Archive for the ‘Kill Me, I’m Begging You’ Category
Now that my never-ending retro trivia posts have been completed, it’s time to return to my first love those funny and bawdy LIMERICKS. As I’ve always said, I love limericks and I also love history. I’ve decided today to combine the two with a few limericks made famous during the World War II era. I assume some of these may have been written by a few GI’s but I can’t be sure. I find it refreshing that even during the worst war we’ve ever experienced, a sense of humor was still maintained. Some of these might be considered a little much for younger children. Be warned!
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O Soldiers come back to us clean!
Wear rubbers – you know what I mean.
Thou I’d very much ruther
You’d bugger each other
Than any French whore that I’ve seen.
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A lady of doubtful nativity,
Had an ass of extreme sensitivity.
She could sit on the lap
Of a Nazi or Jap
And detect Fifth Column activity.
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A slant-eyed young girl from Peking
Said of the Rape of Nanking,
“Every Jap in North China
Has explored my vagina,
It’s so sore I can’t pee through the thing.”
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In the Army and Navy the toast is
To the talented USO hostess
Who was diddled and screwed
While she tried to conclude
Which service she really liked mostest.
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
🪖WAR TIME SENSE OF HUMOR🪖
Here is the fourth installment of retro trivia from the decade of the 1970’s. These questions should be a little easier than the last three decades. As always the answers are listed below.
- Who was court-martialed in 1971 for atrocities committed in Southeast Asia?
- What became the capital of the reunited North and South Vietnam?
- What was the name of the Russian spacecraft that linked with an Apollo module in 1975?
- In 1974 what building became the tallest in the world?
- What woman won the Nobel Prize in 1979?
- What nation tried “The Gang of Four”?
- Name the senator that presided over the Watergate hearings?
- Where was the Queen Elizabeth when it caught fire and sank in 1972?
- Who was the first native American to be canonized by the Catholic church?
- Name the war hero who quit the Israeli cabinet in 1979?
BONUS QUESTION
What caused Iceland and England to sever diplomatic relations in 1976?
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Answers
Lt. William Calley, Hanoi, Soyuz, The Sears Tower, Mother Teresa, China, Sam Ervin, Hong Kong, Mother Seton, Moshe Dayan, BONUS-Cod Fishing Rights
COMING NEXT-1980’S
Todays post will take us on a short time-travel trip to the 1940’s. This will be the first of five trivia posts from past decades from the 1940’s through the 1980’s. These first few questions may be difficult since most readers weren’t alive in the 40’s but if your a fan of history you may learn a few mostly forgotten facts. Let’s get started. As always the answers will be listed below.
- What important journal was found in Amsterdam following World War II?
- In what year was Korea split in two?
- On what day of the week was Pearl Harbor bombed?
- Who coined the phrase “Iron Curtin”?
- What newspaper ran the infamous headline “Dewey Defeats Truman”?
- In what island group is Corregidor, which fell to the Japanese in 1942.
- From what nation did Sri Lanka (then Ceylon) gain it’s independence in 1948?
- The body of what World War II leader was hung upside down in public?
- What world leader in 1943 survived a bomb set by his generals to assassinate him?
- What was the nickname given the the Nazi general Erwin Rommel?
BONUS Question
What two world leaders met in Casablanca in 1943?
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Answers
The Diary of Ann Frank, 1948, Sunday, Winston Churchill, The Chicago Daily Tribune, The Philippines, Great Britain, Benito Mussolini, Adolph Hitler, The Desert Fox, BONUS-Churchill and Roosevelt
THE 1950’s IS NEXT
Currently there seems to be no lack of interest in all things NFL. Now that the the Combine is approaching the interest level on football is once again skyrocketing. Every fan seems to think they are the absolute experts about all things football thanks to their involvement in the never-ending list of fantasy leagues. Here are a few tidbits of trivia that may interest some of them. Answers will be listed below.
- Name the kicker who led all NFL scorers in 1998 while making every single field goal and extra point attempt?
- After suffering a serious knee injury in 2011, which running back made an amazing comeback to lead the NFL with a near-record 2,097 yards rushing and 2,314 yards from scrimmage in 2012?
- Despite leading the NFL in the number of times sacked, which player posted the highest QB rating during the 2012 season?
- When he started his 117th consecutive game in 1999, which player did Brett Farvre overtake to become the new NFL “Ironman”?
- Who was the first QB to win four Superbowl Championships?
- In 2012 what quarterback broke the Johnny Unitas longstanding record for consecutive games throwing at least one touchdown pass?
- What was the first team to win five Superbowl championships?
- Which running back was the first player to rush for 20 touchdowns in a single season?
🏈❤️🏈❤️🏈
Answers
Gary Anderson, Adrian Peterson, Aaron Rodgers, Ron Jaworski, Terry Bradshaw, Drew Brees with 54 games, The San Francisco 49ers, John Riggens
Most human beings are somewhat intelligent. Of course that doesn’t always guarantee that they’re very smart. Many times in my life I’ve been challenged about something I’ve said or written even when I have irrefutable proof to prove my statements. There are always people who adamantly demand that they are correct regardless of any proof provided. Some folks simply enjoy arguing about everything and others are just simply ignorant. Human nature being what it is, I don’t see any changes in this regard. Todays post will contain a number of items which may seem incorrect to some of you, but they are not. Wrap your heads around these tidbits of truthfulness . The correct answers will be listed below.
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- What was the first invention to break the sound barrier?
- What animal are the Canary Islands named after?
- What do camels store in their humps?
- How many toes does a two-toed sloth have?
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- What African mammal kills more humans than any other?
- Where do most tigers live?
- Where was the sport of baseball invented?
- How did Nome, Alaska get it’s name?
- What do we use to write on a black-board?
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BONUS QUESTION
What was the first animal in space?
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Answers
The Whip, Dogs (Insula Canaria), Fat, Nothing, 6 or 8, The Hippopotamus, The USA in Zoos, England, A Spelling Mistake, Gypsum, BONUS-Fruit Flies
HOW DID YOU DO?
I’m a life long Pittsburgh Steeler fan thanks to my father and grandfathers. It was black and gold all the time beginning at the age of 4. That’s when I finally realized what football was and how important it was for family unity. No matter what, you stayed loyal to the team. I learned a large and varied collection of interesting cuss words over the years as we sat and listened to the games, especially during those seasons that the team wasn’t particularly successful. I relished the 1970’s and the four Superbowl wins and managed to maintain my sanity though a couple of decades of so-so football.
Todays post is my offering to the real Steeler fans out there who just can’t get enough information on the teams colorful history. Here are ten trivia questions to test your “fandomness” (I made up that word so no smart-ass comments about my spelling). As always, the answers will be listed below. Enjoy . . .
- What future NFL coach was the offensive coordinator with the Steelers from 2007-2011?
- Whose 89-yard touchdown pass to Dwight Stone in1991 was the longest pass thrown at Three Rivers stadium?
- In 2001 , which Pittsburgh linebacker was named NFL Defensive Rookie of the Year?
- In 2011, Ben Roethlisberger threw the longest touchdown pass in franchise history. Who caught the 95-yarder?
- Which receiver made 217 appearances for the Steelers between 1998 and 2011?
- The Steelers set a franchise after starting the 2020 season with how many consecutive wins?
- Which Steeler legend is the author of a 2021 book called “Heart and Steel”?
- Which tight end, which was drafted by the Steelers in 2015, shares his name with a famous wild west outlaw?
- Since the AFL/NFL merger, only two Steelers quarterbacks have thrown for more than 400 yards in a game. Big Ben is one, who is the other?
- Eight of Troy Polamalu’s 35 interceptions were against what team?
BONUS QUESTION
Which running back rushed for 161 yards from 22 carries and caught a
48-yard pass in his first career start for the Steelers against the Titans in 2005?
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Answers
Bruce Arians, Neil O’Donnell, Kendrell Bell, Mike Wallace, Hines Ward, 11 Wins, Bill Cower, Jesse James, Tommy Maddox, Cleveland Browns, BONUS – Willie Parker
SPECIAL THANKS TO CHRIS BRADSHAW
It’s been a long week of limericks and I’ve had my fill. I enjoyed the week immensely but it has had it’s drawbacks. I still find myself at odd hours of the night and early morning lying in bed thinking about how to rhyme words. Then I start mentally composing my own limericks and it’s driving me a little nuts. Todays post should help me to clear all of those limerick cobwebs from my brain. Her we go . . .
“To say of what is that it is not, or of what is not
that it is, is false, while to say of what is that it is,
and of what is not that it is not, is true.”
(Aristotle)
I feel better now that Aristotle has explained things for me.
- In the Jurassic Park movies. the fierce Velociraptors are about as tall as an adult human. In real life, however, they were only as tall as a turkey.
- Confucius has more than three million living descendants.
- Pablo Picasso, the influential Spanish cubist, wasn’t breathing when he was born in 1881. His face was so blue that the midwife left him for dead. One of his uncles revived him by blowing cigar smoke up his nose.
- From the 1300’s to the 1600’s, the heads of England’s slain enemies – including William Wallace and Thomas More – were displayed on London Bridge.
- The first recorded mastectomy was performed in A.D. 548 on Theodora, Empress of Byzantium.
- The word “hooch” comes from the Hoochinoo Indians of Alaska. They made a liquor so strong it could knock a person out.
- Spoons were such a rare novelty in Elizabethan England that wealthy aristocrats would bring their own folding spoons to fancy banquets.
AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST
Here is a riddle found inscribed about 3500 years ago on a stone slab. It’s mainly for my better-half who should have no problem coming up with the correct answer.
In your mouth and your urine, constantly stared at you,
the measuring vessel of your lord.
What it it?
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BEER, OF COURSE!
I thought today I would post a few sports related limericks. I need to cheer up a little after finding out the NFL morons put the screws to Coach Belichick. They couldn’t find a way to beat him on the field so they they took their cheap shot by denying him a first ballot entry into the Hall of Fame. If they had any balls at all they’d step forward and explain their reasoning. We need to know just who these stupid vindictive bastards are.
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I was told by a football-mad chum
He’d been badly mauled in a scrum.
One poor ear, I hear,
Ended up in the beer,
And his teeth in a quarterback’s bum!
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A golfer, employing a wedge,
Chipped his chip-shot behind a thick hedge.
But he hadn’t been seen,
So he strolled to the green
And dropped a new ball on the edge.
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A basketball player named Small,
Who was actually fourteen foot tall,
Could score just by standing
And putting his hand in
The basket and simply dropping the ball.
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There’s no-one so dreadful as Bender,
For batters whose bodies are tender.
He gets on their nerves
With his murderous curves
That demand either death or surrender.
🏈🏈🏈🏈🏈
I trashed the NFL because of their mistreatment of Belichick. That was coming from a life-long Steeler fan whose teams regularly had their asses kicked by Belichick. Good is just good and admiration lasts forever.
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
GO STEELERS & PATS AS LONG AS THEY AREN’T PLAYING EACH OTHER
Todays post is just a small part of the never-ending list of interesting and at times obscure facts that continue to make their way to my archives. As always the answers will be listed below. See how you do this week . . .
- What famous American poet was a West Point cadet? Who was he and how did he fare?
- Ernest Hemingway believed all American literature comes from one novel, Name It!
- Which of the 13 original states was the last to ratify the Constitution?
- Which of the Great Lakes does not border on Canada?
- Which nation was the first to give women the right to vote?
😁😁😁
- When was the modern day brassiere invented?
- The Galapagos Islands belong to what country?
- Where did the Doobie Brothers get their name?
- Name the epic classic movie that won the Academy Award without having any female speaking roles?
- From the I Love Lucy program . . . what was Lucy’s maiden name?
An Extra FAV that always makes me smile . . .
What White House fixture had to be replaced due to President William Howard Taft? A new and larger bathtub was installed after the President became stuck in the old one due to his size (big butt). It took six men to extricate him.
Answers
Edgar Allen Poe lasted 8 months before being court-martialed and dismissed in 1831, Mark Twain’s – The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, Rhode Island, Lake Michigan, New Zealand in 1893, In 1914 by Mary Phelps Jacob a New York Socialite, They are a province of Ecuador, “Doobie” slang for a marijuana cigarette, Lawrence of Arabia, MacGillicuddy.
I SCORED A MERE EIGHT OF TEN
As some of you will remember, I search constantly to find and purchase old books. I recently received one of the strangest books I’ve ever seen. The book is titled BIZARRE BOOKS – A COMPENDIUM OF CLASSIC ODDITIES. As we all know almost anyone can write a book. Some become famous and sell millions of copies but then there are these others. This book is a collection of nothing but book titles going back hundreds of years and to say some are strange is an understatement as you will see. I’ll be posting on more of these titles in the future after I finish reading the book. Todays topic concerns 15 book titles containing blatant Double Entendre. Here goes northing . . .
Games You Can Play With Your Pussy -1985
Miss Rod. The Girls Own Book – 1934
Queer Shipmates – 1962
Old Dykes I Have Known – 1996
Invisible Dick – 1926
Girls Who Did – 1927
Cock Tugs – 1963
Big Dick, the King of the Negroes – 1846
Memorable Balls – 1954
Drummer Dick’s Discharge – 1902
Cock Angel – 1928
Cobbler’s Knob – 1958
Fairies on the Doorstep – 1948
Joyful Lays – 1886
The Big Book of Busts – 1994
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SPECIAL THANKS TO RUSSELL ASH & BRIAN LAKE
(Just weird motivation to write your own book.)
everyuselessthing.com 