Archive for the ‘sayings’ Tag
If you’ve read this blog at all you already know I’m a bit of a hoarder of adages, phrases, idioms, and anything else that interests me. Today I’ll supply you with a list of twenty-five of my favorite sayings. Some are quotes from well-known people, but most are ones that I picked up along the way from whoever was lucky enough to speak them to me. Maybe you’ll find a few that tickle your fancy or your funny bone or both. Enjoy.
- Religious men are fools! Fools should be taken lightly.
- A parent is a little kid pretending to be a big kid so his little kid won’t be afraid.
- Being involved with two women is like playing pool on two tables. You may have enough balls for it but you’ll wear out your stick.
- The ten best years of a woman’s life are between the ages of twenty-nine and thirty.
- When angry, count four; when very angry, swear.
- A yawn is a silent shout.
- The great artists of the world are never Puritans, and seldom respectable.
- They are no premature babies, only delayed weddings.
- There’s always free cheese in a mousetrap.
- Chastity is curable if detected early.
- If Christian nations were nations of Christians, there would be no wars.
- Colleges don’t make fools, they only develop them.
- Common sense could prevent most divorces and all marriages.
- It is not death that alarms me but dying.
- A diplomat is a person who always remembers a women’s birthday, but never her age.
- He who hesitates is last.
- It’s not the men in my life I worry about, it’s the life in my men.
- A pessimist thinks all women are bad. An optimist hopes they are.
- The ultimate rejection is when your hand falls asleep while masturbating.
- Sex is only dirty, if its done right.
- Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
- I prefer an interesting vice to a boring virtue.
- I am not young enough to know everything.
DID YOU FIND ANY YOU LIKED?
Yesterday I posted a list of sayings, and most were attributed to people who are or were once famous. The response to that posting was excellent leading me to try something a little different. Have you ever heard a friend or acquaintance say something that “stuck with you”, something funny or profound? Today’s list will be pearls of wisdom from the smartest person in the world, “Anonymous”. We never seem to realize just how smart that SOB can be.
- A gossip tells things before you have a chance to tell them.
- We expect our children to learn good table manners without ever seeing any.
- The other night, while lying on the couch, I reviewed the high point of my life and fell asleep.
- Imagination makes a man think he can run the business better than the boss.
- He who peeps through a hole may see what will vex him.
- Strange how much you’ve got to know before you know how little you know.
- People are living longer now; they have too – who can afford to die?
- Some people are easily entertained. All you have to do is sit down and listen to them.
- Good manners are made up of petty sacrifices.
- Marriage is a wonderful institution. If it weren’t for marriage, husbands and wives would have to fight with perfect strangers.
THANK YOU ANONYMOUS
I’m a lover of quotations as you all know. Some are poignant and other are a bit to smarmy and silly. They’re all good if you take them at face value. Just don’t read too much into them or your in trouble. I’ve collected many that are funny and those are my favorites regardless of who supplied them. These following sayings are from all sorts of people, some well known but most are not. Here they are . . .
- The devils boots don’t creak. Scottish Proverb
- Losing weight is a triumph of mind over platter. Anon
- Nothing is more dangerous than a friend without discretion; even a prudent enemy is preferable. Jean de la Fontaine
- It is easier to know how to do than it is to do. Chinese Proverb
- When dealing with people remember you are not dealing with creatures of logic, but with creatures of emotion, creatures bristling with prejudice, and motivated by pride and vanity. Dale Carnegie
- Speak well of your enemies, sir, you made them. Oren Arnold
- God is a father; luck, a stepfather. Yiddish Proverb
- A graceful taunt is worth a thousand insults. Louis Nizer
- My lawyer was hurt – the ambulance backed up suddenly. Anon
- A leader is best when people barely know he exists. When his work is done, his aim fulfilled, they will all say, “We did it ourselves.” Lao-tzu
HAVE A BEAUTIFUL FALL DAY
Who doesn’t use cliches? You probably use one or two every day and don’t even realize it. I once wrote a four-minute speech using nothing but dozens of cliches strung together. I loved the challenge but the thirty people I read it to weren’t the least bit impressed. I really dislike people who can’t take a joke. Anyway, one other thing I love to do is to trace back into history to discover who originally came up with the cliche. Here are a couple just for you.
“By the skin of one’s teeth.”
“By the skin of one’s teeth” specifically is a (slightly misquoted) biblical phrase that means to have suffered “a close shave”.
My bone cleaveth to my skin, and to my flesh, and I am escaped with the skin of my teeth. Job 19:20
😯😯😯
“A chip on one shoulder.”
There is an ancient proverb, “Hew not too high less chips fall in thine eye.” By the late 16th century, this health and safety warning had become something of a challenge, a dare to a fearless woodcutter to look high up without regard to any falling chips of wood.
😕😕😕
“The hair of the dog that bit you.”
The phrase likely originated in the 16th century. Back then, if one was bitten by a mad dog (which was likely to be suffering from rabies), It was accepted medical practice to dress the wound with a burnt hair of the dog, as an antidote. Amazingly, this cure was recommended for dog bites for about 200 years before its efficacy was finally brought into question.
GOTTA LUV EM
The English language has flourished over the centuries and new words and expressions have creeped into the lexicon all the time. I’ve been fortunate, I think, to have traveled across the United States many times during my career. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard the sayings or clichés that were the same but had totally different meanings depending on the area of the country. I’m going to give you a few examples today that you’ve likely heard many times in your life but never knew the origins of them. I found some of this information really interesting, I hope you did too.
“ANOTHER NAIL IN THE COFFIN”
This depressing phrase is applied to a development that makes the situation progressively worse. The “final nail” can also be compared with the “last straw”, but the meaning remains the same. This saying was originally adopted by smokers as early as the 1920s. They referred to cigarettes as “coffin nails” and this expression became the stock response when someone accepted yet another cigarette. At the time they were referring to the hazards of a smoker’s cough; the links between smoking, cancer and heart disease were only recognized later (when cigarettes earned another wonderful nickname, “cancer sticks”).
“ANTS IN ONE’S PANTS“
This cliché is said to describe an excessively restless or over-eager person. The US Army General, Hugh S. Johnson, was in charge of the National Recovery Administration (NRA) In 1933 for FDR. He said of the NRA general counsel, Donald Richburg: “Donald’s agitation is just a symptom of the ants of conscience in his pants.”
“THE BOTTOM LINE“
It is the main point of an argument, the basic characteristic of something, the actual value of a financial deal, or the truth of the matter. The phrase itself was originally an accounting term and referred to the figure at the end of a financial statement, indicating the net profit or loss of the company. The term gained wide usage during the 1970s, possibly because of its frequent use by Secretary of State, Henry Kissinger. He often spoke of “the bottom line” as the eventual outcome of a negotiation – ignoring the distraction of any incidental details.
MORE OF THESE COMING SOON
Let’s have a little fun today. While I’m not the greatest sports fan who’s ever lived, I have a deep and abiding passion for baseball. Not listening to or watching games on television (other than the Little League World Series) but actual playing at it for many years. I find watching sports these days is as much fun as watching paint dry. They’re not the same games as they were when I was growing up. All that being said there are certain things about sports that are universal and forever and one of those is the words of wisdom spoken by Yogi Berra. He was a great ballplayer, but his little tidbits of wisdom made him more famous than baseball. I’ve picked up a few of them here and there over the years and then I discovered a gold mine of them in recent weeks. These are the ones I like the best and here they are for your enjoyment. Let’s go…
- “This is like déjà vu all over again.”
- “You got to be very careful if you don’t know where you’re going, because you might not get there.”
- In reference to movie star Steve Queen, “He must’ve made that movie before he died.”
- When asked what he would do if he found $1 million, he stated, “I’d find the fellow who lost it and if he was poor, I’d return it.”
- “Baseball is 90% mental, the other half is physical.”
- “A nickel isn’t worth a dime today.”
- When asked for the time, he stated, “Do you mean now?”
- “If you come to a fork in the road, take it.”
- “I never blame myself when I’m not hitting. I just blame the bat, and if it keeps up, I change bats. After all, if I know it wasn’t my fault that I’m not hitting, how can I get mad at myself?”
- “It ain’t the heat, it’s the humility.”
- When asked about his hat size he stated, ” I don’t know. I’m not in shape yet.”
- “You should always go to other people’s funerals, otherwise, they won’t come to yours.”
- “I take a two-hour nap, from one o’clock to four.”
- “You give 100% in the first half of the game, and if that isn’t enough, in the second half you give what’s left.”
- “I didn’t really say everything I said.”
Well, there you have it folks. The sport of baseball hasn’t been the same since Yogi retired and passed away. We need more like him in all of today’s sports to keep us aware that it’s just a game for kids. That’s how it was before it became nothing but agents, money, negotiations, social media, media interviews, and a few hundred talking heads who think they have all the answers. They’ve all done their best to ruin “Americas Pastime” and it’s a damn shame.
STRIKE 1, STRIKE 2, STRIKE 3
YOUR OUT!
For years I’ve collected lists, sayings, and quotations. The more I find, the more you get to read. One of these days I’m going to sit down and put together some of my thoughts, my limericks, and my musings. They’re sure to be just as interesting as these folks. And in
- It’s not death that alarms me, but dying surely does.
- A diplomat is a person who always remembers a woman’s birthday, but never her age.
- In wine there is truth. Pliny the Elder
- It’s not the men in my life I worry about, it’s the life in my men. Mae West
- I can remember way back when a liberal was one who was generous with his own money. Will Rogers
- Fish and guests smell in three days. Ben Franklin
- A pessimist thinks all women are bad and an optimist hopes they are.
- The ultimate rejection is when your hand falls asleep while masturbating.
- Sex is only dirty, if it’s done right.
- A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic. Joseph Stalin
- Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
- I prefer an interesting device to a boring virtue.
- What goes around, comes around.
- He who hesitates is last. Mae West
- Some of us are becoming the men we wanted to marry. Gloria Steinem
- I am not young enough to know everything.
- The zoo is a place of refuge were savage beasts are protected from people.
I found this list while digging around in some old boxes a few days ago. I eliminated a few that were dated like cheap shots at Bill Clinton. But those that remain I felt were worth sharing with you. Most of them I absolutely love especially those pearls of wisdom supplied by Mae West. Would’ve loved to have met her.
GO WEST (MAE) YOUNG MAN
I’ve mentioned on many occasions about how my family and friends supply me with odd bits of information. It started decades ago and over the years I’ve read thousands of tidbits of information, sayings and quotations. When I found one that really grabbed me I’d write it down in my notebook. I’m going to list a number of them here today because I’m sure you’ll enjoy them. I don’t know the authors of many of these but that’s totally irrelevant. It’s the information that’s interesting, not so much the person who supplied it. I feel these sayings are worth repeating. Here they are…
- Religious men are fools!. Fools should be taken lightly.
- The 10 best years of a woman’s life are between the ages of 29 and 30.
- A parent is a little kid pretending to be a big kid so his little kid won’t be afraid.
- Being involved with two women is like playing pool on two tables. You may have enough balls for it but you’ll wear out your stick.
- When angry, count to 4; when very angry, swear.
- A yawn is a silent shout.
- The great artists of the world are never Puritans, and seldom respectable.
- There are no premature babies, only delayed weddings.
- There’s always free cheese in a mousetrap.
- Chastity is curable if detected early.
- The best way to keep children home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant, and let the air out of their tires.
- If Christian nations were nations of Christians, there would be no wars.
- Colleges don’t make fools, they only develop them.
- Common Sense could prevent most divorces and all marriages.
* * *
Well there you have it. Today’s list of interesting and sometimes humorous thoughts and quotations. There will be more to come in the near future.
HAVE A GREAT DAY
cli·ché
/kliˈʃeɪ, klɪ-/ [klee-shey, kli-] noun
1.a trite, stereotyped expression; a sentence or phrase, usually expressing a popular or common thought or idea, that has lost originality, ingenuity, and impact by long overuse, as sadder but wiser, or strong as an ox.
2.(in art, literature, drama, etc.) a trite or hackneyed plot, character development, use of color, musical expression, etc.
3.anything that has become trite or commonplace through overuse.
4.British Printing.
a. a stereotype or electrotype plate.
b. a reproduction made in a like manner.
adjective
5.trite; hackneyed; stereotyped; clichéd.
The word cliché comes from two origins:
- A sound – The French used the word to describe the sound that a matrix, or a mold with letters on it, made when it was being dropped into molten metal to make a printing plate.
- A printing plate – Oddly enough, the printing plate itself was called a cliché or a stereotype and it was one of the first movable types in the world.
* * *
I like to stay ahead of the game and to be all things to all men but that’s easier said than done at times. I always try to hammer out things, leave no stone unturned, to give you a leg up on events and to dish the dirt religiously.
I love to punch the clock, push the envelope, and push people’s buttons whenever possible. I may pull someone’s leg but I’ll never pull any punches or leave you in the lurch. I’m the master of the left-handed compliment and I’ll do my level best to harp on a point and let the chips fall where they may.
I probably should quit while I’m ahead but I so enjoy pulling the rug out from under people who need it. I’ll let the cat out of the bag in a New York minute because it’s all in a day’s work here at Every Useless Thing.
I’ve seen the handwriting on the wall while pounding this Internet pavement and while I operate tongue-in-cheek I’ll touch all the bases, tilt at the appropriate windmills and draw a bead on whoever tickles my fancy.
I try to fair and balanced but sometimes it’s a tough row to hoe. It goes without saying that the Internet can be all things to all men but many people love playing fast and loose with the truth. It occasionally causes me to throw caution to the wind, find the liars and throw them under the bus.
With this posting I’m trying to determine if I could on a good day use clichés to make small talk and supply you with food for thought. Most days I operate off the top of my head scrounging around for nuggets of information to help me let off a little steam. To make a long story short, I’ll never hold my tongue. I’ll continue to call a spade a spade especially when I’m on the warpath about something. Don’t believe everything I say hook, line and sinker but if the shoe fits, wear it.
IT’S ALL IN A DAY’S WORK!
I thought today’s posting should reflect the thoughts and feelings of someone other than myself concerning the New Year and the accompanying celebrations. I’d normally throw in a few celebrity quotes about New Year’s but I’m not going to do that this year. I’ve learned over the years that the best common sense quotations are written by only one person, Anonymous.
The following collection of thoughts were collected from and written by people who wish to remain anonymous. Being anonymous gives a person a certain amount of freedom to say what they really think and to be as sarcastic and humorous as necessary. This is the stuff I love and I think you will too.
Almost everything I could think of saying about New Year’s, the celebrations, and the big party in the Big Apple, are reflected in these anonymous thoughts. It never ceases to amaze me just how funny and insightful we humans can be. See if you agree.
* * *
-
I do not make new year’s resolutions. The only thing I do in excess is be awesome, I’m not going to stop that in 2014.
-
I probably shouldn’t be making any new resolutions this year…mainly because I’m still working on the ones from last year.
-
Let’s kiss on New Year’s Eve 2013 as if we might have a future together in 2014.
-
Let’s resolve to repeat last year’s mistakes.
-
Here’s to ending the New Year still having a job that you still wish you didn’t have.
-
This year let’s resolve to make better bad decisions.
-
My New Year’s resolution is to stop lying to myself about making lifestyle changes.
-
I hope the world ends in 2014 so I can’t be held accountable for my New Year’s resolutions.
-
Thanks for inviting me to a New Year’s party I’ll have no recollection of attending.
-
My excuses for already failing my New Year’s resolution are more complicated than the fiscal cliff deal.
-
Let’s never speak of 2013 again.
-
May the New Year bring you significantly more joy than the holidays did.
-
My New Year’s resolution is to stop hanging out with people who ask me about my New Year’s resolutions.
-
Let’s put significant pressure on ourselves to have a fun New Year’s Eve.
-
Let’s pencil each other in for a New Year’s Eve kiss, with the understanding we’ll drop each other if someone better comes along.
-
I resolve to stop having meaningless sex in 2014, so I suggest you pay me a compliment or get me liquored up ASAP.
-
My resolution is to spend more time avoiding friends and family.
-
I want to kiss you at midnight and pork you at dawn.
-
It may be the antidepressants talking, but I’m feeling somewhat optimistic about 2014.
-
Now that the holiday blues are over, let’s resume our everyday melancholy.
-
Here’s to drinking enough that we’ll need Ryan Seacrest to help us count backwards from ten.
-
Here’s to having a fresh start at binge eating, boozing, and slacking off.
-
Lets attend an opulent New Year’s Eve party so we can briefly ignore the horror of our impending poverty.
-
Wishing you even a minuscule percentage of the wealth and attention that has been showered upon the Kardashian fetus in 2013.
-
My resolution is to get healthier while still destroying myself with alcohol and drugs.
-
I can’t believe it’s been a year since I didn’t become a better person.
-
Gaining 20 lbs over the holidays makes your New Year’s resolution of losing 10 less impressive.
-
Let’s decide which champagne we’re going to barf.
-
I always thought by 2013 we would have flying cars. Instead, we have blankets with sleeves.
-
The only thing I gained from 2013 was weight.
-
Dear God, my prayer for 2014 is a fat bank account and a thin body. Please don’t mix these up like you did this year.
-
This year, I’m just making one New Year’s resolution: Stop making resolutions. My only other resolution is to quit breaking my resolutions.
* * *
I enjoyed more than a few chuckles reading through this list and I can’t think of a thing I’d want to add. I hope your New Year’s celebration remains somewhat sane and that you return safely home in one piece. You wouldn’t want to start 2014 with any broken bones, wrecked vehicles, or DUI’s.
Everyuselessthing will return on 01-02-2014
SEE YOU NEXT YEAR!!
Drink Responsibly
everyuselessthing.com 