I’ve had more time to contemplate things and myself over the last few years than I ever thought I would have. Many years as a workaholic kept me running at an insane pace leaving very little time for self-evaluation and concerns of conforming to meet the expectations of others. As busy and crazy as my life was at the time, I always looked for a way to separate myself from the crowd. It was done without a lot of thought, and I paid a price for all of my more stupid decisions. I always felt that I had to be different and regardless of the consequences I pursued that end. Overall, it was worth doing because I learned a lot about myself and about many of my closest family and friends, they gave me a steady drumbeat for most of my life of “your being weird” or “get with the program”. One of the phrases I hated the most was “That’s the way we’ve always done it.” That was like “fingernails on a blackboard” for me. For you youngsters, check with your parents if you want to know what a blackboard is. I’ve spent the last few weeks, bedridden with a fractured ankle with plenty of time to reflect on things. I must be doing and saying something right because my ever-present bodyguard, my cat Lucy, has been agreeing with me on everything. I thought in fairness I would search out a second opinion and who better to ask than my favorite smartass, Samuel Clemens aka Mark Twain.
Mark Twain (1835-1910)
“Your conscience is a nuisance. A conscience is like a child. If you pet it and play with it and let it have everything that it wants, it becomes spoiled and intrudes on all of your amusements and griefs. Treat your conscience as you would anything else. When it is rebellious, spank it – be severe with it, argue with it, prevent it from coming to play with you at all hours, and you will secure a good conscience; that is to say, a properly trained one. A spoiled one simply destroys all the pleasure in life. I think I have reduced mine to order. At least, I haven’t heard from it for some time. Perhaps I have killed it from over severity,”
People love coming up with odd names or nicknames for just about everything. Even if a real name already exists, someone will attempt to create a nickname for it. I remember one from my childhood that was used to replace the term “bad breath” and it was “doggie breath”. We were stupid kids but never passed up an opportunity to create what would be considered a wise-ass replacement name. “Tubby’ was the skinny kid, “Slim” was the fat kid, and “brainiac” was the dumb ass. Why we felt the need to change the names of things that don’t need to be changed, who knows. Here are a few examples from history to further make my point without answering the big question, “Why do we do it?”.
The U.S. nickname “Uncle Sam” was derived from Uncle Sam Wilson, a meat inspector in Troy New York. During the war of 1812, Wilson’s “U.S.” stamped on meat barrels prepared for the U.S. Army was interpreted by some workmen to stand for their boss, “Uncle Sam” and the legend grew. (In newspaper cartoons during the Civil War, the figure of Uncle Sam took on the appearance of President Lincoln.)
During his career, Vladimir Ilyich Ulanov employed at least 150 pseudonyms. The best-known was Lenin. (1870-1924).
The most common name in the world is neither Ching nor John. It’s Muhammad.
The original name for the United Nations was “Associated Powers”. Prime Minister Winston Churchill affected the change to “United Nations” by quoting Lord Byron to President Roosevelt.
Millions of pounds recorded the, and anew.
Their children’s lips shall echo them, and say –
Here, where the sword united nations drew,
Our countrymen were worrying on that day!
And this is much, and all which will not pass away.”
Natives of Papua, New Guinea, who deposit their money in the bank at Port Moresby don’t get numbered accounts. Instead, they are identified by the names of fish and birds and other natural objects. One bank customer is called “sawfish” and another “hornbill”. Each depositor keeps his symbol secret.
The male Mayan Indian would change his name twice as he was growing up. His original name was linked with the date he was born. He would get a new name, describing a personal feature, when he was initiated into manhood. On marrying, he would take on his formal name.
A book of maps is called an atlas because the innovative 16th-century Flemish geographer Gerard S. Mercator’s books of maps detailing various portions of Europe sported on its cover a picture of the Greek titan Atlas holding the world on his shoulders – and thus this book became known as an atlas.
When Adolf Hitler was in charge in Germany, policemen and farmers were not allowed to call their horses by the name “Adolf”.
In 1935, “Iran” became the new name for what had been Persia, which was the new name for what had earlier been Iran.
There are an estimated 2.4 million people in the US named Smith, and over 1.8 million named Johnson, and over 1.6 million named Williams or Williamson, and over 1.4 million named Brown, and over 1.3 million named Jones. Keeping up with the Joneses would appear to be easier than keeping up with the Smiths.
As a kid, my given name was John. You can’t get much more boring than just John but that didn’t keep my friends from calling me just that, “Just John”. I had another nickname, “Crazy Legs” but the explanation for that one will remain a deep and dark secret that I’ll take to my grave. LOL
Here’s a collection of peculiar trivia mixed in with some interesting quotes from somewhat interesting people. It’s a good way to start your somewhat interesting work week. Have fun . . .
“Beautiful young people are accidents of nature, but beautiful old people are works of art.” Eleanor Roosevelt
In the spring of 1930, the Senate almost voted to ban all dial telephones from the Senate wing of the Capital, as the technophobic older senators found them too complicated to use.
Commercial deodorant became available in 1888. Roll-on deodorant was an invented in the 1950s, using technology from standard ballpoint pens.
Before Popeye, Olive Oyl’s boyfriend was named Ham Gravy.
Three presidents died on the 4th of July: Thomas Jefferson, John Adams, and James Monroe.
The world goes through approximately 1.75 billion candy canes every year.
“The only place success comes before work is in the dictionary.” Vince Lombardi
Like plants, children grow faster during spring than any other season.
The aboriginal body consists of approximately 71 pounds of intentionally edible meat, not including organ tissue.
British geologist William Buckland was known for his ability to eat anything, including rodents and insects. When presented with the heart of French King Louis XIV, he gobbled it up without hesitation.
Male lions are able to make 50 or more times in a single day. Tell your husband.
It took more than 1700 years to build the Great Wall of China.
“Carpe per diem“– means seize the check – so says Robin Williams
In an ironic twist, Mel Blanc, best known as the voice of Bugs Bunny, had an aversion to raw carrots.
Australian toilets are designed to flush counterclockwise.
Mr. Potato Head holds the honor of being the first toy ever featured in a television commercial.
If you add up all the time you blink during the day, you’d have about half an hour of shut-eye.
John Lennon was the first person to be featured on the cover of Rolling Stone magazine.
“If slaughterhouses had glass walls, everyone would be a vegetarian.” Paul McCartney
I’m fairly certain that most women in this county at one time or another have drooled over Brad Pitt. He’s been the epitome of male sexuality for many years and many women. I’ve even heard a large number of female celebrities gushing over him on the endless talk shows that fill the TV air. I’m also willing to bet he’s had his fill of the notoriety as reflected by some of his statements over the years. Thanks to Uncle John for supplying me with the following quotes of a few male celebrities who’ve stated, “I’m no Brad Pitt”.
“I’m certainly not Tom Cruise or Brad Pitt.” Jason Stratham
“The real challenge is if you don’t look super sexy, like Brad Pitt, you’re going to have to try harder.” Jack Black
“If I could be anyone, it would be Brad Pitt.” David Fincher
“I’m clearly not Brad Pitt, and I’m never going to be Brad Pitt.” Paul Giamatti
“Unless you look like Brad Pitt, it’s really hard to have full control of your character.” Vincent Donofrio
“No matter what heights you achieve, even if you are Brad Pitt, the slide is coming, sure as death and taxes.” James Caan
“In this business, you’re either Brad Pitt right away, or you’re already going down the ladder.” Skeet Ulrich
“For me, personally, I’m a 5’5″ leading man. I’m no Brad Pitt or anything.” Jeremy Luke
And last but not least a quote from the famous and handsome Brad Pitt.
In the past I’ve had my fun with statements made by baseball players, football players, and basketball players. Just to be fair I thought today would be a good day for some ridiculous statements from an assortment of other sports to include some of their genius sportscasters and their pearls of wisdom.
And he’s got the ice pack on his groin him there, so it’s possibly not the old shoulder injury. -Ray French, rugby sportscaster
Venezuela! Great, that’s the Italian city with the guys in the boats, right? -Murad Muhammad, on being told about a boxing match in South America
And for those of you watching on black-and-white, the pink ball is the one behind the blue. -TV billiards commentator
I don’t want to tell you any half-truths unless they’re completely accurate. -Dennis Rapoport, boxing manager
It’s about 90% strength and 40% technique. -Johnny Walker, world middleweight wrist wrestling champion
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Cycling is a good thing for the youngsters, because it keeps them off the streets. -Daniel Mean, commentator
It’s a catch he would’ve caught 99 times out of 1000. -Henry Blofeld
I was in a no-win situation, so I’m glad that I won rather than lost. -Frank Bruno, boxer
The lead car is absolutely unique, except for the one behind it which is identical. -Murray Walker
There have been injuries and deaths in boxing, but none of them serious. -Alan Minter, former prizefighter
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We have only one person to blame, and that’s each other. -Barry Back, New York Ranger, explaining a championship game brawl
If I wasn’t talking, I wouldn’t know what to say. -Chico Resch, New York Islanders goalie
He called me a rapist and a recluse. I’m not a recluse. -Mike Tyson, boxer
On what? -boxer Chris Eubank, when asked whether he thought about writing his autobiography.
It’s basically the same, just darker. -Alan Kulwicki, Stock-car racer, on racing at night instead of during the afternoon
I’m a bit of a fanatic using quotes on many of my posts since I normally use them to further verify a point or opinion I’m trying to make. I’m a believer than even though many of the persons I quote are long dead, their opinions and thoughts are still valid. Human nature unfortunately doesn’t change all that much from one generation to another. Back in the day there were just as many annoying a-holes as there are today. The funny thing is they express their a-holeness in exactly the same way. This just further supports my use of them whenever I deem it necessary. Not all quotes are friendly and nice and there are just as many derogatory things said about damn near everyone as not. Let’s take a look at a few not so flattering quotes concerning men by a group of less than happy women.
“A man is a creature with two legs and eight arms.” Jayne Mansfield
“God created Adam. Then corrected her mistake.” Brooklyn Woman’s Bar Association
“Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.” Charlotte Whitton
“A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle.” Gloria Steinem
“I married beneath me. All women do.” Nancy Astor
“A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.” Anonymous
“The man is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness and kindness, can be trained to do most things.” Jilly Cooper, Cosmopolitan Magazine
“I require three things on the man. He must be handsome, ruthless, and stupid.” Dorothy Parker
“A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he’s finished.” Zsa Zsa Gabor
For most of my life I’ve been called a pessimist, a cynic, and an all-around “downer”. I’m not too crazy about the term cynic and the term pessimist is primarily used only by those folks that consider themselves optimists. First of all, the term cynic doesn’t apply, I am a pragmatist.Cynic is a derogatory term used primarily by optimists to denigrate those of us who prefer a stark truth to a flowery disappointment. As far as being a “downer”, that’s a term that makes no sense whatsoever. Speaking the truth is never a “downer”, it’s just that simple. Here is the posted definition of an optimist directly from Wikipedia and we all know they never make mistakes.
optimist (ˈäp-tə-mist), noun
A person who is inclined to be hopeful and to expect good outcomes.
I know many, many, optimists and had many discussions and arguments about the advantages of being pragmatic and not having good thoughts about every damn thing you can think of. With that thought in mind I decided to do a little research to get some thoughts on optimism from a few so-called experts. Let’s see what you think about this.
Optimism: A cheerful frame of mind that enables a teakettle to sing though in hot water up to its nose.
An optimist is a man who, instead of feeling sorry he cannot pay his bills, is glad he is not one of his creditors.
Since the house is on fire let us warm ourselves. Italian saying
If you count the sunny and cloudy days of the whole year, you will find that the sunshine predominates.
A cheerful resignation is always heroic, but no phase of life is so pathetic as a forced optimism. Elbert Hubbard
An optimist is one who believes that a fly is looking for a way to get out.
If it weren’t for the optimist, the pessimist wouldn’t know how happy he isn’t.
After reading the above, what kind of person are you? Are you a glass half-full person or a glass half empty person? I stand proudly as a pragmatist against any and all optimists. It’s just that I prefer reality rather than a continuing hopefulness that everything will be just fine, and everyone will own their own unicorn. Here’s a quote from one of my favorite writers and his definition of pessimism, I hope all of you optimists out there enjoy it.
Pessimist – One who, when he has the choice of two evils, chooses both.
I’m not one to celebrate birthdays on this blog but as with everything there are exceptions. Today is the birthday of my favorite writer whose works have captivated me for more than fifty years. It all started in 1968 while I was serving in the Republic of South Korea. I discovered a copy of the Hobbit in the hooch of a young lady I was seeing. She couldn’t read English and I had no reading material worth reading at the time. She made it a gift to me, and I began reading it immediately.
I became lost in his world of the Shire, the hobbits, the dwarves, the elves, and the wizards. I read a portion of that book by the light of a flashlight as I sat in a foxhole. I had no access to the trilogy at that time and was forced to take a short leave, a quick hop on an Air Force plane to the Tokyo PX, where I purchased my first copies.
Over the years I’ve read those books at least a dozen times. Along the way I read everything I could find about J.R.R. including a number of books later published by his son. I still have some beautiful calendars from the 1970’s and 1980’s painted by a number of well-known artist of scenes from his stories. I also found out that alcohol and tattooing mix rather well together since I have the door symbol from the door of Moria on my upper arm. Right next to that I have a beautiful tattoo of Smaug.
I almost lost my mind when someone who was real fan of the books made the movies. I never thought it would happen. I was again truly excited when Amazon and Jeff Bezos released the latest prequel, The Rings of Power. I was happy to see they did a great job in tying it into the original story line. I became so interested I went back and began reading the Silmarillion for the fifth time. I look forward to the new season as any good fan would.
The man was amazing, and his works will be read and loved by millions more in the coming years.
Since Christmas has finally come and gone, I thought another installment of An Examined Life would get us all thinking about the end of another year and what we’ve accomplished or didn’t accomplish. Maybe these postings can assist us in deciding what our New Year’s resolutions might be. They’re always fun to write and I’ll be posting mine very soon. How about you?
When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
You have the power to go any distance into the future and after one year, return to the present with any knowledge you have gained from your experience, but you cannot bring any physical objects with you. Would you make the journey if it carried a 50% risk of death?
Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as your dinner guest? As your closest friend? As your lover?
While working late at night, you slightly scraped the side of a nearby Porsche. You’re certain no one else is aware of what happened. The damage is minor and would not be covered by insurance anyway. Would you leave a note?
If you could choose the manner of your death, what would it be?
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Do you have any specific long-term goals? What is one and how you plan to reach it?
For what in your life do you feel the most grateful?
How do you react when people sing “Happy Birthday” to you in a restaurant?
What is the worst psychological torture you can imagine suffering? Anything causing even minor physical injury should not be considered.
Would you like your spouse to be both smarter and more attractive than you?
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If you found that a good friend had AIDS, would you avoid him or her? What if your brother or sister had it?
Would you be willing to give up sex for one year if you knew it would give you a much deeper sense of peace than you have now?
A good friend pulls off a well-conceived practical joke that plays on one of your foibles and makes you look ridiculous. How would you react?
By controlling medical research funds, you are in the position to guarantee that a cure will be found in fifteen years for any disease you choose. Unfortunately, no progress on any others would be made during that period. Would you target one disease?
Would you accept one year of life if it meant taking one year from the life of someone in the world selected at random? Would it matter if you were told whose life you had shortened?
It’s important to maintain a sense of humor with all of the anticipated stresses of these holidays. Here are two quotes and a hilarious joke that will hopefully put a smile on your face. Enjoy . . .
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A guy decides to buy his new girlfriend a pair of gloves for Christmas. After all, they’ve only been dating for three weeks so it seems like the ideal gift – romantic, yet not too personal. He asks the girlfriend’s younger sister to accompany him to buy them then so she can point out a pair she’d like. They go to the mall and the sister points out a pair of white gloves which the guy then buys. The sister then picks up a pair of panties for herself and buys them. But during the wrapping, the clerk mixes up the parcels without anyone realizing. As a result, the sister gets the gloves, and the guy takes home a gift box containing the panties.
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“I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.”
Shirley Temple
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Without checking, the guy rushes the gift to his sweetheart, but only after drafting this loving and helpful note to accompany it: “I chose these because I notice you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening. If it had not been for your sister, I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons, but she wears the short ones that are easier to remove. These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me a pair she’d been wearing for the last three weeks, and they were hardly soiled. I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart.
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“I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.”
Bernard Manning
I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time. There’s no doubt that other hands will come in contact with them before I have a chance to see you again. When you take them off remember to blow in them before putting them away, as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing. Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming year. I hope you will wear them for the coming Christmas Eve.
P.S. The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur showing.”
everyuselessthing.com 