It seems that sports are on everyone’s mind currently between basketball finals, the NFL draft, and the newly published NFL season schedules for 2024. I thought I’d participate a little myself. I like some sports but not all, but I like humorous and odd stories regardless of the sport even more. Today I’m going to touch on golf and baseball for some interesting trivia and a few smiles and laughs.
Harpo Marx
George Burns
Hillcrest Country Club in California has long been a favorite of Hollywood entertainers. One August day comedians George Burns and Harpo Marx came to the club to play a round of golf. The thermometer registered over 100° and the two decided to play without their shirts. But then the course officials heard about the shirtless golfers and rushed out to find them. “Rules are rules, you can’t play without a shirt and there are no exceptions.” they exclaimed. The comedians put their shirts back on and started to play. The officials made their way back to the clubhouse. A few minutes later, someone came rushing in with the news, “Burns and Marx are playing without their pants!” Again, the committee raced out to the course and sure enough Burns and Marx had their shirts on, but they had removed her pants were playing in their undershorts. Harpo Marx reminded the committee of the rulebook. It says we can’t play without shirts. But show me the rule that says we can’t play without pants. The officials were licked, and they knew it. There and then a new rule was made: All-male players could take off their shirts, but they had to wear pants at all times. I love it when a plan comes together.
Henry Heitman
If there is a record for the shortest major league career by a pitcher, it belongs to a right-handed pitcher named Henry Heitman. On July 27, 1918, Heitmann started a game for the Brooklyn Dodgers against the St. Louis Cardinals. The first four batters all hit safely and Heitmann was sent to the showers immediately. A few days later he enlisted in the United States Navy and never played major-league baseball again. That’s what I call a short career.
Bobby Jones
Bobby Jones was one of the greatest golfers ever, winning dozens of tournaments before he retired in 1930. One day in 1920, playing in the Southern Amateur Tournament at New Orleans, Jones found himself with an unexpected problem. One of his drives landed inside an old shoe that was resting on top of a workman’s wheelbarrow. After deciding not to take a penalty for dropping the ball out of the shoe, he found a novel solution to his problem. He played the shoe. The immortal Bobby smacked the shoe which flew off the wheelbarrow and the ball flew out of the shoe and kept rolling, finally stopping only a few feet from the green. Jones chipped onto the green and holed out for a par. Professionals always find a way.
Let me state categorically that I love baseball. I played it for many years and have many great memories from those times. The game has changed considerably in the last few years, and I think some of these new technological changes will probably please most fans and TV networks. I’ve always been complaining in recent years that watching baseball is like watching paint dry and with the addition of the pitch-clock it might just improve things, I hope. Today I’m going to reach back into the archives of the early years of the game for some stories you might enjoy. Here are two that made me smile.
A ground ball that takes a bad hop is an infielder’s nightmare. I have lots of scars and bruises of my own because of them so I know what I’m talking about. Once in a while injures do occur but it’s all part of the game. Fortunately, most bad-hop grounders aren’t nearly so serious.
In September 1948 the Boston Red Sox were at bat against the Philadelphia Athletics. They had Ted Williams on third and Billy Goodman at bat. Goodman hit a sharp, twisting grounder towards Philadelphia shortstop Eddie Joost. Joost got in front of the ball, but he couldn’t handle it. It hit his glove, ran up his arm and disappeared into the sleeve of his shirt. Joost dropped his glove and began to search all over for the ball. It was under and inside his shirt! He started to unbutton the shirt, but that just took too long. Finally, he pulled his shirttail out of his pants and the ball dropped out and rolled away. Goodman reached first safely and then stood on the bag, grinning. Ted Williams, who could’ve scored easily from third base, was still standing on the base, laughing too hard to run.
Because I’m a native of Pittsburgh I always look for humorous stories about Pittsburgh players and even their managers. This story takes care of both of those requirements because it involves Danny Murtaugh, who became a two-time National League Pennant winning manager for the Pirates. This story took place when he was playing for Houston in the minor leagues.
Murtaugh, as many other players, had his moments controlling his temper. During one of the Houston games Murtaugh was at bat with a three-and-two count. He took the next pitch which was a screaming fastball, a strike was called, and he was out. He lost his temper for a moment and tossed his bat high into the air above home plate. Unfortunately for Murtaugh the umpire had absolutely no sense of humor. “You’d better catch that bat before it lands or I’ll fine you $20.00,” the umpire roared. Murtaugh judged the flight and speed of the bat and caught it just before it hit the ground. It was said he’d never made a better catch in his life.
Rumor has it that yesterday was opening day for baseball. I absolutely love the game, but it’s been difficult at times to watch because I kept falling asleep and missing the best parts of the alleged action. It’s just so damn boring at times. Hopefully the new rule changes will speed things up a little but I’m always skeptical about new and unproven experiments. A pitch-count may work but I feel they shouldn’t use it during the final inning. We’ll find out soon enough if it is everything we’re being told it is. Along that same line, I look forward someday to the elimination of the home plate umpire entirely and of their questionable calls and all the drama they create. Bring on the new computer-generated home plate umpire.
Here are two pieces of baseball trivia for you.
In 1903 the first World Series was held between the Boston Americans (American League) and the Pittsburgh Pirates (National League) in a best-of-nine game series. Boston won the game and five years later rebranded themselves the Boston Red Sox.
Did you know that the first recorded game of baseball was between The New York Nine and the New York Knickerbockers in 1846. The Nine won the game 23 to 1. By 1857 the New York area clubs were playing baseball under the auspices of the National Association of Base Ball Players (NABBP), the sports very first governing body.
Now that the Superbowl has come and gone we can all start living our normal lives again. Congrats to the Chiefs for pulling out a lucky win which I really didn’t care about anyway. A special thanks to Rhianna who is so hot I think I burned myself adjusting the volume knob. It’s nice to see a superstar showcasing her music instead of her body. It was a pleasant surprise. It’s the first Super Bowl half-time show I’ve ever watched from start to finish. She did herself proud and “Oh Yeah” . . . she’s also worth over a billion dollars. OMFG
Today I’ll be staying with a Sports theme, which will help to wean me off sports until baseball season gets started. I like baseball better than football, but their games are utterly boring to watch. I’ll just check the updated scores on Google and then watch the recaps on Facebook. No nasty comments please, I realize I’m a lazy fan but once again I.D.C. (I don’t care).
Did you know that the sport of dodgeball has been banned by public schools in six U.S. states?
The first recorded game of handball was played in the year 1427. That’s the first written mention of a game involving a ball being hit by hand against a wall.
Did you know that the smallest NBA player ever was Tyrone Bogues. He stood 5 feet, 3 inches tall and played for 10 years with the Charlotte Hornets.
After soccer, volleyball is the world’s second most played sport. An estimated 46 million Americans, and more than 800 million people worldwide, play volleyball at least weekly.
The year 688 B.C. was when boxing first became an Olympic sport. It has been part of the modern Olympics since 1904 with women boxers competing for the first time at the 2012 Olympics in London.
The square boxing platform is called a “ring” because in the ancient Greek and Roman Olympics the combatants met in a circular ring. They’ve been known as “rings” ever since.
Did you know that the world record for longest time aloft of a successfully caught boomerang was 3 minute and 49 seconds.
Early forms of baseball allowed throwing the ball at a runner for an out and pitching underhanded. Balls caught on one bounce were considered outs.
President Theodore Roosevelt is credited with instituting the forward pass rule in football. He demanded a change to the rules in 1905, after 18 players were killed and 159 injured that year. The forward pass was intended to open up the game and minimize the chaotic dog piles associated with lateral passes. The rule was officially adopted in 1906.
The Nerf football was invented by Fred Cox, a kicker for the Minnesota Vikings. He came up with the idea of a soft foam football while playing in the NFL. He still earns royalties on every Nerf football sold.
I’m getting a late start today due primarily to my better-half and her shopping safari. I also just have to mention that wicked and evil nurse who sucked six tubes of blood from me earlier. Truthfully having the blood drawn was way less painful than being the assistant to the shopping fanatic.
All I’ve been hearing for the last few days is football, football, and more football. While I am a fan, it’s becoming a bit much even for me. Today’s limericks are sports related but I’m an equal opportunity spreader of humor. I’ll try for a few that aren’t about football.
In the past I’ve had my fun with statements made by baseball players, football players, and basketball players. Just to be fair I thought today would be a good day for some ridiculous statements from an assortment of other sports to include some of their genius sportscasters and their pearls of wisdom.
And he’s got the ice pack on his groin him there, so it’s possibly not the old shoulder injury. -Ray French, rugby sportscaster
Venezuela! Great, that’s the Italian city with the guys in the boats, right? -Murad Muhammad, on being told about a boxing match in South America
And for those of you watching on black-and-white, the pink ball is the one behind the blue. -TV billiards commentator
I don’t want to tell you any half-truths unless they’re completely accurate. -Dennis Rapoport, boxing manager
It’s about 90% strength and 40% technique. -Johnny Walker, world middleweight wrist wrestling champion
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Cycling is a good thing for the youngsters, because it keeps them off the streets. -Daniel Mean, commentator
It’s a catch he would’ve caught 99 times out of 1000. -Henry Blofeld
I was in a no-win situation, so I’m glad that I won rather than lost. -Frank Bruno, boxer
The lead car is absolutely unique, except for the one behind it which is identical. -Murray Walker
There have been injuries and deaths in boxing, but none of them serious. -Alan Minter, former prizefighter
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We have only one person to blame, and that’s each other. -Barry Back, New York Ranger, explaining a championship game brawl
If I wasn’t talking, I wouldn’t know what to say. -Chico Resch, New York Islanders goalie
He called me a rapist and a recluse. I’m not a recluse. -Mike Tyson, boxer
On what? -boxer Chris Eubank, when asked whether he thought about writing his autobiography.
It’s basically the same, just darker. -Alan Kulwicki, Stock-car racer, on racing at night instead of during the afternoon
These last few weeks I’ve been inundated with football facts, game reviews and a general feeling of unease. That means that I’ve got no dog in the Super Bowl hunt this year. Without a team to support I find almost everything else a little boring. I’m not by any stretch of the imagination an avid sports fan and now I remember why. I’ve always been bored watching games but listening to the hundreds of so-called experts’ blather on and on makes me nauseous. I’ve dug down deep into my trivia files and have found a few interesting quotes from some of our gallant football gladiators. Here they are . . .
“If you can’t make the putts and can’t get the man in from second on the bottom of the ninth, you’re not going to win enough football games in this league, and that’s the problem we had today.” Sam Rutigliano – Cleveland Browns coach
“He fakes a bluff.” Ron Fairly – New York Giants commentator
“I don’t care what the tape says. I didn’t say it.” Ray Malavasi – St. Louis Rams coach
“I may be dumb, but I’m not stupid.” Terry Bradshaw, player/announcer
“I’m not allowed to comment on lousy officiating.” Jim Finks, New Orleans Saints general manager
“I want to rush for 1000 or 1500 yards, whichever comes first.” George Rogers, New Orleans Saints running back
“He (his coach) treats us like men. He lets us wear earrings.” Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver
It’s unusual for me to post about sports but occasionally I do so anyway. My favorite sport by far is baseball but over the years football has wormed its way into my life. It all started back in the seventies with the “Steel Curtain” and the “Immaculate Reception” and my one and only hometown team the Steelers. Football has slowly become Americas pastime by not so gently nudging baseball aside. Today I would like to do a short history lesson about football, it’s origins, during the years 1861 – 1946 (my birth year). Read on, you may learn a few interesting things beacuse I certainly did.
1861: The first documented football game that was essentially rugby and was played at the University of Toronto..
1874: McGill University and Harvard play a hybrid version of rugby. The rule changes affect the game in the United States.
1875: The official game ball becomes an egg-shaped rugby ball. The field is now 100 yards long by 53.5 yards wide and teams are cut to 15 players per side referees are also added to the game.
1876: With the addition of the crossbar official goalposts now look like the letter “H”.
1880 – 1885: Game fundamentals are introduced such as the down system (going 5 yards in three downs equals a first down), along with a scrimmage line and yard lines. Teams are now eleven to a side. A field goal is worth five points, a touchdown and conversion, four points each, and a safety is two points. The first play calling signals and planned plays are introduced.
1894: The officiating crew is increased to three; a referee and two bodyguards, also known as the umpire and linesman.
1896: Only one backfield man may now be in motion before the snap, any can be moving forward.
1897: A touchdown now counts as five points.
1909: Now a field goal is worth three points.
1910: Seven players must now be on the line of scrimmage when the ball is snapped, establishing the basic offensive formation concept. The forward pass becomes commonplace in college football.
1912: A rules committee determines that a touchdown is now worth six points and adds a fourth down. It is now practical to punt.
1922: The American Professional Football Association becomes the National Football League.
1932: The NFL begins keeping statistics.
1933: There is a major NFL rule change: the passer can throw from anywhere behind the line of scrimmage.
1934: The modern football takes its current shape after a gradual evolution from the oddly shaped egg like rugby ball.
1939: Helmets became mandatory in college football, and the pros followed within a decade.
1941: It’s the end of the dropkick era. Ray McClean boots a conversion off the turf in the NFL championship game. In 2005, Doug Flutie created a sensation by doing it once again.
1946: The NFL’s first major rival league, the All-American Football Conference begins play. It lasts just four seasons with the Cleveland Browns winning all four titles.
It took another eight years before I realized from my father that I had been born a Pittsburgh Steeler fan. I first became a rabid baseball fan of the Pittsburgh Pirates for the next 20 years. Slowly but surely football reached out and grabbed me and when the 1970’s hit I was hooked. Unfortunately, I haven’t had much to cheer about with the Steelers in recent years. I was fortunate enough to move to New England and got to enjoy all of the years of Tom Brady and the Patriots. My allegiance wavered when Brady moved to Tampa Bay, but everything must come to an end at some point. Now I’m what would be called a fair-weather fan.
I can’t tell you how many times in my life that I’ve been assured by so-called experts that things were good and ten minutes later another so-called expert is screaming “doom and gloom”, it’s damn confusing. It’s amazes me how many experts or so-called experts exist especially when discussing sports. Let’s look into sports a little and listen to the real experts.
BASEBALL
“If Jesus were on the field he’d be pitching inside and breaking up double plays. He’d be giving high fives to the other guys.” Tim Burke, Montréal Expos pitcher
“They shouldn’t throw at me. I’m the father of five or six kids.” Tito Fuentes, National League infielder
“I am a four-wheel-drive pickup type of guy. So is my wife.” Mike Greenwell, Boston Red Sox outfielder
FOOTBALL
“Man, I want you just thinking of one word all season. One word and one word only: Super Bowl.” Bill Peterson, Florida State football coach
“I don’t care what the tape says. I didn’t say it.” Ray Malavasi, St. Louis Rams coach
“Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.” Joe Theismann, player/commentator
BASKETBALL
“Left-hand, right-hand, it doesn’t matter. I’m amphibious.” Charles Shackleford, North Carolina State player
“I have won at every level, except college and pro.” Shaquille O’Neal, former Los Angeles Laker player
“A lot is said about defense, but at the end of the game, the team with the most points wins- the other team loses.” Isaiah Thomas
SOCCER
“If we play like that every week, we wouldn’t be so inconsistent.” Bryan Robeson
“I’m going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes.” Unnamed senior, University of Pittsburgh
“What I said to them at halftime would be unprintable on the radio.” Gerry Francis
“He’s one of those footballers whose brains are in his head.” Derek Johnstone
It’s seems to be an appropriate time for a few truths. We get so much BS from the Media and advertisers that many times we really aren’t sure what’s true and what’s not. Let me lay some truths on you today for a change. These are listed in no particular order.
Most American car horns honk in the key of F.
Silly Putty was the result of a failed attempt by General Electric to create a synthetic rubber for use in World War II.
A bank in Vernal, Utah, was built from bricks delivered by the U.S. Postal Service in 1916. The builders discovered that it was cheaper to mail them then to ship them from Salt Lake City.
Carl Hubbard is the only person inducted into three different sports halls of fame: baseball, college football, and Pro football.
The final resting place of Dr. Eugene Shoemaker, a geologist, is the moon. He arranged to have his ashes placed on board the Lunar Prospector spacecraft that was launched on January 6, 1998.
The “Too T TrappeR” is a charcoal filter shaped like a seat cushion that’s designed to silence and deodorizing any unwanted fart’s. It comes in gray or black and makes a rather awkward Christmas gift.
In days past, the term boner referred to a person who was a textile worker who inserted stays into women’s corsets and brassieres.
The only marsupial that is native to North America is the Virginia opossum.
Americans drink 50 times more soda now than they did a century ago.
It takes about 2,893 licks to get to the center of a typical Tootsie Pop.
The longest overdue book in the United States is 145 years (in Ohio). The longest in the world is 288 years (in Germany).
Breast reduction is the fifth most popular plastic surgery procedure for men.
QUOTATION OF THE DAY
“Ninety-eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hard-working, honest Americans.
It’s the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then, we elected them.”
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