I really do try to avoid writing about politics and politicians. No matter what you write your going to piss off a great many people. I’ve always found politics to be a necessary evil but I avoid political discussions religiously and religious discussions politically. It can be a great source of humor which is it’s biggest selling point for me. I do miss the days of Marion Barry in DC and his constant stream of misstatements and BS. I prayed that he would eventually run for Congress and be elected because the shit-storm he could have caused would’ve had me laughing for years. In his honor I dedicate this post of some of his most incredibly stupid quotes and nose-sniffing behavior. It makes me very nostalgic.
“I’m providing you with a copulation of answers to several questions raised . . .”
“The contagious people of Washington have stood firm against diversity during this long period of increment weather.”
“I promise you a police car on every sidewalk.”
“I am making this trip to Africa because Washington is an international city, just like Tokyo, Nigeria, or Israel. As mayor, I am an international symbol. Can you deny that to Africa?”
“What we have here is an egregemous miscarriagement of taxitude.”
“Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country.”
“There are two kinds of truth. There are real truths, and there are made-up truths.”
I am a great mayor, I am an outstanding Christian man, I am an intelligent man, I am a deeply educated man, and I’m a humble man.”
The childhood nickname for advice columnist Ann Landers was “Eppie”.
The name of the Weasley owl in the Harry Potter series of books by J.K. Rowling was “Errol”.
The letters FTD originally stood for Florists Transworld Delivery.
The word Pennsylvania is misspelled on the Liberty Bell as “Pensylvania”
The 19 1/2 foot tall statue that stands atop the U.S. Capitol building in Washington D.C. was designed by Thomas Crawford, installed on December 2, 1863, and is named the Statue of Freedom.
The letters TCB of the gold pendant often worn by Elvis Presley, stood for “Taking care of business.”
Tokyo Tsushin Denki was the original name of the Sony Corporation.
Woolworth is a term in bowling for a 5-10 split.
“For breakfast it’s dandy, for snacks it’s quite handy, or eat it like candy.” was the original advertising slogan for Post Sugar Crisp Cereal.
Eric Clapton’s last name was actually “Clapp”.
And finally something interesting from Maine.
A 15-year-old resident of Farmington Maine who invented earmuffs in 1873 was Chester Greenwood.
I’m feeling a bit rambunctious this morning which doesn’t happen as much as I’d like. There are lots of topics to discuss every day it seems but most aren’t worth my time. Since every person on the internet seems to be an effing expert on everything, I decided to step back and watch the fun as they continue to make fools of themselves. With that thought in mind I decided to share some rather borderline off-color humor today because I can. The online experts can kiss my ass and if what I post displeases them they can piss off and stop reading my blog. Enjoy . . .
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Two guys were getting drunk and horny at a bar. One said: “When I get home I want to give my woman a different kind of sex that’ll blow her mind”. The other suggested: “Why don’t you try rodeo sex?” “Rodeo sex, what’s that?” It’s when you mount your woman from behind, start going nice and slowly, take her hair, pull her head back slightly and whisper quietly in her ear, “Your sister was better at this than you . . . and then try to hold on for the full 8 seconds!
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A guy had been dating a girl for over a year when he decided it was time to take their relationship to the next level. “How do you feel about sex?” he asked cautiously. “It’s fine,” she said, “as long as it’s infrequent.” He looked at her a bit puzzled.” Is that one word or two?”
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A girl picked up a guy at a nightclub and with her parents being out of town, seized the opportunity to invite him back to her home. When they got to her bedroom, he noticed that the room was filled with fluffy stuffed animals. There were hundreds of them: fluffy toys on top of the wardrobe, fluffy toys on the window sill, fluffy toys on the floor, fluffy toys all over the bed, and fluffy toys on three rows of shelves. Later, after they had sex, he turned to her and asked: “So how was it for you?” She said: “You can take anything from the bottom shelf.”
It’s time for a short quiz to challenge all of you sports fanatics on sports other than the big three, NFL, NBA, and MLB. These questions are extremely random but I still found them interesting. Maybe you will as well. As always the answers will be listed below.
1. What card game gave us the term bilk?
2. What popular sport did Joe Sobek invent at the Greenwich, Connecticut, YMCA in 1950?
3. How many world records did swimmer Mark Spitz set when he won seven gold medals at the 1972 Olympics?
4. In cross-country bike racing, what the initials BMX represent?
5. Who was the first Olympic gold medalist to win a professional world boxing title?
SUPER POLO
6. In the very first Boston Marathon, 15 runners competed. How many finished?
7. What professional ice hockey star didn’t hang up his skates until he was 52?
8. What was a fitting name of the first miniature golf course in the United States?
9. What popular sport was known in ancient Germany as Heidenwerfen?
10. In what sport is a stimpmeter used, and what does it measure?
AUSSIE HORSE RACING
Answers
Cribbage, Racquetball, 7, Bicycle Moto X, Floyd Patterson, 10, Gordy Howe, The Tom Thumb Golf Course, Bowling, Green Speed in Golf.
I love weird. Always have and always will. That being said here are a few samples of unusual facts you may not have heard before. Like I always say, THE WEIRDER THE BETTER.
Killer whales occasionally will eat a deer that’s not paying attention while getting a drink.
Approximately 80% of all individual animals on the earth are nematodes.
For every human on the earth, there are approximately 1,000,000 ants.
Bananas are technically berries. Strawberries and raspberries are not.
The average weight of a cumulus cloud is 1.1 million pounds.
Monogamous animals include beavers, wolves, and swans.
Algae and plankton produce more oxygen than trees.
It would take over one million mosquitos to completely drain a human being of blood.
The average 200-pound human carries between two and six pounds of bacteria.
Female koala bears have two vaginas.
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A Fav
Buzz Aldrin claims to be the first man to pee on the moon.
I’ll be diving deep into the past for some nasty and funny limericks categorized under the label of “Chamber of Horrors”. These are all dated between 1938 and 1944 and reflect a reference or two about the war. Enjoy . . .
I’ve complained about “fake news” a lot in recent in recent months. If anything, it’s even worse now than before. With the advent of AI’s creating photo’s and headlines that are nothing more than a teaser to get us to read all the BS normally that usually follows has become problematic. I’m all for free speech but the lack of control on the fake content and misleading headlines is ridiculous. Everyone is paranoid to the extreme for scammers and this fake BS just contributes to even more scams. Today I’ll let you determine what is fake and what isn’t. Firstly I’ll list five of the most ridiculous conspiracy theories I could find. If you’re convinced by any of these subjects, you’re in need of more help than I can offer.
Conspiracies
Chemical trails from jet aircraft are really poisons designed by the government.
President Obama spent time on Mars as a teenager.
Stevie Wonder was never blind.
The planet Venus supports life.
Google has become self-aware, evolving into an AI that is essentially a god.
I realize these five items are truly stupid but they actually have been seriously discussed by the lunatic fringe. My all time favorite must go to those idiots who still believe the earth is flat. It pleases me that the mental health institutions will continue to have plenty of customers. I guess you could call that some sort of “job security”. Now I’m going to list ten items of which five are actual headlines and five that are not. You be the judge. The answers will be listed below.
Headlines
1. ITALIAN BANK ROBBERS WEAR TRUMP MASKS DURING HEISTS
2. TOAD TADPOLES TURN HOMEGROWN POISONS ON EACH OTHER
3. MAN ARGUES FOR ROOMBA LOVER TO BE GIVEN PERSONHOOD
4. INFAMOUS PICKPOCKET PALMS JUDGE’S WALLET IN COURT
5. SINGLE MEN ARRIVE IN DROVES AFTER PERSONALITY PROFILE ON A VASECTOMY SPECIALIST APPEARS
6. IN TRUE CANADIAN FASHION, DELAYED FLIGHT TRIGGERS A SING-ALONG.
7. MAN TAKES DISNEYLAND RIDE 10,000 TIMES
8. DRIVE-THRU WINDOW BECOMES SQUEEZE-THRU FOR A MCDONALD’S THIEF
9. PU! AIRPLANE DROPS CRATE OF STINK BUGS ON WEDDING
10.A BRITISH SURGEON WAS DISCOVERED BRANDING HIS INITIALS ON LIVERS
I acquired a joke book from an online thrift bookstore recently. It was a book titled “The Official Country & Western Joke Book”. I was looking forward to reading it and when it arrived I immediately dove right into it. It became painfully obvious within a few pages that the book was freaking awful. I searched through another eighty pages and couldn’t find one joke that made me even grin a little. That book was immediately removed from my archives and relegated to a paper bag located next to the trashcan. Todays post is PLAN B. Enjoy this mish/mosh of trivia.
The iconic theme song of the X-Files was created by accident when a producer accidentally hit the “echo” button on the control panel.
James Earl Jones was offered the lead in Star Trek: Deep Space Nine which eventually went to Avery Brooks.
Samuel L. Jackson once held Martin Luther King Sr. hostage during a college demonstration at Morehead College.
Shaquille O’Neal made just one three point shot in his entire career. He only attempted 22 three-pointers for a 4.5% shooting percentage.
For 43 years the NFL’s record for the longest field goal was held by Tom Dempsey who was born with no toes on his kicking foot. His record setting 63 yard field goal in 1970 wasn’t broken until 2013.
At the height of his power, Pablo Escobar, spent $2500.00 a week on rubber bands that were needed to band the money he was bringing in.
At one time, the United States Rock-Paper-Scissors League was a real thing. The winning prize was $50,000.00.
I have a feeling that this post will initially irritate readers depending on their ethnicity. These are what were considered funny among certain groups back in the 70’s and 80’s. I hear complaints by many of the millennials about ethnic humor in this day and age and how bad they think it is, but they really have no idea just how rough it can get. These samples were published in a small book in 1984.
What do you say to a Puerto Rican in a three-piece suit? “Will the defendant please rise.”
What does an Oriental use for a blindfold? “Dental Floss”
What do you call four drowning Mexicans? “Cuatro sinko”
What’s dumber than four Italians trying to build a house underwater? “Six Irishmen trying to lay the foundation.”
What do you call an Armenian with lots of girlfriends? “A shepherd.”
How do Germans tie their shoes? “In little Nazis.”
What do the Chinese call 69? “Two Can Chew”
How can you tell when a Pakistani has matured? “He takes his diaper off his ass and puts it on his head.”
What’s it called when you hit a white man over the head? “A honkey-tonk.”
Did you hear what happened to the Polish water polo team? “The horse drowned.”
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A Fav
Did you hear about the new Japanese-Jewish restaurant? “It’s called So-Sue-Mi.”
Here are a few semi-interesting trivia facts about a mish/mosh of subjects.
MAURY WILLS
“It Pays to Steal” is the title of Maury Wills’s 1963 autobiography. He was a famous base stealer.
The original name for the TV series, “The Rifleman” was “The Sharpshooter” in 1958.
The birthplace of George Washington in Virginia was Pope’s Creek Plantation in 1732.
The name of Boca Raton in Florida means “Rat’s Mouth” in Spanish.
The Detroit Lions NFL team was originally named “The Portsmouth Spartans” in 1934.
DETROIT LIONS
The Jamaican name of Ian Flemings home was “Goldeneye” where he wrote his first James Bond novel.
A well-known slogan used by Mad Magazine was “Humor in a Jugular Vein”.
Mel Brooks famous movie “Blazing Saddles” took place in the town of Rock Ridge.
The thespian puppet from Sesame Street was Meryl Sheep.
The term Zip Code was introduced in 1963 and means Zone Improvement Plan.
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One of My Favs
Snoopy of “Peanuts” fame had a number of siblings. He had two sisters, Belle and Molly. He also had five brothers: Andy, Marbles, Rover, Olaf, and Spike.
everyuselessthing.com 