Archive for the ‘Looking Back’ Category
Since I went into something of a religious kick yesterday I thought I’d continue along in the same vein today. I find it odd that so many people who claim to be religious also continuously complain about their religion. Not one particular religion but pretty much every religion collects its fair amount of criticism from its own practitioners as well as critics from other religions and of course the always ever present atheists.
This posting today is another one of my trivia challenges based fully and solely on the Bible. Believe me when I tell you I’m not an expert on the Bible. I’ve read virtually all of it at one time or another but I wasn’t seeking solace for help in maintaining my religious faith, I was just curious about what all the hoopla was about. So for those of you out there who feel that you’re a true person of faith with a fair amount of knowledge about the Bible, I’m here to challenge you today.
I’m going to increase the number of questions in this trivia challenge and instead of my regular 10 there will be 15. Let’s see how closely you’ve read and remember the information in your Bible.
1. The name of God is not mentioned in only one book of the Bible. Which one?
2. If you lived as long as Methuselah, what age would you live to?
3. According to the Bible, what substance was used to caulk Noah’s Ark and to seal the basket in which the infant Moses was set adrift on the Nile?
4. What biblical Babylonian king cast Daniel into the lions den for praying to God in defiance of a Royal decree?
5. In the Bible, which of the four horsemen of the Apocalypse rides a red horse?
6. How many books of the Bible are named for women?
7. In the Old Testament, who was Jezebel’s husband?
8. In the Bible, who did the sun and moon stand before?
9. Along what body of water is there a low-salt mountain some believe is the pillar of salt that Lot’s wife was turned into after the destruction of the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah?
10. In the Bible, who saw the handwriting on the wall?
11. What were the names of the three wise men?
12. How much time did Jonah spend in the belly of the whale?
13. What language is Jesus believed to have spoke?
14. How many locks of hair did Delilah have cut from the mighty Samson’s head to render him powerless?
15. According to the Bible, on what day did God divide land and water?
I’m really proud of myself after scoring 10/15 on this trivia challenge. I guess some of the things I was taught during my misspent youth I actually retained. Tomorrow I’ll publish the answers with as much detail as I can give you to verify where in the Bible you can find them. Have fun.
I think of myself on most days as a fair and honest thinking person. It’s the way I like to be treated therefore it’s how I try to treat people I meet. With that in mind I thought I would make one more try to understand our Islamic brothers and sisters without painting them all with the “Terrorist Brush”. I didn’t say it would be easy but I’m willing to make the attempt one more time.
I’m a patriotic American and the anger than I hold inside myself is in response to terrorism in general and 9/11 in particular. It’s now been a dozen years since the 9/11 attacks and that anger hasn’t abated in the least. Let me go back to that time and explain.
I had just become unemployed when the company I worked for went bankrupt. I was sitting on my coach watching the entire attack from start to finish, unable to move or take my eyes from the screen. I wasn’t alone. there were millions of others doing the same damn thing.
A week of so later I decided to learn as much as I could about our new Islamic enemies and the alleged reasons for their actions. The first thing I did was to read the Koran from cover to cover. It’s much like the Bible and the Talmud where it’s intentionally written in such a way as to allow a lot of room for interpretation. I visited certain Islamic web-sites and read ream after ream of supposed religious quotations designed to entice non-thinking individuals into idiotic actions. I was confused almost immediately because almost none of what I was reading was found in the Koran as they claimed. As with some Christian sects, words from ancient texts were intentionally misquoted and corrupted and made to fit the extremist views of the writer.
Looking at history the Islamic culture at one time was the leader in almost everything including but not limited to the scientific, education, astronomy, and hundreds of others areas. They ruled most of the civilized world for centuries and did a pretty decent job of it. They were murderous and ruthless but so was everyone else including the Christians at that time.
Jump ahead to the present day and things have changed dramatically. They are no longer the “Big Dog” and anyone not with them must convert or die. It’s truly a moronic approach but it’s what the extremists have chosen. It should be stated clearly that worldwide they kill more of their own people than anyone else which I can’t even begin to understand.
The following quotations are Islamic proverbs which would be perfectly acceptable to almost anyone of any religion. Ninety percent of the Islamic people are hard working and only interested in leading a good life and raising their families, just like everyone else. These proverbs prove that for me. Read them for yourselves and decide.
“It is wise to bring some water, when one goes out to look for water.’
“Habit is the 6th sense that overrules the other.”
”Paradise can be found on the back of horses, in books and between the breasts of women.”
‘If you have much, give of your wealth; If you have little, give of your heart.”
“Marriage is like a fort, those who are in want out, those who are out want in.”
“A fat woman is a blanket for winter.”
“A woman can hide her love for 40 years, but her disgust and anger not for one day”.
“Even a one eyed guy will wink at a beautiful woman.”
“Love sees sharply, hatred sees even more sharp, but jealousy sees the sharpest for it is love and hate at the same time.”
“When you shoot an arrow of truth, dip its point in honey.”
“Lie to a liar, for lies are his coin; steal from a thief, for that is easy; lay a trap for a trickster and catch him at first attempt, but beware of an honest man”
“Anything that happens once does not necessarily happen again, everything that happens twice is likely to happen for the third time as well.”
“On the day of victory no one is tired.”
“Fear can make a donkey attack a lion.”
“God can see a black ant walk on a black stone in a black night.”
“Fear those who are afraid of you.”
“We learn little from our successes, but a lot from our failures”
Now that I’ve given them credit where it is due I must in good faith throw a huge and important criticism in their collective faces. Until the ninety percent of reasonable Muslim’s decide to stand up and denounce that extremist ten percent there can be no peace. I want to see the Islamic population of every little mosque on the planet take a stand against the murder of innocents for political gain. They continue to stay quiet because of their fear of retaliation from the extremists and at the same time insist on whining and crying about the bad treatment they receive from non-Muslims. You can’t have it both ways. Period. End of story.
What compels almost every group of humans who spend any amount of time together to break into smaller groups based on any number of societal reasons? We have the geeks and jocks, the pretty and not so pretty, the brains and the dummies, the sexually different, and just about anything else you can think of. One of the worst outcomes of group dynamics is bullying. Whether it’s verbal, physical, emotional, or cyber it continues regardless of the steps taken by our society to stop it. The end results of bullying are ugly and include awful things such as suicides, murders, beatings, and a life long emotional issue for the victims to deal with. Nothing good comes of it.
I’ve experienced most of these things first hand growing up. They started for me in Middle school when I was a short and skinny nerd being bullied by a much older and meaner student and his pals. I dealt with it as best I could until a few years later when I grew about a foot and put on forty pounds. Then all of a sudden their nonsense stopped and they moved on to other smaller and less hostile targets.
In High School I had the misfortune to be socially placed into two different groups. On one hand I was a jock who lettered in a number of sports but I was also confined to the weirdo category because of my artistic bent. At sporting events it was OK to be seen with me but all of my jock buddies avoided any type of friendship off the field. I was independent enough to deal with it but how well I did is still up for discussion. If I handled it so well why am I continuing to talk about it after all these years? A good question to be sure but one I really don’t want to answer. I suspect the scars on any bullying victim never go away completely.
I’m only bringing it up now because of what I observed only a day or so ago. I was riding by a local high school and classes were letting out. I observed no less than five or six distinct groups standing on the same sidewalk. They were talking amongst themselves in their own groups but ignoring the others. I could see the obvious differences immediately, sport related jackets in one group, weird clothing and hats in another, musical instruments in a third and as always a small group of sad looking kids who were the obvious outcast group. I was immediately transported back to my early days when I was the guy who walked through the many and varied groups wondering why I wasn’t being accepted. It was a little bit of time travel I could have done without.
I have no answers or solutions and apparently no one else does either. I see on TV the reports of student groups standing up and fighting against bullying. They wear their cute t-shirts and attend their cute meetings and accomplish very little. The people that need to be attending those rallies and listening to the speech’s are the bullies themselves and the school administrators who have the power to discipline them. The bullies watch those activities and laugh them off with a shrug and a smirk. Then it’s business as usual the very next day. It takes much sterner consequences by the powers-that-be on the bully’s before we can expect to see any improvement. Our politically correct school systems make that damn near impossible. Drastic problems require drastic action and doing nothing at all is cowardly and unforgiveable.
I miss a lot of people who’ve passed through my life over the years as I’m sure everyone does. I also miss people I never had the pleasure of meeting but enjoyed their talents so much they became part of my family and my reality.
A few days ago I was sitting in my favorite chair with my leg elevated and began surfing around the channels looking for anything that was wasn’t a rerun or just plain crap. After a while I happened upon an infomercial that for the first time actually caught my eye and held my full attention. It was an advertisement for a collection of old Dean Martin Celebrity Roasts. I laughed a bit but was especially surprised to see my all time favorite TV personality make an appearance, Johnny Carson.
I watched his Tonight Show as often as possible for more more years than I care to admit and in my opinion he was the all time funniest bastard ever. I like Leno but he barely registers on my radar. Letterman in my opinion has always been overrated and I don’t understand why. Jimmy Kimmel has his moments but not much more than that. And a personal message for Arsenio Hall, “Please just go away, once and for all, just go away.”
After a little looking around I did find a few quotations and comments made by Johnny over the years that I think will tickle your funny bone. It was fun reading them and getting to enjoy his humor once again. Take a look.
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“I now believe in reincarnation. Tonight’s monologue is going to come back as a dog.”
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“Never use a big word when a little filthy one will do.”
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“The difference between love and lust is that lust never costs over $200.”
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“Thanksgiving is in emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once year is way too often.”
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“Any time four New Yorkers get into Together without arguing, a bank robbery is just taken place.”
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“Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more willing to die.”
Man, I really miss that guy. Now I think it’s time for a few limericks to brighten up your day. Here are a few off-color ones you might enjoy:
There once was a harlot at Yale,
With her price list tattooed on her tail;
and on her behind,
For the sake of the blind,
She had its emblazoned in Braille.
My dear, you looks simply divine,
And I know that we’ll get along fine;
For making ends meet
Will be such a treat,
When one is yours, and ones mine.
A mortician, practiced in Fyfe,
Made love to the corpse of his wife;
”I couldn’t know, Judge:
She was cold and didn’t budge
The same as she acted in life!”
There once was a young fellow from Cass
whose balls were made out of brass;
When they tinkled together,
They played “Stormy Weather”,
And lightning shot out of his ass!”
They probably weren’t as filthy as you expected but I hesitate to reprint the really nasty ones. Maybe one day I’ll just put together a list of the dirtiest and most disgusting ones I can find. I hate to admit to having a sense of humor that even appreciates that kind of funny but I do.
I’m a big fan of movies and I find nothing more enjoyable than throwing in a DVD, popping some popcorn, and relaxing with a good film. My preferences are varied but what I really enjoy most are the movies normally shown on TCM. I’ve spent hundreds of hours watching those films and without hesitation would do it again.
One thing above all that interests me are the anomalies made during filming that are missed by the editors and end up in the final version. I’m sure some of them are done purposely but many are just screw-ups that were missed. I stumbled on this information concerning a few movie foul-ups that aren’t all that well known (at least not to me). The next time you happen to be watching any of these films with a friend of family member you can dazzle them with your superior knowledge of movie trivia. Enjoy.
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In 1982 during the filming of Raiders of the Lost Ark a great blooper can be found in the scene where German soldiers and Gestapo agents were lifting the Ark. If you look closely as the camera pans along the hieroglyphics on the wall you’ll see paintings of C3PO and R2D2, the robots from the Star Wars classic (another George Lucas film).
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This tidbit is from the movie Fortune Cookie made in 1966. The blooper scene shows Walter Matthau leaving one room and entering another and he appears to have lost a great deal of weight in the process. Matthau suffered a heart attack while this scene was being filmed; only half of the scene was completed before he entered the hospital. He returned five months later to finish the job almost 40 pounds lighter than he was in the first part of the filming.
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In 1971 during the filming of Diamonds are Forever, James Bond tips his Ford Mustang up on two wheels and drives through a narrow alley to escape from the bad guys. Unfortunately in the final version the Mustang enters the alley on its two right wheels and leaves the alley on its two left wheels.
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Close Encounters of the Third Kind filmed in 1977 also had a blooper worth mentioning. Towards the end of the movie Richard Dreyfus and Terry Garner smashed through several roadblocks as they neared the Devil’s Tower. The license plate on their station wagon kept changing.
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Now let’s go back to 1954 to the filming of Rear Window. The star Jimmy Stewart, in a cast and sitting in a wheelchair, is arguing with Grace Kelly. His cast magically switches from his left leg to his right during the scene.
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1967 during the filming of Camelot, King Richard (Richard Harris) praises his medieval kingdom while speaking to some of his subjects. Someone dropped the ball because in that scene Harris is wearing a Band-Aid on his neck.
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And last but not least one small blooper from one of my all-time favorite movies, Abbott and Costello Go to Mars (1953). In the movie they actually go to Venus.
I hope to discover more of these little miscues in other films and if I do I’ll be sure to pass them along.
I’m big on noticing things no matter where I am or what else I may seem to be doing. I pay attention to what I see and also to what I hear. Within the last few years I’ve noticed a trend I’d like to talk about. Is it me or are the youngest of our generations indiscriminately using the word “love” or the phrase “I love you” too much. It seems that way to me.
In my younger days my generation was more likely to say “I like you.” than “I love you.” Using those famous “three little words” was a serious matter. The word “love” wasn’t cast about to just anyone. Maybe these newer generations have overused the word “like” until it no longer has any real meaning to them. “Like me on Twitter”, “Like me on Facebook”, OMG, stop the madness. The only word they have left to convey feelings is “love” and they are using and abusing it much as they’ve done with “like”. We as a society seem to be wearing out our language. Can anyone out there suggest a new word we can all use in explaining our feelings for someone that isn’t “like or love”? I can’t.
I’m bothered by the term "I love you." I never worried about it as a kid because it was against the rules in our house to admit loving anyone or anything. It wasn’t until I turned twelve that it became an issue for the first time for me. I fell into a state of hormonal excitement and arousal that was almost more than I could handle. In those days if a girl even walked by me quickly, the breeze from her passing could and did cause the occasional embarrassing erection (the good old days).
Around that time I slow danced for the first time with a girl at a local pool hall where we spent our lunch breaks. There were no parents around to tell us to "leave space for the Holy Spirit" between our bodies and we didn’t. That was back in the day of bras that later motivated Madonna to slut it up with her torpedo boobs. I can still hear the song that was playing, Sixteen Candles, and can still feel those hard and pointy boobs pressing against my neck. You see, she was a bit taller than I (lucky me). I was in love or so I thought and it was really really good. I’d finally found the promised land and now that I was there I had no idea what to do next. So began my endless journey to find more true love and maybe just maybe understand it.
Saying “I love you” is the proverbial double edged sword. In order to convince a young lady to permit the occasional touching of her breasts or the touching of other more important things, you had to say those magic words. If you made the mistake of saying "the words" based on your testosterone enhanced mental state, you were truly screwed and not in a good way. It was an informal commitment made in the heat of the moment that was damn difficult to recover from. The physical rewards were out-weighed by all of the time and effort spent in trying to untangle yourself from someone whose attraction lessened with each touch of her private parts.
As any man will confirm, our youth was a continuous stream of such encounters which eventually made the term "I love you" a real no-no. If you were lucky enough to escape any incidents of accidental pregnancy you moved on into young adulthood with an even bigger fear of saying “the words”.
The next stage of development into those dreaded teenage years was to actually find yourself involved sexually with someone who was a tremendous bed partner but lacked in other areas. If you said “the words” after a few months of constantly screwing her then you opened yourself up for even more problems. The casual hints, the accidental walking by of a jewelry store and noticing all the beautiful engagement rings. Danger . . . Danger!!! One fatal step closer to the dreaded "M" word, marriage. Again saying “the words” remained a huge negative but if you avoided the accidental pregnancy issue, it still might take you months to finally escape her clutches.
Move ahead a few more years and many things have again changed. Saying ‘the words” had not. Now the women are older, their biological clocks are ticking, and the fear of never finding that illusive soul-mate is driving them to take desperate measures. Then they start casually throwing the “L” words around in an attempt to entrap you when you answer in kind during a heated sexual encounter. Danger . . . Danger! Keeping your mouth shut should be your first line of protection. Be sure to use latex protection during your sexual explorations because there are certain women out there who could or would consider becoming pregnant just to reach their fairy tale ending.
Move ahead a few more years and you’re newly divorced but lucky enough to have no children to muck up the situation. “The words” again come into play as you wander far and wide through an endless number of single mom’s, divorced mom’s, and the occasional married woman looking for any action she can find. Relationships are a minefield you must must tiptoe through, it’s a dangerous game and not for the faint of heart.
We’ve come a long way from that first dance I mentioned but “the words” still don’t come easily. Now you find yourself headed for a possible second marriage where someone else’s children are included and possibly a few of your own from your first marriage. Your new marriage requires that at a minimum you use “the words” during your occasional sexual encounters. You’re finally in a place where you should be saying “the words” on a regular basis but they’re still difficult to put out there.
So what are my conclusions? I think that the battering most of us take as we grow up, have relationships, get married, and have children takes it’s toll on us emotionally. The fact that we continue to seek that “love” says a lot for our perseverance and our desire to have someone truly love us back. All of the younger generations who throw the “L” word around so easily will find out very quickly how important it really is. Getting your heart broken a few times will then teach them to speak carefully about love and maybe just “liking” someone is the way to go.
As I frequently do, I wander aimlessly around the Net looking for inspiration. Unfortunately most of the information available is either nonsense or BS. It only becomes relevant after I’m able to put it into context for all of you. Dealing with people on the Net takes a great deal of skill, intuition, and luck. Great care must be taken because dangers lurk in the oddest places. I trained for decades to interview people, read body language, and to make a determination of their guilt or innocence. Trying to do that same thing on the Net is an almost impossible task. Since I can’t meet face-to-face and I can’t trust photographs any longer, what should I do?
The following list of questions I discovered a few weeks ago and after some necessary editing are ready for my use. They may seem mundane and boring but are they really? The “devil is in the details” is a saying I’ve learned to appreciate over the years. One small piece of information added to another and then another can result in clarification and understanding much like a jigsaw puzzle.
I want my readers to understand me. It’s the wish of almost every other human being on the planet that someone “gets us”. I’m going to list one hundred really stupid and simple questions and then post my answers as well. If you read them all and then bundle them into one huge ball of useless information, you just might have a better understanding of me. It may work or it may not but you’ll never know until you give it a try. To test it further ask a friend, lover, or family member to answer them. You might be surprised to find out they’re not exactly the person you thought. Here we go.
1. Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed? Open.
2. Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from hotel? Yes.
3:Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out? Tucked out.
4:Have you ever stolen a street sign? Yes
5:Do you like to use post-it notes? Yes, both paper and computerized.
6:Do you cut out coupons but then never use them? No, I hate coupons.
7:Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of a bees? Bees, at least I’d survive.
8:Do you have freckles? A few scattered here and there.
9:Do you always smile for pictures? No, I hate being photographed.
10:What is your biggest pet peeve? People who talk-over me while in conversation.
11:Do you ever count your steps when you walk? Almost always.
12:Have you ever peed in the woods? Yes, it’s the best.
13:What about pooped in the woods? I have but it’s unpleasant.
14:Do you ever dance even if there’s no music playing? Only when I’m alone.
15:Do you chew your pens and pencils? Only pencils.
16:How many people have you slept with this week? Does my cat count? If he does then “2”.
17:What size is your bed? Queen.
18:What is your Song of the week? Born to die – Lana del Ray
19:Is it okay for guys to wear pink? Yes.
20:Do you still watch cartoons? Almost never.
21:What’s your least favorite movie? Anything with Will Ferrell in it.
22:Where would you bury hidden treasure if you had some? None of your business. It’s called ‘hidden treasure’ for a reason.
23:What do you drink with dinner? Seltzer Water
24:What do you dip a chicken nugget in? Ketchup.
25:What is your favorite food? Hamburgers.
26:What movies could you watch over and over and still love? Anything prior to 1950.
27:Last person you kissed/kissed you? My better-half.
28:Were you ever a boy/girl scout? Yes.
29:Would you ever strip or pose nude in a magazine? No, it might scare people.
30:When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper? 1990.
31:Can you change the oil on a car? Yes.
32:Ever gotten a speeding ticket? Oh yeah.
33:Ever ran out of gas? Once in 1975.
34:Favorite kind of sandwich? BLT, with lots of B.
35:Best thing to eat for breakfast? Bacon, eggs, toast, and coffee.
36:What is your usual bedtime? 11 PM.
37:Are you lazy? No.
38:When you were a kid, what did you dress up as for Halloween? At 45, I was Woody Allen.
39. Who is your favorite dead singer? Levon Helm
40:How many languages can you speak? 1.5
41:Do you have any magazine subscriptions? Yes, one.
42:Which are better Legos or Lincoln logs? Legos.
43:Are you stubborn? Yes.
44:Who is better…Leno or Letterman? Johnny Carson.
45:Ever watch soap operas? I used to.
46:Are you afraid of heights? Not really, no.
47:Do you sing in the car? Sometimes.
48:Do you sing in the shower? No.
49: Do you sleep clothed or naked? Naked.
50:Ever used a gun? Yes.
51:Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer? I was two years old.
52:Do you think musicals are cheesy? Some are, some not.
53:Is Christmas stressful? Yes, it’s a pain in the ass.
54:Ever eat a pierogi? Hundreds of times, Yummmm!
55:Favorite type of fruit pie? Apple.
56:Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid? Archeologist.
57:Do you believe in ghosts? No.
58:Ever have a Deja-vu feeling? Yes.
59:Take a vitamin daily? Yes.
60:Wear slippers? Yes.
61:Wear a bath robe? Not really.
62: How old were you when you lost your virginity? 14.
63:First concert? Harry Chapin.
64:Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart? Walmart, to people watch.
65:Nike or Adidas? Dr. Scholl
66:Cheetos Or Fritos? Cape Cod Potato Chips.
67:Peanuts or Sunflower seeds? Cashews.
68:Ever hear of the group Tres Bien? Hell no.
69:Ever take dance lessons? Yes. as a kid, 3 years.
70:Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing? No, there won’t be a future spouse.
71:Can you curl your tongue? Yes, and I know how to use it too.
72:Ever won a spelling bee? No.
73:Have you ever cried because you were so happy? Yes, at my divorce hearing.
74:Own any record albums? Yes, vinyl and CD’s.
75:Own a record player? Yes.
76:Regularly burn incense? Yes.
77:Ever been in love? Yes.
78:Who would you like to see in concert? Celine Dion.
79:How many tattoos do you have? Six small ones.
80:Hot tea or cold tea? Hot.
81:Tea or coffee? Coffee.
82:Sugar or snickerdoodles? Sweet’n’Low
83:Can you swim well? Yes.
84:Can you hold your breath without holding your nose? Yes.
85:Are you patient? Not really.
86:DJ or band, at a wedding? DJ.
87:Ever won a contest? Yes.
88:Ever have plastic surgery? No.
89:Which are better black or green olives? Green.
90:Can you knit or crochet? Neither.
91:Best room for a fireplace? Bed room.
92:Do you want to get married? Never again.
93. Do you wear glasses? Yes.
94:Who was your HS crush? Beth.
95:Do you ever cry and throw a fit until you get your own way? Only as an infant.
96:Do you have kids? Yes.
97:Do you want kids? No more thank you very much.
98:What’s your favorite color? Blue.
99:Do you miss anyone right now? Yes.
100: Have you ever been stung by a bee? Yes.
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There you have it. My screwed up and over-explained personality in a nutshell. Remove a few of these questions and add your own. Personalize it as much as you think is necessary. Then have a few of your friends compete the questions and invite them over for a few bottles of wine and a group discussion. It might be a great deal of fun but even if it isn’t make sure you’re serving a really good wine.
I remember growing up in a time when newspapers ruled the world. Nothing was true unless it was in the paper and each morning people scrambled for the morning news. It was a time when two deliveries of a newspaper was the norm, the morning edition at 6am and another delivered in the early evening. I had an up close and personal relationship with our daily paper, The Valley Daily News, because I was one of it’s part-time carriers. I always felt so damn important as I made my rounds delivering the latest news to all of my friends and neighbors. For me it was a big deal.
I can still remember rushing to the pile of papers as they were tossed off the delivery truck to catch a quick peek at the day’s headlines. It was exciting for a dumb kid like me to be the first to get the scoop of the day.
The quality of the writing seemed much more professional then than some of the stuff I’m reading these days. In my humble opinion our improved technologies and the birth of the Internet have brought the quality of articles and headlines to a very low level. The daily barrage of news these days wears on a person. It’s a constant drumbeat 24 hours a day and it’s annoying as well as redundant.
Back in the day writing was a serious profession and the writing of headlines was almost as important as the articles themselves. I offer for your amusement the following collection of headlines from recent years and various newspapers. Not only do the headlines suck but the editor’s who allowed them to be sent to print should be ashamed. Here we go.
IRAQI HEAD SEEKS ARMS
QUEEN MARY HAVING BOTTOM SCRAPED
IS THERE A RING OF DEBRIS AROUND URANUS?
PROSTITUTES APPEAL TO POPE
PANDA MATING FAILS – VETERINARIAN TAKES OVER
NJ JUDGE TO RULE ON NUDE BEACH
CHILD’S STOOL GREAT FOR USE IN GARDEN
DR. RUTH TO TALK ABOUT SEX WITH NEWSPAPER EDITORS
SOVIET VIRGIN LANDS SHORT OF GOAL AGAIN
ORGAN FESTIVAL ENDS IN SMASHING CLIMAX
EYE DROPS OFF SHELF
SQUAD HELPS DOG BITE VICTIM
DEALERS WILL HEAR CAR TALK AT NOON
ENRAGED COW INJURES FARMER WITH AX
LAWMEN FROM MEXICO BARBECUE GUESTS
You just can’t make this stuff up. For as long as the Net prospers so will my coffers of stupid remain full. Long live the Internet.
I love the English language. I jut wanted to put that out there to help readers understand this blog is not TWITTER. Here at Every Useless Thing we need way more than 140 characters to make a point. The Twitter language which has been developing for the youngest of the sound bite generations leaves me #effingcold. If you’re a constant Twitter user then you’ve already begun to think in their terms as well as write that way. Twitter is in too much of a hurry for me which results in a blog here that’s comfortable to read and comment on. Relax, enjoy and don’t stress out trying to get all of your thoughts on a complex subject jammed into 140 characters. Let’s begin.
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One of the more interesting things for me in the language are palindromes. For those of you who don’t know, palindromes are words or phrases that spell the same forward and backward. The palindromic words are cool but the phrases are mind boggling.
Two Words
Dump mud.
Party trap
Stack cats.
Short Phrases
Never odd or even.
Live not on evil.
Pa’s a sap.
Pull up, Bob, pull up.
Crazy Phrases
We panic in a pew.
Mr. Owl ate my metal worm.
Did Mom poop? Mom did.
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I’ve always been a big fan of Harry S. Truman. A down-to-earth president who had the unique ability to cut right threw the normal political BS and get to the point. Reporters in those days must have loved covering him. Here’s one of my favorite Truman quotes:
“Never kick a fresh turd on a hot day”
Another of my favorites was H. L. Mencken. I’m especially awed by anyone who can become so famous that his words and phrases are quoted endlessly by millions of people. He was something I’ve aspired to be my whole life. A genuine “wise ass”. Here’s a few of his more interesting thoughts:
“Democracy is the art of running the circus from the monkey cage.”
A statement more true now than ever before in our history. Here’s another:
“A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin.”
I’ve been called a cynic by some and I wear that as a badge of honor. Without we cynics everyone would be an idealist. Mencken had a thought about them as well.
“An idealist is one who, on noticing that a rose smells better than a cabbage, concludes that it will also make better soup.”
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Here’s an interesting Star Wars factoid. The name of R2-D2 came about while George Lucas was filming American Graffiti. During a sound-mixing session, editor Walter Murch asked him for R2, D2 (Reel 2, Dialogue 2) of the film. Lucas liked the name so much that he made a note of it, and eventually found the right character for it.
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What famous Hollywood comedian said the following": “I learned about sex watching neighborhood dogs. The most important thing I learned was: Never let go of the girl’s leg no matter how hard she tries to shake you off.
nitraM evetS
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That’s enough of this mind numbing useless crap for today. There’s much more to come in the future and I’m sure you’re thrilled to death knowing that. Over and out from a cynical wiseass.
I grew up during the post WW II era period and I remember seeing Kilroy graffiti many times as a kid and later after my enlistment in the Army. I never knew the history behind it and never felt the need to find out. There was even a time or two when I painted that logo on a wall while stationed on bases in the US and even after my assignment to Korea I managed to leave Kilroy here and there. I’m sure many of you have seen Kilroy over the years and now it’s time to tell the whole story. Thanks to my friend Park from Kansas City who supplied much of this information.
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You can find his likeness engraved in stone in the National War Memorial in Washington , DC at the rear of a small alcove where very few people have seen it. For the WWII generation, this brings back memories. For us younger folks, it’s a bit of trivia that is a part of our American history. Anyone born in 1913 to about 1950, is familiar with Kilroy. No one knew why he was so well known but everybody seemed to get into it. So who was Kilroy?
In 1946 (the year I as born) the American Transit Association, through its radio program, "Speak to America ," sponsored a nationwide contest to find the real Kilroy, offering a prize of a real trolley car to the person who could prove himself to be the genuine article. Almost 40 men stepped forward to make that claim, but only James Kilroy from Halifax , Massachusetts , had evidence of his identity.
‘Kilroy’ was a 46-year old shipyard worker during the war who worked as a checker at the Fore River Shipyard in Quincy, MA . His job was to check on the number of rivets completed. Riveters were on piecework pay scale and got paid by the rivet. He would count a block of rivets and put a check mark in semi-waxed lumber chalk, so the rivets wouldn’t be counted twice. When Kilroy went off duty, some larcenous riveters would erase the mark. Later on, an off-shift inspector would come through again and count the rivets for a second time, resulting in double pay for those cheating riveters.
One day Kilroy’s boss called him into his office. The foreman was upset about all the wages being paid to riveters and asked him to investigate. It was then he realized what had been going on. The many tight spaces he was required to crawl into didn’t lend themselves to lugging around a paint can and brush, so Kilroy decided to stick with the waxy chalk. He continued to put his check mark on each job he inspected but added ‘KILROY WAS HERE’ in king-sized letters next to the check. He eventually added the sketch of the chap with the long nose peering over the fence and that became part of the Kilroy message.
Once he did that, the cheating riveters stopped trying to wipe away his marks. Ordinarily the rivets and chalk marks would have been covered up with paint but with the war on, however, ships were leaving the Quincy Yard so fast that there wasn’t time to paint them. As a result, Kilroy’s inspection "trademark" was seen by thousands of servicemen who boarded the troopships that the yard produced.
His message apparently rang a bell with our servicemen because they picked it up and spread it all over Europe and the South Pacific.
Before war’s end, "Kilroy" had been here, there, and everywhere on the long hauls to Berlin and Tokyo . To the troops outbound in those ships, however, he was a complete mystery; all they knew for sure was that someone named Kilroy had "been there first." As a joke, U.S. servicemen began placing the graffiti wherever they landed, claiming it was already there when they arrived.
Kilroy became the U.S. super- G I who had always "already been" wherever GI’s went. It became a challenge to place the logo in the most unlikely places imaginable (it is said to be atop Mt. Everest , the Statue of Liberty , the underside of the Arc de Triumphe, and even scrawled in the dust on the moon.
As the war went on, the legend grew. Underwater demolition teams routinely sneaked ashore on Japanese held islands in the Pacific to map the terrain for coming invasions by U.S. troops (and thus, presumably, were the first GI’s there). On one occasion, however, they reported seeing enemy troops painting over the Kilroy logo!
In 1945, an outhouse was built for the exclusive use of Roosevelt, Stalin, and Churchill at the Potsdam conference. Its’ first occupant was Stalin, who emerged and asked his aide (in Russian), "Who is Kilroy?"
To help prove his authenticity in 1946, James Kilroy brought along officials from the shipyard and some of the riveters. He won the trolley car, which he gave to his nine children as a Christmas gift and set it up as a playhouse in the Kilroy yard in Halifax , Massachusetts .
And The Tradition Continues…
EVEN Outside Osama Bin Laden’s House!!!
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There you have it. Now you know.
