Archive for the ‘Kill Me, I’m Begging You’ Category
03/26/2022 ⁉Stupid Headline Alert⁉ Leave a comment
03/24/2022 😝Bad Poetry Alert😝 Leave a comment
❤NIGHT PARTNER’S❤
Gurgle! Gurgle! Sputter! and Pop!
Those strange night noises
that just won’t stop.
Bad dreams of dragons and
monsters continue,
What I really need now is a
cork to put in you.
😫😫😫
One of these days when we
both least expect it,
a terrible thing will occur.
Instead of gurgle, sputter and
pop, you’ll be gone, nothing left,
but a large brown wet spot.
ISN’T POETRY MAGICAL?
03/23/2022 “Time for Lunch” 2 comments
I thought today we might talk a little bit about food and drink. Just a little bit of trivia concerning some of our favorite consumables and some not so favorite. Don’t read this before you eat your lunch, it might put you off a little bit.
- To make 1 pound of honey, bees must tap an average of 2 million flowers and fly more than 50,000 miles.
- In ancient times oranges, not apples, were known as the” Fruits of the Gods”.
- Some fast-food hamburgers are made of only 12% meat.
- More than 45% of Americans eat fast food once a week.
- To burn the calories consumed while eating a McDonald’s Big Mac, large fries, and a large soda, you must walk briskly for seven straight hours.
- The US FDA allows pizza sauce at fast food restaurants to contain a maximum of 30 fly eggs per 100 grams, or 15 fly eggs and one maggot per 100 grams.
- Each day McDonald’s feeds more people than the entire population of Spain.
- Worcestershire sauce is created by dissolving the whole anchovies in vinegar, until the bones melt.
- Lemons contain more sugar than strawberries.
- Honey is the only natural food that does not rot. Theoretically honey could sit for 1 million years and remain completely edible.
- On average there are more than 1200 calories in movie theater popcorn if you include the butter topping. That’s the equivalent of the calories in one pound of baby back ribs or two McDonald’s Big Macs.
- M&Ms are the top-selling candy in the United States. Second is Reese’s peanut butter cups and third is the Snickers bar.
- In China, the most popular use of ketchup is as a condiment for fried chicken.
- The French government banned ketchup in its primary schools in 2011, fearing it would encourage children to develop Americanized taste preferences.
- No more than two rodent hairs, or 29 gnawed kernels, can be shipped in a pound of popcorn.
ENJOY YOUR MEALS AND SNACKS (LOL)
03/22/2022 Musical Lore Leave a comment
I’ve been something of a music collector involving music primarily from the 50’s, 60’s, and the mid 70″s. The amount of music produced after the 70’s leaves me unimpressed. You take all of the Rap, Hip Hop, and Country Western and have a huge bonfire. I’m certain it would be a beautiful sight. A lot of you will disagree vehemently and that’s your prerogative. To each their own.
As I was reading some music trivia publications last week, I found the following list. The 50’s, 60’s, and 70’s had their issues as well with weird bands of every sort. That’s only normal for the music business at its core. Let’s see how many of these groups you remember.
Afghanistan Banana Stand
Berth’s Mule
Buddy Whatshisname and the Other Fellows
The Color Fred
The Disappointed Parents
The Well I’m Sure I Left It There Yesterday Band
Me First and the Gimmee Gimmees
The Naugahyde Chihuahuas
Question Mark and the Mysterians
She Stole My Beer
Stop Calling Me Frank
The Tortillas You Wanted
I can honestly say that I’ve only heard of two of these bands and that is Question Mark and the Mysterians and Afghanistan Banana Stand. I don’t know of any songs either might have released but for some reason I know their names. As for the rest I haven’t a clue. If you know, let me know.
OLDIES, MORE OLDIES, AND THEN SOME OPERA
03/22/2022 💥Stupid Headline Alert💥 Leave a comment
03/18/2022 “A Mish-Mosh” Leave a comment
Today is the perfect day for a pile of miscellaneous information that you didn’t realize you were missing. First a “Stupid Headline”, then a quote from the late Larry King, and thirdly a few retro bumper stickers to take you back to the 70’s. Last but not least two children’s limericks. Enjoy!
😝😝😝
STUDENT EXCITED ABOUT DAD GETTING HEAD JOB
🤓🤓🤓
“I never learned anything while I was talking.” – Larry King
🚘🚖🚗
GUNS CAUSE CRIME, LIKE FLIES CAUSE GARBAGE
NOT ALL WOMEN ARE FOOLS, SOME ARE SINGLE
I DON’T CARE WHAT YOUR OTHER CAR IS, WHAT YOU LOVE, OR WHAT YOU’D RATHER BE DOING
☘☘☘
There once was an organic leek
That had managed to learn how to speak.
At the site of the knife,
It would fear for its life,
And go: Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek!
☘☘☘
There was a young girl named Miss Muffet
Who sat down one day on a tuffet.
She’d sooner have had
A chair, I might add,
But sometimes you just have to rough it.
ENJOY YOUR DAY (TGIF)
03/17/2022 Rich v. Poor Leave a comment
I rolled out of bed today at about 3:45 AM and the house was dead silent. I poured myself a cup of coffee, crawled back into bed, and watched one of my favorite movies. The movie is “Shooter” and stars Donnie Wahlberg. It’s been one of my favorite movies for quite a long time but today something struck me, and I thought I’d talk about it a bit. In one of the nastier scenes in the movie Wahlberg is trapped on a mountain top and chatting with a corrupt United States Senator. The senator was eloquent in his smartass remarks and stated, “There are no Republicans or Democrats, just the “Have’s” and the “Have Not’s”. And that’s a pretty profound statement, like it or not, and it’s true to a certain point. Certain political entities in this country love nothing better than separating those two groups whenever possible to garner votes.
I’ve been known to take shots at the wealthier class of people in this country only because I felt it was necessary. I recently discovered a book titled The Rich Are Different. I’m a firm believer that statement is true but I’m not sure if it’s a good ‘different’ or a ‘bad different’. Here are a few pearls of wisdom from that book and a few of our richer, upper-class citizens.
- When the Duke of Marlborough could no longer afford his valet, who had, among other things, always put the paste on the Duke’s toothbrush, the nobleman’s shock was palpable. “What’s the matter with my tooth brush?” He exclaimed. “The damn thing won’t foam anymore!”
- “Until the age of twelve I sincerely believed that everybody had a house on Fifth Avenue, a villa in Newport and a steam driven, oceangoing yacht.” Cornelius Vanderbilt Junior
- “I have had no real gratification or enjoyment of any sort more than my neighbor on the next block who is worth only a half million.” William K. Vanderbilt
- “Prior to the Reagan era, the newly rich aped the old rich. But that isn’t true any longer. Donald Trump is making no effort to behave like Eleanor Roosevelt as far as I can see.” Fran Leibowitz
- “With money in your pocket you are wise, you are handsome, and you sing well, too.” Yiddish Proverb
- “No rich man is ugly.” Zsa Zsa Gabor
- During the 1887 Saratoga racing season, William Collins Whitney lost $385,000 at the gambling tables while waiting for his wife to finish dressing.
- “We don’t pay taxes. Only the little people pay taxes.” Leona Helmsley
- “What’s the use of money if you have to earn it?” George Bernard Shaw
HOW COULD ANYONE THINK THE RICH AREN’T JUST LIKE US
03/15/2022 Where’s Biden? Leave a comment
I’ve stated on many occasions that I was done writing about politics and politicians. I’m afraid after watching the Biden administration in recent weeks I can’t remain quiet any longer or I will lose my effing mind.
As we all know the Ides of March can be a dangerous time as can be verified by Julius Caesar. In celebrating that infamous day today, I thought a short discussion on Presidents was in order. With Russia and the Ukraine battling it out and Biden and his socialist vice-president doing absolutely nothing. It made me wonder where Biden will be listed as compared to past presidents. We’ve had some dunces, some fools, and a large number of incompetents. Many American lives have been sacrificed when presidential decisions went sideways. The following information was recently commissioned by C-SPAN to answer that question definitively and the results are fascinating. They ranked each president according to a number of different factors such as public persuasion, crisis leadership, international relations, and vision while in office. Here are their top ten.
Abraham Lincoln
George Washington
Franklin Delano Roosevelt
Teddy Roosevelt
Dwight David Eisenhower
Harry S. Truman
Thomas Jefferson
John F. Kennedy
Ronald Reagan
Lyndon B. Johnson
Obviously, I don’t see the name Trump, Obama, Bush, or Carter listed in the top ten. After observing Biden since he took office, I would rank him around #40. He’s had a number of opportunities to make life a bit more difficult for the Russians but hasn’t done it. Either he’s an old fool or his advisors are incompetent. It seems their more concerned with party politics than international affairs. Maybe if gas reaches $6.00 a gallon someone will begin paying attention. This situation is getting out of hand and could turn dangerous at any time. Keep sitting on your hands Joe.
VOTE DEMOCRATIC AND KISS PUTIN’S ASS
03/14/2022 “Epithets” 2 comments
For many years after moving to New England, I spent a great deal of time in dozens of local cemeteries in southern Maine, checking out epithets, and anything else interesting that I could find. There was a time when I would stretch T-shirts over old tombstones and do rubbings of family names and places which I then sold in a local gift shop. Business became so brisk I was able to take requests from certain families to memorialize their long dead relatives. It was a little weird at times but very interesting. I also got to meet a few of the local law enforcement officers who repeatedly stopped to check me out. The epithets were remarkable since most of the early deaths were colonists from England, the home of the limerick. What follows are not the ones I discovered back then but discoveries made by other morbid folks who were also fascinated by them. Here are a few priceless ones I think you might enjoy.
Sacred to the memory of Anthony Drake,
Who died for peace and quietness’ sake.
His wife was constantly scolding and scoffin’,
So, he sought for repose in a twelve-dollar coffin.
Burlington Massachusetts
🎇🎇🎇
Here lies Ann Mann;
She lived an old maid and
She died an old Mann.
Bath Abbey, England
🎇🎇🎇
Sacred to the memory of
Elisha Philbrook and his wife Sarah
Beneath these stones do lie,
Back-to-back, my wife and I!
When the last trumpet the air shall fill,
If she gets up, I’ll just lie still.
Sargentville, Maine
🎇🎇🎇
Sacred to the memory of
Jared Bates
who died August 6, 1800.
His widow, age 24, lives at 7 Elm
Street, has every qualification for a
good wife and yearns to be comforted.
Lincoln, Maine
🎇🎇🎇
THINK UP A GOOD ONE FOR YOURSELF
AND LEAVE IT WITH A FRIEND
☘Limerick Alert☘ 2 comments
For those of you limerick lovers, I thought I’d give you a small selection from a category called “Oral Irregularities”. No further explanation is necessary, just enjoy them.
In his youth our old friend Boccaccio
Was having a girl in a patio.
When it came to the twat
She wasn’t so hot,
But, boy, was she good at fellatio!
😝😝😝
A fellatrix’s healthful condition
Proved the value of spunk as nutrition.
Her remarkable diet
(I suggest that you try it)
Was only her clients’ emission
😜😜😜
There was an old man of Decatur,
Took out his red-hot pertater.
He tried at her dent
But when his thing bent,
He got down on his knees and he et’r.
😱😱😱
The priests at the Temple of Isis
Used to offer up amber and spices
Then back of the shrine
They would play 69
And other unmentionable vices.
🤪🤪🤪
There lived in French Louisiana
A quaint and deceived duenna
Who naïvely thought
That a penis was wrought
To be et like a thick ripe banana.
everyuselessthing.com 