Archive for the ‘Quotations’ Category
- Abraham Lincoln lost five different elections prior to becoming a United States president.
- There are 13 letters in the Hawaiian alphabet.
- The only word that begins and ends with the letters “und” is the word underground.
- Due to contrasting gravity, a person normally weighing 200 pounds on earth will weigh just 76 pounds on Mars.
- Recycling one glass jar will save enough energy for three hours of television.
- A tsunami can move at the same speed as a jet plane.
- You could fit almost 900,000,000,000,000 footballs into the Grand Canyon.
- Rio de Janeiro means River of January.
- Sometimes when you are sleeping, your brain is busier than when you’re awake.
- The left and right sides of your body are controlled by the opposite sides of your brain.
- In Japan you can buy square watermelons, specifically created to stack more easily in supermarkets.
- Wild lions usually do not kill more than 20 times a year.
- Crocodiles along the banks of the Nile River are accountable for over 1000 deaths per year.
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And last but not least some information that I hope our
current generation of scientists are paying attention to.
1. The First Law of robotics is a robot may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm.
2. The Second Law of robotics is that a robot must obey any orders given to it by human beings, except where such orders would conflict with the First Law.
3. The Third Law of robotics is that a robot must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Laws.
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SPECIAL THANKS TO ISAAC ASIMOV
Todays post contains a modest collection of ethnic Irish humor. The jokes are quite lame and unfortunately the limericks are quite tame. Since I have a few Irish ancestors hiding in my family tree, I feel obligated to share some of their humor with you. And not to ignore the obvious Irish traits and traditions, I’ll be drinking a glass of excellent Irish whiskey as I type this post. And before anyone asks . . . no, I don’t have red hair.
Lets start with a few one liners.
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- He was a terrible wreck and his trembling hands told the whole story. “Tell me,” asked his doctor, “do you drink much?” “Deed I don’t. Sure I spill most of it.”
- “That will be five pounds or a month in jail,” the judge said sharply. “Very well, sir,” said Flaherty, “I’ll take the five pounds.”
- Then there was the Irish shopkeeper who said his eggs were so fresh the hens hadn’t missed them.
Here a a couple of true Irish limericks.
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A lovely young maiden of Kilglass,
Who wore intimate garments of brass.
Pat, one night on the porch,
With an acetylene torch,
Just melted her resistance, at last!
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A western young lady named Flynn,
Would tell of her plans with a grin,
“I intend to be bold,
In manner untold,
For there’s need of original sin.”
And last but not least, some pithy Irish sayings for your pleasure.
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Then there was the Irishman who was asked the difference between an explosion and a collision. “In a collision,” he replied, “there you are but in an explosion where are you?“
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She was only a whiskey maker’s daughter but he loved her still.
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A notice in a Galway newspaper some years ago is worthy of preservation: “Because of a lack of space a number of births have been held over until next week.”
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The police department magazine in Dayton, Ohio, once carried the following ad: For sale, second-hand tombstone, excellent buy for someone name Murphy.
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SLEEP IS THE FIRST SIGN OF RECOVERY
A few months ago I came upon a small innocent looking book titled 365 Women’s Reflections on Men. I’d made a few purchases of books that day and the owner of the store threw that little book into my bag as a freebie. Since I never refuse a book from anyone, I took it home and it’s been on the shelf for months. While I’m not partial to the negativity brush that feminism paints most of us men with, I think it’s only right if I pass a few tidbits your way and give some of these overt feminists the credit they rightfully deserve.
- “No man can call himself liberal, or radical, or even a conservative advocate of fair play, if his work depends in any way on the unpaid or underpaid labor of women at home, or in the office.” Gloria Steinem
- “Protectiveness has often muffled the sounds of doors closing against women.” Betty Friedan
- “Dear, never forget one little point: It’s my business. You just work here.” Elizabeth Arden (to her husband)
- “The only jobs for which no man is qualified are human incubators and wet nurses. Likewise, the only job for which no woman is or can be qualified is sperm donor.” Wilma Scott Heide
- “Anger makes dull men witty, but it keeps them poor.” Queen Elizabeth I
- “I think women are just as moved by appearance [as men are], but they are willing to accept a situation where the man is less attractive because of the “who earns the bread” situation. Madonna
- “American men say “I love you” as part of the conversation.” Liv Ullman
- “If you never want to see a man again, say, “I love you, I want to marry you, and I want to have children . . . they will leave skid marks” Rita Rudner
- “I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog which growls every morning, a parrot which swears all afternoon, and a cat that comes home late at night.” Marie Corelli
- “I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man, I keep his house.” Zsa Zsa Gabor
I AM WOMAN . . . HEAR ME ROAR
I’m not a religious person but I’ve always been curious about how and when all of the religions were founded. Every story is as ridiculous as can be but I still remain curious. I know many of you Christians out there are firm believers but believing in things that are unknown and unprovable brings out my skeptical side and lack of faith. That skepticism prompted this short quiz to see just how much all of you believers know about religion. Have fun with it because it isn’t all that easy. As always the answers will be listed below.
- Only one book mentions the name of God in the Bible. Which one?
- What mythological beast as the head of a man, the body of a lion, and the tail and feet of a dragon?
- According to the Bible, what substance was used to caulk Noah’s Ark and to seal the basket in which the infant Moses was set adrift on the Nile?
- In the Bible, which of the four horsemen of the Apocalypse rides a red horse?
- What country was the world’s first constitutionally atheistic state?
- What name is the most common in the Bible-shared by 32 people in the Old Testament and one in the New Testament?
- What is the meaning of orbium phonographicorum theca, one of the words the Vatican has added to the Latin language in a bid to keep up to date?
- How many decks were there on Noah’s ark?
- “Salt of the Earth”, “Feet of Clay”, “Apple of My Eye”, are all clichés from the Bible. What is there common source?
- According to the Bible, in which city were the disciples of Jesus first called Christians?
Answers
Esther, the Manticore, Pitch, or natural asphalt, War, Albania 1967-1990, Zachariah, Discothèque, Three (Genesis 6:16), The King James Bible, Antioch (Acts 11:26)
I’d like once again to share some lovely poetry by the worlds children. These poems are sweet and heartfelt which isn’t unusual when written by the pure of heart. I hope you enjoy them as much as I have. The topic for today is PEOPLE.
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By Peter Shelton, Age 10, Australia
The children are singing,
their mouths open like sleepy fish.
Our teacher conducting the class
waves her arms
like a rhyme in water.
The girls sing high:
our ears ring for the sweetness.
Listeners stand in dazzling amazement.
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By Stephie Silon, Age 10, United States
An empty bed
No arguments
No one to come home to
And all is dark
In day and night
I am all alone.
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By David Amey, Age 10, England
My Uncle Jack collects door knobs;
Door knobs here, door knobs there
Door knobs simply everywhere;
Six on the window, twelve on the door
There’s hardly room for any more;
Door knobs on the light switch and the wall,
My Uncle Jack has got them all;
Blue ones, green ones, yellow one and red
And a row of gray ones on the bottom of his bed.
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SPECIAL THANKS TO RICHARD LEWIS
It’s once again time for me to justify this blog’s name. Here are twelve items of Useless Information that aren’t commonly known.
- Although the earth is 70% water, just 1% of it is considered drinkable.
- The first people to measure Mount Everest lied about tall it was. Their measurement was exactly 29,000 feet but they thought no one would believe it came to that exact measurement so they added two more feet to the total.
- The animal with the longest hibernation period is a frog.
- Every planet in the solar system could fit in the space between Earth and the moon even if you include Pluto.
- Neil Armstrong claims that he actually said, “That’s one small step for a man” when he landed on the moon.
- Arnold Schwarzenegger almost missed out on the title role in Terminator to none other than O.J. Simpson.
- The mask worn by Michael Myers in the Halloween series was actually a white plastic Captain Kirk mask.
- Bill Buckner had more career hits than Ted Williams.
- No one has ever recorded a perfect March Madness bracket.
- Cleopatra’s reign was closer to the date of the moon landings than the building of the pyramids.
- The United States government once poisoned beer during prohibition.
- The first bomb dropped by the Allies on Germany during World War II killed an elephant. It fell on the Berlin zoo.
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JUST PLAIN USELESS
I’ve always been attracted to graveyards. There’s no better place to paint, sketch or write than the peaceful quietness of a graveyard. It’s one of the few places still left where someone can go and relax without interferences from the rest of the living human race. I once lived in a city called Lakeville in Massachusetts and for many years I was known far and wide by the police departments and many citizens as someone who was consistently haunting local graveyards. In the Plymouth area there are still tombstones from the 1600’s with some truly bizarre epithets and poetry. I just takes a little time and dedication to find them. Todays post will contain what some people would consider morbid information and that’s true, it is a little morbid but it’s still interesting. Being the kind and generous soul that I am, I’m willing to share.
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- “Haircut!” Last words of famous gangster Albert Anastasia in 1957 while getting a trim.
- “Smite my womb.” Spoken by Agrippina, mother of Nero, to the assassins sent to kill her by her son.
- “The strongest.” Uttered by Alexander the Great when asked who should succeed him.
- “The executioner is, I believe, an expert . . . and my neck is very slender. Oh God, have pity on my soul, . . . ” as she was beheaded.
- “I hope so.” Stated by Andrew Carnegie, steel magnet and philanthropist, to his wife who’d just wished him a good night:
Epithets
Burlington, Massachusetts
Sacred to the memory of Anthony Drake,
Who died for peace and quietness sake;
His wife was constantly scolding and scoffin’,
So he sought for repose in a twelve dollar coffin.
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Whitingham, Vermont
Brigham Young
Born on this spot
1801
A man of great courage
and superb equipment.
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Skaneateles, New York
Underneath this pile of stones
Lies all that’s left of Sally Jones,
Her name was Briggs, it was not Jones,
But Jones was used to rhyme with stones.
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One of my fav’s
Boot Hill Cemetery, Dodge City, Kansas
PLAYED FIVE ACES,
NOW PLAYING THE HARP.
Since my retirement I’ve become addicted to watching old black and white movies and TV shows. Say what you want, it takes more than special effects to make a movie or TV worth watching. I’ve been hooked on the old Wyatt Earp shows, Peter Gunn, and The Saint (both movies and TV). It amazes me how well they’ve held up over the decades since their production. Todays quiz involves ten questions about old movies and TV shows. As always the answers will be listed below.
- What famous character actor prepared for a career in psychiatry, studying and working with pioneer psychoanalysts Sigmund Freud and Alfred Adler, before turning to acting?
- Who wrote the scripts for his own films under pseudonyms that included Otis T. Criblecoblis and Mahatma K. Jeeves?
- Who provided Mickey Mouse’s high-pitched voice in the early Walt Disney film starring the animated mouse?
- Who sung Miss Piggy singing voice in The Muppet Movie?
- Who played Scorpio, the statistic killer, in Clint Eastwood’s 1971 film, Dirty Harry?
- What was Boris Karloff’s real name?
- Who was Fred Astaire’s first silver screen dancing partner?
- Who played Vincent Price’s menacing music assistant in the 3-D horror film House of Wax?
- Where did Charlie Chaplin place when he entered a Charlie Chapman look-alike contest in Monte Carlo?
- In what film did the star propose by saying, “Marry me and I’ll never look at another horse?”
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Answers
Peter Lorre, W.C. Fields, Walt Disney, Johnny Mathis, Andy Robinson son of Edward G., William Henry Pratt, Joan Crawford, Charles Bronson, Third Place, Groucho Marx.
I have a feeling that this post will initially irritate readers depending on their ethnicity. These are what were considered funny among certain groups back in the 70’s and 80’s. I hear complaints by many of the millennials about ethnic humor in this day and age and how bad they think it is, but they really have no idea just how rough it can get. These samples were published in a small book in 1984.
- What do you say to a Puerto Rican in a three-piece suit? “Will the defendant please rise.”
- What does an Oriental use for a blindfold? “Dental Floss”
- What do you call four drowning Mexicans? “Cuatro sinko”
- What’s dumber than four Italians trying to build a house underwater? “Six Irishmen trying to lay the foundation.”
- What do you call an Armenian with lots of girlfriends? “A shepherd.”
- How do Germans tie their shoes? “In little Nazis.”
- What do the Chinese call 69? “Two Can Chew”
- How can you tell when a Pakistani has matured? “He takes his diaper off his ass and puts it on his head.”
- What’s it called when you hit a white man over the head? “A honkey-tonk.”
- Did you hear what happened to the Polish water polo team? “The horse drowned.”
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A Fav
Did you hear about the new Japanese-Jewish restaurant? “It’s called So-Sue-Mi.”
HOW THINGS HAVE CHANGED
It’s been a hectic week with life once again getting in the way. I thought a few tidbits of unusual trivia would keep everyone interested and entertained for a few minutes. Now I can return to my life such as it is.
- The original name of Scrabble was “Lexico“. It was later called “Criss-Cross” before eventually becoming Scrabble.
- During WWI sauerkraut was called “Liberty Cabbage” by the Americans. Hamburgers were called “Liberty Steaks“.
- “Meetinghouse” was the WWII Allied codename for Tokyo.
- The spacecraft Gemini 3 was nicknamed the “Molly Brown” by the astronauts Grissom and Young because in 1961 it sank upon reentry.
- Alvin Karpus AKA “Old Creepy” was arrested by J. Edgar Hoover and sentenced to serve time in Alcatraz. He spent 26 years there from 1936-1952, more than any other inmate.
- “Professor Tigwissel’s Burglar Alarm” was the first comic strip to appear in a newspaper, the New York Graphic, on September 11, 1875.
- Betty Boop’s pet dog was named “Pudgy“.
- The 1948 tune by Muddy Waters, “Rollin” Stone“, inspired the name of the rock group, the Rolling Stones.
- Steve Trachsel was the Chicago pitcher who gave up Mark McGwire’s 62nd homerun in 1998 in Busch Stadium.
- “A Wild Hare” was the 1940 Warner Brothers cartoon in which Bugs Bunny first said, “What’s Up Doc?”
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One of My Fav’s
“Manhattan Melodrama” was last movie watched by John Dillinger at the Biograph
Theatre in Chicago in 1934 just minutes before being gunned down by FBI agents.
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ANOTHER DAY HERE IN PARADISE
everyuselessthing.com 