Archive for the ‘exercise’ Tag

07-23-2015 Journal – Love Me, Amy!   Leave a comment

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‘My New Workout Buddy’

I had a great workout yesterday. Normally I’d spend forty-five minutes on the treadmill and all the while watching some ridiculous television rerun.  I’ve been doing my workouts every other day for the last year and a half but as time goes by it becoming more of a boring task than a healthy approach to my life. On top of that I’m tired of hearing myself bitching and complaining about it endlessly. I’ve discovered over the years that I have the uncanny ability to annoy even myself and not just others.

With the upcoming cutting of my TV umbilical cord I’ve begun taking steps to prepare myself for what I’m sure will be a certain amount of withdrawal from my life-long television addiction.  It will difficult I’m sure but absolutely necessary.

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‘I’d judge that as a 9.5’

I’ve turned away from my exercising in front of the television to embracing an old love . . . music. I’ve never considered turning to music  on the treadmill because I’ve always loved music and hated mandatory exercise. Mixing the two seemed somehow wrong. I was forced to rethink my entire approach to these things because cable television is making me insane.

I’ve had an IPod full of thousands of songs for years but have used it sparingly.  I’ve always disliked wearing ear buds because the accompanying loss of hearing of my surroundings makes me wary and uncomfortable. Yesterday I jumped on the treadmill, put in my ear buds, and turned on my IPod. The silence of the world was replaced for the first twenty minutes by those politically incorrect Dixie Chicks who pissed me off years ago as they did a large segment of the country. I still love their music but detest their political naiveté.

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‘President Bush’s Fav’s’

The next twenty-five minutes were consumed by the late darling of the British Isles, Amy Winehouse.  I love her brash lyrics and low and sexy sound.  She made the remaining time fly by and I actually found myself totally entranced by her music and my memories of her. It was wonderful.

I guess I accomplished three things yesterday.  I kicked my TV habit, I had a kick-ass workout, and I began a new love affair with my IPod and Ms. Winehouse.

To quote one of Amy’s lyrics, "Where is my moral parallel?". My answer is the same as hers . . ."I have none."

FADE TO BLACK

01-15-2014 Journal Entry–The January Thaw   2 comments

It’s time for a little update.  My life will seem utterly boring to some of you but I don”t really mind.  It’s actually boring to me at times as well.  Since the holidays have passed things have fallen back into what we consider normal.

The weather has turned warmer and that 38 inches of snow is mostly gone since we’ve had three or four days of steady rain.  It’s the normal January thaw and we actually look forward to it each year.  Yesterday I was quietly sitting in my favorite reading chair when I heard a loud crash that shook the entire house.  I first thought it was another small earthquake but decided to check outside the house for any other possible problems.  Silly me, another on of our January gifts had arrived.

Having three or four feet of snow buildup eventually places a serious load onto the structure of the house.  Once the weather warms up a little all of that ice and snow that’s been compacting on the roof for two months begins sliding off.  I know it doesn’t sound like a big deal but we have a large house with an equally large roof.  The roof accumulated approximately 8 inches of ice and another 8 inches of partially melted snow.  When it let go  it shook the house and spilled off the rear of the building into the yard.  There is no doubt if that amount of ice and snow were to hit a person they would be dead almost immediately.

I walked out back and discovered that my spring chores would now include replacement of the handrails on the back stairs.  The ice and snow landed with a crunch and smashed the handrails into small splinters.  It sounds bad but almost every year the icefall crushes those rails or anything else in it’s path.  Thank God it’s down and no longer a danger to us or our visitors. It just another wonderful little gift from Mother Nature.

My broken leg situation has greatly improved.  I climbed back on the treadmill wearing both an ankle and knee brace three weeks ago and got back to work.  It took almost three weeks of daily workouts to get my injured leg back to normal size.  I needed to build quite a bit of muscle very quickly.  The knee is improving as well and it appears there was no permanent damage.  I’m almost back to the level on the treadmill that I had reached before the injury.

The weight loss program is back as well and I’ve reach a total loss of thirty pounds.  The leg injury really screwed up things for a while but I’m back on track finally.  Ten more pounds to go and then I can ease up a little.  I’m now wearing clothes I purchased many years ago that I never was able to wear at the time.  Life is good, so far . . . .

11-28-2013 How’s Your Brain Today?   1 comment

Trying to understand the workings of the human brain is almost impossible.  I do know that the brain has the ability to make us see things in a different way when it becomes confused.  That’s one of the reasons that identifications at a crime scene by six people can be totally different from each other.  One person sees a white Buick and another sees a blue Ford.  It also explains why police don’t consider information obtained from eye witness testimony as entirely credible.  I have no idea why the brain works the way it does and for the most part I don’t care, just as long as it keeps operating.

The following information was sent to me by a friend and I thought it might be of some interest to some of you.  It’s a short test for your brain and your eyes.  Give it a go and see how you fare.

Can you read this? It’s a little weird but interesting!

7H15  M3554G3
53RV35 7O PR0V3
H0W 0UR M1ND5 C4N
D0 4M4Z1NG  7H1NG5!
1MPR3551V3 7H1NG5!
1N 7H3 B3G1NN1NG
17 WA5 H4RD  BU7
N0W, 0N 7H15 LIN3
Y0UR M1ND 1S
R34D1NG 17 
4U70M471C4LLY
W17H 0U7 3V3N
7H1NK1NG 4B0U7 17,
B3  PROUD! 0NLY
C3R741N P30PL3 C4N
R3AD 7H15.
PL3453 F0RW4RD  1F
U C4N R34D 7H15.

If  you can read this, you have a strange mind because I’m told only 55  people out of 100 can.

I  cdnuolt blveiee that I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd what I was rdanieg.  The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at  Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno’t mtaetr in what oerdr the ltteres in  a word are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is that the frsit and last  ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a  taotl mses and you  can still raed it whotuit a pboerlm. This is bcuseae the huamn mnid  deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the word as a wlohe.  Azanmig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! If  you can raed this forwrad it.

The  Eye Test
Can  you find the  B’s
(there  are 2 B’s) DON’T skip, or your wish won’t come  True…

RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
RRRRRRRRRRRBRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
RRRRRRRRRRBRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Once  you’ve found the B’s now find  the 1.

               
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII1III
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

Once  you found the 1…………….
Find  the 6

9999999999999999999999999999999999 
9999999999999999999999999999999999 
9999999999999999999999999999999999 
9999999999999999999999999999999999 
9999999999999999999999999999999999 
9999999999999999999999999999999999 
9999699999999999999999999999999999 
9999999999999999999999999999999999 
9999999999999999999999999999999999 
9999999999999999999999999999999999 
9999999999999999999999999999999999 
9999999999999999999999999999999999

 

Once  you’ve found the 6…
Find  the N (it’s hard!!)

MMMMMMMMMMMMM 
MMMMMMMMMMMMM 
MMMMMMMMMMMMM 
MMMMMMMNMMMMM 
MMMMMMMMMMMMM 
MMMMMMMMMMMMM 
MMMMMMMMMMMMM 
MMMMMMMMMMMMM 
MMMMMMMMMMMMM 
MMMMMMMMMMMMM

Once  you’ve found the N…
Find  the Q..

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO 
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO 
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO 
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO 
OOOOOOOOOOQOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO 
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO 
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO 
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO 
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO 
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

How did you make out?  Did you have any difficulties?  There are no right or wrong answers to these silly little tests.  Just something to give your brain some exercise.  There’s nothing worse than having a fat and lazy brain.

09-23-2013   2 comments

Here’s a little heads up for all of you.  I just checked the national observances for September and was somewhat disappointed.  I guess it’s official, September has nothing to offer, it just sucks. Contact your local politicians, write letters to Obama, alert the effing media because September needs an official designation besides being "Suck Month".

I guess I sound a little cranky today because I am.  I’m in my seventh week of my new exercise and diet program and I’m hungry enough to eat the southbound end of a northbound mule.  I’ve come to realize in the last seven weeks that an addiction to sugar is even worse than my former addiction to cigarettes. 

I wasn’t a believer until I began this program which requires me to eat as little sugar as possible.  I’ve always been a choc-o-holic with a sweet tooth that kept me eating huge amounts of sugar as often as possible.  Life was good as long as I got my daily dose of chocolate, candy, or pastries.

After being advised by my doctor to eliminate sugar from my diet completely I never expected it to be so difficult. He directed me to start reading the labels of the things I’d been eating as well as the things I planned to eat.  Ignorance was bliss to be sure.  Every damn thing has some kind of sugar in it and it’s almost impossible to eat something healthy and actually sugar free.  The cravings started almost immediately and increased with each passing day.  It was making me a little crazy and I turned into a cranky and mean SOB that my better-half was ready to kill.  I was forced to withdraw a little from her because I was on edge and picking fights with her about really stupid stuff.  I knew it was happening but couldn’t really control it very well.  It took almost five  weeks before I physically began to feel a little better.

When I quit smoking in 1985, I did it "cold turkey" after being motivated by a panic attack I thought was a heart attack.  Even then the worst of the physical cravings for nicotine passed within two or three weeks.  I guess the solution to my problems is to take up smoking candy cigarettes.

I’m doing well now and have learned to almost not hate my treadmill.  I’ve walked at a good pace for more than thirty-five miles and am starting to feel physically better.  I’ve lost almost seventeen pounds so far but still have a ways to go before I’ll be satisfied. 

It’s going to be a long winter but at the end of it I will be thinner, trimmer, and healthier.  In my opinion that’s a pretty good trifecta.

09-11-2013   Leave a comment

It’s been an interesting few weeks for me starting with my annual doctor’s visit.  They always try to put a good spin on things until the very end of the visit.  Everything’s fine, everything looks good, the blood tests were perfect except for “one little thing”.  I’m a little paranoid of doctors on a good day but when you here “one little thing” you just hold your breath because you know something bad is coming.

It wasn’t a major catastrophe but worrisome none the less.  I’m in the diabetes danger zone with my blood sugar and steps need to be taken to remedy the problem immediately.  That entails being placed on a no sugar and no carb diet.  What that really means is I’ll never be able to eat a decent meal again or at least for quite some time.  The upside is that if I’m able to lose enough weight I’ll be able to stop taking 90% of the prescription medication I’m currently taking for blood pressure and cholesterol.  The doctor was rather adamant about his instructions which convinced me to pay close attention and do what I’m told for once.  Since my father died from diabetes related problems it’s time for me to wise up and get with the program. No more sugar, no more carbs, reduced dairy, reduced portions, and a minimum of twenty minutes of vigorous walking a day.

My first step was to inform my better-half who as always is there for support. My second step was making a trip to the local Sears where I found a treadmill that would fill my requirements.  With Winter approaching, walking on the roads becomes problematic and I hate being required to drive any distance to a gym. It was delivered a week later and that’s when the fun begin.  Being the cheap bastard that I am I refused to pay $75.00 to have it built.  Three hours later I had it in place and operational. For most of my life I’ve played sports of one type of another but never ever used a treadmill.  I was able to use it experimentally for a day or two without killing myself. 

It’s now almost two weeks later and I’m on my way to being a treadmill expert.  This treadmill makes things very easy to do and gives me the ability to track heart rate, incline, distance, and much much more.  I’m doing approximately 35 minutes a day at a medium speed walk.  Having a television in the room has made it even easier.  Starting tomorrow I’m going to do two thirty minutes sessions a day. I’m already down almost ten pounds in the first three weeks.  That’s a little fast but what the hell, it’s all good.

My goal as set by the doctor is a fifteen pound loss by February and an additional fifteen pounds by next August. Then I’ll be lean and mean and hopefully medication free.  It’s a goal worth reaching and could add ten years to my life. I’m good with that. 

02-05-2013   4 comments

I have a huge and life effecting announcement to make today. My better-half has renewed her gym membership and is again on the road to physical improvement.  Poor Planet Fitness may never be the same again.  I especially love her analysis of their programs when she returns home after each visit. Her fashion review and critique of all the new outfits being worn by her peers is always soooooo exciting. 

I’ve noticed over the years that we humans are a strange and peculiar bunch.  Not only do we need to have a modicum of physical exercise to stay healthy but we’ve got to look good doing it.  You see it in the groups of early morning mall walkers.  Huge numbers of senior, prego’s, and misfits arrive at the mall in their power walking uniforms.  They’ve created their own little subculture of weirdly dressed individuals marching in unison around malls all across the country. Most seem more interested in the socializing aspect than the walking. 

The same phenomenon is happening in gyms around the country.  Cutesy little outfits being worn by what for the most part are folks with issues of weight and bad taste.  I decided long ago that to do Pilates properly I’d need to spend a few hundred dollars on wildly colored outfits and OMG, special exercising sneakers, just to fit in.  Why is it that we need a uniform for any and all activities we participate in.  It’s imperative that we look better than all of the other masochists because weight loss all of a sudden becomes the secondary goal.

Our society has slowly but surely become infatuated with weight loss, exercising, and various forms of meditation techniques.  I agree that something is necessary to fight this epidemic of obesity but we’re bombarded with a constant stream of programs like the Biggest Loser along with dozens of early morning hour long commercials for exercise techniques like  Zumba and Insanity.  It really is insane.

I recently considered giving Yoga a try but after pricing a new outfit, new sneakers, and a rather expensive Yoga mat, I had to let it go.  Not only was I expected to deal with pulled muscles and many stiff and sore body parts but I had to invest a substantial sum to do it.  I was forced by circumstance to develop my own meditation technique which I’ll explain in detail momentarily.

My technique is simple to do and requires much less actual physical activity.  You won’t need any special equipment of any kind and if done properly you’ll  have no additional costs.  It can be done in any living room or bedroom in less that a half hour and clothing is optional. Let me take you through the process.

Step 1

Remove as much clothing as you’re comfortable with and stand in the middle of the room.  Close your eyes and stand erect thinking only of your "happy place".  Once you’ve arrived there you can begin to breath deeply and slowly.

Step 2

Take any old blanket or afghan and lay it across the divan, sofa, bed, or floor where you’ll be most comfortable.  All the while maintaining your trance-like state in your "happy place".

Step 3

Assume a prone position on that covering with your legs straight out and your arms at your side.  Very quietly hum to yourself the song "Desperado".

Step 4

Maintaining your trance-like state is crucial at this point. Slowly take an alarm clock and set the alarm for twenty minutes and set it aside.

Step 5

Very slowly pull a second cover over yourself.  Breath deeply and slowly for 1 minute and then TAKE A FREAKING NAP.

Follow the instructions closely and complete them at least four times a week.  I guarantee you’ll feel better about yourself and others almost immediately.  You can also play background music of your choice but not very loudly.

I explained my meditation system to my better-half but she was no help.  She thought it was stupid and ridiculed me a little longer than I thought was necessary.  She  stated emphatically that having sex until you drop  was a much better way to go than my plan.

We agreed to disagree.

Posted February 6, 2013 by Every Useless Thing in Humor, Just Saying

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11-07-2012   2 comments

I guess I must be suffering from post election withdrawal.  It’s such a relief to have the election and all of the associated nonsense over with.  So I’ll start this day enjoying my breakfast of eggs, bacon, toast, and coffee.  I guess as long as the simple things I enjoy stay the same it helps me deal with the bigger things that suck.  I stayed up late last night reading  more of Harry Potter and occasionally surfing to Fox News to check on the election returns.  Needless to say I slept in a little later than usual this morning because I knew what I was going to wake up to.

This little breakfast nook of ours is on the second floor overlooking the road that passes by the house.  We seem to be on the route for a continuing stream of bicyclists, runners, and soccer moms with their kids and dogs. It’s an easy way for me to people watching from a safe distance without alarming anyone. People these days are very nervous, and rightly so.

I’ve noticed one thing in recent months about the runners that jog by here. They all look like they want to die with their red flushed faces and wobbly knees. I thought running was supposed to be a good thing.  All I’ve ever heard from the obsessed runners that I know is how this huge rush of endorphins surges through their skinny yet healthy bodies.  I hate to be the one to tell them that I can also get a huge rush of endorphins by smacking myself on the hand with a hammer.  Truth be told I’d rather have the smack with that hammer than to be running all over God’s creation.  Let me tell you a story I was told from my late father a few years ago.  Listen to the story and then get back to me about how healthy jogging can be. Here we go.

My father worked a blue-collar job all of his life and for most of those years his job was extremely physical so he never was into lifting weights, hitting the gym, or running.  His boss’s name was Mr. White and he worked primarily in an office position that required almost no physical activity.  Mr. White lived a few miles from our home and every morning as my dad was driving to work he’d see Mr. White jogging along in his cute little running outfit. He’d give my Dad a nod or a wave and continue on down the road. Now you must understand this, Mr. White was not overweight or in need of bodybuilding and appeared to be a healthy individual who was using running for stress relief.  One morning as my father’s work day began he was called to the office and told that Mr. White had passed away. He asked under what circumstances and was told that Mr. White had been found lying along a road approximately a half mile from his home, dressed in his jogging outfit, and dead from a heart attack.  What’s the moral of the story you ask.  That’s an easy one for me, don’t freaking jog.

I’m not criticizing those people who love running but I just thought it was ironic as hell that a guy that appeared to be as healthy as Mr. White dropped dead while jogging.  You can be sure of one thing, you’ll never see me running along a road anywhere unless there’s a guy close behind me with a gun.  Just saying.

I’m  rambling on and on because I truthfully don’t want to get off my ass and do anything today.  Maybe another coffee and some loud kick-ass music might do the trick.  We’ll see.

Posted November 9, 2012 by Every Useless Thing in Just Saying

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