I’m pretty sure the title of this post will catch the attention of most readers. Sex seems to be the one unifying subject that everyone wants to hear about and discuss endlessly. I can only speak for myself, but I just love dirty jokes, the dirtier the better. I normally have less fondness for the milder sexual humor, but I plan on sharing some of that with you today. It’s not often that go “mild” so all of you overly sensitive types should enjoy these one-liners. I may never ever go this “mild” again so enjoy them if you can. I see a plethora of really dirty jokes in our immediate future so be patient.
Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. “Yes” is the answer.
The couple next door has recently made a sex tape. Obviously, they don’t know that yet.
My ex-girlfriend would always ask me to text her when I got in. That’s how small my penis is.
Sex is like air. It’s not important unless you aren’t getting any.
I’m hosting a charity concert for people who struggle to have orgasms. If you can’t come, let me know.
I always call out my wife’s name during sex . . . just to make sure she’s not around.
Men have only two emotions – hungry and horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
What’s the difference between a golf ball and a G-spot? The amount of time you’ll spend looking for it.
My girlfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of her Honda Civic. But if I’m going to have sex, it’s going to be on my own Accord.
My wife told me “Sex is better on vacation”. That wasn’t a very nice postcard to receive.
A man got onto a train and sat next to a woman reading a magazine on “Sexual Statistics. “Any good?” he asked. “Fascinating” she replied. “American Indians have the thickest penises and Polish men have the longest.” “Bye the way, I’m Jane.” “Hi” he said “I’m Tonto Kaminski.”
The Stanley Cup has a number of misspelled words engraved on it. “BOSTON BRUINS” is spelled as “BQSTQN BRUINS”. “TORONTO MAPLE LEAFS” is “TORONTO MAPLE LEAES” and a number of misspelled players names have been added over the years.
Before Babe Ruth, the MLB’s career home run record was 138. When he retired the record was 714.
Nolan Ryan had seven no-hitters in his career but never a perfect game. His 2795 career walks are almost 1,000 more than the next closet pitcher.
The credit for breaking the racial barrier was not really Jackie Robinson. In 1879, Moses Fleetwood Walker played a full season in 1884, 63 years before Robinson.
The only team in the NFL to score three TD’s in a minute was the New England Patriots and they’ve done it twice.
The very first pick in the NFL draft never played a single game in the league. Jay Berwanger never signed with any team due to salary concerns.
Major League Baseball uses approximately 900,000 balls every season.
Wilt Chamberlain once averaged over 50 points a game for an entire season.
I haven’t had much of a response from readers about the 1960’s Science Test I posted two days ago. I can only assume that many of you had some difficulty answering the questions. Today I’ll try and make it a little easier for all of you. Today’s quiz involves a test of your history knowledge from the 1970’s. As always, the answers are below.
In what country did the Jonestown Massacre take Place?
What happened to President Nixon once the Watergate scandal went public?
_________is the name of the organization/cartel of some of the world’s leading oil producers and exporters?
Most Iranians are ethnically ________ and ________ Muslims.
What did Americans celebrate in 1976?
Who was the US Congressman that was assassinated by members of the Jim Jones Peoples Temple in 1978?
The _______ war set off the 1973 oil embargo?
The terrorist group that took the Israeli athletes as hostages during the 1972 Summer Olympics was.
The men who carried out dirty work for President Nixon were known as the _________.
Where were the 1972 Summer Olympics held?
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Answers
Guyana, Impeached in 1973, OPEC, Shia and Shiite, The Bicentennial, Leo Ryan, Yom Kippur, Black September, The Plumbers, Munich, Germany
I’m an avid reader and have been one for as long as I can remember. I was able to use that reading skill over the years to learn a lot of things about a lot of things. Subjects that were important when I was in school were English, History, and Science and were meant to give us a good start with important information needed to learn and build upon in the future. After reading the hundreds of complaints online from parents disgusted with and in total disagreement with the present education systems rules, I feel confident in saying that it seems my educational experience was better. Try this 1960’s Science Quiz and see how you do. The answers will be listed at the end of the post.
What was the brand name of the first publicly available birth control pill?
What was the number of the Apollo mission that landed on the moon?
The world’s most powerful earthquake happened in what country?
In _________ Kevlar was invented.
Dr. ________ performed the first human-to-human heart transplant.
Dr. Benjamin Spock was known for what field of science?
In _________ Soviet cosmonaut Yuri Gagarin became the first human in space.
The world’s first heart transplant involved putting the heart of what animal into a person?
In scientific terms, Kevlar is a __________.
Who said: “One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind?”
How did you do? Give this test to your kids, your friends, your neighbors, and anyone else you can think of and see how you compare.
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(Answers)
Enovid, 11, Chile, 1965, Christian Barnard, Child Psychology, 1961, Chimpanzee, Polymer, Neil Armstrong
Here are a few semi-interesting trivia facts about a mish/mosh of subjects.
MAURY WILLS
“It Pays to Steal” is the title of Maury Wills’s 1963 autobiography. He was a famous base stealer.
The original name for the TV series, “The Rifleman” was “The Sharpshooter” in 1958.
The birthplace of George Washington in Virginia was Pope’s Creek Plantation in 1732.
The name of Boca Raton in Florida means “Rat’s Mouth” in Spanish.
The Detroit Lions NFL team was originally named “The Portsmouth Spartans” in 1934.
DETROIT LIONS
The Jamaican name of Ian Flemings home was “Goldeneye” where he wrote his first James Bond novel.
A well-known slogan used by Mad Magazine was “Humor in a Jugular Vein”.
Mel Brooks famous movie “Blazing Saddles” took place in the town of Rock Ridge.
The thespian puppet from Sesame Street was Meryl Sheep.
The term Zip Code was introduced in 1963 and means Zone Improvement Plan.
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One of My Favs
Snoopy of “Peanuts” fame had a number of siblings. He had two sisters, Belle and Molly. He also had five brothers: Andy, Marbles, Rover, Olaf, and Spike.
My father always insisted that I learn as much American history as I could. He felt that any real citizen of this country should learn as much about it as possible. I’ve always loved learning American history and todays quiz takes it to another level. This is presidential trivia that most people are unaware of but I’m sure you’ll still find it very interesting. It’s my great pleasure to share it with you. As always, the answers are listed below.
Which American president has the greatest number of cities and towns in the US named after him?
What salary did Ben Franklin advocate for the presidency during debates in 1787?
How short was George Washington’s second inaugural address – the shortest in US history?
Who was the first President to receive a salary of $100,000?
What American President had an electric horse installed in his White House bedroom and rode it almost daily?
Who was the first President elected when women nationwide had the right to vote?
What First Lady was edited out of her movie debut?
President Nixon kept a music box in his Oval Office desk. What song did it play?
Both President John Tyler Jr. and his father John Tyler Sr. served as governor in what state?
Who was the only President born in Illinois, the “Land of Lincoln”?
After Spiro T. Agnew resigned from office in 1973 what entertainer loaned him $230,000 for living expenses and payment of Internal Revenue Service fees?
(Answers)
James Madison with 27, None, 135 words, Harry S. Truman, Calvin Coolidge, Warren G. Harding in 1920, Pat Nixon, Hail to the Chief, Virginia, Ronald Reagan, Frank Sinatra.
For me these last four years have consisted of constant doctor visits, nurses, oncologists, chemotherapy, scans, MRI’s, Cat-Scans, multiple blood tests and surgeries. It’s still causes me to break out in a cold sweat anytime I drive by a hospital or hear an ambulance go by. Even a hospital janitor in a white coat freaks me out a little. My blood pressure soars a minimum of thirty points just by walking into their offices and it takes another 20 minutes for it to lower itself to acceptable limits. With all of that in mind here is my contribution of “one-liners” for all of those outstanding yet truly annoying medical professionals.
“Doctor, I’m sick and tired of finishing crosswords so quickly.” Then try not to get two down.
“Doctor, the whole worlds ganging up on me.” “Hold on a minute. Hey lads, he’s in here!”
“Doctor, I think I’m addicted to “X”. “I’m sorry, I don’t follow you.”
This guy went to his doctor with a piece of lettuce sticking out of his ass. “Ah yes,” said his doctor. “Thats just the tip of the iceberg.”
“Doctor, I can’t stop singing The Green Green Grass of Home.” “That sounds a lot like the Tom Jones Syndrome.” “Is that common doc?” “It’s not unusual.”
“Doctor, I keep thinking I’m a German vodka.” “Well, Schnapps out of it.”
My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. He was right. I feel ten years older already.
So, I went to the doctors to ask if he had anything for excessive wind. He gave me a kite.
A guy goes into a psychiatrist’s office wearing only clingy short shorts. The shrink said, “I can clearly see your nuts.”
A man went to see an eye doctor. The receptionist asked him what was wrong. He said, “I keep seeing spots in front of my eyes.” She said, “Have you seen a doctor?” He said, “No, just spots.”
In my younger days I was a huge St. Patrick’s Day celebrator. The fun of green beer, green hair, and ultra-green hangovers slowed down considerably as I reached my 50’s. It was some of the most fun I ever had, and I sometimes still miss that kind of craziness in my life. I failed to celebrate St. Patrick’s Day this year due to distractions, but I hope to make up for that mistake today with this posting. I’m holding in my hot little hands a supply of Irish humor that I will be thrilled to share with everyone. It’s naughty but nice.
“Mr. Mullarkey,” said the chemist, “did that mudpack I asked you to try improve your wife’s appearance?” “It did surely, but it keeps falling off.”
The Irish missionary was preaching to the African tribe. “And I say to you that you must love your fellow men!” “Moolagumbi!” shrieked the natives. “White man and black man must learn to cooperate.” “Moolagumbi” chanted the crowd. The missionary was very pleased, and he told the chief how pleased he was with the reception. “I am glad, O Man of Ireland,” said the chief, “but be careful as we pass the cattle pen that you don’t step in the moolagumbi.”
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An advertisement that appeared in a Wicklow newspaper:
“Young farmer would like to hear from young woman with tractor
with a view to matrimony. Please send picture of the tractor.”
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A favorite Irish limerick:
A handsome young boyo named Pat,
With girls would enjoy this and that.
He meant to cuddle and kiss,
When he spoke about “this,”
Just guess what he meant by his “that.”
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“That will be five pounds or a month in jail,” the judge said sharply.
“Very well, sir,” said Flaherty, “I’ll take the five pounds.”
Yesterday was a less than a spectacular day. My better-half was diagnosed with Covid after returning from her safari to the northern wilds of Maine. It effectively required that the cat and I sleep alone for a few days until she recovers. Today started off when the Maine Medical System decided to charge me an out-of-pocket charge of $117.30 to appear at their office to have my blood pressure checked. I said, “Hell No!” and immediately cancelled the appointment. I hate it when people in any organization think of me as just another revenue stream rather than a real patient. Well, I think that’s enough of my bitching and complaining for today. This post is trivia related but contains much more obscure information than my normal facts. Enjoy!
Shaquille O’Neal wears a size 52XXXXL (extra-extra-extra-extra-long) jersey.
20.41 pounds is the weight of $1,000,000 worth of U.S. $100.00 dollar bills.
It is 14 miles distance from the Batcave to Gotham City.
There is an average of 512 plain M&M’s per pound.
Jimy Olsen’s middle name was Bartholomew.
The movie Roots was originally titled “Before This Anger”.
The original family surname of John Cleese was Cheese.
“Et one, Brute?” was the advertising slogan for Lay’s Potatoe Chips in the 60’s.
“JoJo” is Bart Simpson’s middle name.
Kelcy’s Bar was Archie Bunkers favorite hangout.
ONE OF MY FAVS
Manfred was the oldest of the Marx Brothers who died before his first birthday.
I hesitate to publish this post because it’s sure to irritate and piss off many of my women readers. I also expect that many men will have the opposite reaction and here’s why. Many men and a select percentage of women are attracted to and obsessed by female breasts. This post is meant to be humorous, so anyone disturbed by the content please just exit the blog and continue to live the remainder of your life breast-free. I found this list of euphemisms to be informative as well as funny (LOL) because I’m also a huge fan of women’s breasts. If you like breasts and have a healthy sense of humor just read on.
Babaloos, baby pillows, bazongas, bazooms, bodacious tatas, boobies, bouncers, bra busters, butter bags, cream jugs, cupcakes droopers, fried eggs, garbonzos, grapefruits, hand warmers, headlights, honeydews, hooters, jugs, kajoobies, knockers, love bubbles, lungs, maracas, melons, milk bottles, the milky way, mountains, muffins, peaches, superdroopers, swingers, torpedos, the treasure chest, tremblers, twin loveliness, the twins, the girls, the udders, the upper deck, and of course watermelons.
This is really an incomplete list and I’m sure if I investigated further, I could come up with many more examples. If you’d like to make my life a little easier, drop me a comment with any important nicknames I may have missed. This is of course all done tongue-in-cheek but being a breast afficionado I would gratefully accept any help that is offered.
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