Archive for the ‘History’ Category
As I’ve stated many times before I’m not a fan of any organized religion. I’ve given my reasons for feeling that way many times and won’t bore you with the details again. It seems that I’m not totally alone in those feelings as reflected by the following statements made by people of note. Read on!
- “A Christian is one who follows the teaching of Christ in so far as they are not inconsistent with a life of sin.” Ambrose Bierce
- “I don’t believe in God because I don’t believe in Mother Goose.” Clarence Darrow
- “Every day people are straying away from the church and going back to God.” Lenny Bruce
- “So far as religion of the day is concerned, it is a damned fake – Religion is bunk.” Thomas Edison
- “When a man is free of religion, has a better chance to live a normal and wholesome life.” Sigmund Freud
- “The Bible is nothing, but a succession of civil rights struggles by the Jewish people against their oppressors.” Jesse Jackson
- “I do believe our Army chaplains, taken as a class, are the worst men we have in our service.” Abraham Lincoln
- “The Creator is a comedian whose audience is afraid to laugh.” H. L. Mencken
- “I think there is an immense shortage of Christian charity among so-called Christians.” Harry S Truman
- “The Catholic faith is confession on Saturday. Absolution on Sunday. At it again on Monday.” H.G. Wells
I’m not preaching with this post because that would be somewhat hypocritical. It’s just nice to hear from others who agree with my beliefs. Too many Christians have been less than kind in their criticisms of my opinions on religion. Here’s my quote for today.
“Have a great week and best wishes from a “Recovering Catholic”.
Yesterday’s posting involved bad poetry so today I’ll be moving on to a few usual truths. If you’re lucky you might win a few bar bets using these tidbits of trivia. If you only win one drink, then your efforts in reading this post will have been worth it.
- The custom of men buttoning their clothes from the right and women from the left comes from the fact that men traditionally dressed themselves and were typically right-handed. Women were more often addressed by maids, who preferred to work from their right – the wearer’s left.
- The phrase “last laugh” is derived from the laugh-like sound a bullet shot through the heart sometimes causes an innocent victim to make before death.
- You can form the number 12, 345, 678, 987, 654, 321 by multiplying 111, 111, 111 by 111, 111, 111.
- The “WD” in WD-40 stands for Water Displacement. The “40” came about because it took the creators that many attempts to get the formula correct.
- According to Hollywood lore, silent film actress Norma Talmage started the tradition of stars putting their footprints in the cement at Grauman’s Chinese Theater when she accidentally stumbled onto the freshly laid sidewalk in front of it in 1927.
- Pepsi-Cola was the first foreign consumer product sold in the former Soviet Union.
- Kissing was once a crime in England. In the mid-1400s, King Henry VI declared it was a disease spreader.
- The San Andreas Fault is slipping about 2 inches per year, which means that Los Angeles will be a suburb of San Francisco in 15 million years.
- The shortest reign of a Portuguese king was 20 minutes. When the royal family was ambushed in February 1908, the king died immediately and his heir, Luis Filipe, died 20 minutes later.
- On Christopher Columbus’s fourth voyage to the New World, he saved the lives of his crew by convincing Jamaican natives that he made the moon disappear during a lunar eclipse in 1504.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“The best way to keep one’s word is not to give it.”
Napolean Bonaparte
Any day is a good day to be told the truth. How’s that for words to live by? Some of these topics will definitely pique your interest. Sometimes the weirder the facts the truer the statements. See what you think.
Let’s try some sports:
- The infamous Bill Buckner of Red Sox fame had more career hits and Ted Williams.
- During World War II, so many NFL players were fighting in the war that the rival Philadelphia Eagles and Pittsburgh Steelers temporarily teamed up to form the “Steagles”
- Walter Payton once threw a touchdown pass, caught a touchdown pass, and ran for a touchdown in the same game.
- Legend has it that Hall of Fame baseball player Wade Boggs once drank 107 beers in one day while traveling with the team.
- The only team to score 3 touchdowns in under 1 min. in the NFL is the New England Patriots. And they’ve done it twice.
Now for little sci-fi:
- It takes 200 million years for the sun to make one orbit around the galactic center.
- In order for the earth to become a black hole, its entire mass would have to be compressed into a space less than an inch in diameter.
- The sun makes up over 99% of the solar system’s entire mass.
- Venus spends backwards and no one knows why!
- Every planet in the solar system could fit in the space between Earth and the moon. Even if you count Pluto.
HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND
It’s kind of a rainy day here in Maine. It’s gray and miserable which makes me feel even lazier than I normally do. With that thought in mind I thought I’d reach all the way back to the year 1984 for some retro riddles. As you read them keep remembering these were written in the 1980s which might help you put them into their proper context. Here we go . . .
- What’s the difference between a gigolo, a doctor, a Rabbi, a girlfriend and a Quaalude? A gigolo is a penis vendor, a doctor is a penis mender, a rabbi is a penis ender, a girlfriend is a penis tender, and a Quaalude is a penis bender.
- When did the madam realize that the guy with no arms and legs on the front porch of the brothel wasn’t fooling around? When she figured out how he rang the doorbell!
- What did the dentist say to the lady after she told him she’d rather have a baby then have a tooth pulled? “Make up your mind, I have to adjust the chair!”
- What did the German general do when he heard that Napoleon wore red into battle so his troops wouldn’t panic in the event he was wounded? He ordered a brown uniform!
- Why should you think twice before you marry a girl with hair down to her waist and boobs that stick out to here? Because in 10 years her boobs will be down to her waist and her hair will stick out to there!
- Why can’t a man win with his wife? Because if he comes home early, she accuses him of being horny. If he comes home late, she suspects that he’s been out getting some. And if he comes home on time, she figures he’s got it already!
- Why do girls rub their eyes when they wake up in the morning? Because they don’t have testicles!
- What’s a liberated woman? A woman who has sex before marriage and a job afterwards!
- What’s the difference between a pig and a musician? A pig won’t stay up all night trying to fuck a musician!
- What’s a platonic relationship? A relationship between a guy who wants to have sex and a girl who doesn’t!
SMILE, IT’S ALMOST THE WEEKEND
- When Joan of Arc was burned at the stake, she was condemned for two crimes: witchcraft and wearing men’s clothing.
- Two dozen American states considered impotence legal grounds for divorce.
- At any time, .7 percent of the world’s population is drunk.
- The King of Diamonds in a standard card deck was designed after Julius Caesar. King of Spades for King David, King of Clubs for Alexander the Great, and King of Hearts for Charlemagne.
- A flink is a group of 12 or more cows.
- In a single day, one cow discharges enough methane to fill 400 one-liter bottles.
- A standard pencil could draw a 35-mile-long line before it runs out of lead (graphite).
- The average life span of a goldfish living in the wild is 25 years.
- Approximately 500 pounds of Silly Putty are produced every day.
- The Guinness World Records book is considered the most commonly stolen volume from libraries around the world. In the United States the Bible is the most shoplifted book.
And here is my quote of the day:
“It is sad to grow old but nice to ripen.”
Bridgette Bardot
To say I am a baseball fan would be an understatement and when writing about famous orators how could I forget the man, “Yogi Berra”. For me, he’s the perfect example of what old time baseball was all about. He was a great player and manager and always made the Yankees fans proud. Weirdly enough he has since become almost as famous for his stream of hilarious quotations. Here are a few for your entertainment.
- “I knew I was going to take the wrong train, so I left early.”
- “Baseball is 90% mental- the other half is physical.”
- “Nobody goes there anymore – it’s too crowded.”
- “You’ve got to be very careful if you don’t know where you’re going, because you might not get there.”
- “This is like déjà vu all over again.”
- “You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I’m not hungry enough to eat six.”
- “It gets late early out there.”
- “Think! How the hell are you going to think and hit at the same time?”
- “Slump? I ain’t in no slump. I just ain’t hitting.”
- When his wife asked, “Yogi, you are from St. Louis, we live in New Jersey, and you played ball in New York. If you go before I do, where would you like me to have you buried?” His response was, “Surprise me.”
THE AMBASSADOR OF BASEBALL
I’m not a lover of celebrities because in all cases they are as flawed and screwed up as the rest of us. Being famous just makes their activities even worse than what they actually are because the media just won’t let go of things. Here are a few celebrity facts that most of you should find interesting. As I’m told so often, “everyone loves celebrities”. Well almost everyone.
- In 2006, William Shatner was paid $25,000.00 by an online casino for a kidney stone he had recently passed.
- Charlie Chapin once placed third in a Charlie Chaplin look-alike contest.
- Martha Stewart once dated actor Anthony Hopkins but dumped him because she couldn’t separate him from Hannible Lecter, his character in Silence of the Lambs.
- Elvis Presley got a “C” in music in eight grade and was told by the teacher that he had no singing talent.
- Actress Cybil Shepherd dated Elvis in the 70’s and hinted on the Oprah Winfrey Show that she had to teach him how to perform cunninlinqus.
- Mickey Mouse creator Walt Disney was afraid of mice.
- Actress Drew Barrymore began drinking at age nine, smoking weed at ten and snorting cocaine at twelve. She then entered rehab at age thirteen, the youngest star ever to do so.
- False web rumors began to circulate in 2005 that TV star Jaleel White (Urkel on Family Matters) had committed suicide and left a note that read “Did I do that?”, Urkel’s catchphrase.
- Nobel Prize winning biologist Francis Crick was high on LSD when he discovered the double helix structure of DNA.
- Actress Rebecca Gayheart while on her cell phone stuck and killed a nine-year old girl in LA in 2001. She pled guilty to manslaughter and was sentenced to three years’ probation and a fine.
WE’RE LOOKING FOR VOLUNTEERS WHO WANT TO BE FAMOUS
I feel the need to distribute a little more useless information today. There seems to a never-ending supply which I will happily make available to as many people as possible. Some of this information was also supplied by my all-time favorite writer, Isaac Azimov.
- The foundations of the great European cathedrals go down as far as 40 or 50 feet. In some instances, they form a mass of stone as great as that of the visible building above the ground.
- While Columbus was seeking new worlds to the West, Italian engineers were rebuilding the Kremlin in Moscow.
- The number of possible ways of playing just the first four movies on each side in a game of chess is 318,979,564,000.
- There were more than 100 distinct ethnic groups in the old Soviet Union.
- The Pacific Ocean fills nearly a complete hemisphere of the Earth’s surface.
- Because of the story in Genesis that Eve had been created out of Adam’s rib, it was widely believed during the Middle Ages that men had one fewer rib than women.
- Immediately after the end of the American Revolution, Congress abolished the United States Army, the Navy, and the Marine Corps, leaving the Congress itself as the only national government organization. They feared a standing army.
- When Thomas Jefferson became president, in 1801, 20% of the people in the United States were slaves. There were 5 million people in all.
- It was only in 1968 – 43 years after the Scopes “monkey trial” – that the state of Tennessee abolished its anti-evolution law and accepted the doctrine of evolution.
- “Red Tape” the rigid application of regulations and routine, resulting in the delay in getting business done, got its name from the color of the tape that was commonly used to tie official papers. The term was in use as early as 1658.
Well, for all of you trivia lovers out there you’ve just received your daily fix of totally useless information. My supply never seems to run low and more will definitely follow.
ENJOY YOUR WEEK
I decided that it was time to post a few limericks collected from a small and damaged book I discovered some months ago. It was published in 1980 and contains over 150 of the lewdest limericks I’ve ever seen. The great majority are so nasty I wouldn’t dare post them here, but I’ve found four of the more acceptable ones to give you an idea what I’m dealing with. Tell the kids to leave the room. Rated at least an “R”.
A worried young man from Stamboul
Discovered red spots on his tool.
Said the doctor, a cynic,
“Get out of my clinic!
Just wipe off the lipstick, you fool.
🍆🍩🍆
In the Garden of Eden lay Adam,
Complacently stroking his madam,
And so loud was his mirth
For on all of the earth
There were only two balls – and he had’em.
🍩🍆🍩
There was a young girl in Berlin
Who was fucked by an elderly Finn.
Though he diddled his best,
And fucked her with zest,
She kept asking, “Hey, Pop, is it in?”
🍆🍩🍆
There was a young man from Purdue
Who was only just learning to screw,
But he hadn’t the knack,
And he got too far back
In the right church, but the wrong pew.
🍩🍆🍩
AND THESE WERE THE TAME ONES
As I was looking through some old boxes and albums recently, I time traveled back to the days of my youth. Trust me it was a long, long, long time ago – circa 1946. So, in celebration of my recent birthday I put together this quick summary of the year I was born.
- It was peace time in American after World War II but that didn’t slow the politicians down too much. President Truman seized the mines after employees rejected government-negotiated contracts and costly strikes hit General Motors, Ford, General Electric, along with meatpackers, musicians, longshoremen, railroad workers, coffin makers, and in Washington, DC, taxi drivers.
- The Army and Navy were granted permission to manufacture atomic weapons.
- On May 2, in San Francisco, Marines landed on Alcatraz to battle armed convicts in an attempted jailbreak.
- Pacific tidal wave kills 205 in Hawaii.
- On July 1 the United States detonated a bomb, the Bikini Helena, beneath the Pacific at the bikini atoll.
- In France, the Cannes Film Festival was held for the first time, after its debut was rudely delayed by Hitler’s invasion of Poland.
- Admiral Byrd led an expedition to the south pole.
- Penicillin was synthesized for the first time by a United States chemist Vincent Du Vignea.
- The three top billboard stars were Perry Como, Dinah Shore, and Frankie Carle.
- In baseball, it was the American League over the National League, 12 to 0, in the annual All-Star game.
- In pro football, the Chicago Bears bagged the National Football League title for a record sixth time.
- The movie It’s a Wonderful Life debuted.
- The top box office celebrity was Bing Crosby.
- Consumers in New York reported eating horse meat as America’s meat and poultry supplies hit an all-time low. While poultry prices reached a dollar a pound, ceiling prices on choice cuts of horse were $.17-$.21 per pound.
- On a shopping spree Cashmere and wool mufflers cost $6.50. 16mm movie projectors were $56.75. A party dress cost $14.95. A set of hickory skis came in at $9.95. A fancy Stetson felt hat could set you back a whopping $6.00.
And last and most importantly: I was born on August 8 (Baby Boomers Rule!).
IT’S FUN TO LOOK BACK, BUT NEVER TO GO BACK
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