To say I am a baseball fan would be an understatement and when writing about famous orators how could I forget the man, “Yogi Berra”. For me, he’s the perfect example of what old time baseball was all about. He was a great player and manager and always made the Yankees fans proud. Weirdly enough he has since become almost as famous for his stream of hilarious quotations. Here are a few for your entertainment.
“I knew I was going to take the wrong train, so I left early.”
“Baseball is 90% mental- the other half is physical.”
“Nobody goes there anymore – it’s too crowded.”
“You’ve got to be very careful if you don’t know where you’re going, because you might not get there.”
“This is like déjà vu all over again.”
“You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I’m not hungry enough to eat six.”
“It gets late early out there.”
“Think! How the hell are you going to think and hit at the same time?”
“Slump? I ain’t in no slump. I just ain’t hitting.”
When his wife asked, “Yogi, you are from St. Louis, we live in New Jersey, and you played ball in New York. If you go before I do, where would you like me to have you buried?” His response was, “Surprise me.”
I am a longtime lover of feet. When most guys were scoping out boobs and butts, I was looking for women wearing sandles. I’m not sure why or when I developed this love of feet, but it started at a very young age. Over the years it has been a wonderful addition to my dating repertoire. With that in mind here are some odd facts about feet you may not have been aware of. Read on and be converted you butt loving and boob loving men (or women). It’s all good.
The world’s tallest man, Robert Pershing Wadlow (8’11”) wore size 37 shoes.
In many Asian countries is considered the height of rudeness to let the soles of your feet face another person.
Your foot and ankle together contain 26 bones.
The Achilles tendon is the longest and strongest tendon in your foot. The tendon is named after the Greek warrior who was killed when he was hit there with an arrow.
The skin on the soles of your feet is .2 inches (5 mm) thick.
Athletes foot can cause intense itching and pain. It is a fungus that grows between your toes because it likes the dark, moist conditions found there.
It takes 20 muscles to hold each of your feet together and allow them to move as in dancing, running, and skipping.
Getting “cold feet” means you want to back down or walk away from something you had planned to do.
Your toes can get into lots of trouble. You could have hammer toes, claw toes, and overlapping toes, not to mention ingrown toenails. In some cases, people have been known to have their second toe a half inch or longer than the big toe (you know who you are).
If you have fallen arches, the arch of your foot has flattened. The entire sole of your foot is on the ground, so you don’t have a natural shock absorber system as you walk.
There you have a few oddities about feet. Most of the things I mentioned are a rarity and doesn’t do anything to disturb my foot fetish. I remain as always, a dedicated (disturbingly so) lover of women’s feet. Add to that bright red, blood red nail polish and I’m yours for the taking. LOL
I’ve posted previously about what Number Freaking is all about. If you’re really interested just do a search to read those posts. Today’s number freaking facts and stats concern sex. I knew that would get your attention very quickly. Read on and be educated . . .
The Penguin Atlas of Human Sexual Behavior claims sexual intercourse takes place, worldwide, 120 million times every day. Assuming an average of one male per coupling and one orgasm per male It is estimated that 30 million billion (30 quadrillion) sperms are in the hunt every day.
Assuming a healthy male can make as many as 1500 sperm a second, in 1 min. he can produce 90,000 sperm.
There are 2.2 billion adult women on earth. It would take one man 17 days to make one’s sperm per woman.
The average number of kids born per women worldwide is 2.8. So, assume an average woman will lose 28 menstruating months to pregnancy during her lifetime.
The average woman will menstruate 19.66 quarts of blood in her lifetime. That’s about the same amount as two cases of wine.
The average American man first gets married at the age of 28.7 years and dies at the age of 76. A duration of 47.8 years. If he could manage having sex three times a day every day until he dies, he would’ve had intercourse 52,376 times.
According to the Penguin Atlas of Human Sexual Behavior the country boasting the longest lasting sexual intercourse is Brazil at 30 min. The USA, Canada, and Brits follow with 28, 23, and 21 min. respectively. The quickest sex in the world takes place in Thailand in 10 min. and Russia in 12 min.
The data shows that almost 88% of men’s penises measure between 5 and 7 inches when erect. When relaxed 90% of men are 3 to 5 inches.
Kinsey also reports that the average vagina is 3 inches long with a diameter of .8 inches when aroused, and 3.75 to 4.1 inches long with a diameter of 2.3 to 2.5 inches when stimulated (so it’s wide enough for birth).
Women in Kinsey studies said that on average they took just under 4 min. to achieve orgasm, flying solo. Practicing with a partner, however, it took between 10 and 20 min.
And here is one of my favorite factoids concerning men. There is a popular assumption that man think constantly about sex. Globally, life expectancy at birth, for a man, is 65 years. If we assume men start thinking about sex with the advent of puberty, which we’ll assume to be at age 13, that means men will think about sex every 6 seconds for 52 years or 273.5 million times.
Here are the final limericks in Mr. McCord’s limerick construction primer. I thoroughly enjoy reading the work created by such an intelligent man who enjoys his love of poems and limericks as I do. His non-limerick poetry is also outstanding as you will see.
💥💥💥
It’s been a bad year for the moles
Who live just in stockings with holes;
And bad for the mice
Who prefer their boiled rice
Seved in shoes that don’t have any soles.
💥💥💥
There once was a man in the Moon,
But he got there a little too soon.
Some others came later
And fell down a crater,
When was it? Next August? Last June?
💥💥💥
I don’t much exactly quite care
For those cats with short ears and long hair.
But if anything’s worse
It’s the very reverse:
Just you ask any mouse anywhere.
💥💥💥
💥💥💥
So, by chance it may be you’ve not heard
Of a small sort of queer silent bird.
Not a song, trill, or note
Ever comes from his throat.
If it does, I take back every word.
💥💥💥
And last but not least.
Write a limerick now. Say there was
An old man of some place, what he does,
Or perhaps what he doesn’t,
Or isn’t or wasn’t.
Want help with it? Give me a buzz.
💥💥💥
I heard my first limerick when I was about 7 years old when I was eavesdropping on my father and one of his friends. I heard my dad recite this little gem. My love of limericks was born!
I’ve been a lover of baseball since the age of six. I’ve played in the LL Minor Leagues, LL Major Leagues, Pony League, Senior Little League, High School (4 years), and American Legion ball. I figure that gives me the right to have a little fun at the expense of some of my favorite players. I remain respectful of these men, but I still think some of the things they say in front of the microphone are hysterically funny. Here are a few . . .
“Any pitcher who throws at a batter and deliberately tries to hit him is a Communist” Alvin Dark, NY Giant infielder.
“If Jesus were on the field, he’d be pitching inside and breaking up double plays. He’d be high-fiving the other guys.” Tim Burke, Montreal Expos pitcher.
“I am throwing twice as hard as I ever did. It’s just not getting there as fast.” Lefty Gomez, NY Yankee pitcher.
“I dunno. I never smoked any Astroturf.” Tug Mcgraw, NL pitcher, when asked whether he preferred grass or Astroturf.
“The doctors x-rayed by head and found nothing.” Dizzy Dean, NL pitcher, after being beaned in the 1934 World Series.
“I was the worst hitter ever. I never even broke a bat until last year when I was backing out of the garage.” Left Gomez, NY Yankee pitcher.
“Well, that kind of puts a damper on even a Yankee win.” Phil Rizzuto, Yankee broadcaster, upon hearing that Pope Paul had died.
“His (Dwight Gooden’s) reputation preceded him before he got here.” Don Mattingly, NY Yankee infielder.
“It would take some of the lust off the All-Star game.” Pete Rose, REDS infielder when asked about inter-league play.
“I want all the kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I want all the kids to copulate me.” Andre Dawson, Cubs outfielder on being a role model.
No, I haven’t forgotten about quotes and sayings by Yogi Berra. I would have to write a short novel to include all of his silliness. I’ll post something on Yogi eventually but it’s hard to choose just ten out of the hundreds available. LOL
I know I’ve been promising a post of really extreme limericks. I’ve hesitated because of the kids who might read this blog when their parents aren’t paying attention. Some limericks are written just for kids, funny ones for everyone, suggestive ones for others, and then comes the dirty, naughty, extra naughty, and last but not least the downright filthy. I’ve been taking this process slowly until I can find a way to post the really filthy ones but until then I’ll give you a few naughty ones to wet your limerick whistles.
As always, I offer up more questionable poetry. Some people like this style and some do not. To me that makes for what I call “bad poetry”. If everyone loves and understands it, then it’s “good poetry”.
😞❤️😞
I rush down the highway of my life. Hoping that things I need and desire, will follow. To feel, see and experience, the love, hate and strife. Hear words that mean something and nothing, hollow.
The need to experience and taste it remains key. The search for the reverse of me continues, can never cease. Passing years and people have changed how I am able to see. My mysterious other self demands fairness, the ultimate release.
A quantity known but not known comes to me after flirting. Near hopes end a miracle occurs and love blossoms, smell the flowers. Feel intense love, caring and gentleness, no more hurting. That for which we all search is now mine and hers, ours.
The years of love and caring release me from my chains. My life quest finally realized, my soul with its mate. Melting together, love and tenderness growing my heart can’t explain. My lover has taught me, what counts is love, not hate.
YOU’VE JUST RECEIVED YOUR DAILY DOSE OF BLAHHHHHHHH!
It’s that look when I’m not really looking. It’s that lick of your lips when I am. It’s the smell of your hair when I’m near you. It’s the feel of your body in my hands.
It’s the taste of your ear when I’m horny. It’s the wet of my tongue when you are. It’s whispering something really corny. It’s your voice when say you want more.
It’s these moments you’ll never forget. It’s the essence of what we’ve become. It’s the reasons we eventually met. It’s to these moments we finally succumbed.
Since I was talking about Little League baseball in my last post, I thought a little more sports trivia might be interesting. Here are a few tidbits from baseball and football that you might be aware of, and you may not. Enjoy . . .
Baseball
In the early days of baseball, players were permitted to throw the ball at a runner for an out and pitching underhanded. Balls caught on one bounce were considered outs.
The team who won the first recorded game of baseball was the New York Nine. They beat the New York Knickerbockers 23 to 1 in 1846. By 1857, 16 New York area clubs were playing baseball under the auspices of the National Association of Baseball Players (NABBP), the sports first governing body.
1903 was the first year in which a World Series was played. The Boston Americans (American League) beat the Pittsburgh Pirates (National League) in a best-of-seven nine-game series. Five years later, the Boston Americans rebranded themselves as the Boston Red Sox.
It is commonly believed that Glenn Burke of the Los Angeles Dodgers, gets credited for the invention of the high-five. During the final game of the 1977 regular season, Dodger player Dusty Baker hit a home run and was greeted in the dugout with the high-five slapped by teammate Glenn Burke. The rest is history.
Football
President Theodore Roosevelt is credited with instituting the forward pass rule in football. He demanded a change to footballs rules in 1905, after 18 players were killed and 159 injured that year. The forward pass was intended to open up the game and minimize the chaotic dog piles associated with lateral passing. The rule was adopted in 1906.
The original name of the Oakland Raiders was the Oakland Senors. It was the winning entry in a 1959 test sponsored by the Oakland Tribune to name the new franchise.
The Chicago Bears are the only current NFL team playing in its original city, under its original name. They’ve been the Chicago Bears since 1921.
It is estimated that 78% of professional football players are bankrupt or in severe financial trouble after retiring from the NFL. That’s after just two years of retirement.
Deion Sanders in 1989, played in the Super Bowl for the Atlanta Falcons and in the World Series for the New York Yankees. He’s also the only person to have scored a touchdown and hit a major league home run in the same week.
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