid I know but it’s a major accomplishment for me.
Thank God for my X-Box and IPad. Those two devices are the only things keeping me from going bat-shit crazy. I’ve always spent a lot of time on the X-Box but now it’s totally out of control. I’m afraid I may be developing a serious case of X-Box thumbs. The IPad has allowed me to connect with hundreds of other addicted Scrabble fanatics to play Word HD with Friends. A great little App that allows me to continuously play multiple games with people from around the country. The time really flies by very quickly when I’m focused in those games.
I received some good news on my follow-up visit to the orthopedist today. The leg is healing properly and no surgery will be required. I’m to spend the next two weeks doing things much the same as I’ve been doing. That news raised my morale a bit and hopefully in two more weeks I’ll be permitted to put some weight on the leg which will really jump start this recovery.
One other quick note. My better-half suggested a trip to Walmart today to pickup a few items and somehow strong-armed me into riding on one of their infamous electric carts. I put up a good fight but there was no talking to her. For years I’ve bitched and complained about certain people on those carts blocking aisles and being a general nuisance to other shoppers. Well, today I joined the elite ranks of the Walmart Disabled Shoppers Group. I was hoping for a Walmart hat or T-shirt but sadly I was out of luck. They wanted to give me a pair of pink sweat pants that had “JUICY” on the ass but I declined. Pink just isn’t my color. It clashes way too much with my purple sweatshirt and my orange Budweiser baseball cap. That’s my official Walmart shopping outfit.
We’re headed back home now where I’ll enjoy another afternoon of Scrabble, Tiger Woods 2011, and really bad TV. I must have done something really terrible in a past life to deserve this karmic ass-kicking.
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