Archive for the ‘spring’ Tag
I’ve been infected with that same disease I get every year at this time. It always seems to take me by surprise which I don’t really understand. It’s a deceptive little virus that kind of sneaks up on me . . . it’s called Spring Fever. All I really give a damn about is getting out of the house, standing in fresh air, feeling the sun on my face, and being able to walk along a beach. Is it any wonder why I can’t seem to concentrate on anything else?
I’ve been doing a lot of internet surfing and perusing through my collection of books recently and have happened upon a huge steaming pile of ridiculously stupid trivia that anyone in their right mind could care less about. That’s the reason I decided to share it with you.
These tidbits are in no particular order of importance, just a whole lot of true nonsense.
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Odds of being killed in a tornado – 1 in 2 million.
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You use more calories eating celery than there are in the celery itself.
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Odds of being killed by falling out of bed – 1 in 2 million.
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It only takes 7 pounds of pressure to rip your ear off.
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On average, there are 178 sesame seeds on each McDonalds Big Mac bun.
Did you ever think you’d see the day when someone would count the seeds on a Big Mac, then put that info on the Net where I could find it and pass it on to you. It must be fate.
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In the past year your hair will most likely have grown 12 cm and your nail about 4 cm.
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There are 1 million ants for every person in the world.
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Odds of being killed by a dog – 1 in 700,000.
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World population has grown by around 76,570,430 since your last birthday. In the time it takes you to read this another five babies will have been born.
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13 people are killed each year by vending machine’s falling on them.
Stay alert when you assaulting your next vending machine. They’ll get you if your not careful.
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Odds of being killed by poisoning – 1 in 86,000.
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314 Americans had buttock lift surgery in 1994.
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If you counted 24 hours a day, you would be over 31,000 years old when you reach one trillion.
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Odds of being killed in a car crash – 1 in 5,000.
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There are more than 1,000 chemicals in a cup of coffee.
This should help all of you to really enjoy that next hot cup of morning chemicals.
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If you played all of the Beatles’ singles and albums that came out between 1962 and 1970 back to back, it would only last for 10 hours and 33 minutes.
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Odds of dying while in the bath tub – 1 in 1 million.
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Experts at Intel say that microprocessor speed will double every 18 months for at least 10 years.
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The Apollo 11 only had 20 seconds of fuel when it landed.
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Odds of being killed in a plane crash -1 in 25 million.
I guess all the propaganda we’ve heard for years about the safety of air travel is true. The odds are certainly better than those for car accident deaths.
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Driving 55 miles (88 km) per hour instead of 65 miles (105 km) per hour increases your car mileage by about 15%.
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The average person flexes the joints in their finger 24 million times during a lifetime.
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1/3 of all cancers are sun related.
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If we had the same mortality rate now as in 1900, more than half the people in the world today would not be alive.
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Airbags explode at 200 miles per hour.
Let’s hope none of us have to experience an airbag situation. They can keep you alive during a collision and then break your damn neck at the same time.
Twenty-nine more useless facts you can use to win bar bets.
I was seriously thinking about writing a political rant today but after giving it a little thought (10 seconds) I decided against it. While many agree that the political campaigns this year are more interesting than usual I just don’t care enough to write about them.
With that anti-political statement completed I changed over to topics that have always interested me more than politics . . . . condoms and pregnancies. I’ve compiled some stats from people like Planned Parenthood and others in my attempt to get at some truth. Lets start with a little condom trivia.
Percent of teenagers who claim to use condoms. – 60 %
Total number of condoms sold in the U.S. each year. – 450,000,000
Percent of couples who use a condom consistently and regularly that get pregnant. – 2 %
Percent of teen girls who used a condom the first time they had sex. – 68 %
Percent of teen males who used a condom the first time they had sex. – 82 %
Condom use by adolescent men during their past 10 vaginal intercourse events. – 79.1 %
Condom use by adolescent women during their past 10 vaginal intercourse events. – 58.1 %
Sexually active teens who reported using a condom along with birth control the last time they had sex. – 20 %
Percent of sexually active women with a partner who used a condom. – 93 %
Average cost of a single condom – $0.45
Percent of high school students who are taught how to correctly use a condom in their health class. – 39 %
It’s fairly obvious that there is a lot of sex going on and condom use is much higher than I thought. Next of the agenda is the percentage of condoms sold by Company.
Condom Brand Market Share
Percent
Trojan
69 %
Durex
15 %
Others
16 %
Trojans annual advertising budget – $33,600,000
Condom use has increased over the years yet people still say they don’t like to use them. Here’s the long and short (no pun intended) of condom use.
Total Number of U.S. Women in their childbearing years. – 62 million
Percent of women who get pregnant while on the pill. – 6 %
Percent of people who rely on male condoms that do not get pregnant. – 85 %
Total percent of U.S. births that are from mothers younger than 19. – 10%
Total Number of U.S. women in childbearing years that use some form of contraception. – 62%
Among those who don’t use contraception, 31% are pregnant, trying to get pregnant, postpartum, sterile or not sexually active. The other 7% take their chances. Among those using contraceptives, here’s what they use:
Contraceptive
Percent Used
The Pill
28%
Sterilization
27.1%
Condom
16.1%
Vasectomy
9.9%
IUD
5.5%
There you have it. Everything you ever wanted to know about condoms and their use but were afraid to ask. Overall people don’t like using condoms but the alternatives are much too scary to deal with or even think about.
So all of you sexual active animals out there, keep slipping them on and being sexually responsible and smart. One small personal opinion from me on female condoms. They are ridiculous. I wrestled with them enough times to know I’d sooner spend my valuable pre-entry time putting on a Ziploc bag. What a nightmare. By the time you get it properly placed the lust has dissipated, the erection is gone, and you’ve missed five minutes of the first quarter.
BUY CONDOM STOCKS, YOU MAY GET LUCKY AND MAKE MONEY TOO.
It’s 4am and my insomnia has me sitting in a comfortable chair, drinking a hot coffee, and reading one of my favorite authors, John Sanford, and enjoying his finest character, Lucas Davenport. The Prey series is 25 novels that are as well written as any I’ve ever read. If you like murder mysteries you should pick up some of these and just sit back and enjoy.
For the first time I finally have the complete series on my Kindle and I’m reading them in the order they were written. It’s now 730am and I just finished "Certain Prey", book number 10 in the series. I’m still not sleepy but I think it might be the four cups of coffee I’ve already had today. I’ll read one chapter of the next book “Easy Prey” and then I’ll get my day started.
The weather forecast is for warmer than usual temps with some sunshine thrown in for good measure. I’ll be outside in the garden shortly to begin the winter cleanup of my garden. I need to repair some minor damage to the fence which I caused last Fall and then a remodel of the frames surrounding the rhubarb patch.
‘Remove the old frame.’
‘Discard the old wood.’
I made my first Lowe’s trip for 2016 yesterday to pickup some pressure treated lumber. This was the first of many more trips I’m anticipating. I ‘ll take a few photos today just to begin the documentation of the garden for this year. I keep good records of all of my mistakes and failures so I never repeat them again accidently.
‘Replace with the new lumber.’
It’s now 900am and my main chore has been completed. I tore out the old nasty lumber, expanded the rhubarb area , and rebuilt it with new PT lumber. The job was much easier than expected because I happily discovered that the ground had thawed during the last few weeks of warmer weather. Hooray for me.
I know I’m jumping the gun a little with this garden work but it just feels so good to breath some fresh air and to get my hands a little dirty.
Here we are, it’s the first week of March and everyone in Maine is in a tizzy about an early Spring. I’ve been fooled too many times by that little rodent from Punxatawney, PA. Living in Maine has given me a new respect for good old Mother Nature. She can make a fool of us very easily it seems. So I thought I’d come up with a few telltale signals to help me make my own decision. How to tell if an early Spring will be coming to Maine. Here they are.
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The morning doves arrived this week, a few months ahead of schedule. Maybe they know something I don’t but then again they’re just stupid birds.
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The daffodils are an inch high and going strong even though the night temperatures have remained in the mid-twenties.
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I actually observed a number of groundhog loving idiots wearing shorts, T-shirts, and flip flops in the last few weeks. Morons!
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I’ve also spotted large numbers of maple syrup collection pots going onto maple trees all over the area.
‘Old-school equipment.’
‘New high-tech equipment.’
‘End Result’
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Snowmobiles throughout the area have been parked in driveways with “For Sale” signs attached. Always a telling sign.
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The squirrels are out in large numbers already as reflected by the increased number of road kills I’ve been observing.
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While road kill numbers for squirrels are up so are the number of bicyclists on the roads. Riding through piles of dirty snow must give them some kind of a perverse thrill.
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Of course the crazy and obsessive joggers and power walkers seem to be everywhere all of a sudden. It’s a real chore trying to drive on the roads filled with joggers, walkers, bicycles, squirrels, and the slowly melting piles of dirty snow.
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And finally now that the parka’s, gloves, scarfs, and sweaters are coming off I can once again begin my girl watching campaign for 2016. For most of the winter it’s hard to tell who are the men and who are the women.
I suppose I should mention that when I woke up this morning I walked over to the window to check things out. To my chagrin we had just enough of a snowfall during the night to whiten everything. This is Spring? I think not.
Lesson #1 – Ignore weather forecasts made by groundhogs who don’t live in the state of Maine.
C’MON SPRING
This winter weather here in Maine remains fickle. Fifty degrees one day, then fog the next, ten degrees the third day, and freezing rain and black ice the next. I’ve pretty much given up listening the the forecasters because they apparently don’t have much of a clue either.
With February almost gone we’re within six weeks or so from seeing winter start to fade away. Overall it’s been one of the better winters since I moved to Maine. Temperatures were mild up until Christmas and we’ve only had one snow storm worth mentioning. Without a doubt the best part is how much money we’ve saved on home heating oil. Warmer temperatures and a serious drop in price from $3.40 a gallon to a $1.35 have kept a smile on our faces all winter. We’ll probably end up saving between five and eight hundred dollars in heating costs this season.
We took a ride through the surrounding area last week just to see what was happening. As always here in Maine we stumbled on wild turkeys a number of times. With most of the snow cover already melting they’re able to feed in more locations than usual. Here they are . . .
Maybe they’re the true harbingers of Spring and not that dumbass gopher in Pennsylvania.
With the rediscovery of my creative juices I’ve been working on two projects steadily for the last week. I’ve finished one and in another few days I’ll finish another. I won’t post too much of either until they’re both complete. Here’s a shot of a two square inch portion of the first. It’s a little strange but that’s how I roll.
Just for a laugh I thought I’d send out a truly tasteless joke. It made me laugh out loud for some reason but it’s sure to irritate a few of the ladies out there. That’s too bad . . . but here it is anyway.
A women went to apply for a job as a truck driver. Not too keen on the idea, the personnel manager for the trucking company said, “You have to be pretty tough to cut it as a truck driver, you know.” I’m tough, I really am,” said the eager applicant. “Well, do you smoke and drink?” “Yes of course.” “Do you cuss a lot?” asked the interviewer. “You bet you asshole, “ said the woman. “I cuss like a lumberjack.” “So have you ever been picked up by the fuzz?” “Well, no,” she admitted, “but I’ve been swung around by the tits a couple of times.”
Please no moaning . . . everyone needs a dirty joke once in a while even if it is a little corny.
C’MON SPRING
I always seem to be talking about Winter approaching these days and with good reason. Winter in Maine lasts at least six months but it certainly seems longer. Just two weeks ago I was sleeping under a ceiling fan for eight hours a night because it was so damn hot and humid in the house. At the time I thought that miserable hot weather would never let up. Let me tell you, it’s let up.
‘Ahhhh Memories’
As of last night I’m convinced Winter is much closer than I thought. The last few nights we’ve had temperatures in the low forties which are wreaking havoc on what remains of the garden. I was reminded early this morning when the cold air in the room jolted me awake. Last night was the first official #5 night for my electric blanket. Unless some sort of Indian Summer happens it could mean an early arrival of the season which includes an unwelcome amount of our favorite white stuff.
Fall is probably my second favorite season of the year after early Spring. I love the vivid colors of the foliage just like every other photographer on the planet. Maine is already known for it’s beautiful scenery along the coast and inland in the forests and around the many lakes. Throw in millions and millions of colorful leaves and it becomes for a short time an effing paradise.
My cameras and lenses are cleaned and ready. My snowblower’ been taken out of mothballs, gassed up, and ready to go. All that’s left for me to do is the unpacking of my unfashionable and ugly winter clothing. It’s almost impossible to look good wearing three layers of clothing, a hat, gloves, a scarf, and big clunky boots. . . and unfortunately I’m just talking about the women. The men look even worse as they let their beards grow out and suit up with their favorite snowmobiling outfit. There’s nothing better than hanging around an ice fishing hut with a few of your buddies telling tall tales about fishing, hunting, and sexual prowess and guzzling as much beer as you can drink.
The never-ending number of hunting seasons always irritates me a little. There are times when entering the woods around here to take pictures can be a life threatening situation. If you not wearing bright red or fluorescent green you could easily be mistaken for a moose, a turkey, or even a cow. It’s a little like Vietnam out there if you throw in a few cases of beer to make things interesting. Scary doesn’t even begin to cover it.
As you can see from my remarks, I’m neither a hunter nor a fisherman. I’ve never been all that crazy about killing helpless animals with high powered weaponry and high tech fishing paraphernalia. I prefer to do all of my shooting with a camera. I also hate the thought of eating wild game thanks to my father who insisted I try to eat a little of everything he ever shot. Yuck!
Time to Crank up the electric blanket and hunker down for another six months of snow, sleet, and ice. I only hope I don’t slip and fall this year and break any additional bones. Trust me, it’s happened before.
I’m spending this rainy morning in bed for at least another hour because watching old reruns of Sports Night has become part of my morning routine. It was a show I enjoyed watching back in 2000 even though I’m really not a sports guy. The show still holds up pretty well and the inane patter between the characters still makes me smile.
Have any of you noticed just how many of the old shows seem to be resurfacing on such a large number of channels. It started two years ago for me when I stumbled upon reruns of Sgt. Preston of the Yukon. I never missed that show as a kid and thoroughly enjoyed watching all of the episodes once again. Is it a little lame? Absolutely! Is it an easy and relaxing half hour? Absolutely! Then followed Gunsmoke, Bonanza, Roy Rogers, The Lone Ranger, Dragnet, One Adam 12, and a host of others. I began to wonder why it was happening so frequently.
Can it be that the networks are beginning to see a change in viewing habits? Is it possible that the ratings for these old shows are higher than those of the half hour long commercials that seem to be on every channel? Is it more fun to spend a relaxing half hour watching a show where the good guys always win and the bad guys always lose? Can it be that people are sick to death of watching hour long shows about corrupt politicians, corrupt police officers, heroic serial killers like Dexter or pedophiles who aren’t responsible for their criminal behavior and blame everything on society? It’s a politically correct "No-No" watching those old shows where it’s celebrated to be patriotic, honest, religious, and a responsible citizen.
God forbid anyone should love their country and voice it out loud these days. We wouldn’t want to piss off the media elite who decide what we should be watching and how to think. How can the Mainstream Media possibly maintain control of the masses and continue to dictate our politics, morals, and outlook on life when we’d rather watch Joe Friday or the Lone Ranger doing the right thing no matter what. I think our kids would certainly benefit from a stream of positive role models, don’t you?
I find myself drawn to those simpler and more honest shows even though they aren’t up to speed with all of the politically correct crap we’re being fed these days. Maybe it’s time for the people of this country to once again hear some positive messages instead of the constant in-your-face drumbeat of commercials, reality shows, and just plain crap that’s filling the airways.
Find that cable channel that’s decided to step back and regain some simple and positive programming and support them. When their ratings begin to climb the advertising money will soon follow. More money begets more of the same type of programming and all of us and our kids are the winners.
I thought I’d take a little time today to give you a general update of the garden. I realize that it’s still early in the season but with the warm weather finally arriving the plants have really begun to grow. As usual there have been a few fatalities in the garden. Two jalapenos dried up and fell over and three of the cucumber plants followed suit. The peppers had their stems cut which confused me for a time. I thought it might have been deer but a nearby nurseryman advised of a rash of cut worm complaints in recent weeks. They love chewing through the stems of healthy plants. I’ll have to keep an eye out for them and squish as many as I possibly can.
The cucumbers were ones I purchased from Lowes and I’ve come to find out that most plants purchased from local nurseries seem to thrive much more than those purchased from these big box stores. I think it all comes down to how the plants are handled. Unfortunately at any big box store, they hire a bunch of high school or college students at minimum wage and set them loose on the plants. Too much watering is just as damaging as too little and those kids are clueless.
With the new plants in hand I replaced the dead ones last night. I spent some time chopping down the seed stalks of my rhubarb plants too. This should help them fill out a little more and give me a better harvest when it comes time to make jam. I was surprised to find a number of rhubarb seedlings in one of the other frames. The seeds must have blown there last year and took root this spring. I replanted them nearer the rhubarb patch will I’m going to be forced to enlarge next season.
‘There always seems to be one on these guys hanging around.’
I finally began caging the tomato plants when I found the first bloom on one plant. I was going to wait until later in the month but the plants are growing so quickly they’ll need the support from the cages to keep the fruit off the ground.
As you can see by the photos the entire garden including the herbs are looking good. If this keeps up for another couple of months we will have a ton of product to deal with this Fall. I have a feeling we’ll be canning a lot more than we did last year with a much larger variety as well.
After our fun day trip to Portsmouth and Kennebunkport we decided we needed some additional cruising time but a little further north in Maine. It was one of those days where we just drive. No GPS, no real destination, just drive until we get lost. The above photograph illustrates why traveling around in Maine is such fun. It seems that you can’t drive for more than a few minutes without seeing these kind of picturesque scenes.
It makes driving a real chore because you want to stop at every location but they’re everywhere. There are hundreds of lakes and ponds and any one of them would result in fantastic photographs.
It was getting to be lunch time and we were starving and craving some good old Maine seafood. This place pictured below was just a shack along the highway and since we had nothing to lose we stopped. It’s places like this that always seem to have really good food and fresh from the ocean seafood. We pulled in, ordered, and weren’t the least bit disappointed.
‘It doesn’t look like much but don’t be fooled.’
‘The prices were reasonable and the food terrific.’
We sat at a picnic table in the parking lot and pigged out. A sunny day, fresh fish, and and a huge container of iced tea. It just doesn’t get much better than that. We ended up driving more than two hundred miles before finally finding our way home.
‘Another great Maine day.’
‘One last scene from the drive.’
As I promised, today’s posting will conclude our day trip to Portsmouth, NH and Kennebunkport, ME. I left off last time as we were leaving the Red Hook Brewery in New Hampshire after a nice lunch and a tour of the brewery. I still was loving that beer buzz I had from tasting the many beer samples on the tour. Unfortunately by the time we reached the Kennebunkport area the glow was gone.
Our last visit to Kennebunkport had been prior to Memorial Day and things have changed dramatically in the last week. The tourists were out in force and the parking difficulties have returned. As much as I hate paying for parking there really isn’t much of a choice in such a small village directly adjacent to the Atlantic Ocean. Three bucks an hour is enough to keep our visit to a two hour minimum.
We took a quick walk around town hitting a few shops and generally getting a feel for the place. Many of the shops from last year were gone and replaced by new owners wanting to make their fortune. Good luck with that.
As always we hung around just long enough to make a visit to Federal Jack’s restaurant. We never miss that stop when we’re in town because the food is great and the beer is plentiful. This is the original microbrewery location that eventually spawned the Shipyard Brewing Company. I switched back to white wine for my meal of freshly caught and cooked Fish & Chips.
The town is famous for the Bush family and as you can see the entire population is celebrating the 90th birthday of Barbara Bush this month. As we left town we took a short ride up the coast past Walker Point where the Bush family has their summer residence. The day remained gray and chilly but that’s just life in Maine in early June.
We arrived back home with a camera full of pictures and full bellies. Now it’s time to relax for a while and watch a movie. We’re both hoping for warmer weather soon but I suppose that’s Mother Natures decision as always.
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